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  #46  
Old Jun 27, '12, 2:55 pm
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Luvz2travel Luvz2travel is offline
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Default Re: Mother-in-law offered a stranger free room & board in our home!!?!

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Originally Posted by Guernica View Post
The proposed couch-surfer won't show up at our door. Our city is over 1000 miles away from MIL's town, so she'd have to either drive all that distance or get a plane ticket, and I don't think anyone would do that without a guaranteed place to stay.

Again, it's not that I don't trust my husband -- I'm not the jealous type, especially since I'm not exactly chopped liver my own self, thanks.

What I'd worry about is how potentially uncomfortable it would be for my husband to see some girl lolling about in nightclothes as he's trying to go about his business. I can only imagine how he'd feel if he got up to make our morning coffee and was confronted with some strange woman in a towel going from the bathroom to the bedroom. Plus her presence would sort of infringe on his ability to lie about on weekends in boxer briefs and a t-shirt with the newspaper. When we're home, we want to be comfortable and relax together, not worry about how we look to some stranger.

Which reminds me -- if we allow this girl into our home, I suppose I'd be expected to give up both my office space AND my bathroom to her. Rent-free, and for some indefinite period of time.

Also, MIL lives in a little bitty town and we live in a large city that is one of the US's main tourist destinations, and she's got a LOT of friends. I'd be worried that if we take in one couch-surfer, we'll be opening a floodgate and end up being inundated with various friends and relatives of hers wanting to take advantage of free room and board near amusement parks and the beach. I can't think of anyone I know who wants to vacation in MIL's town, so naturally that arrangement would be all one-way.

But what really chaps my hide is the idea that MIL made this grand, glorious, extravagantly generous promise to her church friend and her daughter -- which WE would then have to fulfill. So she would be back in her hometown getting all these hosannas for her great generosity, while I would probably be stuck feeding this girl, letting her use my computers to conduct her job search, washing her dirty dishes, and getting her hair out of the shower drains while having to restrict my couple-time with my husband to our room behind closed doors. That sounds a bit exploitive to me.

Also, the economy stinks as we all know. What if it takes this young lady six months to find a job? I don't want to be stuck with her forever because she doesn't have anywhere else to go and can't afford another plane ticket back home...!!!
You sound mad and I don't blame you. People will try and pull anything sometimes. Just say a very direct no it's completely out of the question and not up for discussion. If the MIL brings it up refers up or refers to it or hints at it again just make sure you repeat the firm NO and end the discussion. Hang up, turn you're back, leave ....do whatever is necessary to get the message across. If it were me I would cease all contact with someone who would make such an outrageous promise on my behalf without my knowledge or consent....at least for awhile so they get the message I won't tolerate it. MIL is a manipulator....no matter what you say she'll turn it around on you and make herself the martyr and you the villian. Give in to a person like that one time and you're right it would only be the begining. Something else to think about is she going senile maybe to make such a request? If so keep that a consideration on how you react...but don't let her make you react. Just give her a firm No. If the girl shows up buy her a train or bus ticket home directly. I certainly wouldn't let her spend the night even. I know it sounds mean with manipulative people you have to be firm.
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  #47  
Old Jun 28, '12, 4:43 am
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Delaine75 Delaine75 is offline
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Default Re: Mother-in-law offered a stranger free room & board in our home!!?!

Good for you for putting your foot down!! Your mother in law was definitely out of line in inviting a stranger to move into your apartment! Who does that?! That's nuts. And calling your husband to try and get him to overrule you is not only rude AND disrespectful toward you but also not good for your marriage! The apartment is yours and your husband's -- not your mother-in-law's. She should definitely not have any say-so in who gets to move in! Not only that, but I'm not sure how the apartment complex is run where you are, but where I am, the manager can actually toss us out if someone moves in who is not on the lease.

Bottom line: you're totally right in putting your foot down and not allowing your mother-in-law to run all over you guys. Talk to your hubby about your reasons for saying no, and definitely try to form a united front on this one so that when his mom tries to sneak around and convince him to do things her way (which, trust me, she will try again!), he will not give in.

And, hey, if MIL is being so generous here, why doesn't she offer to allow this young lady to stay with her?? I'm sure she probably has a sofa, LOL!!
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  #48  
Old Jun 28, '12, 12:10 pm
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aloe aloe is offline
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Default Re: Mother-in-law offered a stranger free room & board in our home!!?!

It is very inappropriate for your MIL would extend such an offer, the more details given, the more inappropriate it is, although you certainly do not have to explain yourself to her.

Based on my own experience and others around me under normal circumstances I don't view 24 as a young person who needs free room and board for an undetermined amount of time with strangers so they can move to another city on a whim without anything lined up. That sounds flakey at that age. Normal 24 year olds are more than capable of finding a job and a place to live before going to a new city and if they aren't then that doesn't sound like a stranger who you would want living off you. It is possible the 24 year old finds the offer coming from a lady at church to move in with complete strangers rather odd and would not accept.

Regardless, your MIL is out of line.
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