What would you do in my situation?

Bataar · #1 Jun 22, '12, 10:46 am

So as many of you know, I've been single my whole life. I've prayed about it, I've been angry about it, you name it. My Aspergers makes it very difficult to meet people and interact with them so I had pretty much given up on meeting anyone. However, I've met someone. We have more in common than I ever could have hoped for as far as interests and hobbies go. She hasn't been diagnosed, but she believes she may have Aspergers as well. She has a genius level IQ and is on track to get a PHd. I generally don't like talking to people just to talk to them, but with her, it's no problem and I actually enjoy it.

The complication. She's Buddhist. Not just the "typical" philisophical type buddhist, but the type that actively goes to temple and actively participates. She's half Japanese but has no family or any other friends who practice and she joined by choice several years ago. She's expressed interest in Catholocism, and appreciates many of its tennents and she practices a lot of the same morals we believe as well.

I'm just not sure what to do. We've only gone out a few times and I really like her, but at the same time, I'm not sure if I want to pursue this with a big religious difference like that. Of course it's occured to me that with her interest in Catholocism and with a lot of the same moral teachings, she might be interesed in converting some day, but there's no way to know and I feel it's definitely too early to bring that up.

cc42 · #2 Jun 22, '12, 11:52 am

Perhaps continue with the way things are going and try to explain the truth of the faith at opportune times. And most importantly pray about it! Maybe to St. Raphael

grasscutter · #3 Jun 22, '12, 11:56 am

Why not invite her to Mass with you?

In any case, this isn't a binding decision that you must make right now. As you get to know each other you will see if it is going in the direction that is congruent with your faith. If nothing else, you will have a friendship which is valuable all by itself.

God Bless you!

Aelred Minor · #4 Jun 22, '12, 12:19 pm

Just a thought on one small aspect of this, a religious Buddhist who actively participates in temple activities may actually be much more of a normal human being and may have much more in common with Catholics than a "philosophical type buddhist."

Tighty Whitey · #5 Jun 22, '12, 12:40 pm

Having married a non-catholic I can relate to some of your concerns. However I have a strong image in my head of a cart and a horse or is it a horse and a cart? LOL

Dating is a wonderful and awkward time that enables the two of you to get to know each other and it is also a time where you learn to be intimate with another person. Being intimate isn't about kissing and stuff, it is really about learning to let another person learn about who you are. This is uncomfortable since none of us appreciates being judged and potentially being rejected.

I think that it is a very good sign that this gal has a sense of sprituality and takes her religion seriously. That is huge. Would you be better off with a gal that is Catholic in name only and really doesn't care about religion?

As for me, I just was respectful of my girlfriend's beliefs and true to my religion. I would ask her to join me for services and often she said yes. Sometimes I went with her to her services, but such was not frequent. After two years of dating and four years of marriage she had a true conversoin experience and was overcome with a desire to become Catholic which occured. So as for me I just prayed and practiced my religion. I did not argue, discuss, cajole or persuade her to do anything. Let go and let God.

Peace, g.

Bataar · #6 Jun 25, '12, 2:27 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tighty Whitey

Having married a non-catholic I can relate to some of your concerns. However I have a strong image in my head of a cart and a horse or is it a horse and a cart? LOL

Dating is a wonderful and awkward time that enables the two of you to get to know each other and it is also a time where you learn to be intimate with another person. Being intimate isn't about kissing and stuff, it is really about learning to let another person learn about who you are. This is uncomfortable since none of us appreciates being judged and potentially being rejected.

I think that it is a very good sign that this gal has a sense of sprituality and takes her religion seriously. That is huge. Would you be better off with a gal that is Catholic in name only and really doesn't care about religion?

As for me, I just was respectful of my girlfriend's beliefs and true to my religion. I would ask her to join me for services and often she said yes. Sometimes I went with her to her services, but such was not frequent. After two years of dating and four years of marriage she had a true conversoin experience and was overcome with a desire to become Catholic which occured. So as for me I just prayed and practiced my religion. I did not argue, discuss, cajole or persuade her to do anything. Let go and let God.

Peace, g.

I saw her again over the weekend and things went well. Before I left, we talked about religion for a couple of hours. She definitely seems interested and was asking about RCIA, not specifically how she could attend, but more on just what it is, what the process is like and what not. The fact that we both think in such logical terms is nice because when I explain a difference between Catholic and protestant or other faith, she actually gets it right away which is nice.

underacloud · #7 Jun 25, '12, 6:26 pm

For your information, here is a link that discusses inter-faith marriage from a technical perspective:

http://forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=28095

I completely understand that for someone with Aspergers it is hard to meet and interact with new people and that the ease of this relationship is attractive. It sounds like you two "get" each other in a way that other people would not. Inter-faith marriage comes with difficulties; these difficulties, as per the link above, are not insurmountable, but should not be underestimated either. I think at this stage you should meet with your local priest (one you trust and respect) to discuss this further and help you weigh up the pros and cons.

My personal advice is that if you continue in this with the view that you will convert her, you may create larger problems. You really need to approach this from the perspective that it is an inter-faith relationship and comes with those challenges. IF she were to convert, for her own sake and not for convenience, then great. But that is a separate issue and should be treated independently.

Bataar · #8 Jun 27, '12, 9:44 am

Well, she wants to look into RCIA. I'm still a little cautious because she does like learning and I want to make sure she's aware that the purpose of the class isn't just to teach one about Catholocism, but rather, you go with the full intent on becoming Catholic. I need to find a good parish in her area (I'm in the Seattle area so that could be tricky) so we can talk to a priest and at least get her some basic information.