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  #1  
Old Jun 10, '12, 8:34 am
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sidetrack sidetrack is offline
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Default Moral question:What are the age ranges that a 20 year old can have a relationship with?

When I was 18 I still went to high school for an extra year after what the time most ppl are expected to have graduated and left (de facto is a fair amount still stay for an extra year).I told myself that I will now not look for any relationship with a high school girl since I was now 18 and having a relationship with anyone else IMO is pretty questionable*.Even if there was a girl flattered by me an adult (which I dont think isn't that bad since I mean it's alright for teen girls to have crushes on adult male celebrities,isn't it?) I would certainly not reciprocate the feelings.I did this despite stories that I'd heard that a 16 year old can have a relationship with a 18 year old and it's okay.

Still I wonder when if your 20 years old what is the youngest age a person can have that is alright to date?.I'm hoping for answers based on what a the moral consus is,the Catholic Church says but not really what society says.I have a feeling that "society" would just use whatever the age of consent is (which in Ontario I think might be 16).

In a few months I'll turn 21 and for the record even if it is permissable I'll still make it a rule with myself not to look for a relationship with a girl under 18.To me it seems that it would mean that there wouldn't be as much if a scandle if a did something that "seemed" like a reciprocation of feelings.There aren't very good reasons too like one at my age,I'm not attracted or interested to them I would say,I'm not good at being around girls in the first place nor is it much of a concern to me.I'm asking this,so as to avoid any chance of non-intended chronophilia esp.adolescentophilia of the ephebophilia sort.
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  #2  
Old Jun 10, '12, 9:26 am
austenbosten austenbosten is offline
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Default Re: Moral question:What are the age ranges that a 20 year old can have a relationship with?

Quote:
Originally Posted by sidetrack View Post
When I was 18 I still went to high school for an extra year after what the time most ppl are expected to have graduated and left (de facto is a fair amount still stay for an extra year).I told myself that I will now not look for any relationship with a high school girl since I was now 18 and having a relationship with anyone else IMO is pretty questionable*.Even if there was a girl flattered by me an adult (which I dont think isn't that bad since I mean it's alright for teen girls to have crushes on adult male celebrities,isn't it?) I would certainly not reciprocate the feelings.I did this despite stories that I'd heard that a 16 year old can have a relationship with a 18 year old and it's okay.

Still I wonder when if your 20 years old what is the youngest age a person can have that is alright to date?.I'm hoping for answers based on what a the moral consus is,the Catholic Church says but not really what society says.I have a feeling that "society" would just use whatever the age of consent is (which in Ontario I think might be 16).

In a few months I'll turn 21 and for the record even if it is permissable I'll still make it a rule with myself not to look for a relationship with a girl under 18.To me it seems that it would mean that there wouldn't be as much if a scandle if a did something that "seemed" like a reciprocation of feelings.There aren't very good reasons too like one at my age,I'm not attracted or interested to them I would say,I'm not good at being around girls in the first place nor is it much of a concern to me.I'm asking this,so as to avoid any chance of non-intended chronophilia esp.adolescentophilia of the ephebophilia sort.
What you're asking is more of a social question than a moral one. During the time of Christ it was common for children as young as 15 to marry because of the short life-expectancy. Also there were different customs in courtship, older men could court younger women.

However I think in today's world, you are best stick with the 18 and up crowd. Anything can happen, you could come across a wicked girl who will accuse you of rape (regardless if you touched her or not) and your life will have a permanent record of not only being a sexual predator, but one who commits statutory rape and will not be permitted to live so many feet from schools....Don't open those doors pal, trust in God and stick with the 18+ crowd.
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  #3  
Old Jun 10, '12, 9:49 am
cjmclark cjmclark is offline
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Default Re: Moral question:What are the age ranges that a 20 year old can have a relationship with?

Quote:
Originally Posted by sidetrack View Post
When I was 18 I still went to high school for an extra year after what the time most ppl are expected to have graduated and left (de facto is a fair amount still stay for an extra year).I told myself that I will now not look for any relationship with a high school girl since I was now 18 and having a relationship with anyone else IMO is pretty questionable*.Even if there was a girl flattered by me an adult (which I dont think isn't that bad since I mean it's alright for teen girls to have crushes on adult male celebrities,isn't it?) I would certainly not reciprocate the feelings.I did this despite stories that I'd heard that a 16 year old can have a relationship with a 18 year old and it's okay.

Still I wonder when if your 20 years old what is the youngest age a person can have that is alright to date?.I'm hoping for answers based on what a the moral consus is,the Catholic Church says but not really what society says.I have a feeling that "society" would just use whatever the age of consent is (which in Ontario I think might be 16).

In a few months I'll turn 21 and for the record even if it is permissable I'll still make it a rule with myself not to look for a relationship with a girl under 18.To me it seems that it would mean that there wouldn't be as much if a scandle if a did something that "seemed" like a reciprocation of feelings.There aren't very good reasons too like one at my age,I'm not attracted or interested to them I would say,I'm not good at being around girls in the first place nor is it much of a concern to me.I'm asking this,so as to avoid any chance of non-intended chronophilia esp.adolescentophilia of the ephebophilia sort.
There are several things to consider here:

1.) Legally speaking, the recognized age of consent in most places is between 16 and 18. So 18 should be the absolute bottom of the range to avoid any potential legal issues (warranted or alleged, as discussed by previous posters). That's the bare minimum criteria.

2.) Recent studies have shown that the brain doesn't fully mature until around age 25. Until then, generally speaking, the brain is a hormonal hotbed that causes us to make all sorts of questionable decisions. You will find the odd person who matures before their time, but for the most part we're all a little screwy in the head as teenagers and into the college years.

3.) Finally, and most importantly, from a Catholic standpoint, dating/courtship is discernment for marriage. That doesn't mean that you will marry the first person you date, but it does mean that each relationship should be approached with marriage in mind as the ultimate outcome. This requires, among other things, emotional maturity, shared faith and values, and an ability and willingness to make a long-term commitment that you will be hard-pressed to find in teenagers and many young adults. Modern Western society has basically cheapened this process by making sex into casual entertainment instead of a serious commitment, and by encouraging it at younger and younger ages.

Basically, as long as they are legally adults (18+) I would be less concerned with age and more concerned with the last point above. Are they mature, do they respect you, do they share your faith and will they help reinforce it? Are they someone you could see yourself potentially marrying? Of course, the same applies to how you would treat them in turn.

Lastly, beware the dreaded "puppy love." Anyone who has grown up as an awkward teenage/college age guy like me can attest to this. Symptoms: putting a girl on a pedestal, unrequited love (possibly with bad poetry), the "friend zone," et c. Be fair to yourself and to them, and don't do this.

EDIT: Also, as to the bolded part in your quote, there's no way that can be "non-intended". Those are psychological disorders...either you feel compelled to be attracted to young girls or you don't. If you're not, you're not, and the choice is easy to make.
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  #4  
Old Jun 10, '12, 10:18 am
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sidetrack sidetrack is offline
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Default Re: Moral question:What are the age ranges that a 20 year old can have a relationship with?

Quote:
Originally Posted by cjmclark View Post
EDIT: Also, as to the bolded part in your quote, there's no way that can be "non-intended". Those are psychological disorders...either you feel compelled to be attracted to young girls or you don't. If you're not, you're not, and the choice is easy to make.
Thank you for pinting that out and for the record I'm not attracted to girls under 18
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  #5  
Old Jun 10, '12, 10:57 am
aicirt aicirt is offline
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Default Re: Moral question:What are the age ranges that a 20 year old can have a relationship with?

Most guys (I have sons and remember guys when I was younger) when they are out of high school or are 21, don't look to high school girls for dates. Yes, there are exceptions e.g. a senior in high school having a junior as a girl friend. Most guys just don't think they have much in common with high school girls.

A teacher in my kid's high schools was 26 and took an interest in an 18 yr. old senior who, legally, was an adult. She kept the relationship from her family but they found out. It was wrong of him. He was 8 yrs. older, held a position of authority over her, and was immature enough to jeopardize his job. Stupid.
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  #6  
Old Jun 10, '12, 11:34 am
cjmclark cjmclark is offline
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Default Re: Moral question:What are the age ranges that a 20 year old can have a relationship with?

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Originally Posted by aicirt View Post
Most guys (I have sons and remember guys when I was younger) when they are out of high school or are 21, don't look to high school girls for dates. Yes, there are exceptions e.g. a senior in high school having a junior as a girl friend. Most guys just don't think they have much in common with high school girls.

A teacher in my kid's high schools was 26 and took an interest in an 18 yr. old senior who, legally, was an adult. She kept the relationship from her family but they found out. It was wrong of him. He was 8 yrs. older, held a position of authority over her, and was immature enough to jeopardize his job. Stupid.
Weirdly, when I was in high school, guys always seemed to date a grade down (or perhaps, more realistically, girls were dating a grade up). Senior girls dated college guys, junior girls dated senior guys, et c. Freshman guys were mostly out of luck because dating an 8th grader was just weird. I think as our bodies are physically developing earlier and our brains are taking longer to develop, some of those lines are getting blurred.

In retrospect, and as a mature adult, the whole setup seems strange to me, but when you consider that while all those neural pathways in our brains are still forming, we're basically lurching around in a permanent semi-intoxicated state, I can see why some of the things that I think are weird now made perfect sense in high school.

For the record, this isn't intended to be a "you darn kids these days" speech (I'm not that old...yet). Rather, it's more of a reflection of what research has revealed about how our brains develop. We are in many ways at a physical disadvantage when it comes to making mature decisions as teenagers and young adults. This doesn't mean that it's completely impossible, or that it's an excuse per se for making immature decisions, simply that parents have to be extra vigilant about helping their kids recognize bad choices and make good ones.
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  #7  
Old Jun 11, '12, 5:07 am
BillP BillP is offline
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Default Re: Moral question:What are the age ranges that a 20 year old can have a relationship with?

The range I've always heard was "half your age plus 7" so as a 21 year old the youngest would be a 17.5 year old, sounds about right to me. OTOH a 50 year old would be 32.
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  #8  
Old Jun 11, '12, 6:06 am
aicirt aicirt is offline
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Default Re: Moral question:What are the age ranges that a 20 year old can have a relationship with?

A friend who taught high school told me about a situation I had not considered: 21 yr. olds in high school. Some were held back but still in school and hitting on younger girls. Considering that freshman are sometimes 13 years of age, this was a dicey situation. Here there's an eight year difference with one group falling into the "child" category and the other in the "adult" category.
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