Originally Posted by williegarvin
Thank you for all the helpful replies so far! I'm kind of thinking over the gradual withdrawal thing, and I agree. I have to replace it with other displays of affection.
I hear what you are saying about avoiding temptations but for now that's not an option. We are spending time alone with each other and even sleeping together from time to time. If I would withdraw from that, at this moment in time, she would just break down. I'm positive of this. I will have to be the best man in the world to practice self control. It will serve me well in the future. God will help me with this, I am sure.
The reason we are not engaged? She is not ready for marriage yet, she is in her early 20's and I'm about four years older than her. She is not raised with the notion about early marriage and is a little bit scarred from an earlier relationship where she got her heart broken, I think. She says she wants to marry me and give birth to my children, but that she's not ready yet. Even my parish priest thinks that it's unwise at this moment to bring up marriage in the conversation too often. She needs her time and I'm ready to make that sacrifice for her.
Do you guys have any tips for making her understand rationally how chastity is morally right? She likes to get a personal connection to rational arguments. Like, someone explaining something and also adding personal experiences to the mix. I think it would help her a lot. Anyone of the books from chastity.com maybe? Did you read any of it?
Thank you again for all support!
First off, good job at taking another step at getting out of sin and asking Jesus for the help he is offering you.
Second, a marriage is made up of two individuals... no matter how much the cliche passes around about two becoming one, that is true in a spiritual way... and that can be holy or NOT... so you choose that. The real thing happening is your goal would be two individuals NOT TWO DEPENDENTS or one.. AIM HIGH AND YOU WILL GET CLOSER TO YOUR GOAL.
Anyway, You are still winning some of the battles you have been fighting. But live as if you have 5 days only to live in a battle against unfair evil. FIVE DAYS. and You by yourself face judgement. How will you love her as God loves her??? How is God trying to love her now, whether she is accepting His grace or not.
Personally, there IS a person in family who fits the girl... and she is close to me but so hurt and her boyfriend doesn't understand what she ACTUALLY NEEDS...space, time for healing, a proper role model (not the stuff she BELIEVES SHE HAS TO ASK FOR like sleeping together) !! It's sad because she doesn't have a friend that is a good role model !! If you take out all the oxytocin of your relationship and ask "Before I even knew her, What does she need for her most hurt wounds?" Well... what does she need? Put her needs before yours... and she might have your needs confused btw. You are obviously trying to find out the truth.. and stumbling for a way to make room for God's will in your life. Poor girl, I do hope she is receptive ever more than she has been for God's will!
AND ThIRD, for your need for sources to share, much gratitude!! http://www.womenmadenew.com/
Second video good selling points about her believing she's not good enough: http://youtu.be/BHL-ruz4ApM
even goes into the way fear drives compared to meaning of life love driving... "Love as I have loved you." -Jesus
Okay, so guys are less intuitive than girls and need to be the ones to talk about what problems are going on, so ask her ... "I feel like a part of the problem.. how can I be a part of the solution?" You will see her bring forth her thoughts. Ask yourself whether it is from Jesus or the Evil one. Depending on which one, move forward to the truth. What is the truth?
Protect your heart !! You want her to protect hers too!! AND make sure that you do not give it to a girl until you are married!! This is the best for your family and for your marriage.
Also, girls manipulate a guy by saying no, yes, no, yes to sexual intimacy... Just say NO! Even to sleeping together. Sleep on the floor. Satan whines. Jesus is RIGHT, TRUE, ALL LOVING. FIRST clarify YOUR RELATIONSHIP with GOD. As you do, you will be clarifying hers... DON't RUSH and never go backwards. God bless and God willing Jesus will help you!!!