Suggestions for 3 year old missing daddy..

Kristiana · #1 Jun 18, '12, 11:15 pm

My husband is at Army Basic, we have 3 weeks until graduation and it is getting harder on our 3 year old. She is being like me trying to hold it all in, she is very good at making her little sisters feel better. She recently tho started saying all the time "i miss daddy"
I swear every 5 mins. She was not eating for a while, could not get her to eat anything. Thankfully she started.eating again tho...
I just don't know what to do to help the next 3 weeks fly.

Also the 4 months he will be gone for AIT..

It has been hard here alone with a 3 y/o, 1.5 y/o, and 8 month old.
She has been helping tho, but like I said idk what to do for her so she understands only 3 more weeks....

Thank you!!!

Sorry if I rambled, I am over tired haha, our 3 y/o hasn't been sleeping well

~Jenn~ · #2 Jun 19, '12, 3:52 am

Grab some paper, markers/crayons, stickers, whatever fun things you have, and sit down with her and make a countdown calendar!

Put it somewhere very visible, and where she can go to it anytime. Make the day daddy comes home a picture of him. Each day leading up to that, she can either put a sticker on that day, or a big 'X'.

Plan a welcome home party - big banner(that she can be in charge of decorating), balloons, let her help plan the menu for daddy's first dinner back home, etc.

Make a card from all 3 kids - let her take charge of it, signing her younger siblings names (I'm guessing here that at 3.5 she can write hers, but then, I know some can't at that age, so it just depends on where she is at with letter writing and such), decorating it, etc.

Basically, get her involved in the "when" of things happening. And before her goes away again, have him sit down with her and do a countdown calendar for that time span.

Kristiana · #3 Jun 19, '12, 8:37 am

Thanks you , I will have her make something today, she will love to make a glitter mess haha

papaececi · #4 Jun 19, '12, 10:08 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Jenn~

Grab some paper, markers/crayons, stickers, whatever fun things you have, and sit down with her and make a countdown calendar!

Put it somewhere very visible, and where she can go to it anytime. Make the day daddy comes home a picture of him. Each day leading up to that, she can either put a sticker on that day, or a big 'X'.

We did this once when we had a short separation from Daddy. I think it helped. We also read a book called "When is Saturday?" Which is a Grover/Sesame Street book. Old, but still available on Amazon. We read it every day and crossed off the days before we went to bed, just like Grover.

I think some distractions are good too. We planned a few trips to the museum and other outings which we put on the calendar.

Kristiana · #5 Jun 19, '12, 10:31 am

Thanks! A book is an awesome idea, she loves books, I'll look for that one!

armywife · #6 Jun 19, '12, 11:45 am

I remember that. I had a 2yo, 1yo and new baby when my hubby deployed for the first time. I always joke, thank goodness for pictures because I have no idea what happened for about three years

There are so many ideas... you could do a construction paper chain. She's little so just take a link off once a week until you have one week left, then do it every day. Otherwise the chain will be forever in her eyes. Also, it's ok to say you miss daddy too. Then you just sort of have to deal with it and keep life as close to normal as possible.

PM me if you have any other q's about the army. You'll have a lot more support after AIT once you have an assignment.

Kristiana · #7 Jun 19, '12, 12:10 pm

Thanks so much!
I can do a paper chain tonight with her, she loves crafts so I know she will love it lol...
I hope we go to TX, my husband is going to apply for the PA schooling with the Army. He will already be a medic once done with AIT.

airforcefamily · #8 Jun 19, '12, 12:28 pm

My husband did a year in korea, among other assignments/deployments/etc. and we've never done a calendar, paper chain, or anything else like that. I think that having a constant reminder around makes it hard for kids to forget he's away. I like to focus on things to do or say in the moment, rather than allowing the focus to be on how long he's been gone or how much longer it's going to be. The kids make cards/pictures, talk on the phone and skype, make care packages (three year olds don't need to know if it won't be sent), and plan a great dinner with decorations for when he gets back (starting about a week out).

My older kids understand time but at three years old it was a difficult concept for them to grasp, even when looking at a calendar. They understood it was going to be lots of days but didn't seem to be able to process how long it would feel like.

I think sometimes the short separations of only a couple months are more difficult than the long ones

IgnatiusDaughtr · #9 Jun 19, '12, 6:59 pm

When my cousin's husband left for Afghanistan we made pillows for each of her kids. We took 2 of his old t-shirts, sprayed with his aftershave, so they smelled like him, and used the iron-on transfer paper to put a picture of him on the fabric. Each of the kids got to choose which picture they wanted to use. Then we made simple square pillows from the t-shirt fabric. The kids could give "dad" a hug whenever they were missing him - her daughter even had tea parties with "dad"! It was a nice way, combined with weekly skype conversations, that helped them feel connected to their dad while he was away. The smell really helps, and mom could re-spray the pillows with the aftershave when they stopped smelling like him.

Kristiana · #10 Jun 19, '12, 8:36 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by airforcefamily

My husband did a year in korea, among other assignments/deployments/etc. and we've never done a calendar, paper chain, or anything else like that. I think that having a constant reminder around makes it hard for kids to forget he's away. I like to focus on things to do or say in the moment, rather than allowing the focus to be on how long he's been gone or how much longer it's going to be. The kids make cards/pictures, talk on the phone and skype, make care packages (three year olds don't need to know if it won't be sent), and plan a great dinner with decorations for when he gets back (starting about a week out).

My older kids understand time but at three years old it was a difficult concept for them to grasp, even when looking at a calendar. They understood it was going to be lots of days but didn't seem to be able to process how long it would feel like.

I think sometimes the short separations of only a couple months are more difficult than the long ones

Thank you hun!

Kristiana · #11 Jun 19, '12, 8:37 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by IgnatiusDaughtr

When my cousin's husband left for Afghanistan we made pillows for each of her kids. We took 2 of his old t-shirts, sprayed with his aftershave, so they smelled like him, and used the iron-on transfer paper to put a picture of him on the fabric. Each of the kids got to choose which picture they wanted to use. Then we made simple square pillows from the t-shirt fabric. The kids could give "dad" a hug whenever they were missing him - her daughter even had tea parties with "dad"! It was a nice way, combined with weekly skype conversations, that helped them feel connected to their dad while he was away. The smell really helps, and mom could re-spray the pillows with the aftershave when they stopped smelling like him.

I got them daddy dolls

maryjk · #12 Jun 19, '12, 9:24 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kristiana

Thanks so much!
I can do a paper chain tonight with her, she loves crafts so I know she will love it lol...
I hope we go to TX, my husband is going to apply for the PA schooling with the Army. He will already be a medic once done with AIT.

I second the count down chain.

My sister and I made, well, I don't know how many, of them when we were young. My son and I started to do the same thing, counting down for a special event.

When my son and I made them, we would write something on the link. For our Easter chain, we would write some form of penance or act of charity, then try to do it the next day. You could write something about getting ready.

Kindness · #13 Jun 20, '12, 9:26 pm

At that age my children would have little concept of time and saying only "Ten more days" or "a week" was hard for them to get a handle on. I found if I said "only Ten more sleeps" that was a concept they could get their head around. Of course it's not so easy if its "90 more sleeps"

Having an area with lots of photos of daddy and maybe a binder with letters from daddy and more photos that she can look at anytime might help. You could ask her about her memories of daddy or tell her stories about him which you could also write down and read to her.

Sorry to hear about your sleep deprivation that is always a challenge! Prayers for you and your girls.