Moral Dilemma

Ignatius ofNOLA · #1 Jun 20, '12, 2:14 pm

So I've been dating my girlfriend for about 3-4 months now. This is our second go-round. A couple years back we dated for about 3 years. Anyways, she never stopped loving me, and a few short months ago, I was convinced I still loved her too so we started dating again. A few months later now and I am not so sure anymore. She has a lot of bad habits that really annoy me, and has the temperment of a child. I'm about 80-90% sure I'm going to break up with her in the next month or so. But I still want a little bit more time to think about it and pray over it. How do I act around her until then without leading her on? What is the morally proper way to approach this situation?

By the way, she is head over heals in love with me. I know that she wants nothing more than to marry me and I know she will be completely devastated. I care about her and feel horrible for the way this is going down, but I can't stay with her if I really don't have feelings for her anymore. Am I doing the right thing? What do you all think? Any advice?

Catholic1954 · #2 Jun 20, '12, 3:52 pm

If you know that this young lady is not THE ONE for you, then the honorable and gentlemanly thing to do is to break off with her as soon as possible (not next month). Of course she will feel betrayed and devestated, but she will get over it and soon go on to meet someone else who is more suited to her temperment. Don't let her reaction prevent you from doing you know you must do; breakups are tough on everyone, but they are a part of life and growing up.

domandcarols · #3 Jun 20, '12, 4:21 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Catholic1954

If you know that this young lady is not THE ONE for you, then the honorable and gentlemanly thing to do is to break off with her as soon as possible (not next month). Of course she will feel betrayed and devestated, but she will get over it and soon go on to meet someone else who is more suited to her temperment. Don't let her reaction prevent you from doing you know you must do; breakups are tough on everyone, but they are a part of life and growing up.

I agree, and I will pray for you and your girlfriend.

**Trishie** · #4 Jun 20, '12, 5:19 pm

If she is not someone you are wise to have as your lifelong companion
and as mother and guide to your children, then is this likely to change even in a few months?
You have matured. Is such possible for her?

I have a tendency, sometimes, to privately question what people mean when they say they love someone as there are so may permutations, attraction, dependency, to name a couple that people interpret under the name of love.

It's sad when you have to bring hurt to another person.
Unfortunately if you intend to beak off your relationship she will be hurt. Sooner or later.
It may not get easier, but in the meantime is a person really respecting another person if they're not being authentic? When and if the time comes for you to break with her, may God help you to make this as gently and kindly decisive as you hope.

God bless you for your kind heart. May God guide you.
May God protect her and may God lead you each to happiness and peace according to His loving will.

thistle · #5 Jun 20, '12, 5:33 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Catholic1954

If you know that this young lady is not THE ONE for you, then the honorable and gentlemanly thing to do is to break off with her as soon as possible (not next month). Of course she will feel betrayed and devestated, but she will get over it and soon go on to meet someone else who is more suited to her temperment. Don't let her reaction prevent you from doing you know you must do; breakups are tough on everyone, but they are a part of life and growing up.

I agree.

GratefulFred · #6 Jun 21, '12, 11:01 am

I too agree wiht Catholic 1954.

I would add that you should not make it sound like she is the problem. That conversation is not the time for fault finding.

I would also add that the conversation should not be long. Bad news is best in a short conversation. There is no need for an extended analysis.

There maybe other sites that have suggestions about how to communicate the relationship is over. Be as friendly and decisive as you can be.

ebonykawai · #7 Jun 21, '12, 6:11 pm

Lots of people aren't compatible enough to marry. It's perfectly fine, you both need to move on. Don't make such a big issue out of it, you're not the only fish in the sea, LOL.