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  #16  
Old Jul 3, '12, 7:10 am
PaulinVA PaulinVA is offline
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Join Date: April 7, 2007
Posts: 4,133
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: Help, Please

Privacy and decorum are different from generation to generation. The present "young people" post everything on blogs and social media sites. This talk might not seem all that unusual to them.

But, it's a mine field. What good comes out of it? Generalities are fine. Specifics are not needed and are sort of voyeuristic. You love each other now. The past doesn't matter. And, the older you get the more earth shattering the "talk" has the potential to be, anyway.
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  #17  
Old Jul 3, '12, 9:39 am
styrgwillidar styrgwillidar is online now
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Join Date: December 23, 2009
Posts: 2,665
Religion: Roman Catholic
Default Re: Help, Please

You shouldn't have had the talk if you couldn't handle it. And you can't.

- Sorry, you're a human, she's a human. You both have faults and have both made mistakes.

You referred to her as a 'lovely Catholic lady'-- all of these experiences are part of what have made her who she is today. Some of our most formative experiences come from mistakes or errors we've made in the past. If you like her, you need to accept that those things that happened contributed to her being the woman she is today. If you like that woman, well, you'll have to appreciate person she is today and acknowledge she may have been far different without that past history.

Now, IHMO, the talk is only relevant in terms of assessing whether you're compatible now and into the future. Not judging the other person for their past. As another said, the talk isn't about you evaluating the other person per se, it's about assessing your own values against theirs, not about what they did in the past but about how their view of their past and actions indicate what they'll do in the future. And do the values they hold and likely actions you think they'll take in the future make you a good match.

There are far more important things about people than whether they committed a sexual sin or sins in the past. Are they loyal? Do they believe in monogamy? Are they trustworthy? Supportive? Willing to be supported? The way they talk about their past can help you understand who they are today. The person they will be with you. And that is what important
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