Mother Committing Grave Sins

[faithwithworks]

I find myself in a situation where I do not know what the right course of action is. I figured that asking the advice of the good people on CAF might be helpful, though I do intend to also consult my priest on this matter before doing anything. I apologize for the length of this post.

The sad situation is the following:

I am a young college student. I live at home during summers, but otherwise live on my own. My mother divorced when I was a child and there is no chance of her reconciling with my father (for which I can't say I blame her in the slightest considering the type of person he is).

She has been single for years, but in the last year she has started dating again. I was at first very happy about this since I did not want my mother to be alone. I was also happy that she was beginning the process of getting her marriage with my father annulled. Without getting into the details her priest and others felt she had a very strong case that her marriage was invalid in the eyes of the Church.

However, since that time she has given up on the annulment process and stopped it before it was ever finished. She chose to do this because her boyfriend has been divorced as well and is not Catholic and so refuses to seek an annulment through the Church. This is despite the fact that his former marriage also appears to have likely been invalid (honestly I thought that simply by virtue of the fact that he was married by a justice of the peace and not by a priest of any Christian denomination that his marriage would be invalid, but I've since been told by local Church members that this is not necessarily so).

Anyway, getting back to the point. This man is now living with my mother. And I am as certain as a son could be without actually witnessing the acts that my mother and this man are having sexual relations as well.

So what do I do?

How do I help my mother stop living in this way that is contrary to God's commandments?

I do not think it is right or appropriate for me to attempt to reprimand my own mother. And on top of that I also don't think it would do an ounce of good. I imagine it would only result in a fight and damage our relationship.

I have tried to keep nudging her to continue with the annulment process even if he won't, but so far she hasn't changed her mind. My hope is maybe if she were to receive an annulment it would motivate her to push her boyfriend to do the same. Or at least make her think more carefully about the nature of the marriage bond and the Church's teachings on marriage.

I have also once or twice very carefully manged to mention to her that receiving Holy Communion in a situation like hers is a sin, but this has either been ignored or went unnoticed because she still receives Holy Communion weekly and is also an EMHC.

I do not want to judge my mother too harshly, nor do I want to manage her life, but I do want to help her if I can without overstepping my bounds as her son. I would appreciate any advice you may be able to give me on this matter.

Please try to be charitable and polite in your responses. Thank you.

[holyrood]

Originally Posted by faithwithworks

I do not think it is right or appropriate for me to attempt to reprimand my own mother. And on top of that I also don't think it would do an ounce of good. I imagine it would only result in a fight and damage our relationship.

You're exactly right. Pray for her and for him and live your own life in as Christ-like a manner as possible.

I think you already have an excellent grasp on what you can and can't do. Best of luck.

[REDfan4Lyfe]

You do have a right and obligation to reprimand your mother for the sins that she's committing. She has stopped the process of annulling her previous "marriage", her boyfriend is cohabiting (which is sinful), and she is possibly sexually active with her partner. I pray God blesses you.

[Cathhsmom]

At the very least, you need to talk to her parish priest since it can be a scandal for her to be an EMHC while shacking up with her boyfriend. There is not much that you can do beyond what you have done. She is an adult and will do what she wants to do. I know this painfully from first hand experience. Continue to pray for your mother. You also might need to check into doing summer classes so that you won't have to share a house with her and her live-in boyfriend.

[faithwithworks]

Thanks to everyone for their feedback.

As far as speaking to my mother's parish priest, he knows already.

He knows she stopped the annulment process (since he was helping her with that) and why (that her boyfriend is divorced, etc.). He also knows they are living together. Honestly, it seems like he either doesn't care or doesn't feel comfortable talking to her about this. I can't know what his thoughts or motivations are though, so I probably shouldn't even speculate.

As for reprimanding my mother, I feel that walks (if not crosses) a very fine line. I am her son and so I have a responsibility to respect and honor her as God clearly outlined in the Commandments.

I have had many talks with her concerning Church teaching. I have defended the Church, while also trying to be patient and understanding of her views and disagreements. I have given her information on marriage and annulments. In fact, not to sound boastful, but I do believe it was my discussions with her and the information I gave her that helped to convince her to petition to have her first marriage annulled so that she could be free to marry in the future.

I will continue to give my mother information on the faith in the form of books, videos, CDs, etc. I will also continue to talk with her whenever she wants or whenever the opportunity presents itself. But I do not think God requires me to be confrontational with my mother, though I do believe He wants me to continue to be there for her and present her with the teachings of the Church whenever possible.

[cmscms]

Originally Posted by faithwithworks

I have had many talks with her concerning Church teaching. I have defended the Church, .

I am going to assume (from the statement above) you have told her clearly it is a sin to live with a boyfriend, it is a sin to date before the marriage is annulled and that if she continues to do so she should not receive communion.

If my assumptions are correct, you have done your job as a Catholic and the only thing left to do is pray for her. God gave us free will and that includes your mom.

I know as a son this probably hurts tremendously. I know I would not like it. Are you an only child? Is it possible now that you are gone to college your mom is lonely living alone?

CM

[Contra Mundum]

You have done what you could in terms of speaking to her, and now you can pray for her. But she must not serve as an EMHC. This is a disgrace. If the priest won't do something about it, perhaps you should notify his superior.