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View Poll Results: If your Spiritual Director lied to you, would you be able to trust him again?
No, I would get another spiritual director. 6 54.55%
Yes, but I would get another spiritual director. 3 27.27%
Yes, I would still use him as my spiritual director. 0 0%
My option is not listed - please list what you would do. 2 18.18%
Voters: 11. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old Jul 4, '12, 11:07 pm
Turtle Turtle Turtle Turtle is offline
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Join Date: May 23, 2012
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Default If you had found out that your Spiritual Director had lied to you, would you ever trust him again?

I have a question to ask. And no this did not happen in my own life. One of my friends is grieving because he found out his spiritual director lied to him. He is hurt and upset by this.

If this happened to you, would you trust your spiritual director again and continue spiritual direction?

I need some advice to tell to my friend. He's really distraught right now.
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  #2  
Old Jul 4, '12, 11:10 pm
Turtle Turtle Turtle Turtle is offline
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Join Date: May 23, 2012
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Default Re: If you had found out that your Spiritual Director had lied to you, would you ever trust him again?

I can't vote as I am not sure what I would do in this situation.

Please pray for my friend.
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  #3  
Old Jul 4, '12, 11:11 pm
thistle thistle is offline
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Join Date: August 23, 2005
Posts: 20,161
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Default Re: If you had found out that your Spiritual Director had lied to you, would you ever trust him again?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Turtle Turtle View Post
I have a question to ask. And no this did not happen in my own life. One of my friends is grieving because he found out his spiritual director lied to him. He is hurt and upset by this.

If this happened to you, would you trust your spiritual director again and continue spiritual direction?

I need some advice to tell to my friend. He's really distraught right now.
What you are telling us is hearsay. How do you know this happened. You are only getting one side of the story.
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  #4  
Old Jul 4, '12, 11:14 pm
Turtle Turtle Turtle Turtle is offline
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Join Date: May 23, 2012
Posts: 212
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: If you had found out that your Spiritual Director had lied to you, would you ever trust him again?

Quote:
Originally Posted by thistle View Post
What you are telling us is hearsay. How do you know this happened. You are only getting one side of the story.
I am telling you what my friend told me. I was looking for advice not a judgemental response. Thank you for your time.
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  #5  
Old Jul 4, '12, 11:28 pm
holyghost holyghost is offline
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Join Date: April 24, 2011
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Default Re: If you had found out that your Spiritual Director had lied to you, would you ever trust him again?

I think it's important to honor what your friend is going through and meet him/her where they are at, and to offer support in any way you can. It must be very hard to go through something like this...but at the same time, like the previous poster pointed out, we do not know the entire story and it would be best to keep that in mind. I would probably frame it to your friend, as being empathic to them, but also to try to look at the situation from a charitable standpoint such as, forgiving any wrongdoing that may have occurred, and to address the issue with the spiritual director directly. From there, your friend may be able to get a sense of the situation from the spiritual director's perspective, and either come to a resolution or, not.
I would do these things before coming to a rash conclusion to just find a new spiritual director; in the end, facing the issues with the spiritual director could be a great opportunity to practice charity and resolve some of these difficult issues that are going on. I'm slowly learning that this tends to be a better way to solve things, than to just move on with pain and possibly a resentment.
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  #6  
Old Jul 4, '12, 11:34 pm
Turtle Turtle Turtle Turtle is offline
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Default Re: If you had found out that your Spiritual Director had lied to you, would you ever trust him again?

Quote:
Originally Posted by holyghost View Post
I think it's important to honor what your friend is going through and meet him/her where they are at, and to offer support in any way you can. It must be very hard to go through something like this...but at the same time, like the previous poster pointed out, we do not know the entire story and it would be best to keep that in mind. I would probably frame it to your friend, as being empathic to them, but also to try to look at the situation from a charitable standpoint such as, forgiving any wrongdoing that may have occurred, and to address the issue with the spiritual director directly. From there, your friend may be able to get a sense of the situation from the spiritual director's perspective, and either come to a resolution or, not.
I would do these things before coming to a rash conclusion to just find a new spiritual director; in the end, facing the issues with the spiritual director could be a great opportunity to practice charity and resolve some of these difficult issues that are going on. I'm slowly learning that this tends to be a better way to solve things, than to just move on with pain and possibly a resentment.
Thank you so much for this wise advice. You see, when he asked me what I would do, I couldn't come up with an anwer, because I think I would be too hurt and numbed out to do anything much less think coherently.

I like how you ended your thought and said that this could end up in a positive situation. Thank you. God bless you very much.
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  #7  
Old Jul 5, '12, 5:56 am
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JRKH JRKH is offline
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Default Re: If you had found out that your Spiritual Director had lied to you, would you ever trust him again?

It is impossible to truly answer this question in any direct manner - or even vote - without some specific scenario to "vote" on....Though obviously if it is this distressing to your friend, it must be fairly serious (at least to him/her).
Holyghost's advise is very good and I have little to add.
The Gospels says that if we have anything against our brother we are to go and be reconciled to them before we bring our gift to the altar. Likewise we are told that if our Brother sins against us we are to go quietly to them and hopefully resolve the matter quietly. (Mt 18:15)

Another factor that needs to be considered is the nature of the alleged lie, and whether this person is a "professional" spiritual director who is working with others, or is simply a friend of your friend who has been trying to him with direction....
If the nature of the lie is serious and the director is a "professional", there may be need of employing more of Mt 18:15-18 so that the person does not damage other people seeking spiritual direction.

It is a tough situation for both you and your friend.

Move forward in Love and with the hope of reconciliation.

Peace
James
__________________
.... if I have all faith so as to move mountians but have not love, I am nothing. - (1Cor 13:2)


The Best book on Spirituality that I ever Read: "The Fulfillment of All Desire"

Oh my God , I will continue
to perform, all my actions
for the love of Thee
Amen.
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  #8  
Old Jul 5, '12, 7:26 am
Turtle Turtle Turtle Turtle is offline
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Default Re: If you had found out that your Spiritual Director had lied to you, would you ever trust him again?

Quote:
Originally Posted by JRKH View Post
It is impossible to truly answer this question in any direct manner - or even vote - without some specific scenario to "vote" on....Though obviously if it is this distressing to your friend, it must be fairly serious (at least to him/her).
Holyghost's advise is very good and I have little to add.
The Gospels says that if we have anything against our brother we are to go and be reconciled to them before we bring our gift to the altar. Likewise we are told that if our Brother sins against us we are to go quietly to them and hopefully resolve the matter quietly. (Mt 18:15)

Another factor that needs to be considered is the nature of the alleged lie, and whether this person is a "professional" spiritual director who is working with others, or is simply a friend of your friend who has been trying to him with direction....
If the nature of the lie is serious and the director is a "professional", there may be need of employing more of Mt 18:15-18 so that the person does not damage other people seeking spiritual direction.

It is a tough situation for both you and your friend.

Move forward in Love and with the hope of reconciliation.

Peace
James
Thank you James, I'll be talking to my friend later today. I am praying that this will work out.
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  #9  
Old Jul 5, '12, 11:05 am
houston1 houston1 is offline
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Join Date: August 12, 2005
Posts: 569
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Default Re: If you had found out that your Spiritual Director had lied to you, would you ever trust him again?

If it was me and if the matter were significant enough, I would confront the spiritual director with the lie for the sake of being charitable to the spiritual director. If one is harmed by another person, it is best to go directly to the offender and discuss the issue. It is okay that your friend sought your opinion on this - provided that your friend felt you'd keep the matter confidential and that he/she thought you would help him/her sort through the issue charitably.

We are all sinners and we should always give each other the benefit of the doubt. We can sometimes make misstakes and sometimes do things unintentionally.

God bless you and your friend.

houston1
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  #10  
Old Jul 5, '12, 11:07 am
houston1 houston1 is offline
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Join Date: August 12, 2005
Posts: 569
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Default Re: If you had found out that your Spiritual Director had lied to you, would you ever trust him again?

Quote:
Originally Posted by holyghost View Post
I think it's important to honor what your friend is going through and meet him/her where they are at, and to offer support in any way you can. It must be very hard to go through something like this...but at the same time, like the previous poster pointed out, we do not know the entire story and it would be best to keep that in mind. I would probably frame it to your friend, as being empathic to them, but also to try to look at the situation from a charitable standpoint such as, forgiving any wrongdoing that may have occurred, and to address the issue with the spiritual director directly. From there, your friend may be able to get a sense of the situation from the spiritual director's perspective, and either come to a resolution or, not.
I would do these things before coming to a rash conclusion to just find a new spiritual director; in the end, facing the issues with the spiritual director could be a great opportunity to practice charity and resolve some of these difficult issues that are going on. I'm slowly learning that this tends to be a better way to solve things, than to just move on with pain and possibly a resentment.
I agree with all of this.
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