For the loss of my love

chipeto · #1 May 12, '12, 5:44 pm

Please pray for me. My girlfriend of five months broke up with me today, and I love her dearly. I also love dearly her beautiful ten-year old daughter, whom I had to say goodbye to today.

We had something very special and beautiful together, and we talked often of marriage and the happy, holy home we would build together. We are both in our early forties and have suffered. I really felt that God have brought us together, and that he would repay us for the years of our lives that the locusts have eaten. Now I don't know what to do, and I have little hope for the future.

Please pray for me.

LucyLight · #2 May 12, '12, 5:50 pm

I'm so sorry to read this. Don't give up hope God never abandons us. Would she consider relationship counseling? It's not just for married people. I'm praying for you.

Monicad · #3 May 12, '12, 5:57 pm

Thank you for asking I am happy to pray for you. Jesus knows the longings of your inmost heart, you are his child, let him embrace you and hold you. Do not give in to despair as best as you can. God has wonderful plans for your life, it is hard to see right now this is a recent and devastating blow. I suffered devastating losses like this, sometimes people try and minimize the pain that losing a boyfriend or girlfriend is....but for a lot of people it can be painful like a divorce. All of your hopes, dreams and plans for the future seem to have vanished, but in reality they have not as Christ has plans for you for a future and for HOPE! Take care as best as you can and thank you for sharing your story. God bless.

chipeto · #4 May 12, '12, 6:02 pm

We were already going to pre-engagement counseling, mostly because we both have baggage from our pasts, in her case, a painful ten-year marriage and divorce.

The bottom line is that she doesn't feel that we are at the same stage in our lives, namely, I am going through a lot of changes right now (as chronicled in my thread 'Desolate and alone'): terminating an unhealthy living situation which I've had for 14 years, establishing a relationship with God, and learning to reach out and form relationships with other people. She is afraid of controlling me, and she doesn't want to push me to be the man she wants, but rather that I have the freedom to grow as I go through these transitions. She said that maybe we could try again after some time has passed and I have gone through these transition periods, but I know how dangerous and painful it can be to hold onto such a hope! And I do hope, because I know how beautiful we could be together!

Bartolome Casas · #5 May 12, '12, 6:55 pm

For what you've written, I really don't see exactly why she ended her relationship with you.

I'm sure you know that when people end a relationship, they almost never state the real reason.

But I'm sure you would agree that when anyone ends a relationship it is always because the burdens and pains of the relationship have come to outweigh the benefits and pleasures.

I think most people would say that if you are a man in your 40s and your whole life depends on having a relationship with a certain woman, then that right there is the main symptom that shows why nearly any woman will tend to not want to be with you. You are needy. You are desperate. Woman, all woman, what a man who is manly, which means he is strong, self-reliant, confident and definitely not emotionally needy and desperate. I'm not saying these things to disparage you. I'm speaking to you frankly, as Dr. Phil might speak to you.

Do you want to be married? Then you must find some way to become a more manly, stable, confident, strongly, self-controlled, non-needy, non-desperate MAN.

How can you do that?

Some random ideas:

--Professional counseling with a Christian (not necessarily Catholic) counselor who is manly and tough himself (like Dr. Phil)

--Train in a martial arts club that has manly and tough instructors. Just being around such men might toughen you up.

--Tell yourself over and over again that you don't have any God-given right to have the woman of your dreams just given to you, but you must DESERVE her by being the manly man of HER dreams. Stop pitying yourself. A marriage must be a fair trade. You must not selfishly just think about getting what you want and need, but of giving her what she wants and needs, which is NOT just kindness and tenderness (she can get that from female friends), but toughness, boldness, manliness, confidence, and a strong and smart ability to earn money and handle worldly problems and handle children. Women want a man who makes them feel safe and secure. That means a man who has his act together, who is not child-like, who is a total grown up, and who is can handle things including her various moods and fears. A woman is attracted to man who is more like her father than like her son. Women in general tend to be anxious and nervous, and therefore want a man who is the exact opposite of that: Not anxious and nervous.

roveau · #6 May 12, '12, 8:45 pm

Dear Father bless the lives of chipeto and his late girlfriend, grant them healing and the love of Christ. + Amen

chipeto · #7 May 12, '12, 9:19 pm

There is some truth in what you say, though I don't think my behavior was as dire as all that. It is made difficult by the fact that I am undergoing a real change of life; I am cutting off all the old, bad parts of my life (which is nearly all of them), and trying to build new, good ones. So naturally, I didn't have much in my life except her. And this is just the issue that she put her finger on. We had talked about this quite a lot, and I had thought she would stand by me and support me, that she would accept me, during this difficult time. I thought that I had found the one. And indeed, I still hope against hope that she is. But I have to let her go and carry on with God alone, which is why your prayers mean so much to me.

greenwoj · #8 May 12, '12, 9:50 pm

Chipeto, I felt your heartache while reading that. I pray that the Lord carries you through this period of darkness, and I pray that He strengthens your faith in Him during this trial you are facing. May the Holy Spirit shower you with strength and healing, and may He draw you closer to Him, and may He work through others to provide you with the support you need. I am so sorry for what you must be going through. God of heaven, have mercy on chipeto in his time of need.

I also ask for the intercession of Our Blessed Mother on your behalf. Queen of Heaven, hear my petition on behalf of chipeto:

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee. Blessed are Thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death, Amen!

hopeful01 · #9 May 12, '12, 10:40 pm

Lord God, I lift up to you chipeto's lonely broken heart.... Grant him healing and peace... Enable him to find love again so that he can share his transformation with someone...

St. Valentine, pray for him.