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  #1  
Old Jun 10, '12, 10:35 am
Rosadocc Rosadocc is offline
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Join Date: June 10, 2012
Posts: 2
Religion: Agnostic
Default Marriage between Catholic and Former Catholic

Hello Everyone!

This is my first post on this forum and I look forward to coming here for advice and assistance on Catholicism.

I have recently become engaged with my girlfriend of 2 years. We are already planning our wedding and the ceremony has become an issue we were hoping to find help with.

I was born catholic, was baptized catholic and had my first communion (have not done confirmation). About 10 years ago I distanced myself from Catholicism and no longer associate myself with any religion. I don't like labeling myself under any religion or way of life but agnosticism would most likely fit my beliefs.

My fiancee is catholic and although she admits she hasn't been the "best catholic" in the world, she wants to follow through with all the sacraments and wants to marry in a catholic church.

I have absolutely no problem having the marriage ceremony in a catholic church and going through the process of pre-cana and/or any other discussions/meetings/counseling necessary by the church to get married but my question is whether there will be a problem with the church that although I was baptized as a catholic and went through my first communion, I am no longer catholic? Does usually present a problem?

I have already discussed with my fiancee that I have no problem in her beliefs and also no problem exposing our children to Catholicism. I will absolutely not interfere in anybody's beliefs as I expect them to respect mine.

Sorry for the lengthy post but any words of wisdom will be appreciated.
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  #2  
Old Jun 10, '12, 10:46 am
Monicad Monicad is offline
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Join Date: September 30, 2006
Posts: 3,041
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: Marriage between Catholic and Former Catholic

Welcome! Thank you for taking the time to come here and to share your story!

I hope it is okay to offer you my prayers for your engagement and for your future. Also I wish you the best in your faith journey, I can see you have left the Catholic faith but are remaining open-minded clearly you have a very loving nature, that is wonderful!

You will need to speak with a priest but I have a question for you. In your post you mentioned that you do not object to "exposing your children to Catholicism." You need to be aware that being married in the church and by marrying your fiance you are agreeing to raise your chidlren in the Catholic faith, this is part of Catholic marriage, you will need to consent to this in order to marry in the Catholic church. This means you are agreeing to Baptise your children, take them to Mass and consent that they will be told that Jesus Christ is their Lord and Savior. This is much more then just "exposing" children to the Catholic faith this is raising children to be Catholic.

This is a big decision and therefore you need to go into it with 100% consent and be given all information. If you are not ready to consent to raise your children Catholic at this time then you and your fiance have many things to discuss and work out. Hope this helps, thank you again for coming here and best wishes for your future.
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  #3  
Old Jun 10, '12, 10:57 am
1ke 1ke is offline
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Join Date: May 25, 2004
Posts: 24,157
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: Marriage between Catholic and Former Catholic

Yes it is possible.

The relevant canons in canon law are 1071 and 1125. Basically your girlfriend requires permission for what is, in essence, a mixed marriage. The priest would take care of obtaining this permission from the bishop in the premarital process. If there is no danger of her defecting from the faith and she is free to raise the children Cathollic, it would certainly be likely that permission would be granted.

Can.* 1071 1. Except in a case of necessity, a person is not to assist without the permission of the local ordinary at:

4/ a marriage of a person who has notoriously rejected the Catholic faith;

2. The local ordinary is not to grant permission to assist at the marriage of a person who has notoriously rejected the Catholic faith unless the norms mentioned in ⇒ can. 1125 have been observed with necessary adaptation.

Can.* 1125 The local ordinary can grant a permission of this kind if there is a just and reasonable cause. He is not to grant it unless the following conditions have been fulfilled:

1/ the Catholic party is to declare that he or she is prepared to remove dangers of defecting from the faith and is to make a sincere promise to do all in his or her power so that all offspring are baptized and brought up in the Catholic Church;

2/ the other party is to be informed at an appropriate time about the promises which the Catholic party is to make, in such a way that it is certain that he or she is truly aware of the promise and obligation of the Catholic party;

3/ both parties are to be instructed about the purposes and essential properties of marriage which neither of the contracting parties is to exclude.
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Pax, ke

ke's universal disclaimer: In my posts, when I post about marriage, canon law, or sacraments I am talking about Latin Rite only, not the Orthodox and Eastern Rites. These are exceptions that confuse the issue and I am not talking about those.
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  #4  
Old Jun 10, '12, 11:39 am
TheRealJuliane TheRealJuliane is offline
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Join Date: October 11, 2010
Posts: 19,026
Religion: Roman Catholic
Default Re: Marriage between Catholic and Former Catholic

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rosadocc View Post
Hello Everyone!

This is my first post on this forum and I look forward to coming here for advice and assistance on Catholicism.

I have recently become engaged with my girlfriend of 2 years. We are already planning our wedding and the ceremony has become an issue we were hoping to find help with.

I was born catholic, was baptized catholic and had my first communion (have not done confirmation). About 10 years ago I distanced myself from Catholicism and no longer associate myself with any religion. I don't like labeling myself under any religion or way of life but agnosticism would most likely fit my beliefs.

My fiancee is catholic and although she admits she hasn't been the "best catholic" in the world, she wants to follow through with all the sacraments and wants to marry in a catholic church.

I have absolutely no problem having the marriage ceremony in a catholic church and going through the process of pre-cana and/or any other discussions/meetings/counseling necessary by the church to get married but my question is whether there will be a problem with the church that although I was baptized as a catholic and went through my first communion, I am no longer catholic? Does usually present a problem?

I have already discussed with my fiancee that I have no problem in her beliefs and also no problem exposing our children to Catholicism. I will absolutely not interfere in anybody's beliefs as I expect them to respect mine.

Sorry for the lengthy post but any words of wisdom will be appreciated.
Actually you are still a Catholic, you're just a lapsed Catholic. You can't be baptized a Catholic and then not be one. Baptism leaves a permanent mark on your soul.

I was a lapsed Catholic for over 20 years, but thank GOD that He never considered me as anything but His precious child. He never left my side and never recalled my guardian angel!

I wish you the best and I hope your fiancee' can help you come home to the Church. Go talk to her priest.
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  #5  
Old Jun 10, '12, 12:26 pm
silentknight81 silentknight81 is offline
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Join Date: March 9, 2012
Posts: 5
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: Marriage between Catholic and Former Catholic

"... that I have no problem in her beliefs and also no problem exposing our children to Catholicism..." Not true. Obviously you DO have a problem with Catholicism so you WILL have a problem with her exposing your children to Catholicism. This may be hard to realize because both of you are under a "wedding high", so to speak. I mean, what else do young people in love think about? But when that wears off the fights over religion will start. I think you are both setting yourselves up for many years of heartache and regret.
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  #6  
Old Jun 11, '12, 4:23 pm
Rosadocc Rosadocc is offline
Trial Membership
 
Join Date: June 10, 2012
Posts: 2
Religion: Agnostic
Default Re: Marriage between Catholic and Former Catholic

Thank you everyone for your input and your advice.

I see that a common subject brought up throughout the responses to my post is the issue of raising my future children Catholic. As silentknight81 has mentioned, it is possible that we are currently going through a "wedding high" but at this point in my life and in my relationship I don't believe this is the case. I would genuinely want my children to have faith in a religion while they are growing up. Whether this is a denomination of Christianity, Judaism, Islam or any other major religion, I believe religion in ones childhood is fundamental in establishing a moral base along with an understanding of spirituality. If they are to question their religion as adults (as I have) that will be a challenge for them to overcome with themselves and their faith.

Being that my fiancee is Catholic and I am most familiar with Catholicism, my children will most likely be Catholic. I don't believe this will be a problem with me in the future because I have never tried to convince my fiancee or any members of my family (all of which are Catholic) to question their faith. I admire those who have strong faith in their church and religion and expect others to respect me and my beliefs as I do with them.

I also understand that by my children being Catholic, this will mean they will be baptized, attend mass, go through the process of communion as Monicad mentioned. I don't see myself having an issue attending mass as I already do so with my family strictly out of respect for their wishes of attending mass together.

Thank you to TheRealJuliane for telling your story of being a lapsed Catholic for 20 years, perhaps in my future faith will once again intervene in my life and change my point of view but I am certain on my stance.

Also thank you 1ke. This was very helpful to read the laws and having you explain them for a better understanding. This helped put me at ease in knowing that this "mixed marriage" will be granted.

I have made an appointment with my family's church for this Wednesday and we will go in as a couple to speak with the priest. I will keep everybody updated. Thanks Again!
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