How can I address my wife's desire to speak with a psychic?

Saturn5 · #1 Jun 20, '12, 3:07 pm

My wife and I have been having a rough patch in our marriage. She delivered to me the "ILYBNILWY" message to me about 3 years ago. It was a wake up call for me to change my behaviors with her and develop a deeper relationship with Christ.

After recently returning from a trip, I discovered that she has planned to speak with a famous psychic. She is unaware of my discovery. We have a shared cell account, there was a number that I didn't recognize and I looked it up. On our desk there was some notes on a slip of paper with times and dates and the number with a date and time circled for several weeks out.

So here I sit wondering if I should say anything.

Some additional history. I pray a daily rosary for my wife to open her heart to Christ. We have spoken to priest (once and he recommended professional counselling). We did counselling several years ago and she gave up after 3 months stating nothing is going to change her mind. I have read a ton of books and understand I have to change myself to constantly be a better husband. We share very little any more, no physical intimacy because she doesn't feel like it. The only date nights we do are ones I do and I try to do something every 2 weeks. She grew up watching a verbally abusive marriage, her father had several affairs while she was growing up. Her parents stayed together and are together today. I know I am paying for her fathers infidelity and have told her repeatedly, I am not going anywhere in this marriage. I love her and will show her that every day.

So do I silently suffer and let her do her thing? Christ watches us daily make mistakes leaving the door open to a deeper relationship with him. Or do I say something and run the risk of her accusing me of violating some level of trust?

faithfully · #2 Jun 20, '12, 4:06 pm

She's your wife, ask her about it. Don't start lecturing her, just listen. Start a conversation.

I imagine it would be very hard to be physical with someone who felt they couldn't even talk to me, or I to them.

Baby steps.

**Trishie** · #3 Jun 20, '12, 4:26 pm

From the Catechism of the Catholic Church

2115 God can reveal the future to his prophets or to other saints. Still, a sound Christian attitude consists in putting oneself confidently into the hands of Providence for whatever concerns the future, and giving up all unhealthy curiosity about it. Improvidence, however, can constitute a lack of responsibility.

2116 All forms of divination are to be rejected: recourse to Satan or demons, conjuring up the dead or other practices falsely supposed to "unveil" the future.48 Consulting horoscopes, astrology, palm reading, interpretation of omens and lots, the phenomena of clairvoyance, and recourse to mediums all conceal a desire for power over time, history, and, in the last analysis, other human beings, as well as a wish to conciliate hidden powers. They contradict the honor, respect, and loving fear that we owe to God alone.

http://www.scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s2c1a1.htm

It doesn't sound as if your marriage is on a very strong footing, and a wish to consult a medium may signify that your wife is not in a peaceful place ...nor trusting, that she has not shared her intention with you, and as you indicate, her history is unsettled and damaging.

It wouldn't be unreasonable that you discovered and queried the unfamiliar number on a shared cell phone, but it could easily causes an unsettled reaction.
You may know whether or not you can introduce the subject in an obviously nonjudgmental way that could defuse any fallout, or you can handle things effectively if there is an outcome that threatens your relationship. Consulting a psychic could be a single event or a trend.

We do have a responsibility for our partner's spiritual welfare as you clearly know.
From the Catechism
"2447 The works of mercy are charitable actions by which we come to the aid of our neighbor in his spiritual and bodily necessities. Instructing, advising, consoling, comforting are spiritual works of mercy, as are forgiving and bearing wrongs patiently...."

Aside from prayer, if such a question faced me and I felt unable to decide between two possible dangers, I might consult our priest for direction.

wondrousgnat · #4 Jun 20, '12, 4:31 pm

Appearantly she called the psychic by phone. Psychics are connected to the various credit reporting agencies. When they answered the phone the computers already had a lot of info: location, marriage status, age, credit history, etc. So when a customer calls a psychic they are impressed (they must be real. How could they have known that?) Because a lot of information was on the screen in front of them. It is a fraud and many fall for it.

Keep loving and praying for your wife. And more rosaries too.

Saturn5 · #5 Jun 20, '12, 6:33 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by faithfully

She's your wife, ask her about it. Don't start lecturing her, just listen. Start a conversation.

I imagine it would be very hard to be physical with someone who felt they couldn't even talk to me, or I to them.

Baby steps.

Yes, that is one of my past issues with her is me doing the "man thing" and not listening to her and immediately going into fix it mode. Your words, baby steps are very prophetic. It is what I have trying to do these last several years. I try to listen but she rarely talks about anything but superficial things. Again, she learned by watching her parents that talking gets you yelled at if you're the wife. In the past, I never yelled at her, but I was very persuasive with my discussion points. So I'm sure to her that was no different than being yelled at in her eyes. There are times when feel like such a dope for making her feel like that in the past. I know it will take time to heal those wounds. That's why I always tell her that I believe in our marriage and will be with her forever.

Saturn5 · #6 Jun 20, '12, 6:41 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by wondrousgnat

Appearantly she called the psychic by phone. Psychics are connected to the various credit reporting agencies. When they answered the phone the computers already had a lot of info: location, marriage status, age, credit history, etc. So when a customer calls a psychic they are impressed (they must be real. How could they have known that?) Because a lot of information was on the screen in front of them. It is a fraud and many fall for it.

Keep loving and praying for your wife. And more rosaries too.

She has consulted psychics in the past about previous relationships (prior to ours) and other issues (children, health, family, etc.). Yes, you are right, they are trained to give the illustration of seeing things and I also believe some people might be dialed in at some level. But it is also my belief that it is extremely arrogant and/or naive to believe what a psychic is seeing is actual truth. If you believe in God, you must also believe in the evil one and he can manipulate a psychic very easily. He can prey on people that way.

I do view my marriage as a vocation and do believe it my role as a husband to help her to Heaven. That is why this is so unsettling to me.

Saturn5 · #7 Jun 20, '12, 6:44 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trishie

From the Catechism of the Catholic Church

2115 God can reveal the future to his prophets or to other saints. Still, a sound Christian attitude consists in putting oneself confidently into the hands of Providence for whatever concerns the future, and giving up all unhealthy curiosity about it. Improvidence, however, can constitute a lack of responsibility.

2116 All forms of divination are to be rejected: recourse to Satan or demons, conjuring up the dead or other practices falsely supposed to "unveil" the future.48 Consulting horoscopes, astrology, palm reading, interpretation of omens and lots, the phenomena of clairvoyance, and recourse to mediums all conceal a desire for power over time, history, and, in the last analysis, other human beings, as well as a wish to conciliate hidden powers. They contradict the honor, respect, and loving fear that we owe to God alone.

http://www.scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s2c1a1.htm

It doesn't sound as if your marriage is on a very strong footing, and a wish to consult a medium may signify that your wife is not in a peaceful place ...nor trusting, that she has not shared her intention with you, and as you indicate, her history is unsettled and damaging.

It wouldn't be unreasonable that you discovered and queried the unfamiliar number on a shared cell phone, but it could easily causes an unsettled reaction.
You may know whether or not you can introduce the subject in an obviously nonjudgmental way that could defuse any fallout, or you can handle things effectively if there is an outcome that threatens your relationship. Consulting a psychic could be a single event or a trend.

We do have a responsibility for our partner's spiritual welfare as you clearly know.
From the Catechism
"2447 The works of mercy are charitable actions by which we come to the aid of our neighbor in his spiritual and bodily necessities. Instructing, advising, consoling, comforting are spiritual works of mercy, as are forgiving and bearing wrongs patiently...."

Aside from prayer, if such a question faced me and I felt unable to decide between two possible dangers, I might consult our priest for direction.

Thank you, that is excellent advice. I have been speaking with a priest at our parish about my marriage situation. I will get his guidance as well.