Children who'd rather be alone

LoyalViews · #1 May 14, '12, 5:14 pm

I'll admit that when I was younger, I had friends. You know, I wasn't anti-social, I didn't avoid people. However I'd rather be on my own, and with family, over my friends from school. Yes, I'd go to a movie or to the mall a few times a month, to the fair when it came, and to their houses after school occasionally. I liked school, and saw it as enough socialisation as anyone could need. However, being alone or being with a family member such as my Grandfather/mother, aunt or uncle, or a cousin was my preference. It wasn't my friends....it was me

I notice today that a lot more children prefer to be on their own as well, rather than with friends. Anyone else have children like that, OR was anyone else ever like that? I don't have children obviously, so I can't answer my own question.

Aggies08 · #2 May 14, '12, 5:54 pm

I think part of it is that socialization is something that is taught, as well as inherent.
Some people are more antisocial than others, etc. Nothing wrong with that.

I'm someone who prefers to keep to herself.

However-

I know "back in the day" if we were visiting family/friends, we were expected to sit and talk (socialize) with them. It was not acceptable to read a book/play gameboy/etc the whole time. From what I've seen and heard from my kids and their parents at school, more often it seems that the two people who want to get together will (say, mom and grandma), and everyone else is fine with a "hello," now I'll go sit in the corner and play Angry Birds for 3 hours.

I think the fine art of making conversation is being lost. It's a good thing to be able to converse with those you do not know that well.

nfreak141 · #3 May 14, '12, 6:38 pm

I was actually the same way growing up.

SecretaryMonday · #4 May 14, '12, 7:26 pm

As a child, I I loved having friends and meeting new children, and I also loved to be alone. I could play by myself for hours at a time. I was almost never the "leader" among my friends; I might initiate the invitation to a playdate, but I was a follower and a people-pleaser, and often I would do dumb things to get someone to like me.
At puberty I think I got tired of trying to be likeable, so I quit.

I love doing things by myself, and I am naturally a loner, but I ended up becoming unnaturally lonely by choice.

familyof4 · #5 May 14, '12, 7:53 pm

I have one child that is fine being alone (not lonely) and one who is much more social (but still doesn't mind down time). Both my husband and I are introverts who act like extroverts, meaning that we aren't socially awkward or shy, but need more time alone to recharge our batteries. Too much social interaction is exhausting.

chevalier · #6 May 15, '12, 12:45 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by LoyalViews

I'll admit that when I was younger, I had friends. You know, I wasn't anti-social, I didn't avoid people. However I'd rather be on my own, and with family, over my friends from school. Yes, I'd go to a movie or to the mall a few times a month, to the fair when it came, and to their houses after school occasionally. I liked school, and saw it as enough socialisation as anyone could need. However, being alone or being with a family member such as my Grandfather/mother, aunt or uncle, or a cousin was my preference. It wasn't my friends....it was me

I notice today that a lot more children prefer to be on their own as well, rather than with friends. Anyone else have children like that, OR was anyone else ever like that? I don't have children obviously, so I can't answer my own question.

I was a kid like that. Being with others was horrible. It's not like I never was mean or bad-mannered but I couldn't stand in other kids. It was a torture to be exposed to it. I still have a general problem with people. Can't get myself to belong in any organisation or anything, as much as I actually like team play (when it really is teamwork and not team in-fighting). Right now I'd like to socialise more but I just can't. I have like 300+ friends on Facebook but even my best buddy and close neighbour at the same time I see rather rarely. I do think kids that show such behaviour need some kind of aid.

EasterJoy · #7 May 15, '12, 12:49 pm

I think Carmelite and Trappist monasteries are full of people like that.

As long as the person learns how to show other people respect and care in social situations, as long as they do not neglect their care of others or evade things like Sunday Mass, weddings and funerals, where they ought to be and ought to be using as a place to reach out to others even if they aren't nuts about doing so, it is OK to have a personal preference for solitude or small groups. It's just a different temperament, that's all.

It is a huge red flag when a formerly out-going child becomes withdrawn and avoids social situations that they used to enjoy. That needs investigation, because some of the reasons for that kind of change are very serious, indeed.

Luna Lovecraft · #8 May 15, '12, 2:03 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by LoyalViews

I'll admit that when I was younger, I had friends. You know, I wasn't anti-social, I didn't avoid people. However I'd rather be on my own, and with family, over my friends from school. Yes, I'd go to a movie or to the mall a few times a month, to the fair when it came, and to their houses after school occasionally. I liked school, and saw it as enough socialisation as anyone could need. However, being alone or being with a family member such as my Grandfather/mother, aunt or uncle, or a cousin was my preference. It wasn't my friends....it was me

I notice today that a lot more children prefer to be on their own as well, rather than with friends. Anyone else have children like that, OR was anyone else ever like that? I don't have children obviously, so I can't answer my own question.

My stepdaughters haven't met a kid they didn't like. They are peoples' people, just like their father. I've watched them walk on to a new playground and within 10 minutes they've made five or six new friends and have some kind of game organized involving all of them. It's incredible.

Me, when I was growing up my most of my friends lived in the books I read. I did have a couple of real-life friends, but my social circle was tiny. I much preferred being on my own - away from family and others - reading, drawing, and writing.

Luna

Et Cetera · #9 May 15, '12, 7:23 pm

In most cases, I think this is just a personality trait or a matter of their age. Unless they seem to have an unhealthy preoccupation with being alone or have trouble being in social situations, I don't think I would worry about it too much. I was sometimes a loner in grade school, and I preferred my social interaction to be with relatives. My dad thought it was strange because he loves being around people. My mom told him not to worry. My grade school didn't have a lot of people who interested me, as it was small school. Then, in high school and college I became pretty social, as I found a lot of people that I really liked. Moving to a city also helped. I'm quite social now, but I still value my alone time as something that I must have.