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  #16  
Old Jul 6, '11, 5:32 am
puzzleannie puzzleannie is offline
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Default Re: Verbal / Physical Abuse grounds for annulment?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Still Hoping View Post
What kind of a church does not help those who are afflicted. What kind of church does not offer help to women who are abused. I have been living the last 20 years of my life with an abuser. He did a complete !!!!
the Church offers all kinds of practical and spiritual help to abused women

the annulment process however is not the means by which that help comes, and in any case would be too late to be of practical help for someone suffering in that immediate situation. If you or anyone you know is in that condition contact your pastor at a once for pastoral care and contact Catholic Social Services or Catholic Charities for immeidate practical assistance.

Once the marriage has broken down and that is signaled by civil divorce--which is entirely allowable in such situations, is time to consider annulment, but that by itself won't end the abuse. Nor will it protect children caught between parent sin that situation. It calls for immediate action on the part of the abused spouse who is obligated to seek out all help from the civil authority and from the Church--but the Church cannot do what is in the realm of the civil authority, such as police protection.
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  #17  
Old Jul 6, '11, 7:56 am
joanofarc2008's Avatar
joanofarc2008 joanofarc2008 is offline
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Default Re: Verbal / Physical Abuse grounds for annulment?

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Originally Posted by Still Hoping View Post
What kind of a church does not help those who are afflicted. What kind of church does not offer help to women who are abused. I have been living the last 20 years of my life with an abuser. He did a complete 360 on me after we got married, how is that not grounds for an annulment. I went to three different priests and none could help me. All they said was to separate and live my life alone. So now I have to be alone for the rest of my life because he screwed up and is unwilling to change. I have to put up with his abuse. Whenever I have something contrary to what he says he tells me that I provoke him to scream at me. I get so fustrated because all I could do is to shutup the f**k up as he so politely tells me in front of our children. Thank God for secular help because when it comes to women the church is way behind. Open your eyes devout catholics because the church has not made a stand on this issue. You can tell me that Pope John Paul II made wonderful sermons on the subject but the church offers no teachings whatsoever and neither does it have anything to help catholic abused women. We have to seek secular help. We do not even have Retrouvaille program in my province. There is no uniformity in the church. I am so disappointed. So many catholics are seeking civil divorces. There is no help from our parishes or diocese. Too few priests who have no time. The shepherds are loosing their flock and they are not doing anything about it.

Forgive me my brothers and sisters, it is apparent that I am angry but I will not excuse myself but I ask that you all pray for us women because this is purgatory and sometimes hell. My worst feeling is that I am still with him and have exposed myself and my children to harm. I feel such guilt for exposing them that it hurts my chest; even as I speak my chest and heart hurt. I had an argument with my husband. They say it takes two but it doesn't with an abuser. I brought up a point that hit a sore spot. It wasn't derogatory or insulting but it made a statement. He got so defensive and began to lash out. I was caught off guard because I meant no harm. He began to scream and I calmly told him to stop and that he took my statement out of context. He wouldn't listen. He continued and not once did I get angry or talk back. But I could see in my daughter's face that she was hurt. I can honestly say that he sickens me literally. I tried to talk to him later when he was calm but he did a gesture like flicking a fly and told he doesn't want to talk. He is derogatory and proud and worst of all manipulative. His whole family is like that. Why in God's name did I not runaway. I had no place to go except a shelter. If the church would have had some home to go to I would of gone but they don't. The shelter made me feel alone. But I took the courage to visit one and get help. Now I am waiting for the right time. But since my children are young adolescents they are not willing to come with me. This is what is truly stopping me. The church has let me down. But my faith in God is strong. He sustains me; however I am growing weary; my body and mind and heart can't handle it anymore.

Please anyone who is being abused whether he controls you, isolates you financially or from family and friends or verbally, physically and/or psychologically abuses you PLEASE PLEASE TAKE YOUR KIDS AND RUN TO THE NEAREST SHELTER AND GET HELP. IT MAY SEEM AT TIMES IT GETS BETTER BUT IT NEVER GOES AWAY. DO NOT EXPOSE YOUR CHILDREN TO THIS EVEN IF THE ABUSE IS ONLY DIRECTED ON YOU; DO NOT LET THEM SEE YOU GETTING ABUSED. PLEASE!!!!
You are not hearing what is being said to you. The first thing you need to do is leave and separate. Yes you need to be a lone until the decree of nullity. No one says you should stay - as a matter of fact the Church says the complete opposite. The Church actually says you should leave and seek a decree of nullity.

This is the statement from the USCCB

This is the part of the statement that I mention

Quote:
Finally, we emphasize that no person is expected to stay in an abusive marriage. Some abused women believe that church teaching on the permanence of marriage requires them to stay in an abusive relationship. They may hesitate to seek a separation or divorce. They may fear that they cannot re-marry in the Church. Violence and abuse, not divorce, break up a marriage. We encourage abused persons who have divorced to investigate the possibility of seeking an annulment. An annulment, which determines that the marriage bond is not valid, can frequently open the door to healing.
What you are confusing here are simple correct explanations. People are making sure it is clear that no one thinks the abuse itself is the ground for the decree but that the abuse itself is the evidence for the ground for the decree.

I am sorry for your situation. I have been there. There are a couple of us that have. Below in my signature block you will find a link to the CAF Annulment and Divorce group - we also have a Canon Lawyer that can help you. Also maybe we can help you get into touch with some Catholic services in your area. Many parishes do not have them. They are at the diocesan level - under Catholic Charities.

This is one of the things I want to make my life's work - in actually starting a nation-wide organization that does just that.

God bless.
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  #18  
Old Jul 6, '11, 8:00 am
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joanofarc2008 joanofarc2008 is offline
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Default Re: Verbal / Physical Abuse grounds for annulment?

Quote:
Originally Posted by puzzleannie View Post
the Church offers all kinds of practical and spiritual help to abused women

the annulment process however is not the means by which that help comes, and in any case would be too late to be of practical help for someone suffering in that immediate situation. If you or anyone you know is in that condition contact your pastor at a once for pastoral care and contact Catholic Social Services or Catholic Charities for immeidate practical assistance.

Once the marriage has broken down and that is signaled by civil divorce--which is entirely allowable in such situations, is time to consider annulment, but that by itself won't end the abuse. Nor will it protect children caught between parent sin that situation. It calls for immediate action on the part of the abused spouse who is obligated to seek out all help from the civil authority and from the Church--but the Church cannot do what is in the realm of the civil authority, such as police protection.
Puzzleannie - with all due respect this is one that I can see the OPs point - because no one gave me the route of Catholic Charities when I was going through it. For rural women going through these things they are very dependent on their community. (I do not know if the poster is rural but I am giving you an example of where I was coming from.) My ex had done such a good job of poisoning my parish that there was NO help for me. I was even kicked out of ministry because supposedly I was psychologically unstable. Now, I know now if I had picked up that phone and talked to someone at Cath Charities they might have been able to help but they were four hours away and I was unable to drive due to my medical condition. So yes I had the police involved and no money coming in, etc. This is one of those things where we need to better educate SOME of our older clergy in the rural settings.
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  #19  
Old Jul 6, '11, 9:55 pm
Debora123 Debora123 is offline
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Default Re: Verbal / Physical Abuse grounds for annulment?

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Originally Posted by 1ke View Post
I'm not sure what you mean by a marriage "never took place." A decree of nullity declares that a putative marriage is invalid.
"Never took place"... as in, for whatever reason, God didn't bind the couples' souls together in the sacrament of matrimony. Meaning the marriage was never valid to begin with.

To my understanding, annulment is when it has been determined that this (above) was the case. Am I correct?
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  #20  
Old Jul 6, '11, 10:01 pm
The Old Medic The Old Medic is offline
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Default Re: Verbal / Physical Abuse grounds for annulment?

In order to obtain an annulement, you have to be able to show that one or more of the following existed at the moment of marriage:

1. Fraud was involved by one or more parties

2. One of the parties (or both) were too young to make a valid marriage

3. There was no intent to validly marry on one or both parts.

4. One or both of them did NOT intend to allow children to be born of the marriage

5. That there was some other impediment, that caused the marriage itself to be invalid from the very beginning.

Abuse would normally NOT be grounds for an annulement, unless the person had somehow coherced the other party to marry. This WOULD be grounds for a divorce however.

Keep in mind that a divorce is NOT a sin, if there are valid grounds for obtaining one. So long as the person does not try to remarry, they have not committed a sin to obtain a valid divorce. PLUS, this way, your aunt also get spousal support, etc.
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