Early Miscarriage - remains?

His angel · #1 Jul 8, '12, 6:11 pm

This is something that's been on my mind a while. Miscarriages are not rare, and some of them happen so early one may not even know they were pregnant. 'Getting your period' after a positive pregnancy test is a really early miscarriage where the child did not implant.

What's bothering me lately is what to do with the remains? If it is such an early miscarriage that you may confuse it with your period... I can't work out what to do. Just putting on a pad seems wrong, but I can't think of any alternative really.

jfanning · #2 Jul 8, '12, 8:04 pm

If it is human life, which it was, then it deserves a proper burial as all human life does. Just because it looks unrecognizable doesn't mean that it isn't life. I suggest asking your priest or an apologist on this forum.

Blenderx · #3 Jul 8, '12, 11:41 pm

The baby at that stage would be virtually impossible to even locate. There is no guilt in taking care of your sanitary needs as usual. There isn't much else that can be done.

AthenaC · #4 Jul 9, '12, 6:10 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blenderx

The baby at that stage would be virtually impossible to even locate. There is no guilt in taking care of your sanitary needs as usual. There isn't much else that can be done.

As callous as it sounds, I agree with this.

Blenderx · #5 Jul 9, '12, 9:04 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by AthenaC

As callous as it sounds, I agree with this.

I'm sorry! I didn't mean for it to sound callous.

AthenaC · #6 Jul 9, '12, 9:42 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blenderx

I'm sorry! I didn't mean for it to sound callous.

I know you didn't. There's just no other way to put it.

RedSoxWife · #7 Jul 10, '12, 9:01 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blenderx

The baby at that stage would be virtually impossible to even locate. There is no guilt in taking care of your sanitary needs as usual. There isn't much else that can be done.

I'd second this. The baby would be so miniscule you wouldn't be able to find him or her.

If a baby is far enough along for the sac to be identified that's different. We were able to retrieve our little one from the hospital (although it was a fight and I had to keep repeating: "I'm Catholic and you're giving me that baby for burial" about a dozen times) and had him cremated. Being able to do that did give me a lot of peace.

FullOfThought · #8 Jul 10, '12, 12:48 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by RedSoxWife

I'd second this. The baby would be so miniscule you wouldn't be able to find him or her.

If a baby is far enough along for the sac to be identified that's different. We were able to retrieve our little one from the hospital (although it was a fight and I had to keep repeating: "I'm Catholic and you're giving me that baby for burial" about a dozen times) and had him cremated. Being able to do that did give me a lot of peace.

May I ask how far along this would be? That the sac would be identified?

I am glad that you were able to do that

RedSoxWife · #9 Jul 10, '12, 1:27 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by FullOfThought

May I ask how far along this would be? That the sac would be identified?

I am glad that you were able to do that

I'm actually not sure. I was 14 weeks. There was still a heartbeat at 12 but the baby was only measuring 8... but I kept growing, so I'm not sure that the sac wasn't still growing and easier to find. It was still tough though because the clots were quiet large at that point, so I can really see missing it easily throughout the first trimester. The sac at that point was about the size of the palm of my hand.

FullOfThought · #10 Jul 10, '12, 3:09 pm

Thank you for explaining that, I am sorry for your loss, I truly am.

I had an ultrasound at 6weeks and we could see the sac and the heart beating, not sure how large it would measure, and I know our baby is now the size of a blueberry. I know that if any was to happen, God Forbid, I would also want a burial. I can't even imagine this. I think only once a woman becomes pregnant can she only even begin to understand that journey

MrsFlapjack · #11 Jul 10, '12, 3:26 pm

My one miscarriage occurred at ten weeks, and honestly, I never passed anything that looked even remotely like a baby. I had a lot of bleeding, kind of like a heavy flow on my period, some blood clots, and some tissue. But the tissue I did pass looked nothing like a developing child. I had not gone to any prenatal appointments yet, so was there ever a heartbeat? I'll never know for sure.

Aggies08 · #12 Jul 10, '12, 5:58 pm

***This may be disturbing****

Once the baby has passed away, prior to the actual miscarriage, the remains can begin to decompose. If this happens and the body does NOT pass the remains, that's when the doctors want to do invasive procedures, or try drugs to hurry things along, etc, because it can bring about sepsis.

So, there may or may not be anything to really find, aside from microscopic issues, depending upon when the baby passes vs. when the body expels the remains.

I've had several miscarriages. There really isn't anything worse than knowing the pregnancy is lost, and you still have to give birth to the child- even early ones (8, 12, 14 weeks), I went through mild labor when my body miscarried. I'd had a previous live birth, too, so perhaps that influenced it somehow. With all the... mess... I would thing it exceedingly difficult to locate any remains.

RedSoxWife · #13 Jul 10, '12, 6:10 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aggies08

***This may be disturbing****

Once the baby has passed away, prior to the actual miscarriage, the remains can begin to decompose. If this happens and the body does NOT pass the remains, that's when the doctors want to do invasive procedures, or try drugs to hurry things along, etc, because it can bring about sepsis.

So, there may or may not be anything to really find, aside from microscopic issues, depending upon when the baby passes vs. when the body expels the remains.

I've had several miscarriages. There really isn't anything worse than knowing the pregnancy is lost, and you still have to give birth to the child- even early ones (8, 12, 14 weeks), I went through mild labor when my body miscarried. I'd had a previous live birth, too, so perhaps that influenced it somehow. With all the... mess... I would thing it exceedingly difficult to locate any remains.

Definitely true. And even if you do pass the remains it's good to check with your doctor. I passed the sac, but part of the placenta remained and after three months of being very, very sick, and seeing many, many doctors, I finally found one who realized what was going on and did a D&C (we tried drugs first too and they partially worked). With mine, if the sac hadn't been totally and completely obvious, I would definitely not have been in a state to find it, because the labor was so intense and I was by myself.

NSFrame · #14 Jul 11, '12, 2:53 pm

I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks - the baby was measuring on track even a few days before he/she died. It was discovered at a doctor's appointment that there was no heartbeat and confirmed via two ultrasounds. I chose to have a D&C because, like previous posters stated, waiting to deliver the remains and what I might possibly see was too emotionally disturbing. My OB actually recommended this over waiting and it was for the best for me. I was able to choose to have the remains delivered to a funeral home for cremation via a form in the hospital. You do have to specify, otherwise they will end up in medical waste

.