Miscarriage Sadness and Concern

Womanoffaith10 · #1 Jul 18, '12, 6:25 pm

Hey everyone. Sorry to be a downer, but I'm in need of some Catholic women advice. DH and I have been trying for a child for just a little over and year and just about gave up hope when last month I had some crazy things happening. Anyway to make a long story short I took a HPT and it came back positive. Oh we were so excited. I thanked God over and over again for our miracle blessing. I went on to take two more which also came back pos so I figured three in a row was no coincidence. Then a couple days later I started cramping and it got me worried so I called my OB/GYN and told them what happened and they said if the cramping got worse or I started bleeding to go to the ER. Well the next day I started bleeding. I went the ER where they did a test(not blood) and it came back neg. They explained to me(being completely ignorant of the whole situation) that they felt I had what was called a chemical pregnancy and that it was a fertilized egg that just didn't develop.

To say I was heartbroken is an understatement. I was sooo angry at God. I have prayed, begged and pleaded for us to have a child and thought my prayers had finally been answered. It's so hard because I feel like just about everyone I know has children, just had a baby or is pregnant. Does God not want me to be a mother? Does He feel I won't be a good mother? I'm a terrible Catholic(don't attend church like I should and don't give of my time treasures or talents)is He punishing me for this by taking away what I want most? I just don't know what to think or feel anymore.

Monicad · #2 Jul 18, '12, 6:55 pm

Thank you for taking the time to come here and share your story. Please accept my prayers for your profound loss. Forgive me but I am going to strongly disagree with the medical language used to describe what you experienced. "Chemical pregnancy" for Heaven's sake what does that mean....you were pregnant!!!! And no it was not a "fertilized egg" that just didn't develop......it was your beautiful baby conceived in love and was treasured and loved and wanted by his beautiful mommy....YOU.

Dear one a fertilized egg is a human being! No wonder you are very sad, you are not experiening the loss of an egg, you are experiencing the very REAL loss of a unique human being created by God that will never be duplicated. Do you know the soul of your beautiful baby that you carried for such a short time is as precious to God as souls that are born and live for 100 years? You are sad because you are a mother that lost her baby and that is a very sad place to be.

I experienced four miscarriages and each one took me on a different spiritual journey. God knows exactly where you are and he loves you. Draw close to him as much as you can. God is not mad at you for not going to church, God is sad because he misses you and he wants you there. God wants you to be there to grow close to him, he misses you and loves you so much, you are his little girl.

I know you are sad right now and I will pray for you. Jesus loves you. Your precious little baby is in Heaven right now with him! Picture the Virgin Mary holding your little one close to her heart, Mary will take good care of your little baby until you meet him face-to-face and spend eternity together. I am awaiting the day when I meet the four souls that lived in my body for such a short time, yet they are eternal souls that live forever. Please take care as best as you can.

cessnawag · #3 Jul 18, '12, 7:57 pm

My wife and I tried for a baby for 3 years. We tried pills and shots etc etc. Then we just accepted that it wasn't going to happen. We went about our lives and enjoyed each others company. Then she got pregnant and we had our son. We now are glad we had those 3 years where it was just the two of us. Just try to have faith and enjoy your husband, and let god do his thing. I will pray for you.

odile53 · #4 Jul 18, '12, 9:02 pm

I am so sorry for what you have been through.

I have had a total of four miscarriages. Two were early trimester miscarriages. At the time, I recall that my gynecologist referred to them as "blighted ova," meaning that fertilization and implantation had occurred, and the implanted baby just failed to develop.

The third one was miscarried at sixteen weeks, and the pathology exam showed evidence of several malformations.

The fourth one was miscarried at thirty seven weeks, a result of "abruptio placenta," where the placenta tore away from the uterine wall.

The third and fourth miscarriages were what is termed "obstetric emergencies," meaning my own life was in danger. I was taken to the OR both times. As a matter of fact, after the fourth, I'm lucky to be alive. They did an emergency hysterectomy because they could not control the hemorrhage. The baby, I'm told, was already dead.

After all of this, I did do some research: A lot (possibly 20 percent) of first pregnancies end up in early miscarriage (less than eight weeks.) The women subsequently, in a matter of less than a couple of years, do go on to successfully carry a pregnancy to term.

I've had to content myself with spiritual motherhood, meaning, being a mentor and friend to a couple of younger women in my neighborhood, my patients, and my ballet students. Interestingly enough, because I was a trusted older person with my students, I was able to uncover three cases of actual child abuse in terms of crazy stage mothers encouraging bulemic practices. So, I've managed to be instrumental in saving three lives.

I'm also a trusted mentor to my two nieces, now both in their twenties.

Because we were over forty, my husband and I were not considered by the adoption agencies for infant adoption.

As we near retirement age, my husband and I are discerning foster parenting.

There is more than one way to do "motherhood:" I've managed to find a few. It doesn't have to be biological.

I pray that you and your husband find some peace with all of this.

Trust in God: I have always found that no matter what I plan, He always seems to have a better idea!

TheRealJuliane · #5 Jul 18, '12, 9:06 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Womanoffaith10

Hey everyone. Sorry to be a downer, but I'm in need of some Catholic women advice. DH and I have been trying for a child for just a little over and year and just about gave up hope when last month I had some crazy things happening. Anyway to make a long story short I took a HPT and it came back positive. Oh we were so excited. I thanked God over and over again for our miracle blessing. I went on to take two more which also came back pos so I figured three in a row was no coincidence. Then a couple days later I started cramping and it got me worried so I called my OB/GYN and told them what happened and they said if the cramping got worse or I started bleeding to go to the ER. Well the next day I started bleeding. I went the ER where they did a test(not blood) and it came back neg. They explained to me(being completely ignorant of the whole situation) that they felt I had what was called a chemical pregnancy and that it was a fertilized egg that just didn't develop.

To say I was heartbroken is an understatement. I was sooo angry at God. I have prayed, begged and pleaded for us to have a child and thought my prayers had finally been answered. It's so hard because I feel like just about everyone I know has children, just had a baby or is pregnant. Does God not want me to be a mother? Does He feel I won't be a good mother? I'm a terrible Catholic(don't attend church like I should and don't give of my time treasures or talents)is He punishing me for this by taking away what I want most? I just don't know what to think or feel anymore.

God does not punish us that way. No matter what we do, he still loves us beyond measure. Please do not let yourself become bitter in your grief. Pray to God, and tell him of your heartache. He can help you to heal. This is very difficult. I will add you to my prayers.

Em_in_FL · #6 Jul 19, '12, 7:24 am

I am so terribly sorry for your loss.

Miscarriages are so painful, and so difficult to fully share that grief with others... but KNOW that you are not alone in your grief, nor is it unwarranted.

This is a good article...
http://www.ncregister.com/daily-news...f-miscarriage/

Also, I found great comfort in giving my lost baby a name. It helped to know that I have a little advocate in heaven... and that I could call my child by name. Sure, it's impossible to know gender and all that (some choose names that work both ways), but regardless, it's something that several have found great comfort in.

Another way to celebrate your child is to register your child in the "Book of Life" at the Shrine of the Holy Innocents... it's a beautiful way to know that others are praying WITH you through this terrible loss.
http://www.innocents.com/shrine.asp

(((HUGS))) and prayers for you.

Womanoffaith10 · #7 Jul 19, '12, 4:02 pm

Thank you all so much for your kind words.

Monicad-you're words are beautiful.

Thank you to the men for your advise and prayers.

Em_in_FL- I will definitely register my baby on the innocents website. That is such a good idea! thank you for sharing that.

Allegra · #8 Jul 20, '12, 8:47 pm

I'm so sorry for your loss. I pray that God will send you a baby soon! Have you had a miscariage before, that you are aware of? You might want to consider seeing a Naprotechnology specialist if you aren't already. If your cycle isn't leaving enough time for implantation, they may be able to help you with progesterone. I'm sorry for your sadness. I can think of no worse feeling!

yellowbird · #9 Jul 21, '12, 12:41 pm

I am so sorry for you loss.

Allow yourself the time to grieve for your baby. It's such a heartbreaking thing to experience - the over the moon joy, and then the crushing loss. Been there, done that.

The good news is this -> you can get preganant - it happened once, it can happen again, and the chances are overwhelmingly in your favor that next time you will have a baby. That will be my prayer for you.

Big ((hugs)).

dixieagle · #10 Jul 23, '12, 7:51 pm

I am so sorry for your loss; I well understand your sadness, having had three early miscarriages prior to the births of my two daughters.

I echo the sentiments of the poster who suggested looking into NaProTechnology:
http://www.naprotechnology.com/index.html

My daughter is currently 25 weeks pregnant and has been under the care of a wonderful physician trained in NaProTechnology, following an early miscarriage and hormone problems. I can't say enough good things about her experience.

God bless!