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  #16  
Old Apr 28, '10, 6:39 am
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joandarc2008 joandarc2008 is offline
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Default Re: My Husband Has Left Me and I dont Understand

Were you married in the Church sacramentally after going through the anullment process or did you marry civilly. If the latter be true the best thing I can tell you is that going through marriage counseling and convalidation after the anullment process and living either seperate or as brother and sister may give you the Grace and time that you both need. If not I apologize for asking.
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  #17  
Old Apr 28, '10, 7:52 am
former Catholic former Catholic is offline
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Default Re: My Husband Has Left Me and I dont Understand

Quote:
Originally Posted by Irishmom2 View Post
If she says there is no evidence- that she hasn't found any, why can't you just leave it at that? Why must you put your voice of experience comment in to muddy the waters? That was your experience. Please try to help her with her experience as she has stated it.
Just as some men and women will try to hide behind alcohol when the tornado comes, it is a legitimate point that some men and women will indeed try to hide behind women, or men, or drugs (prescription or otherwise) and/or a whole lot of other things...
but it doesn't work.....
none of it works
when the tornado comes.
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  #18  
Old Apr 28, '10, 9:43 am
bridgid82 bridgid82 is offline
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Default Re: My Husband Has Left Me and I dont Understand

My brother once gave me this advice:

People always tell you to be strong, like an oak tree, when loss occurs! But no!! Be soft like the bamboo. When a typhoon comes, trees are often broken by the extreme winds. But the bamboo, lays down in the water, letting it wash over its leaves, but protected from the strong winds. When the typhoon dies off, the sun comes out, and within a day, the bamboo can be seen rising up, proudly holding itself erect, in the light of the sun; its leaves green and shining bright in the warmth of the day. So, no matter what "other shoe" drops after his leaving, remember to lay down, and be covered with your tears, knowing that IF you can do the "grief work" of loss within your marriage, you, too will stand up tall and smiling, because the sun is finally beginning to shine.

As an addictions counselor, I would encourage you to find your former sponser--or a new one--and keep your "leaves" protected from yet another typhoon. Give yourself an opportunity to rise up after this typhoon, before another one hits. Ask yourself this: Are his actions of leaving you worthy of losing your own sobriety? Of course not! He will have to seek help for his own problems, Do not be the typical co-dependent wife, and try to "fix" him. You cannot, and YOU should know exactly what he needs to do--the way you did it, 15 years earlier. Turn it over to God and wait until the winds die down, and the sun comes out. It will, you know! I will be keeping you in prayer. Bridgid

Just "fall into your faith" and Our Lord will catch you. He always "has our back"!
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  #19  
Old Apr 30, '10, 5:59 am
IrishAm IrishAm is online now
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Default Re: My Husband Has Left Me and I dont Understand

Quote:
Originally Posted by Irishmom2 View Post
If she says there is no evidence- that she hasn't found any, why can't you just leave it at that? Why must you put your voice of experience comment in to muddy the waters? That was your experience. Please try to help her with her experience as she has stated it.
Because the OP specifically asked for the experiences of others? Otherwise, I would not have commented as I did. Sorry if it upset you, and hope it did not offend the OP.
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  #20  
Old May 4, '10, 8:19 am
TryingHard1 TryingHard1 is offline
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Default Re: My Husband Has Left Me and I dont Understand

Thank you to all of you wonderful folks who replied. There were so many things said that brought me comfort. The pain is so great at times, I physically hurt. But to my friends in recovery, I know that alcohol will not take it away...so I will not sacrifice my sobriety. I can only turn to God. I know that I have no control over what my husband chooses. I can only pray for him. Please keep praying for me. Your encouragment and kind words are helping in ways you can only imagine.
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  #21  
Old May 16, '10, 9:53 pm
nana3 nana3 is offline
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Default Re: My Husband Has Left Me and I dont Understand

I have just come across your thread and I am so sorry to hear of yet another woman having to go through this kind of suffering. I have three sisters and my MIL who have had this happen to them. Before I explain to you what happened to them and their experiences and what helped them, I want you to know that I will be praying for you for I have a special place in my heart for women whose husband have left them and are left with unanswered questions. I don't know how it feels, but I have had to sit up with my sisters all night as they cried and wondered why their husbands left them. So you will be in my prayers, especially in my night Rosary.

My first sister who got a divorce was married for 7 years just as you were. Neither were married before though. He went on vacation without her to visit his parents and when he came back, he told her that he wanted a divorce. He told her that there was not another woman. He was just tired of living without money. They had financial problems. He left her and his two children and left the country. After the divorce, he immediately got remarried, so there was another woman and he admitted that later. Of course, years later, like 5 years into his second marriage, he told me he regretted divorcing my sister, but it was too late.

My second sister to get a divorce also had financial problems and this put a stress on the marriage as well. Her husband said he was tired of living without money also and said he wanted out of the marriage. He left her, the second and final time, and asked for a divorce. He too said there was no other woman involved. He didn't wait for the divorce before moving in with his mistress for my sister's kids told her, so there was another woman. They were married for 15 years. He swore up and down there was no other woman and there was no evidence to show there was another woman involved, but apparently he was seeing her for some time. He stopped going to Mass years before with my sister so this did not help their marriage. He didn't pray with her either.

My third sister was not Catholic, but we all were lead to believe that they had a happy and good Christian marriage. They were married for 16 years and in fact just celebrated their 16th Wedding Anniversary when he came home one day and told her that he didn't love her and wanted a divorce. He too said there was no other woman involved. He told this to her and to his parents who asked him. He would just get angry and told everyone to mind their own business, including his parents. They had two small children as well. They were just divorced this year in February. We found out before the divorce was finalized that he had a "girlfriend" for his children found out. My sister confronted him and he could not deny the affair anymore, so he had a mistress and this man use to have Bible versus all over his house to memorize. No one would have thought this of him, especially my sister. There was no evidence of the affair.

My MIL also just got divorce at the beginning of this year, but they were both in a second marriage that was not blessed by God. They were married by the Judge. They did not get their first marriages annuled. They were married for 15 years. Their problems were mostly age difference for he was 10 years younger than her, but according to her they were happy. All of a sudden, he asked for a divorce and said he was in love with the woman next door who just happened to have her divorce finalized a month before. She checked his cell phone and found out they had been talking for months before he announced his wishes for a divorce, but she never saw it coming. So he was the only one who did not deny another woman.

All three women are turning to God or have turned to God for strength. The only one who is not handling it well is my MIL. She can't seem to let go and still believes her husband will return to her some day. She did not go last night to my daughter's dance recital, her granddaughter, to go to her ex's family's house for a visit. My dh was upset over it all. She goes there to find out information on her ex. This is not good for her, but she doesn't listen.

My sister who just recently got divorced in February is amazing. She is focusing on God, her sons, and than herself. She keeps busy at her job and works out. She is friendly to her ex for her son's sake, but she has accepted things and moved on. She knows this is not God's will, but knows that her husband has his own will and has made his choice. That is what you need to understand. Even though this may not be God's will, your husband does have free will. Pray for him a lot.

I agree with the person who said, don't dismiss so quickly that there is no other woman. We are not saying this to hurt you and I don't think that person said it to hurt you. We say it for it could be happening. I just gave you three examples where three men denied affairs and they were having them.

I will be praying for you. My sister's all kept close to Jesus and the ones that are Catholic, prayed the Rosary.
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