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  #16  
Old Jun 20, '12, 7:56 am
Robertanthony Robertanthony is online now
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Default Re: Need advise on a situation involving cohabitation

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Originally Posted by bilop View Post
If they're already having sex, the possibility of bringing children into this world exists, married or not.

If they can't afford children right now, they can still marry, and use NFP to avoid having children.

God Bless
Do you think it's in the spirit of the law, as it were, that 2 people should marry who absolutely can't have children for the 1st couple of years? It would sound to me like they just can't postpone having sex. Not being sarcastic or holier-than-thou here, I'm merely thinking aloud.
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  #17  
Old Jun 20, '12, 8:26 am
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Allegra Allegra is offline
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Default Re: Need advise on a situation involving cohabitation

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Sleep on the couch you must.
I saw a really good price on an air mattress at Big Lots. It's the kind that inflates and deflates electrically in under a minute.
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  #18  
Old Jun 20, '12, 8:33 am
bilop bilop is offline
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Default Re: Need advise on a situation involving cohabitation

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Originally Posted by Robertanthony View Post
Do you think it's in the spirit of the law, as it were, that 2 people should marry who absolutely can't have children for the 1st couple of years? It would sound to me like they just can't postpone having sex. Not being sarcastic or holier-than-thou here, I'm merely thinking aloud.
Yes.

Marriage has dual ends, the good of the spouses (their salvation in particular) and procreation. Even if they try to avoid children in the short run, the marriage still can serve the good of avoiding sin through fornication.

If the couple has legitimate reason to not have children for two years, they are still free to marry and use NFP to avoid having children. To marry, one must be open to having children, but not necessarily immediately.

Of course they must not use artificial contraception, and must accept a baby lovingly if NFP fails.

God Bless
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  #19  
Old Jun 20, '12, 10:03 am
Robertanthony Robertanthony is online now
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Default Re: Need advise on a situation involving cohabitation

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Originally Posted by bilop View Post
Yes.

Marriage has dual ends, the good of the spouses (their salvation in particular) and procreation. Even if they try to avoid children in the short run, the marriage still can serve the good of avoiding sin through fornication.

If the couple has legitimate reason to not have children for two years, they are still free to marry and use NFP to avoid having children. To marry, one must be open to having children, but not necessarily immediately.

Of course they must not use artificial contraception, and must accept a baby lovingly if NFP fails.

God Bless
Your point is well taken.
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  #20  
Old Jun 20, '12, 10:08 am
kbwall kbwall is offline
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Default Re: Need advise on a situation involving cohabitation

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Originally Posted by jilly4ski View Post
Anyways, you said you just entered this arraignment a few months ago? This is unfortunate. You need to go over the lease and see how long the lease is, and what penalties are incurred if you leave early. (Sometimes if you find a new renter, or if rental properties are in high demand and someone else moves in, there are no penalties or only for when the space is empty). You need to communicate with your gf, that the moment the lease is up or you can leave without penalties, you are out of there. And make a plan to actually follow through. Find a new place for the proposed time period that you can afford on your own. (The place you are currently living in is way to expensive if one of you could not alone afford a one bedroom). Encourage her to do the same.
The lease is six months. I forgot what the penalty is for leaving, but it's an additional couple hundred dollars. Also, the place isn't all that expensive, in fact it's one of the cheapest apartments in the city, we're just poor college students barely raking in $1000 a month. Technically we could afford bills 100%, but that would leave no money left for things like food.

Quote:
What happened financially a couple of months ago? If you moved in with your girl friend, where were you living before? Did she already have the apartment?
We lived on campus. Financial aid paid our way for that, so we effectively stayed there for free. Neither of us had summer courses, so with recent, tragic death of her parents, she had to find a way to live over the summer. My parents were having their own problems with their house and I feared they may be evicted again, which would leave me homeless if I stayed with them. She suggested moving in together and it seemed like such a great idea at the time.

Of course, I only realize my mistake now. After the time for signing up for a dorm has come and gone. All the dorms on campus are already taken/reserved by now.

Quote:
You mentioned your remorse at this situation but what I do not see is your girlfriends thoughts feelings etc. I do see that she feels she has found someone who can help meet her financial obligations and perhaps she helps you in some way?
Well, I can be almost certain she is not using me or is a gold digger. For one, I have very little gold to dig at, so if she was, she would've looked elsewhere a long time ago lol. For another thing, I know her personality well enough to know that she wouldn't be fake nice to somebody just for financial gain.

I have not voiced my concerns to her yet, simply because I am scared of what might happen. She is also a Christian (albeit not Catholic), and she wrestled with the idea of moving in together too. Unfortunately, any qualms she had with it seem to have settled as she is very happy to live with me now, and me opening up old wounds will likely not be pretty.

Despite being a Christian, she outright stated that she feels no guilt in having sex. She had a little guilt about moving in, but as I said, that has faded by now.
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  #21  
Old Jun 20, '12, 11:59 pm
kbwall kbwall is offline
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Default Re: Need advise on a situation involving cohabitation

Any additional advise would be appreciated.
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  #22  
Old Jun 21, '12, 6:40 am
maryjk maryjk is offline
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Default Re: Need advise on a situation involving cohabitation

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Originally Posted by kbwall View Post
Any additional advise would be appreciated.
You have already received the best advise.

Stop sleeping together. And that is said meaning, stop having sex!!!!!

That is step one. Anything else is, well, gravy.
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  #23  
Old Jun 21, '12, 6:43 am
jilly4ski jilly4ski is offline
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Default Re: Need advise on a situation involving cohabitation

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Originally Posted by kbwall View Post
Any additional advise would be appreciated.
Is there a buddy you can move in with for free or just a small contribution? That way you can continue to help pay with the bills and not be so tempted.

Otherwise, you need to discuss this with your girlfriend and come to an agreement/arraignment to not put yourselves in the near occasion of sin. If she is unwilling to do this, then I think you have your answer and it is time to just move out.
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  #24  
Old Jun 21, '12, 6:56 am
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sw85 sw85 is offline
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Default Re: Need advise on a situation involving cohabitation

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Originally Posted by kbwall View Post
Please, I need advise for my situation. I do not desire your judgement, I am well aware I made a mistake and should not have gotten into this mess. But that's not exactly going to help me.

A couple months ago, against my better judgement, I made the hasty decision to move in with my girlfriend. Now I am realizing the spiritual error of my action, and I feel horrible about it. I felt like I have contributed to the part of society that I loathe, and that I have cheapened the entire union of marriage, But I am too financially committed to pull out now, and I love my girlfriend.

We go 50/50 on the bills, and neither of us could afford to live here on our own. I can't, in good conscience, just abandon her to take care of all these bills that I said I would take care of (if anybody moves out, it'll be me, since she paid for more furniture and stuff than I did). Likewise, I can't afford her bills in addition to whatever bills I would have to pay if I moved. And since it's a one bedroom apartment, she is unlikely to get a roommate to help her. I wouldn't want to do that to anybody, let alone my girlfriend. Staying with parents is not an option for either us; hers are deceased and mine are not only unbearable, but in a completely different city than where my work and school are, and I can't afford that kind of gas. I feel financially stuck. But it is about a lot more than the money.

I also really do love her, and I want to marry her someday. I would go ahead and marry her ASAP, but she has financial situations to resolve before she can get married (this can take anywhere from a couple months to three years), so it's going to be awhile before we get married. It seems impractical to have a relationship continue chastely after fornication has already occurred. She is the most serious girlfriend I have ever had, and I love her so much, and the thought of leaving brings me pain and stress. On the other hand though, I love God, and I know fornication is wrong.

I just don't know where to begin to resolve these issues.
You do know, though. Marry her. There's no financial situation you two can't work out together.
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  #25  
Old Jun 21, '12, 7:58 am
nodito nodito is offline
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Default Re: Need advise on a situation involving cohabitation

If it were me, I'd head down to the nearest Catholic Church and ask the priest for help finding some place to live for a couple of months. Maybe that means living in the rectory and cleaning it on the weekends for free. Or maybe there's a couple in the parish that can put you up until your lease expires. The Church is invested in helping young people live chastely, and a good priest will be eager to help you start over. And, bonus! You can take the opportunity to make a good confession so you can start receiving Holy Communion again and receive the graces necessary to make some hard changes in your life.

Good luck.
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  #26  
Old Jun 23, '12, 7:55 am
HouseArrest HouseArrest is offline
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Default Re: Need advise on a situation involving cohabitation

Quote:
Originally Posted by kbwall View Post
The lease is six months. I forgot what the penalty is for leaving, but it's an additional couple hundred dollars. Also, the place isn't all that expensive, in fact it's one of the cheapest apartments in the city, we're just poor college students barely raking in $1000 a month. Technically we could afford bills 100%, but that would leave no money left for things like food.



We lived on campus. Financial aid paid our way for that, so we effectively stayed there for free. Neither of us had summer courses, so with recent, tragic death of her parents, she had to find a way to live over the summer. My parents were having their own problems with their house and I feared they may be evicted again, which would leave me homeless if I stayed with them. She suggested moving in together and it seemed like such a great idea at the time.

Of course, I only realize my mistake now. After the time for signing up for a dorm has come and gone. All the dorms on campus are already taken/reserved by now.



Well, I can be almost certain she is not using me or is a gold digger. For one, I have very little gold to dig at, so if she was, she would've looked elsewhere a long time ago lol. For another thing, I know her personality well enough to know that she wouldn't be fake nice to somebody just for financial gain.

I have not voiced my concerns to her yet, simply because I am scared of what might happen. She is also a Christian (albeit not Catholic), and she wrestled with the idea of moving in together too. Unfortunately, any qualms she had with it seem to have settled as she is very happy to live with me now, and me opening up old wounds will likely not be pretty.

Despite being a Christian, she outright stated that she feels no guilt in having sex. She had a little guilt about moving in, but as I said, that has faded by now
.
Again, you don't know. You didn't talk to her because "opening up old wounds will likely not be pretty"? You need to talk to her.
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  #27  
Old Jun 24, '12, 12:58 am
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lerapt78 lerapt78 is offline
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Default Re: Need advise on a situation involving cohabitation

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Originally Posted by sw85 View Post
You do know, though. Marry her. There's no financial situation you two can't work out together.
OP, can you give us further detail as to how she views her financial concerns to be an impediment to marriage? The sacrament of marriage does not have to include an expensive, lavish reception.

http://foryourmarriage.org/how-much-...in-the-church/
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