Infertility - Page 31

SeekerJen · #**451** Sep 24, '07, 1:17 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Giannawannabe

I actually had a good friend of mine (who has 5 children) imply that I simply had not prayed enough. Her sister suffered infertility and was able to get a special blessing by the Pope himself! She became pregnant soon after.

I've heard women say that they just "don't get" why it's so upsetting not to be able to have a baby. Another Catholic "friend" told me she thought infertile couples should just "get over it"--after all it IS God's will. Sheesh.

OOOH...Grrrrrr....

Sometimes the things that come out of others' mouths are unbelievable. Seriously, do these people ever stop for a second to either put themselves in someone else's shoes or even to think how something might sound?

Next time that happens Gianna, ask those women if they love their children, and if they can imagine their lives without them. After the probable "Of course!" and "Never!", then ask them how they think it would feel never to be able to bear those children. Then ask them if they still think we should "get over it". Then ask them if every single thing they've ever prayed for has been given to them. When they inevitably (at least if they're honest) answer "No", ask them if maybe they haven't prayed hard enough.

Sheesh. That rant didn't make me feel any better. Still seething.

Convert in 99 · #**452** Sep 24, '07, 3:36 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by SeekerJen

OOOH...Grrrrrr....

Sometimes the things that come out of others' mouths are unbelievable. Seriously, do these people ever stop for a second to either put themselves in someone else's shoes or even to think how something might sound?

Next time that happens Gianna, ask those women if they love their children, and if they can imagine their lives without them. After the probable "Of course!" and "Never!", then ask them how they think it would feel never to be able to bear those children. Then ask them if they still think we should "get over it". Then ask them if every single thing they've ever prayed for has been given to them. When they inevitably (at least if they're honest) answer "No", ask them if maybe they haven't prayed hard enough.

Sheesh. That rant didn't make me feel any better. Still seething.

To that! So unfair!

I just LOVE your advice SeekerJen!

Giannawannabe · #**453** Sep 25, '07, 6:09 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by SeekerJen

OOOH...Grrrrrr....

Sometimes the things that come out of others' mouths are unbelievable. Seriously, do these people ever stop for a second to either put themselves in someone else's shoes or even to think how something might sound?

Next time that happens Gianna, ask those women if they love their children, and if they can imagine their lives without them. After the probable "Of course!" and "Never!", then ask them how they think it would feel never to be able to bear those children. Then ask them if they still think we should "get over it". Then ask them if every single thing they've ever prayed for has been given to them. When they inevitably (at least if they're honest) answer "No", ask them if maybe they haven't prayed hard enough.

Sheesh. That rant didn't make me feel any better. Still seething.

Good comebacks, Jen! Sometimes, I am totally surprised by what people say!
You know, like I've said so many times, my heart really is healed by the adoption of our kids. I love them so much. If God said I'd have to give them up, and He would give me bio kids, I would say NO WAY! I don't suffer in the same way with infertility as I did before adopting the kids.
What remains frustrating and painful is to feel left out and hurt when conversation inevitably turns toward pregnancy/labor/delivery stories at every darned baby shower, mom get together, tupperware party, etc. etc. etc.! Some stories I have heard over and again. It seems to be getting better as I get older. However, in my Catholic friend circle, since they continue to have children (and God bless them for that!), the stories continue. They also seem to be the ones who continue with the insensitive comments. Like some here have said, dh and I have tried very hard to adhere to Church teaching while suffering infertility. There are so many "procedures" I could have had that may have made me pregnant. Yet, I knew that I would not be obedient had I done them. Such a sacrifice, yet it is unseen and not respected. Every time I'm hurting like this, I really try to offer it up for contracepting couples I know or for my children or for infertile couples. It helps to use my pain for good.

waitngnjyflhope · #**454** Sep 25, '07, 6:43 am

Wow! I feel like I have been out of the loop lately. I recently started a new job, so I wasn't checking the site as often.

So many prayers offered for the recent posts and sufferings mentioned. Those comments are completely insensitive and uncalled for. Thank you for the witty (and truthful) responses

Loving y'all in the Lord!

mom2boyz · #**455** Sep 25, '07, 9:34 am

Is one of those ladies a particularly good friend? The kind that you could confide in? If so, maybe you could causually mention to her that this bothers you. I would bet that it would curb some of this kind of talk when you are around. I second walking out when this talk starts and limiting contact when it is painful. Nothing says we have to stay and suffer through. It would be nice if others could be more sensitive. I think it is hard for someone to understand how much our hearts long for children. The longing is so strong that it is painful. I know my longing was so strong that it was a physical pain. It was the elephant that sat on my chest. It was the weight that made my shoulders droop. I'm not sure it can be explained to someone who doesn't feel it.

Teakafrog · #**456** Sep 25, '07, 1:05 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Giannawannabe

There are so many "procedures" I could have had that may have made me pregnant. Yet, I knew that I would not be obedient had I done them. Such a sacrifice, yet it is unseen and not respected.

Ain't that the one that just kills you? When you KNOW that you are doing right, and so many people look down on you as if you were purposely defying God.

After the adoption, most of that quit, because people FINALLY figured out, hey, they must not be able to have any more if they adopted. Duh.

What most of you are saying, even though we are all at different places in this 'way of the (infertility) cross' we are carrying, is that the hurt never really goes away. I've found that to be true. I WANT one of those huge Catholic families of 6+ kids. But I don't see it happening. Our lives have changed enough I know we can't afford another adoption for at least several years. By then we'll be reaching the top of the age range for being accepted. Even though I want another baby, I'm just not sure it will ever happen. And every time I think about the millions of babies aborted, or prevented through contraception every single year, I get angry, frustrated, depressed, and annoyed. I start to get angry with God. I know that He knows best, and I know that I can trust Him completely, my human weakness kicks in and I have trouble dealing with it all. I guess this was just a rant. Sorry.

Convert in 99 · #**457** Sep 25, '07, 1:34 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Teakafrog

Ain't that the one that just kills you? When you KNOW that you are doing right, and so many people look down on you as if you were purposely defying God.

After the adoption, most of that quit, because people FINALLY figured out, hey, they must not be able to have any more if they adopted. Duh.

What most of you are saying, even though we are all at different places in this 'way of the (infertility) cross' we are carrying, is that the hurt never really goes away. I've found that to be true. I WANT one of those huge Catholic families of 6+ kids. But I don't see it happening. Our lives have changed enough I know we can't afford another adoption for at least several years. By then we'll be reaching the top of the age range for being accepted. Even though I want another baby, I'm just not sure it will ever happen. And every time I think about the millions of babies aborted, or prevented through contraception every single year, I get angry, frustrated, depressed, and annoyed. I start to get angry with God. I know that He knows best, and I know that I can trust Him completely, my human weakness kicks in and I have trouble dealing with it all. I guess this was just a rant. Sorry.

Ranting is more than fine here! Sorry its been a rough time for you and for all here.

Convert in 99 · #**458** Sep 26, '07, 8:56 am

If anyone is interested, I am trying to organize a joint prayer group for all Pregnant Mommies and Those Couples TTC/Adopt their families.

If you want to join in, here's the link...

http://forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=186635

I wanted to put it in Family Life, but someone did come up with a good point that it would get bumped down too quickly. So it is in the Parenting forum. If it's too difficult to go over there, which I can totally relate with, I can arrange for a prayer partner for you via PM.

Hope to see you there!

dkoinzan · #**459** Sep 29, '07, 8:01 pm

I am going in for surgery for endo. on Friday the 5th. I could use some prayers. I just want to have the streingth to do what ever it is that God would will me to do.

Convert in 99 · #**460** Sep 30, '07, 7:53 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by dkoinzan

I am going in for surgery for endo. on Friday the 5th. I could use some prayers. I just want to have the streingth to do what ever it is that God would will me to do.

I am so sorry you have to go through this. Prayers for you!

dkoinzan · #**461** Sep 30, '07, 9:20 am

Convert 99,
You are kind, but don't be sorry. I don't mind going through it. I just want to do it well. This is the stuff that gets us to heaven. Whats a little surgery. I have had this surgery before. It isn't all that bad. I just want to do what ever it is that God would want me to do. I worry more about my husband and my children here with us. They worry. As long as I do as God asks and continue to offer it all up, it all seems peaceful.

waitngnjyflhope · #**462** Sep 30, '07, 9:35 am

Lifting up the recent prayer requests!

And those who are in most need.

Convert in 99 · #**463** Sep 30, '07, 12:01 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by dkoinzan

Convert 99,
You are kind, but don't be sorry. I don't mind going through it. I just want to do it well. This is the stuff that gets us to heaven. Whats a little surgery. I have had this surgery before. It isn't all that bad. I just want to do what ever it is that God would want me to do. I worry more about my husband and my children here with us. They worry. As long as I do as God asks and continue to offer it all up, it all seems peaceful.

You have the best personality. You are so filled with hope, love, and faith its amazing! I really admire you in all of this.

Will keep you in prayer. Please let us know as soon as you are able how things went.

dkoinzan · #**464** Oct 5, '07, 6:32 pm

Thanks for the prayers! Surgery went well. I had some scar tissue, endo, and fybroids(sp?). There was one filopian tube that was clogged. Not sure if this could have had anything to do with Joseph and Theresa's death. It has already helped with an annoying side ache. This lap was easier than the one I had when I was much younger. We are resting in our motel room. God bless you all!

Chovy · #**465** Oct 5, '07, 6:37 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by dkoinzan

Thanks for the prayers! Surgery went well. I had some scar tissue, endo, and fybroids(sp?). There was one filopian tube that was clogged. Not sure if this could have had anything to do with Joseph and Theresa's death. It has already helped with an annoying side ache. This lap was easier than the one I had when I was much younger. We are resting in our motel room. God bless you all!

I hope you are well. I'm jealous that you get to be in Omaha though I'm not jealous of the lap (I've had 3 now and I hope I'm done with them).