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  #1  
Old Jun 3, '07, 1:26 am
DL82 DL82 is offline
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Default White Marriages

Has anyone on this board made the decision with their spouse to leave behind the sexual phase of their marriage? How long did it take you to reach that stage, how long were you married before that? Was age/ability a factor? Was fertility a factor? Is it something you took as a solemn decision before God, i.e. to offer it up to strive for greater spiritual gifts, or was it simply something you both felt more comfortable with at that time. Do you regret it? If you did regret it, would you and your spouse be open to reconsidering?

Again, I'm young, contemplating marriage, and would just like to know what might be likely to lie ahead.
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  #2  
Old Jun 3, '07, 3:52 am
deb1 deb1 is offline
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Default Re: White Marriages

Quote:
Originally Posted by DL82 View Post
Has anyone on this board made the decision with their spouse to leave behind the sexual phase of their marriage? How long did it take you to reach that stage, how long were you married before that? Was age/ability a factor? Was fertility a factor? Is it something you took as a solemn decision before God, i.e. to offer it up to strive for greater spiritual gifts, or was it simply something you both felt more comfortable with at that time. Do you regret it? If you did regret it, would you and your spouse be open to reconsidering?

Again, I'm young, contemplating marriage, and would just like to know what might be likely to lie ahead.

When I was a teenager I had the audacity to walk up to my aged grandmother and ask if she still thought about sex. She told me that she did..

I think that most couples continue to have sex as long as they are physically able.

This is the first time that I have ever heard of a White Marriage. Is it something that you and your fiancÚ are contemplating?
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  #3  
Old Jun 3, '07, 4:35 am
DL82 DL82 is offline
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Default Re: White Marriages

My fiancee are certainly not contemplating anything of the sort yet, being only 25!

I just want to know what's in store for the future.

I have heard some on this board suggesting that there are problems with our society expecting older people still to be interested in sex, taking viagra etc. St Augustine and some of the early Greek Fathers certainly seem to suggest that many married couples do/should move beyond the sexual phase of their relationship in their older years.

It may in fact be that in our case we have something the opposite, in that we may need to be very careful about sex until our natural fertility leaves us, so i can imagine having a lot of sex in our older years, God willing
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  #4  
Old Jun 3, '07, 4:51 am
OutinChgoburbs OutinChgoburbs is offline
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Default Re: White Marriages

This is a highly personal question, and I would not expect to get many answers.
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  #5  
Old Jun 3, '07, 6:04 am
Katie1723 Katie1723 is offline
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Default Re: White Marriages

Being celibate in any relationship is difficult. But it can be done.
Kathy
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  #6  
Old Jun 3, '07, 8:13 am
Mirror Mirror Mirror Mirror is offline
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Default Re: White Marriages

Quote:
Originally Posted by DL82 View Post
My fiancee are certainly not contemplating anything of the sort yet, being only 25!

I just want to know what's in store for the future.

I have heard some on this board suggesting that there are problems with our society expecting older people still to be interested in sex, taking viagra etc. St Augustine and some of the early Greek Fathers certainly seem to suggest that many married couples do/should move beyond the sexual phase of their relationship in their older years.

It may in fact be that in our case we have something the opposite, in that we may need to be very careful about sex until our natural fertility leaves us, so i can imagine having a lot of sex in our older years, God willing
My advice would be simply....don't worry about it! You are 25. You have a whole life ahead of you, a wide open future, why contemplate this now? I guess I am just confused as to why this is even on your radar right now. This is the first time I have ever heard of this and can honestly tell you that it is not even a concern of mine after having read this.

My wife and I will continue to have sex hopefully until we are old and grey. The marital embrace is uniting us with Christ in this sacrament of marriage that He has blessed us with. Sharing Christ with my spouse.....why would I ever want to stop doing that?
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  #7  
Old Jun 3, '07, 8:33 am
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Default Re: White Marriages

Quote:
Originally Posted by DL82 View Post
Has anyone on this board made the decision with their spouse to leave behind the sexual phase of their marriage?
I know this is not what you asked, but I have a mild concern. I am concerned that if you are contemplating marriage and this is a question for you, that there may be something wrong. I have yet to meet someone in a marriage where this question has been raised in some form where there was not also present a problem of some sort with sexual relations. The problems vary, of course, from a disinterest in relations on the part of one person, to things more severe.

Do you have a small worry about some facet of how relations will play out in your future marriage? Just think about it to be sure. It is a question to think about, and not one you need to answer out loud, unless you want to.
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  #8  
Old Jun 3, '07, 8:53 am
blessedtoo blessedtoo is offline
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Default Re: White Marriages

My parents have been married for 60 years and for the last 12 have remained celibate. I suspect this had to do mainly with their ages (both in their 80's) and a general lack of "drive". They remain very much in love, still sleep together in the same bed, hold hands and cuddle. Very romantic, but non-sexual. They will both testify that this has in no way harmed or diminished their love for eachother. In fact, they agree it has had the opposite effect.
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  #9  
Old Jun 3, '07, 9:24 am
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rayne89 rayne89 is offline
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Default Re: White Marriages

Quote:
Originally Posted by blessedtoo View Post
My parents have been married for 60 years and for the last 12 have remained celibate. I suspect this had to do mainly with their ages (both in their 80's) and a general lack of "drive". They remain very much in love, still sleep together in the same bed, hold hands and cuddle. Very romantic, but non-sexual. They will both testify that this has in no way harmed or diminished their love for eachother. In fact, they agree it has had the opposite effect.
Uh...how did this come up on conversation?
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  #10  
Old Jun 3, '07, 9:39 am
blessedtoo blessedtoo is offline
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Default Re: White Marriages

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Originally Posted by rayne89 View Post
Uh...how did this come up on conversation?
Unfortunately, my beloved mama has lost her ability to "self-edit" due to senility and suffers from a loose tongue. I can't even begin to tell you some of the "intimate" things she has shared with me and my sisters! It's a horror!
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  #11  
Old Jun 3, '07, 10:00 am
paradoxy paradoxy is offline
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Default Re: White Marriages

Some Orthodox couples do decide to abstain from intercourse after menopause. It's just a way of having a "monastic" phase of life as well. Both spouses must agree to this. There is nothing inherently wrong with their sexuality, they just enter a stage where it is no longer necessary, and another mode of life presents itself.

OP: Is it that you're discerning whether to become a monk or get married? A "white marriage", if your future wife agrees to it after menopause, could be a "middle way".
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  #12  
Old Jun 3, '07, 2:08 pm
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Gladys Gladys is offline
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Default Re: White Marriages

Hey,

I was wondering where did that subject come up. Gosh, I never heard of a white marriage. But in fact with my fiance's grandmother that past like a year 1/2 ago, after her husband died she didn't remarry nor thought about sex. She told me that she was ok not having sex, because that is not a big part of her life. She had God, and her family to keep her company. But before her husband died which was in (99) they were still have sex only one's in a while. I guess it depends on the couple. So you and you're fiance should sit down and have this conversation before you get married.



God Bless,

Gladys
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  #13  
Old Jun 3, '07, 2:18 pm
Potato1 Potato1 is offline
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Default Re: White Marriages

I think that the term "white marriage" implies a false idea that sex is bad and therefore impure and that a non sexual marriage is non white or impure. Kind of a skewed and warped idea of sex. My advice is to read theology of the Body. Also, a Chaste marriage is a situation some people have, medical-mental -or emotiional problems can come into play. It is not only possible but can be fulfilling, but is it something to strive for? well that is up to you, your spouse and God I guess. But one thing is for sure, whatever you do in your marriage it MUST bring you closer to God and eachother.
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  #14  
Old Jun 3, '07, 3:16 pm
puzzleannie puzzleannie is offline
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Default Re: White Marriages

we have a rule on this forum about asking personal questions, and I think this certainly violates that rule. Rephrase your question to ask about church teaching (which has been discussed at least 6 times in the last month, do a search and save yourself some work).
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  #15  
Old Jun 3, '07, 3:37 pm
Rob's Wife Rob's Wife is offline
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Default Re: White Marriages

Annie, I really don't think this is any more personal a question than talking about NFP and all it entails... In fact, I think it's much less personal.
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