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  #1  
Old Jun 14, '07, 11:59 am
NewGirl NewGirl is offline
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Default Legitimate Reason to Miss Mass on Sunday

I am trying to figure out what is a legitimate reason to miss Mass on Sunday.

My husband isn't Catholic and isn't very religious at all. I wasn't either when we got married. I came back to the Catholic Church after being away for a long time.

My husband isn't happy that I have come back and despite my explanations of why Catholics are required to attend Mass every Sunday, he feels that it's ok to expect me to stay home with him every now and then and skip Mass.

He says that I shouldn't be so rigid about going to Mass every Sunday. I like going to Mass. I don't view it as something I have to do, but as something I want to do.

He feels that by attending Mass every Sunday I am pushing him aside in favor of church. We had a long talk about this last weekend and he said I had hurt his feelings by choosing church over him.

I ended up missing Mass to stay at home with him last weekend, which made him happy, but made me feel kind of sad.

Is it a mortal sin to miss Mass to take care of the emotional needs of your spouse?
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  #2  
Old Jun 14, '07, 12:10 pm
ltbpoe43 ltbpoe43 is offline
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Default Re: Legitimate Reason to Miss Mass on Sunday

First Welcome to CAF - I'm in the hot sunny south myself.

In short. Yes.

The teachings are generally you get a dispensation to not attend mass if you are 1) ill yourself, 2) caring for an ill person (I'm not sure a husband's emotional needs qualify here), or 3) severe inclement weather that may put you or others in harms way by traveling.

Try to go to confession the next time you go to mass if you would like to continue receiving the blessed sacrament. By missing last week and staying to comfort him you may have put yourself at risk and should confess it.

It's great that you had a long talk with your husband. Can he realize that that one short hour and a half, once a week, spent in the church brings his marital bond a greater richness? That it brings you closer to a deeper understanding of your faith? And you said you like to attend mass!!! Wonderful. Pusing him aside in favor of the church? - nothing is further from the truth - you are praying for him and you for a better, fuller, and deeper life with God and all his gifts. You are not pushing him aside - he is pulling you away and choosing not to participate as a married couple in sharing faith.

It just seems like his emotional needs should be strong enough to handle that. Does he go anyplace without you once a week for about an hour? I bet he does. If he's that emotional - ask him to come with you instead. If he's not religious - he should have no objection. What's he got to lose? Your loss however is much greater.....Good luck and God Bless and welcome to CAF.
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  #3  
Old Jun 14, '07, 12:14 pm
bilop bilop is offline
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Default Re: Legitimate Reason to Miss Mass on Sunday

Hi New Girl,

Sorry to hear about your situation.

Legitimate reasons would be things like illness, need to care for the ill or small children, and lack of a Mass within a reasonable distance.

Your situation would not seem to be a reason to miss Mass. Mass is more important than spending time with your husband.

In fact, Christ said that believing in him would divide families.

But, by your example you have the ability to lead your husband to Christ.

God Bless, I'll say a prayer for you.
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  #4  
Old Jun 14, '07, 4:15 pm
JimG JimG is offline
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Default Re: Legitimate Reason to Miss Mass on Sunday

Quote:
Originally Posted by NewGirl View Post
He says that I shouldn't be so rigid about going to Mass every Sunday.
Hmmm, was God being overly rigid in the 10 Commandments? Especially the one about keeping holy the Lord's Day?
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  #5  
Old Jun 14, '07, 4:23 pm
Liberanosamalo Liberanosamalo is offline
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Default Re: Legitimate Reason to Miss Mass on Sunday

It's hard when people don't understand. I'm sure he plays golf, or goes to the computer store, or works out or runs or does something for himself for an hour a week, right? His sudden "neediness" is a lot of insecurity about where your faith journey might take you.

What you can do is make him want what you have. Find the peace and joy that your faith can give you. Come home from Mass happy to see him and in time he may be curious to see what it is you have that has made YOU so much more fun to be around.

You always attract more flies with honey than vinegar. You are the ad for the Faith in your family. Good luck!
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  #6  
Old Jun 14, '07, 4:34 pm
johannahw johannahw is offline
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Default Re: Legitimate Reason to Miss Mass on Sunday

My husband and I have no car and can't make it to Mass. We usually watch mass on TV on sundays. Are we in mortal sin?
JOhannah
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  #7  
Old Jun 14, '07, 4:35 pm
dulcissima dulcissima is offline
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Default Re: Legitimate Reason to Miss Mass on Sunday

That's not a legitimate reason to miss Mass.

Hey, I wonder if your husband has ever considered supporting your emotional needs by going to Mass with you. Wouldn't that be nice?

Plus, when you look at the big picture (ie from the eternal perspective) are you *really* supporting your husband's needs by skipping Mass? Not even close. You'd be supporting him in something that is ultimately destructive.
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  #8  
Old Jun 14, '07, 4:59 pm
Nevarlander Nevarlander is offline
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Default Re: Legitimate Reason to Miss Mass on Sunday

Quote:
Originally Posted by johannahw View Post
My husband and I have no car and can't make it to Mass. We usually watch mass on TV on sundays. Are we in mortal sin?
JOhannah
If you can't get a ride or the bus or anything, you probably have no need to worry. Ask a priest, though, just to make sure. Call Catholic Answers. They know more than I do.
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  #9  
Old Jun 14, '07, 5:05 pm
KCT KCT is offline
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Default Re: Legitimate Reason to Miss Mass on Sunday

Maybe each weekend you could give him a choice -- would he prefer to go on Saturday evening or Sunday morning? ---KCT
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  #10  
Old Jun 14, '07, 5:08 pm
mercygate mercygate is offline
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Default Re: Legitimate Reason to Miss Mass on Sunday

He's trying to blackmail you.

Tell him he gets the other 111 waking hours of your week, and if he wants to be with you so bad, he can join you.
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  #11  
Old Jun 14, '07, 5:11 pm
Seatuck Seatuck is offline
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Default Re: Legitimate Reason to Miss Mass on Sunday

Quote:
Originally Posted by johannahw View Post
My husband and I have no car and can't make it to Mass. We usually watch mass on TV on sundays. Are we in mortal sin?
JOhannah
Is it a very far walk? Have you called the Parish to request a ride? If you have done your best to obtain transportation and cannot walk or afford to pay for it then it is probably not mortal sin. You should do your best to maintain contact with a Parish priest to have acess to the sacrament of confession and possibly communion brought to your home.

I remember how hard things were when I didn't have a car. Blessedly, church was only a 45 minute walk away.
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  #12  
Old Jun 14, '07, 5:14 pm
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M-Dent M-Dent is offline
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Default Re: Legitimate Reason to Miss Mass on Sunday

It may be worth explaining to your husband one valid reason to miss Mass would be a heart attack. And if he keeps insisting you miss Mass. you may have one.
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  #13  
Old Jun 14, '07, 5:34 pm
briang72 briang72 is offline
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Default Re: Legitimate Reason to Miss Mass on Sunday

Quote:
Originally Posted by NewGirl View Post
My husband isn't happy that I have come back and despite my explanations of why Catholics are required to attend Mass every Sunday, he feels that it's ok to expect me to stay home with him every now and then and skip Mass.

He says that I shouldn't be so rigid about going to Mass every Sunday. I like going to Mass. I don't view it as something I have to do, but as something I want to do.

He feels that by attending Mass every Sunday I am pushing him aside in favor of church. We had a long talk about this last weekend and he said I had hurt his feelings by choosing church over him.

I ended up missing Mass to stay at home with him last weekend, which made him happy, but made me feel kind of sad.

Is it a mortal sin to miss Mass to take care of the emotional needs of your spouse?

Quote:
CCC 1859 Mortal sin requires full knowledge and complete consent. It presupposes knowledge of the sinful character of the act, of its opposition to God's law. It also implies a consent sufficiently deliberate to be a personal choice. Feigned ignorance and hardness of heart do not diminish, but rather increase, the voluntary character of a sin.
Now, my interpretation of this may be way off, but it sounds like you wanted to go to Mass, yet your husband's persistence in the matter possibly caused you to stay home against your will. There is no doubt it is a gravely sinful matter, but there is doubt as to whether it was mortal or not. I would go to confession and mention that you missed Mass, and explain why you missed so that the priest may advise you on the matter.

Prayer for your husband that he may come to know the importance of the Mass. I will pray for both of you.
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And let the peace of Christ control your hearts, the peace into which you were also called in one body. And be thankful. - Colossians 3:15
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  #14  
Old Jun 15, '07, 6:07 am
NewGirl NewGirl is offline
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Default Re: Legitimate Reason to Miss Mass on Sunday

Thanks for all of your replies.

I will be going to confession tomorrow and I will discsuss it with the priest.

I probably should have mentioned my husband is Jewish, although he hasn't been to a service in about 20 years. He's only been in a Catholic Church once, and that was when we had our marriage convalidated.

The last five months have been very stressful for both of us. I was out of work for a month to help take care of my aunt, who was dying of cancer. Six weeks after she died my mother had major surgery and I was out of work for another month. During this period I was not at home much. Now that my aunt is gone my mother is the only person left on that side of the family and I have been very worried about her as she is in her 80s and living alone.

While I was going through all of this, my husband was home taking care of our 10 year old niece, who lives with us. She was upset I wasn't home. My husband said he understood and he was very supportive during this time. I did stop by our house almost every day to have dinner and spend a few hours with my husband and niece.

Meanwhile, my husband's father became very angry at us over an issue and called my husband on the phone and yelled and cursed at him and told him he never wanted to see us again, my husband was disinherited, blah blah blah. We have that straightened out, but my husband was very hurt by that and feels like his parents don't love him. I think he's afraid the same thing will happen with me.

Frankly, the only thing that has brought me any measure of peace lately has been my faith. One poster mentioned that my husband may feel insecure, and that's true. He is worried that I am going in a direction he doesn't want to go in.

I don't want to give the impression my husband is a bad person because he isn't. We're normally quite compatible and enjoy each other's company. Religion is the first major issue in our relationship we don't agree on.

I am hoping that since things have calmed down a bit in our lives and our niece is away for the summer we can work on our relationship.
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  #15  
Old Jun 15, '07, 9:12 am
mercygate mercygate is offline
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Default Re: Legitimate Reason to Miss Mass on Sunday

Quote:
Originally Posted by NewGirl View Post
Thanks for all of your replies.

I am hoping that since things have calmed down a bit in our lives and our niece is away for the summer we can work on our relationship.
Well, all of that certainly makes a difference!

Don't try to convert him. Explain that for you that one hour a week is what helps you get through all this stress.

What is it -- I have a Jewish FIL who disinherits my spouse twice a year. He doesn't realize that he has done this so many times we no longer care; in fact we are very big children and are content to live on our own earnings.
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