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  #1  
Old Jun 25, '07, 1:22 am
Respect GOD Respect GOD is offline
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Question Celibacy within marriage?

I have a good question. Is it okay to practice celibacy within marriage? Do you need a good reason within marriage?

My fiance and I are engaged and will be married next May. I have a dream to get my doctorate in psychology after I graduate with a Bachelor's in December 2008.

I have explained to him that I am open to children and he has a similar mindset. We plan to practice NFP but I have said that throughout one year of the program it would be quite inconveinient to have a child, so we will have to be sure to do it perfectly. I also said that even if God was to bless us with a child in that one year we would figure something out and love the child all the same. : He has said that if it is that important to me maybe we should try a year of celibacy. I am concerned that this would be against Church teaching... but I know Saints have done it and didn't Mary and Joseph do it? Where does the Church stand on this?
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  #2  
Old Jun 25, '07, 1:53 am
puzzleannie puzzleannie is offline
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Default Re: Celibacy within marriage?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Respect GOD View Post
I have a good question. Is it okay to practice celibacy within marriage? Do you need a good reason within marriage?
that is an oxymoron. celibate means unmarried. If you mean, is it okay to practice continence or abstinence in marriage, the answer is yes, for a time, by mutual agreement, to devote oneselves to prayer and good works or for other good reasons. Periodic abstinence, as practiced in NFP, is an example. If you are not ready to have children, in general you are not ready to get married, as I say that is a general statement. For pastoral guidance in a particular situation, the engaged couple should discuss it with their priest.
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  #3  
Old Jun 25, '07, 8:26 am
Respect GOD Respect GOD is offline
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Default Re: Celibacy within marriage?

Sorry, I should clarify, you are right, it would be abstinence within marriage.
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  #4  
Old Jun 25, '07, 8:37 am
Em_in_FL Em_in_FL is offline
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Default Re: Celibacy within marriage?

I advise you to get some good solid training in NFP. Don't fear it... it DOES work!
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  #5  
Old Jun 25, '07, 9:51 am
PennitentMan PennitentMan is offline
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Default Re: Celibacy within marriage?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Em_in_FL View Post
I advise you to get some good solid training in NFP. Don't fear it... it DOES work!
Are ya sure? Uhu....tell that to me and my 12 week pregnant wife...
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  #6  
Old Jun 25, '07, 9:52 am
marybee marybee is offline
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Default Re: Celibacy within marriage?

actually, you will not have a valid marriage, hence the term "consumating" your marriage with the act of sex. If you do not have sex you don't have valid marriage until then. This is why the Church won't marry people who can't preform!
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  #7  
Old Jun 25, '07, 9:59 am
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Apryl Apryl is offline
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Default Re: Celibacy within marriage?

Quote:
Originally Posted by PennitentMan View Post
Are ya sure? Uhu....tell that to me and my 12 week pregnant wife...

I know this is a bit off topic...

but perhaps you didn't... um... do it right?

NFP DOES work, but it is not "coitus interruptus", and it does take knowledge of one's body.

I sure wish I could organize a class at my church!

OH.. and mad CONGRATULATIONS on the new one for the family! (May not have been what YOU planned, but it was planned!)
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  #8  
Old Jun 25, '07, 10:06 am
nova147 nova147 is offline
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Default Re: Celibacy within marriage?

Apryl - PennitentMan and his wife have a genuine method failure pregnancy (this has been discussed extensively on the boards). I think he would agree that usually NFP works, but I also would understand his irritation right now! :-)

To the OP - abstience within marriage is licit, as long as 1) the marriage is consumated and 2) both spouses agree.

However, complete abstinece, for a year or more as you seem to indicate, would likely be very difficult for most married couples, but especially for newlyweds. I encourage you to check out NFP resources. NFP can be used very conservatively with good results for most people. There are method failures (as with PennitentMan), but they are rare. It sounds like you and your fiance are dedicated to each other. I wish you well in your marriage.

MJ
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  #9  
Old Jun 25, '07, 10:10 am
marybee marybee is offline
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Default Re: Celibacy within marriage?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Apryl View Post
I know this is a bit off topic...

but perhaps you didn't... um... do it right?

NFP DOES work, but it is not "coitus interruptus", and it does take knowledge of one's body.

I sure wish I could organize a class at my church!

OH.. and mad CONGRATULATIONS on the new one for the family! (May not have been what YOU planned, but it was planned!)
I think you owe PM an apology, especially since you insinuated that he was pulling out and called it an NFP failure.
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  #10  
Old Jun 25, '07, 10:10 am
PennitentMan PennitentMan is offline
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Default Re: Celibacy within marriage?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Apryl View Post
I know this is a bit off topic...

but perhaps you didn't... um... do it right?

NFP DOES work, but it is not "coitus interruptus", and it does take knowledge of one's body.

I sure wish I could organize a class at my church!

OH.. and mad CONGRATULATIONS on the new one for the family! (May not have been what YOU planned, but it was planned!)
Thanks for the congratulations....nope, we did it right.

We charted my wife's cycle, we were aware of the day of ovulation (with all the signs) and waited 9 days after that to have intercourse....
We even took our chart to the doctor's office and have him analize it, and he also didn't have an explination.

Don't put too much trust in NFP...it's not always the operator's error.

I do see this as a gift from God, but it's not as "fool proof" as everyone here advocates.
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  #11  
Old Jun 25, '07, 10:11 am
PennitentMan PennitentMan is offline
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Default Re: Celibacy within marriage?

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Originally Posted by marybee View Post
I think you owe PM an apology, especially since you insinuated that he was pulling out and called it an NFP failure.
Nah, not to worry Marybee, it's all good!
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  #12  
Old Jun 25, '07, 10:13 am
marybee marybee is offline
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Default Re: Celibacy within marriage?

Thanks, WE also had a huge surprise during a supposed anovulatory cycle!

ahh more than once.
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  #13  
Old Jun 25, '07, 10:26 am
PennitentMan PennitentMan is offline
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Default Re: Celibacy within marriage?

Anyway, to get this thread back on course:

I would council caution with one year of abstinence.

If you feel that strong about not having intercourse (for whatever reason) can you consider postponing the wedding?

The whole dynaic changes when you are married....even just the fact that you will now be living together. You will sleep in the same bed, snuggle up to each other....have shower/baths together...etc. you can see where this leads.

It's extremely tough to stay the course of abstinence for a full year.

I'm wondering (and Iknow I don't know you or him at all, so this may be very presumptious of me) that your soon-to-be-husband is maybe not thinking this through, but maybe agreeing more out of love than rational thought?
Forgive me if I'm wrong, but for the reasons above, I'm wondering.

I'm also saying this since I'm in a situation where I am very sexually inactive in my marriage...and it's driving me stir crazy! And that's with a once every month or once every two months frequency....

Planned/forced abstinence a tough thing to do and it lends itself to all kinds of evil temptations.

Beware.

PM
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  #14  
Old Jun 25, '07, 11:02 am
searching06 searching06 is offline
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Default Re: Celibacy within marriage?

Quote:
Originally Posted by marybee View Post
actually, you will not have a valid marriage, hence the term "consumating" your marriage with the act of sex. If you do not have sex you don't have valid marriage until then. This is why the Church won't marry people who can't preform!
Where is that in church teaching, please? A marriage isn't valid because the couple temporarily chooses not to have sex? If that is the case, then someone could be tempted to call into question everything else the church teaches on sex (me, too), and very easy for non-Catholics to say "See! The Catholic Church does control sex!" or "It is a cult thing!". It makes no sense for the church on one hand to say when we can and cannot have sex (nothing other than intercourse in between fertile times in NFP) and then emphasize it to the point someone's marriage is not valid until they do it? What of the couples - God bless them - who follow NFP from the get go and cannot have sex until weeks into their marriage - is it not valid?

Mind you, I take things literally. I've been Catholic all of my life and have never once heard that from anyone - priest, friends, teachers. I'd love to see it in black and white.
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  #15  
Old Jun 25, '07, 11:08 am
PennitentMan PennitentMan is offline
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Default Re: Celibacy within marriage?

Quote:
Originally Posted by searching06 View Post
Where is that in church teaching, please?
I can't site from Chruch teachings, but I have heard of this point, usually when people speak of anullment....if they did not have sex in the marriage it would be easy to anull...

I cannot confim the teaching, but I have heard of that being asked before.
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