Singles Clubhouse II

[beckers]

So we have hit 1005 post in the other clubhouse so here is the new clubhouse thread!

Come join the party!

[tkdnick]

Looks like the other thread is still going strong.

[beckers]

I know. i am hoping we can sneak by the mods! We are up to 1042 post.

[Myangel]

Just getting in on the thread! Need it like the air I breath

[Myangel]

BTW how is everyone doing? Me, baby steps, getting better however there are days when I just wish things went back to the way they were, which were bad, I dont know, I guess I am a real glutton for punishment. Miss the attention! So sad that I need the attention from someone who was sooooooooooooooooooo wrong for me in so many ways!

[writingluver5]

In case you don't see it on the other thread, chev, I've hardly had any time, and I apologize for not replying sooner. Will do asap.

[chevalier]

Originally Posted by writingluver5

In case you don't see it on the other thread, chev, I've hardly had any time, and I apologize for not replying sooner. Will do asap.

Thank you. I'm moved by how you cared and made me know. It's not a problem and thank you for reading my outpourrings in the very first place.

I would hate to burden you with more data, but there's something you might want to know before replying. So, yesterday, I had to go to university and I noticed her (again, yep, on a bench on the campus), but went on to deal with uni stuff. But couldn't really be a cold-blooded jerk and approached her afterwards. It was short and ended like, "I'll be going unless you'd like to go and have a tea." "I'll be clear with you. I don't want to." "So I won't be interrupting your conversation further." "That would be nice." "I need to be running." "Yep." I went to church. It was 3 pm, so Divine Mercy Chaplet was being prayed. A lot of other things happened, but I've already overloaded you, I think. I just wonder if it isn't possible that she's making the sacrifice of looking rude to me so that I can move on more easily, but who knows. I just don't judge and move on.

[valient Lucy]

I am happy to be here on Singles Thread II.

[chevalier]

Hah. The show must go on, mustn't it?

[tkdnick]

Originally Posted by chevalier

Thank you. I'm moved by how you cared and made me know. It's not a problem and thank you for reading my outpourrings in the very first place.

I would hate to burden you with more data, but there's something you might want to know before replying. So, yesterday, I had to go to university and I noticed her (again, yep, on a bench on the campus), but went on to deal with uni stuff. But couldn't really be a cold-blooded jerk and approached her afterwards. It was short and ended like, "I'll be going unless you'd like to go and have a tea." "I'll be clear with you. I don't want to." "So I won't be interrupting your conversation further." "That would be nice." "I need to be running." "Yep." I went to church. It was 3 pm, so Divine Mercy Chaplet was being prayed. A lot of other things happened, but I've already overloaded you, I think. I just wonder if it isn't possible that she's making the sacrifice of looking rude to me so that I can move on more easily, but who knows. I just don't judge and move on.

Hey Chev,
Sounds like you're going through a pretty rough situation. Feel for ya man!

[chevalier]

Thank you.

[writingluver5]

Originally Posted by chevalier

Thank you. I'm moved by how you cared and made me know. It's not a problem and thank you for reading my outpourrings in the very first place.

I would hate to burden you with more data, but there's something you might want to know before replying. So, yesterday, I had to go to university and I noticed her (again, yep, on a bench on the campus), but went on to deal with uni stuff. But couldn't really be a cold-blooded jerk and approached her afterwards. It was short and ended like, "I'll be going unless you'd like to go and have a tea." "I'll be clear with you. I don't want to." "So I won't be interrupting your conversation further." "That would be nice." "I need to be running." "Yep." I went to church. It was 3 pm, so Divine Mercy Chaplet was being prayed. A lot of other things happened, but I've already overloaded you, I think. I just wonder if it isn't possible that she's making the sacrifice of looking rude to me so that I can move on more easily, but who knows. I just don't judge and move on.

I'm proud of you. Very proud. You say that you don't judge and move on, which is something especially hard to do for someone who was endeared to you for so long.

Your ex sounds a lot like a character I read about in a book once. The main character's cousin's girlfriend (got that? lol) was very inquisitive about the Catholic faith, but then started to try to get the cousin to twist things around and do it her way. The whole thing with cohabitation is wrong, and I'm so glad you refused to have sex with her before marriage. That's especially hard to do when you're living with someone and you're so close to them. You stayed true to your faith, and BELIEVE you me, that is what's gonna count in the afterlife!

I think this latest info you just gave me illustrates a vital point. I think she still might be smarting inside from what happened. Obviously, her pride was injured because you refused to comply to things that went against your faith. She's hurt that you chose your faith over her, which any person would be, but you did the right thing. Personally, I think she prolly still has feelings for you, even if it's just a teensy weensy bit. I know, as a fellow girl, she used some of the techniques I've used on the guy I like. Girls tend to be extra flirty, extra happy, and extra hyper around someone they're trying to make jealous. My guess is that she's trying to make you jealous and make you miss her so much that you'll come back to her. Obviously, that's your choice whether you do or not, but if she hasn't changed her views, then I wouldn't.

The biggest factor is that her pride is hurt. (Anyone's would be!) I'm so sorry you had to go through that whole mess, and I'm glad I haven't had to go through it. And about caring about you to read it? Darlin', that's what I live for! No, not really, but I absolutely love to listen to other people,and then, if I can, spread my own little bit of sunshine toward them. You know, make them warm and fuzzy, at least for a little while?

I know the best thing you can do is pray for her, and from the way you sound, she's definitely already getting some prayers from you. You're such a faithfilled man (yes, man), and you've acted way beyond your years in making these decisions. I'd suggest when you next meet her, just be polite, don't be overly friendly, etc. If there's a next step, she should be the one to take it. You've made it clear that your beliefs are what you live by, and if she doesn't like it, then tough! I'm sincerely sorry again for all you have to go through--in a small way, I can relate. It hurts to be ignored. But you get over it, let God take control, and move on, which you've already done.

Congrats. You're doing great!

Mary

[chevalier]

Thank you, Mary. What a name for a girl. What you say sounds very encouraging and while I had the urge to disagree first, I rethought it later. Just to clarify a bit, she didn't want to have sex before marriage, which was originally her own decision independent from mine - she had made a decision along those lines while I was still technically in a relationship with someone else, a bit over two years ago. She would have been able to live without marriage if I had been to decide I wouldn't sign a prenupt and so her parents wouldn't have let me marry her, but normally she wanted to avoid premarital sex as well. What she wanted from me was to come over to her country and live with her for a bit. I didn't want to live with her in one house as if married, while I wouldn't have moved just for the sake of meeting her when she had the time and wasn't with friends instead.

One of the strange things is that while she did want to be more important than religion to me (but not than my own self, I guess, since she admitted that she would prefer I didn't go to a dance with her because I was lazy rather than because of a religious forbidden time, for example), she also told me I couldn't be with her and had to stay myself. My arguments in religious matters had been reaching her and appealing, convincing, whatnot, except she was clinging to her choice to dislike the Church, partly because it was a part of her identity, planted by her father (whom I saw cross himself on occasion). It was the same with abortion, euthanasia, other such. She admitted some of my ideas sounded freakish, she said she couldn't love me the way I deserved, she wouldn't be happy with her and neither would I. We still had other problems than religion, though, such as distance or setting up visits. She said we were indeed a pretty couple but one without a future. She said she couldn't be in a relationship without a future and that I had said I couldn't be in one as well. Well, this was while breaking up. The kind of hostility or I-don't-know-what started later. There was a dramatic turn after the break-up point, but it still didn't look like now. In fact, things were getting worse as we didn't talk and maybe as I stopped praying the daily rosary for her.

Part of me thinks I should probably leave her alone because if she isn't ready to give up on the idea of reserving the right to decide not to have children, along with Catholic upbringing, then I can't marry her, so I should stay away. It's probably my egoism that still wants her to care or to regret it, while I have prayed for it to be smooth and painless on her part. Another reason I shouldn't complain when it actually becomes so. It's probably for the better. What I'm still wondering about is the possibility that she actually cares but doesn't want me to suffer and now is acting rude so that I would have an easier time crossing her out. This is why I stay away from crossing her out for being rude, actually. I suppose that's idealising her, but on the other hand it serves no good for me to wonder how selfish and how self-sacrificing she is. It's just a suspended judgment is hard to live by. I think I should leave her be and perhaps resume the daily rosary for her, although I can't get myself to it for some reason - even if it does feel wrong that I can't.

Perhaps another reflection, if you can abide me, is that I wouldn't have wished it the other way... I have valued her too much to get over her easily. Also, I doubted myself and thought I didn't love her enough... so maybe the happenings after the break-up proved me wrong. It looked like one final crush on her. In fact, I can't get rid of the feeling she's supposed to stay in my life somehow. I don't want to think she's the one but I can't get her, which would be more romantic than Catholic, but even that kind of thoughts has been to my mind. Or that for some reason she was supposed to let me taste this kind of love before it disappears from my life. I suppose in a couple of months or maybe a dozen or two, the time will have numbed me to all of it and I'll just fall in love with another girl, with another old would to my heart, but as of now it's different. And, honestly, I do doubt wheter anyone will be "my girl" the way she was. Or maybe she was selfish, I was also selfish and stupid, the relationship was a poor match and an illusion, and I'm just in denial and reluctant to admit some things to myself? Logically, that's quite possible. But I just know something's amiss here and something is not what it seems.

And how have you been?

[beckers]

Chev,

Sending a hug from Texas!

[chevalier]

Thanks, Beckers, how are you?