RPG: We're off to See the Wizard!

Truthstalker · #1 Dec 1, '07, 11:00 am

There is a re-imagining of the Wizard of Oz that, from what I have read, I detest. So I mutter to myself that we could do a better job than Hollywood writers, whose strike possibly can be regarded as an act of Providence. So here we go! I will start.

In a hole in the ground lived a hobbit. Not a nasty one, full of the end of worms and things, but a hobbit hole, and that means comfort. This particular hobbit wondered how he got there, as in another thread he was the Swedish chef playing Elrond, but somehow, now, he was a hobbit named Dorothy Gale.

Dorothy: I gotta get me some decent writers. At least a name change.
Toto: Bork! Bork! Bork!
Dorothy: And a dog that can BARK not BORK!

**brotherhrolf** · #2 Dec 1, '07, 11:22 am

You don't mean Tin Man on Sci Fi?

Truthstalker · #3 Dec 1, '07, 11:34 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by brotherhrolf

You don't mean Tin Man on Sci Fi?

Yes, a dark, postmodern, twisted nihilistic presentation of tormented souls without hope of redemption instead of innocence and restoration - Tin Man trusting no one, Scarecrow with half his brain removed, etc. The ads and a write-up in the paper make my skin crawl. Then I have to go get it and put it back on. Last night it was hiding under the couch and wouldn't come out, and when it did it was covered in dust bunnies. The other day it was in the refrigerator hiding behind the pickles. Durned thing won't stay put. Goes off on its own. Last year it went on vacation without me and sent me postcards from Lisbon that said, "Glad you're not here." I like to get under my skin and other people are not welcome. But it invites people, like the day I woke up and there was a whole Cub Scout pack under my skin, complete with den flags and a bugler.

But we digress....

lilnun_77 · #4 Dec 1, '07, 2:43 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Truthstalker

Yes, a dark, postmodern, twisted nihilistic presentation of tormented souls without hope of redemption instead of innocence and restoration - Tin Man trusting no one, Scarecrow with half his brain removed, etc. The ads and a write-up in the paper make my skin crawl. Then I have to go get it and put it back on. Last night it was hiding under the couch and wouldn't come out, and when it did it was covered in dust bunnies. The other day it was in the refrigerator hiding behind the pickles. Durned thing won't stay put. Goes off on its own. Last year it went on vacation without me and sent me postcards from Lisbon that said, "Glad you're not here." I like to get under my skin and other people are not welcome. But it invites people, like the day I woke up and there was a whole Cub Scout pack under my skin, complete with den flags and a bugler.

But we digress....

hhhhhhhhmmmmmm

this could get vaaaaarryy interesting...........
lets see......
hmmmmm

how about bartok as the lion
"WOW I'm scared I tell you what WOW

Truthstalker · #5 Dec 1, '07, 5:06 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilnun_77

hhhhhhhhmmmmmm

this could get vaaaaarryy interesting...........
lets see......
hmmmmm

how about bartok as the lion
"WOW I'm scared I tell you what WOW

You mean Béla Bartók, the Hungarian composer? Or Bartok the Magnificent? Since most of us probably don't speak Hungarian, I would vote for the bat.

Truthstalker · #6 Dec 1, '07, 7:22 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Truthstalker

There is a re-imagining of the Wizard of Oz that, from what I have read, I detest. So I mutter to myself that we could do a better job than Hollywood writers, whose strike possibly can be regarded as an act of Providence. So here we go! I will start.

In a hole in the ground lived a hobbit. Not a nasty one, full of the end of worms and things, but a hobbit hole, and that means comfort. This particular hobbit wondered how he got there, as in another thread he was the Swedish chef playing Elrond, but somehow, now, he was a hobbit named Dorothy Gale.

Dorothy: I gotta get me some decent writers. At least a name change.
Toto: Bork! Bork! Bork!
Dorothy: And a dog that can BARK not BORK!

So Dorothy sat outside his hobbit-hole on a merry morning, blowing smoke-rings and enjoying the fine site of the trees and and the fields and the big yellow bulldozer parked not too far from him. He looked through his mail, mostly unopened, with a disproportionate number of envelopes that said "OFFICIAL BUSINESS."

Toto borked at the official who now came towards them, hat in hand, looking apologetic.

Toto: Bork, bork, bork!
Official: Excuse me, sir.
Toto: Bork, bork, bork!
Dorothy: Isn't it a grand morning to be sitting out of doors, blowing smoke rings and enjoying the view and all! By the way, much of my view is blocked by that bulldozer. Would you mind moving it?
Official: You see -
Toto: Bork! Grawl! Bork!
Official: My, your dog can't get his vowels right. Sounds Swedish, if I may say so. But you see we have to build a bypass -
Dorothy: Quite right, quite right. Good for the economy and all that.
Official: And today we have scheduled the demolition of your hobbit-hole.

**Edwin1961** · #7 Dec 2, '07, 4:07 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by Truthstalker

So Dorothy sat outside his hobbit-hole on a merry morning, blowing smoke-rings and enjoying the fine site of the trees and and the fields and the big yellow bulldozer parked not too far from him. He looked through his mail, mostly unopened, with a disproportionate number of envelopes that said "OFFICIAL BUSINESS."

Toto borked at the official who now came towards them, hat in hand, looking apologetic.

Toto: Bork, bork, bork!
Official: Excuse me, sir.
Toto: Bork, bork, bork!
Dorothy: Isn't it a grand morning to be sitting out of doors, blowing smoke rings and enjoying the view and all! By the way, much of my view is blocked by that bulldozer. Would you mind moving it?
Official: You see -
Toto: Bork! Grawl! Bork!
Official: My, your dog can't get his vowels right. Sounds Swedish, if I may say so. But you see we have to build a bypass -
Dorothy: Quite right, quite right. Good for the economy and all that.
Official: And today we have scheduled the demolition of your hobbit-hole.

Dorothy: My hobbit-hole! (Hysterically hopping here and there)
No! My my hole in the ground hobbit-hole home! Here, why not take that tree next door. The family there is looking tomove anyway.

Hoping with a heavy heart, he hungered for heaveny help.

Toto: Bork! Bork! Oh, what's the use!

Truthstalker · #8 Dec 2, '07, 7:10 am

Official: No, it's too late. Route is set. Public meetings and right of way purchase and design and bidding and construction and everything. A yellow brick road has to go right through here.
Dorothy: But why?
Official: "splutters" Because we build bypasses, that's why! There are bypasses there to be built, so we build them, so we can drive on them, so we can build new bypasses! More and more bypasses!
Dorothy: Has anyone stopped to think -
Newcomer: Stop this, both of you! Just stop STOP STOP!!
Dorothy and Official: Why?
Toto: Bork!
Newcomer: This thread is all wrong! This is NOT "Hitchhiker's Guide to Oz" but the Wizard of Oz!
Dorothy: Says who?
Newcomer: Says me. I'm the guardian angel of this thread. Dorothy is supposed to be a little girl, not a middle aged hobbit, and she's supposed to be in Kansas, not the Shire.
Dorothy: News to me.
Official: Me, too. When was the last time you had a CAT scan?
Guardian angel "Produces young teenage girl" THIS is Dorothy.
Girl: No, my name is Tiffany. Want to buy some Girl Scout cookies?
Guardian angel: It's all wrong, I tell you, all wrong!
Dorothy: Shouldn't somebody be lying down in front of a bulldozer about now? I think you need to lie down.
Guardian angel: Now, you are actually Elrond Half-Elven and you are trying to decide what to do with Sauron's ring. The fate of Middle Earth lies in the balance and here you are getting your hobbit-hole bulldozed.
Tiffany: Thin mints are really good.
Mediator: What is all this, what's all this? I'm the Official Highway Mediator from Oz-Shire DOT, here to work on conflict resolution in the field.
Dorothy: Oh, no.
Mediator: How about if we work on a compromise?

**Edwin1961** · #9 Dec 2, '07, 12:07 pm

It is apparent that with the ring missing, it is bringing all this confusion to the Shire-Oz Continum!:

Truthstalker · #10 Dec 9, '07, 6:51 pm

Mediator:"passes out blank nametags, black felt tip markers, sets up flip chart, puts on 1000 watt smile to all, including the bulldozer driver." Now, please fill out your name tags. How about if we start by singing Kum Ba Yah?
Driver: "Mutters darkly" When the revolution comes, mediators will be first against the wall.
Mediator: "Singing" Kum ba ya
Driver: Agents of oppression, that's what they are.
Tiffany: But - but you work with them.
Driver: Yeah, well....If there's gonna be oppression, ain't it better to be the oppressor?
Mediator: KUM BA YA MY LORD KUM BA YAH
Tiffany: I never thought of it that way.
Mediator: Come on, everybody, sing!
Driver: When the revolution comes, scriptwriters will be the first against the wall.

Truthstalker · #11 Dec 11, '07, 7:24 pm

Guardian Angel: You! Mediator! Knock it off! This is a story not a labor negotiation thread!
Driver: When the revolution comes, guys like these....
Mediator: Ah, conflict to be resolved! A crying need for mediation!
Driver: Can't you see Dorothy is confused and conflicted?
Mediator: What?
Driver: Half-Elven, half human, in the wrong thread, with gender issues with that name. Oppressed, obviously. Hang on. He/She/it needs support "whips out cell phone and makes phone call."
Dorothy: What??
Tiffany: A desert island would be better than this....
Guardian Angel: Good idea.
"Dorothy disappears."

**Edwin1961** · #12 Dec 11, '07, 8:28 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Truthstalker

Guardian Angel: You! Mediator! Knock it off! This is a story not a labor negotiation thread!
Driver: When the revolution comes, guys like these....
Mediator: Ah, conflict to be resolved! A crying need for mediation!
Driver: Can't you see Dorothy is confused and conflicted?
Mediator: What?
Driver: Half-Elven, half human, in the wrong thread, with gender issues with that name. Oppressed, obviously. Hang on. He/She/it needs support "whips out cell phone and makes phone call."
Dorothy: What??
Tiffany: A desert island would be better than this....
Guardian Angel: Good idea.
"Dorothy disappears."

Tiffany: That was strange. I was here a minute ago then vanished to a tropical island where strange donut creatures were marching and now back here again.
Oppressed: Well that proves that you are under some very strong supressed feelings.
Psycharist: Did someone call for a doctor? Oppressed, I'll take it from here ok?
Oppressed: Sure thing, thanks!

Sailor Kenshin · #13 Dec 14, '07, 8:02 pm

I saw the promos for the 'Re-imagining." Looked lame.

If there was a scrap of "imagining" in all of Hollywood, they wouldn't need to hijack and retread.

Truthstalker · #14 Dec 15, '07, 2:22 pm

Guardian Angel: What are you doing back here?
Tiffany: I don't know. I -
Mediator: KUM BAY YAH!
Oppressed: I think psychiatrists are oppressors.
Protesters "Just showing up" DOWN WITH OPPRESSION AGAINST HALF-ELVEN HOBBITS WITH GENDER ISSUES WHOSE HOBBIT HOLES ARE GOING TO BE DEMOLISHED!
Guardian Angel: Let's try to stick to the script, ok?
Oppressed: When the revolution comes, the scriptwriters are going to be the first up against the wall.
Toto: Bork! Bork! Bork!
Protesters DOWN WITH OPPRESSION AGAINST HALF-ELVEN HOBBITS WITH GENDER ISSUES WHOSE HOBBIT HOLES ARE GOING TO BE DEMOLISHED!
News reporter: I am in the field reporting on the riot starting at a hobbit-hole, where strange events are occurring -
Guardian Angel: I need to get Dorothy to the right thread.
Mediator: Kum bay yah!

Truthstalker · #15 Dec 16, '07, 9:18 am

News Reporter: Who's hobbit hole is it, anyway?
Official: Well, he's right - where is he?
Driver: He's missing. Probably kidnapped by the oppressors.
Official: So without his futile resistance, we can go ahead and bulldoze!
Driver: He will be assimilated into the collective of bypasses!
Reporter: You're one for stock phrases, aren't you?
Driver: I can't hear you over the bulldozer! And TS, I am an OPERATOR not a DRIVER. Get your facts straight, you agent of oppression!
"With that, the protesters and the mediator disperse. The hobbit hole is bulldozed for the bypass. And the DRIVER is now a large green lizard in a tutu. So there."
DRIVER: Oppressor!
Reporter: Well, that wraps up the action here.
GA: And now we go to Kansas "scene change to the prairie, and a farm house." Here we have the Gale farmstead, where a little girl, Dorothy, lives with her Aunt Em and Uncle Henry and three farm hands.
Aunt Em: Dorothy! Where is Dorothy! Where is that girl?

I would like to know that myself. Where is she??

Tiffany: Here I am in a back-up role. Cookies, anyone?
GA: What are you doing here?
Tiffany: Selling cookies, mainly. I think Dorothy took off with Sauron's ring of power, which she stole from Gilligan, who got it from Elrond, who had it at the Council of Elrond when everyone left to go bowling and Frodo (played by Fred Flintstone) left it on the table, who got it from Bilbo (Paw Rugg), who got it from Gollum (played by Lon Chaney), who got it from a river (played by ???), who got it from Isuldur (played by Barney), who got it from Sauron (played by Yosemite Sam in a cameo), who made it in Mount Doom (played by plaster of Paris in a parking lot).
GA: Do you know your LOTR or what?