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  #1  
Old Dec 30, '07, 12:15 pm
wavesmom wavesmom is offline
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Default Healing at the root for marriage

I have asked this questions of the apologetists but I guess they don't feel it warrants a response. I am desperate to know the answer and can't find it on any Catholic site.

I am a revert to the faith and have been married for twenty years to a non-Catholic, we were married by a non-denominational minister. Since returning to the church, I have had both children baptized and they both receive communion and have been confirmed. My husband agreed to this although he has reservations about the Catholic faith. Because our marriage has not been blessed by the Church, I cannot receive any of the Sacraments. When I first approached my husband about going through the process, he told me that he would do so only if I got a job.(I am a stay at home mom) I was so offended by that that I nearly left the marriage. After a couple of years of this stand off, I told my husband that he needs to cooperate in the blessing or that was it for us. He agreed and my pastor and I did the necessary paper work and I was granted permission to have my marriage blessed.

Again, my husband put up a road block. Now this gets a little complicated, so bear with me. The pastor at my church at the time was not a very "holy and righteous" priest. He was greedy and selfish and a user who did not push for my marriage to be blessed until he needed me to teach CCD. My husband was offended by this and refused to allow this "unholy" priest to perform the blessing. The priest was offended by my husband's attitude and refused to allow another priest to perform it.

The priest then petitioned the bishop on my behalf for a "healing at the root" for my marriage, stating the fact that it was a first and only marriage and that I was an active volunteer at the church and had demonstrated a strong desire to have my marriage blessed but could not do so because of elements beyond my control. I never heard anything from him again on the subject for more than a year.

Now, my parish has a new priest but my husband is back to the get a job stance. The old pastor is the new judicial vicar. He told me that the old judicial vicar rejected my case for the "healing at the root" but that now as the new vicar, he is in a position to grant the request.

Ok, here's the problem. This priest has lied to me in the past. He has used my desire to have my marriage blessed to his own ends. I won't get into the details but there's ample reason for me not to trust this man. What I need to know is whether or not there is in fact a legitimate thing as a "healing at the root" and if I do in fact qualify for it. I do not want to believe my old pastor, receive communion and then find out later that it was not valid.

Can anyone here help me with this?
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  #2  
Old Dec 30, '07, 12:24 pm
Br. Rich SFO Br. Rich SFO is offline
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Default Re: Healing at the root for marriage

Quote:
Originally Posted by wavesmom View Post
I have asked this questions of the apologetists but I guess they don't feel it warrants a response. I am desperate to know the answer and can't find it on any Catholic site.

I am a revert to the faith and have been married for twenty years to a non-Catholic, we were married by a non-denominational minister. Since returning to the church, I have had both children baptized and they both receive communion and have been confirmed. My husband agreed to this although he has reservations about the Catholic faith. Because our marriage has not been blessed by the Church, I cannot receive any of the Sacraments. When I first approached my husband about going through the process, he told me that he would do so only if I got a job.(I am a stay at home mom) I was so offended by that that I nearly left the marriage. After a couple of years of this stand off, I told my husband that he needs to cooperate in the blessing or that was it for us. He agreed and my pastor and I did the necessary paper work and I was granted permission to have my marriage blessed.

Again, my husband put up a road block. Now this gets a little complicated, so bear with me. The pastor at my church at the time was not a very "holy and righteous" priest. He was greedy and selfish and a user who did not push for my marriage to be blessed until he needed me to teach CCD. My husband was offended by this and refused to allow this "unholy" priest to perform the blessing. The priest was offended by my husband's attitude and refused to allow another priest to perform it.

The priest then petitioned the bishop on my behalf for a "healing at the root" for my marriage, stating the fact that it was a first and only marriage and that I was an active volunteer at the church and had demonstrated a strong desire to have my marriage blessed but could not do so because of elements beyond my control. I never heard anything from him again on the subject for more than a year.

Now, my parish has a new priest but my husband is back to the get a job stance. The old pastor is the new judicial vicar. He told me that the old judicial vicar rejected my case for the "healing at the root" but that now as the new vicar, he is in a position to grant the request.

Ok, here's the problem. This priest has lied to me in the past. He has used my desire to have my marriage blessed to his own ends. I won't get into the details but there's ample reason for me not to trust this man. What I need to know is whether or not there is in fact a legitimate thing as a "healing at the root" and if I do in fact qualify for it. I do not want to believe my old pastor, receive communion and then find out later that it was not valid.

Can anyone here help me with this?
No one here can answer with anything specific to you case. Only the current Pastor and the Tribunal or it's representative. I personally would be concerned over the "Conditions" being tossed around as to if the consent is or ever was present. this statement by you "I was so offended by that that I nearly left the marriage." would concern me also. But to answer your question . Yes, there is such a thing.
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  #3  
Old Dec 30, '07, 3:54 pm
kage_ar kage_ar is offline
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Default Re: Healing at the root for marriage

What you talk about is called Radical Sanation, but, it does sound as if there may be need for some counseling.

Prayers!
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  #4  
Old Dec 30, '07, 4:17 pm
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JRKH JRKH is offline
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Default Re: Healing at the root for marriage

I am no canon lawyer, nor am I a councilor. I would suggest that you first need a priest or deacon who you feel comfortable with and can trust.

Second - Since you are Catholic but not married in the Church you could choose to live a celibate life within the marriage. This is not intended to hold the "sex" thing over his head, but rather to point up that you feel it is incorrect and sinful to continue to have conjugal relations unless you are married in the Church.

Third - You could physically seperate do to you need to return to the Church and his desire not to.

I believe that there is a passage in one of Paul's epistles that deals with someone who is married to a non-christian. It may offer you some insight.

James
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  #5  
Old Dec 30, '07, 4:26 pm
whatevergirl whatevergirl is offline
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Default Re: Healing at the root for marriage

Quote:
Originally Posted by wavesmom View Post
I have asked this questions of the apologetists but I guess they don't feel it warrants a response. I am desperate to know the answer and can't find it on any Catholic site.

I am a revert to the faith and have been married for twenty years to a non-Catholic, we were married by a non-denominational minister. Since returning to the church, I have had both children baptized and they both receive communion and have been confirmed. My husband agreed to this although he has reservations about the Catholic faith. Because our marriage has not been blessed by the Church, I cannot receive any of the Sacraments. When I first approached my husband about going through the process, he told me that he would do so only if I got a job.(I am a stay at home mom) I was so offended by that that I nearly left the marriage. After a couple of years of this stand off, I told my husband that he needs to cooperate in the blessing or that was it for us. He agreed and my pastor and I did the necessary paper work and I was granted permission to have my marriage blessed.

Again, my husband put up a road block. Now this gets a little complicated, so bear with me. The pastor at my church at the time was not a very "holy and righteous" priest. He was greedy and selfish and a user who did not push for my marriage to be blessed until he needed me to teach CCD. My husband was offended by this and refused to allow this "unholy" priest to perform the blessing. The priest was offended by my husband's attitude and refused to allow another priest to perform it.

The priest then petitioned the bishop on my behalf for a "healing at the root" for my marriage, stating the fact that it was a first and only marriage and that I was an active volunteer at the church and had demonstrated a strong desire to have my marriage blessed but could not do so because of elements beyond my control. I never heard anything from him again on the subject for more than a year.

Now, my parish has a new priest but my husband is back to the get a job stance. The old pastor is the new judicial vicar. He told me that the old judicial vicar rejected my case for the "healing at the root" but that now as the new vicar, he is in a position to grant the request.

Ok, here's the problem. This priest has lied to me in the past. He has used my desire to have my marriage blessed to his own ends. I won't get into the details but there's ample reason for me not to trust this man. What I need to know is whether or not there is in fact a legitimate thing as a "healing at the root" and if I do in fact qualify for it. I do not want to believe my old pastor, receive communion and then find out later that it was not valid.

Can anyone here help me with this?
I echo everyone's sentiments. I am confused though why you need to go through this, if you would like your marriage to be blessed. Can you seek this from another priest? Another parish? My dh and I eloped by a JOP, and years later (like 13) had our marriage blessed. The priest met with us a few times--we went over paperwork, and a series of questions, and then we had an actual ceremony after one of the masses. I would think that the RCC should not hinder you wanting to have your marriage blessed, in any way--that is why I'm surprised that you received an answer like this. I would contact your Bishop, and/or another parish, and see if they can help you. Sorry I'm not of more help, but just speaking from my own experience, our parish did not hinder us in any way, to have our marriage blessed. Our parish priest wrote us a letter instructing us to have this done...
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  #6  
Old Dec 31, '07, 10:18 am
wavesmom wavesmom is offline
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Default Re: Healing at the root for marriage

Thank you everyone for your advice. I have tried to explain the complexities of this situation but it is such a mess that if you are not involved, it is hard to understand.

My husband is a sixties, hippie type, you know the kind, hates authority, rejects organized religion and distrusts just about everyone. When I first returned to the church, he was not very supportive, but I knew that it was the right thing and prayed that he would be at least neutral about the whole thing. After a while, he relaxed his opposition and as I said allowed me to bring our children in as well. When we got permission to marry, he refused to allow the pastor at my church to perform the ceremony because he didn't feel that he was "holy" enough. I went to the pastor and asked for permission to have someone else bless the marriage and he refused my request. I then went to the judicial vicar and asked him if I could just go to another priest. He told me that if I was registered as a parishioner, I would have to have the permission of my pastor. Was he wrong?

As to celibacy, I am aware of this and for me that would be no problem, however, it is not fair to my husband and I would not subject him to that. Here's the thing, I really love my husband. We have a strong marriage even though it may not seem so given this situation. It's just that I have now waited five years to receive communion and I guess that I am just being impatient. My husband does not believe as I do and so for him it is no big deal.


I just wanted to know if this was a valid way to have my marriage blessed. It seemed too good to be true and I don't want to receive communion unworthily. If I could do this quietly, without involving my husband, who really despises the "legalistic nature of the church" then I could start receiving communion and not be held up by a husband who doesn't understand from Whom he is keeping me. I don't blame him, it is difficult to comprehend the Catholic way of thinking when you have not been raised in the church.
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  #7  
Old Dec 31, '07, 10:47 am
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Scottgun Scottgun is offline
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Default Re: Healing at the root for marriage

As another said, you really need to be in contact with Church authorities (other than the one you mistrust) on this. This is really the only advice we can safely give.
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  #8  
Old Dec 31, '07, 10:52 am
PBP PBP is offline
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Default Re: Healing at the root for marriage

I would suggest communicating with your diocese. More going on here than can be resolved at your home parish.
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