Mommies of Little Saints

[His Ruby]

In my experience through this devastating event so far, *everyone* here has been sooo supportive and amazing. When I feel sad and need to talk, I have been in touch through PMs with some wonderful ladies. There are many of us... why not let this be a place of support and sharing? I have found moments of sadness hit me out of nowhere... other times I can offer good-spirited thoughts without a tear.

I felt it might be beneficial to have a little separate thread for mommies (or dads!) who have lost their babies to miscarriages, stillbirths, etc.

It's a little funny how I thought to see if anyone would be interested in a thread like this -- I saw the "Mommies Who Love LOST" thread and I misread it as "Mommies Who Have Lost" and thought, "OH!! What a wonderful idea..."

[JessHav]

I've often wondered why there isn't a pinned thread for grief and miscarriage.
Is it possible to get it pinned? This would be great for people in the early stage (like you,) and people in the later stage, (like me,).
What do you say, moderators?

[Monicathree]

God Bless you women and all who have lost a child. Your strength is amazing.
That is a very good idea to start a thread...very good.

[yessisan]

I like your idea. I never know where to post how I'm feeling when I'm down. I'm going thru some rought times this week, especially last night. I cried a river last night . I hate it when I get like that because in my desperation I start asking God why He had to take Julian, but then quickly ask for His forgiveness because I know there is no other place my baby will be better than at God's side.

BTW, how are you doing? I read your symptoms disappeared. I'm so sorry... you still haven't passed the baby, have you? You are in my prayers His Ruby. Sending you big big hugs!

ETA: I third the idea of getting it pinned! We need this thread. So many of us have lost our babies. It'd be better for us emotionally to post here instead of on the pregnant mommies thread or the pregnant or not thread. It hurts posting there.

[Mary Gail 36]

Hi Ruby,

I just had a miscarriage too. I was five weeks. They weren't able to find the baby on the sonogram, and at first they were suspecting that it was an ectopic. They then diagnosed it as an early miscarriage...something happened that caused the baby to stop growing. This all happened 3 weeks ago.

I'm sad.... that's the best word for it.

I remember feeling the symptoms, but I just felt differently than I did the other times, so I thought PMS.

I did 4 pregnancy tests, they all came back with the pregnant line being very faint.

The test at the OB/GYN came back positive, and the Dr. was all happy, gave me the referral for the blood work and prenatal vitamins and then we went in for the sonogram. I knew something was wrong. The other times, the technicians always looked at me, and pointed out the baby. This time the technician avoided eye-contact. When I asked if everything was ok, she told me the Dr. would speak to me.

The baby was a surprise. He just came and left so quickly.
So I feel sad. Right when it happened, someone else had posted a prayer about miscarriage by Mother Angelica, which was really, really helpful.

So right now I feel sad.

[yessisan]

I'm sorry Mary Gail. It's really hard to go thru this, and the first wks are the worst. Tomorrow's 2 months since I passed my baby, he died Nov 30th in a car accident when the seatbelt pulled me back so hard I started cramping and having a really bad backache instantly. I miscarried him on Dec 3rd.

I'm sorry you're feeling sad today. I was feeling very depressed and crying very much yesterday. But that's because we love them so very much and even though we won't hold them in our arms, our love for them is still there. Your little saint must be so proud to have a mom like you!

Prayers for all the ladies here.

[Mary Gail 36]

Thanks, Yessian,

My prayers are with you too, and also with the other ladies.

[mylo]

I also think it's a good idea for this to be pinned.

Here's Mother Angelica's miscarriage prayer:

My Lord, the baby is dead!

Why, my Lord—dare I ask why? It will not hear the whisper of the wind or see the beauty of its parents’ face—it will not see the beauty of Your creation or the flame of a sunrise. Why, my Lord?

“Why, My child—do you ask ‘why’? Well, I will tell you why.
You see, the child lives. Instead of the wind he hears the sound of angels singing before My throne. Instead of the beauty that passes he sees everlasting Beauty—he sees My face. He was created and lived a short time so the image of his parents imprinted on his face may stand before Me as their personal intercessor. He knows secrets of heaven unknown to men on earth. He laughs with a special joy that only the innocent possess. My ways are not the ways of man. I create for My Kingdom and each creature fills a place in that Kingdom that could not be filled by another. He was created for My joy and his parents’ merits. He has never seen pain or sin. He has never felt hunger or pain. I breathed a soul into a seed, made it grow and called it forth.”

I am humbled before you, my Lord, for questioning Your wisdom, goodness, and love. I speak as a fool—forgive me. I acknowledge Your sovereign rights over life and death. I thank You for the life that began for so short a time to enjoy so long an Eternity. -- Mother M. Angelica


I got it from here.

Hugs and prayers for all. I still have my moments, even though it will be 3 months on the 21st. *sigh*

[His Ruby]

Mary, Yessi, my prayers are with you both through these particularly hard and sad times. Mylo, I think of you a lot and hope you're doing okay!! I actually think of you quite often because I, too, am still in school and my profs have been amazing and understanding -- I remember you talking about this.

Yes -- I was 7 weeks along when we had our first ultrasound and the doctor said he saw no fetal pole, and to come back in a week. During that week I was devastated but tried to be hopeful. I mourned a lot. My DH was VERY hopeful.

So at 8 weeks the ultrasound still showed just the sac, which was oblong shaped (I think collapsing) and my doctor said I would miscarry in a week or 2 at most. A chromosomal abnormality that causes 50% of miscarriages and happens right at conception, the baby stops growing -- but has nothing to do with my health so it doesn't mean a risk for future miscarriages (thank God).

It's been almost a week now... I haven't passed the baby. Friday I had some very intense cramping, and some today. No bleeding at all yet. My DH and I were a wreck the first 2 days. The rest of the week I managed to be in good spirits except last night.. I saw a baby at the store and was crying, and today I cried and cried for a while.

Then I was logging into my DH's work laptop which is password protected and he had to set a new password since the old one timed out, or whatever. I asked what it was and he was hesitant and then said "Mary (Our Last Name)"... which was what we called the baby because we had a feeling she was a girl.

I guess in a way I am hoping the m/c happens very soon just for some closure. I'd rather have a miracle, that somehow the doctor was wrong!! I got a message today that they got back my betas and I need to call in and see what the levels are. All my nausea symptoms have gone, but my boobs reaaalllllly HURT today. It's so weird.

Anyway... I'm rambling on...

I love that prayer, thank you Mary for bringing it up and Mylo for posting it!! Yessi, I share those feelings of questioning now and then in my more despairing moments, hugs to you. I hope you and Mary both are feeling better tonight.

[mom2Grace]

Originally Posted by His Ruby

Mary, Yessi, my prayers are with you both through these particularly hard and sad times. Mylo, I think of you a lot and hope you're doing okay!! I actually think of you quite often because I, too, am still in school and my profs have been amazing and understanding -- I remember you talking about this.

Yes -- I was 7 weeks along when we had our first ultrasound and the doctor said he saw no fetal pole, and to come back in a week. During that week I was devastated but tried to be hopeful. I mourned a lot. My DH was VERY hopeful.

So at 8 weeks the ultrasound still showed just the sac, which was oblong shaped (I think collapsing) and my doctor said I would miscarry in a week or 2 at most. A chromosomal abnormality that causes 50% of miscarriages and happens right at conception, the baby stops growing -- but has nothing to do with my health so it doesn't mean a risk for future miscarriages (thank God).

It's been almost a week now... I haven't passed the baby. Friday I had some very intense cramping, and some today. No bleeding at all yet. My DH and I were a wreck the first 2 days. The rest of the week I managed to be in good spirits except last night.. I saw a baby at the store and was crying, and today I cried and cried for a while.

Then I was logging into my DH's work laptop which is password protected and he had to set a new password since the old one timed out, or whatever. I asked what it was and he was hesitant and then said "Mary (Our Last Name)"... which was what we called the baby because we had a feeling she was a girl.

I guess in a way I am hoping the m/c happens very soon just for some closure. I'd rather have a miracle, that somehow the doctor was wrong!! I got a message today that they got back my betas and I need to call in and see what the levels are. All my nausea symptoms have gone, but my boobs reaaalllllly HURT today. It's so weird.

Anyway... I'm rambling on...

I love that prayer, thank you Mary for bringing it up and Mylo for posting it!! Yessi, I share those feelings of questioning now and then in my more despairing moments, hugs to you. I hope you and Mary both are feeling better tonight.

Your experience sounds very similar to mine. I think my second ultrasound was at 8 weeks and there was still no growth. About 2 weeks later I did pass the baby. I had some spotting during those weeks leading up to it. What a difficult wait. First the repeat ultrasounds hoping something will show up, and then waiting for your body to catch on and do what it needs to do. It may be that you still have some symptoms because the placenta hasn't quit working yet and is still sending signals to your body.
I am sorry to hear you are going through this.

There was a beautiful short film that my midwife had me watch. I will try to look up the name. They actually had it at our public library. Something about clouds...

[Em_in_FL]

Ruby, Mary Gail, my prayers are with you...
Loosing a little life is so hard....

I pray the Lord guides you to peace during this time...
(((HUGS)))

[7greatkids]

I have had 3 miscarriage in the last 3 years.
I'm 43 so the dr thinks it's my age. He is a wonderful Catholic doctor who has been very supportive through the difficult process.
We have been so blessed to be able to adopt during the past 4 years. Our last 2 bio babies were concieved at the exact time we were bringing our 2 adopted babies home. It was both a comfort and a trying time, joy with intense grief.
The thing that helped the most this past miscarriage was talking with our doctor. He was so supportive about our desire for more children.
We didn't tell anyone other then a couple very close friends and our older children, sometimes I feel bad that our families don't know about the babies but I could never handle the insensitive comments.
God Bless you all during this difficult time.My last baby would have been due on July 28, that day wil be difficult.
Take care and know that Gods will is perfect.

[SilenceISgolden]

We lost our little one when I was about 7 weeks. We had told just our parents and my best friend. The hardest thing was we were married less than a year at this point and it felt like EVERY PERSON we saw asked, 'so, when you having kids?' I remember the week after I miscarried my DH's grandmother passed away and his mother's family is HUGE and boisterous. I was being kidded and questioned over and over again about it. I didn't want to tell them and make them feel bad as they were grieving the loss of their mother or turn any attention my way. But after one very LOUD aunt joked for about the 5th time, my MIL pulled her aside and told her. She felt like **** and came up to me crying and apologized.

It wasn't a great experience but it was a learning one.......I used to be one of those people who would ask...so when are you having kids? When are you having another? etc. I mean really, how in the heck is it any of my business??

It's a hard thing because you get the stupidest comments even from people who love you. THings like 'you'll get pregnant again' or 'it's jsut better this way' or whatever other stupid thing. THey mean well.....they just don't understand.

God Bless you all who are living this pain today. I wish there were words to help ease your pain but I know you can only find the comfort you need in God!

[dkoinzan]

I think this thread is a great idea. I really could have used it during the deaths of my two children. It has been a little over a year since Joseph was born dead at 14 weeks and This Mother's Day will be two years since my little Theresa was born dead at 31 weeks. The thing that amazes me most is how my love for them has grown over time. I have a locket I wear with little threads from the blankets I wrapped them in for burial. My husband is having a ring made for me in memory of them.

One of the hardest things about their deaths is that people don't allow you to speak of them like they do other relatives who have died. I am proud of them just like I am proud of all my children.

The local prolife group has asked me to speak about the deaths of my children at their next gathering. I pray that by doing this maybe it will teach others how precious every life is.

[yessisan]

Originally Posted by His Ruby

Mary, Yessi, my prayers are with you both through these particularly hard and sad times. Mylo, I think of you a lot and hope you're doing okay!! I actually think of you quite often because I, too, am still in school and my profs have been amazing and understanding -- I remember you talking about this.

Yes -- I was 7 weeks along when we had our first ultrasound and the doctor said he saw no fetal pole, and to come back in a week. During that week I was devastated but tried to be hopeful. I mourned a lot. My DH was VERY hopeful.

So at 8 weeks the ultrasound still showed just the sac, which was oblong shaped (I think collapsing) and my doctor said I would miscarry in a week or 2 at most. A chromosomal abnormality that causes 50% of miscarriages and happens right at conception, the baby stops growing -- but has nothing to do with my health so it doesn't mean a risk for future miscarriages (thank God).

It's been almost a week now... I haven't passed the baby. Friday I had some very intense cramping, and some today. No bleeding at all yet. My DH and I were a wreck the first 2 days. The rest of the week I managed to be in good spirits except last night.. I saw a baby at the store and was crying, and today I cried and cried for a while.

Then I was logging into my DH's work laptop which is password protected and he had to set a new password since the old one timed out, or whatever. I asked what it was and he was hesitant and then said "Mary (Our Last Name)"... which was what we called the baby because we had a feeling she was a girl.

I guess in a way I am hoping the m/c happens very soon just for some closure. I'd rather have a miracle, that somehow the doctor was wrong!! I got a message today that they got back my betas and I need to call in and see what the levels are. All my nausea symptoms have gone, but my boobs reaaalllllly HURT today. It's so weird.

Anyway... I'm rambling on...

I love that prayer, thank you Mary for bringing it up and Mylo for posting it!! Yessi, I share those feelings of questioning now and then in my more despairing moments, hugs to you. I hope you and Mary both are feeling better tonight.

I'm sorry you have to just wait for it to happen. I only waited 3 days but I was so hoping the ultrasound was wrong. My husband was so hopeful, he made me feel as though Julian was still alive, but when I started bleeding, my world fell apart.

I still had some of the symptoms for one or two days after the car accident, but it's interesting your bbs still hurt. My bbs weren't sore after a few hrs from the accident. The hunger is what stayed for a while, but the others disappeared like "poof".

I'm so sorry I cannot give you any words to help you feel better. I wish I could tell you things will get easier, but I'm still stuck in the crying and hurting and wishing Julian was still "baking in the oven". I am still praying for a miracle for you.

You know, it's so sweet your DH made the password your baby's name. Mine bought me some little silver baby shoes and had them engraved with the baby's name and the date I miscarried him and gave it to me yesterday.

You know sweetie, I was told by my NFP instructor to get in the bathtub before the miscarriage happens to immerse myself and baptize the baby while he was still inside me. I didn't have a chace to because when I read it the bleeding was starting already. So I baptized him when he came out. I held te little sac in my hand and said the words "If you can be baptized, I baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, Amen". It was a very emotional moment.

You know, I don't know if you were told what to expect when you pass the baby. I don't want to type it because it's very detailed, but you can find it here and here. If it wouldn't have been for my grandma who told me what to look for, I wouldn't have known what the baby would look like, nor the placenta.

I send you many hugs and will be praying a lot for you.