Mommies of Little Saints

[yessisan]

I also wanted to share this with everyone here. I posted this on another thread a few wks ago, but I think it's worth sharing. This was one of the things that has helped me to feel a bit better.

I wanted to share something with you that my sister's friend wrote to me today. If you did lose your baby, this might help you a little bit, maybe not, but it's worth sharing...

Note on the message below, Yoshi is her toddler boy.

Quote:
I know it takes time to heal but it will!!!

When we found out we lost our baby...
I told myself and Yoshi that the baby was an angel and came with wings.
When the wings were big enough to fly the baby went back to heaven.
They needed the baby angel in Heaven so God chose us to have a baby angel
to grow in my tummy. Now baby angel is happy in Heaven and watching us
so we have to be happy and hope we will have anothe baby someday...

Just keep smiling and tell the baby angel that you will be ok and promise that
one day you will meet baby angel in heaven...

I thought this was so nice of her. I loved the way she explained it, maybe this will help you or someone else (?).

I know there are no words one can say to make you feel better now, but do know that your baby is in Heaven and is never going to hurt, cry or ever commit sin! He/She's your little saint and will be praying for you and your family at all times. That's as wonderful as it gets. Maybe telling you this is too soon for you, but when your pain gets a little better, you will be able to see what I mean. I know I was devastated the first wks, and still cry for my little one. Let yourself grieve and don't let anyone tell you how long to grieve.

One thing I recommend is to talk to people and let yourself cry. You need to let it all out. I pray God will give you and your family the strength and courage during these hard times.

[yessisan]

Sorry, one more thing and I'll stop writing... I had translated this for His Ruby about 2 wks ago. I'm pretty sure all the ladies here could use it too.

This helped me when I was told the hCG hormones were going down and that my baby was dead. Well, I prayed this and went to Mass in the morning and that morning, we saw a heartbeat flashing. It's a miracle prayer. It helps a lot. And even hough I lost the baby 4 wks after I was given this prayer, I still cherish it since I know I have to trust in Jesus and that it was God's will to take my little one.

A Message from Jesus

Why you are confused and shaken when faced with problems of life?

Leave the care of all your things to me and everything will get better. When you abandon yourself in me, everything will resolve with tranquility according to my will. Do not get desperate, do not direct a shaken prayer at me, as if you wanted to demand the fulfillment of your desires. Close the eyes of your soul and tell me calmly: Jesus, I trust in you.

Avoid the preoccupations and anguishes and the thoughts of what he can happen next. Do not spoil my plans, wanting to impose your ideas on me. Let me be God and act with freedom. Abandon yourself confidently in me. Rest in me and leave your future in my hands. Tell me frequently: Jesus, I trust in you.

What more damage does to you is your reasoning and your own ideas and to want to solve things your way. When you say to me: Jesus, I trust in you, do not be like the patient who asks his doctor to cure him, but he suggests the way to do it. Allow yourself to be carried in my divine arms; do not be afraid, I LOVE YOU.

If you think things are getting worse or are complicated in spite of your prayers continue trusting. Close the eyes of your soul and trust. Continue saying to me at all times: Jesus, I trust in you.

I need my hands to be free to be able to work. Do not tie me up with your useless preoccupations, Satan wants that: to agitate you, anguish you, to take away your Peace. Trust only in ME, abandon yourself in ME. So do not worry, throw all your anguishes at ME and sleep tranquilly. Always tell me: Jesus, I trust in you and you will see great miracles. I promise this to you because of my love for you.

[His Ruby]

Originally Posted by yessisan

I
You know, it's so sweet your DH made the password your baby's name. Mine bought me some little silver baby shoes and had them engraved with the baby's name and the date I miscarried him and gave it to me yesterday.

You know sweetie, I was told by my NFP instructor to get in the bathtub before the miscarriage happens to immerse myself and baptize the baby while he was still inside me. I didn't have a chace to because when I read it the bleeding was starting already. So I baptized him when he came out. I held te little sac in my hand and said the words "If you can be baptized, I baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, Amen". It was a very emotional moment.

You know, I don't know if you were told what to expect when you pass the baby. I don't want to type it because it's very detailed, but you can find it here and here. If it wouldn't have been for my grandma who told me what to look for, I wouldn't have known what the baby would look like, nor the placenta.

I send you many hugs and will be praying a lot for you.

That is really sweet of your DH. I looked on a link that someone had offered in this or another thread that had jewelry and little things you can order in memorial of your baby. And as one of the ladies here said, it IS frustrating when people don't necessarily understand if you refer to your baby like a normal, dead relative....

Yessi, it made me teary-eyed when you said about baptizing your baby. I am going to do this if I can identify the placenta. I don't think there is a "recognizable" baby form inside the sac, since the dr said he never could see a fetal pole, etc., so I am not sure at what point the baby stopped growing. Either way -- even if I can't see the recognizable form, the sac or placenta is enough... and I do hope it passes whole. It is kind of confusing since the dr said the baby stopped growing -- but when I went back the sac was still growing, so I'm not sure if things will be the actual size they should be with as far along as I should be (9 wks) or what.

Yessi, did you save and bury the remains? What about you other ladies?

Thank all of you ladies for sharing your stories. My prayers are with all of you who have lost or are losing.

I woke up at 4am with the worst cramping I have ever felt in my life. It only lasted a little and I fell back asleep. No bleeding... but this afternoon I started having some brownish spotting. When DH and I came home just now, I started bleeding a little heavier than spotting, bright red. I guess it's beginning. I feel some light cramping now too. I hope it doesn't end up as being a week or more of light bleeding before the baby passes. That seems so long and torturous... if this makes any sense... I just want it to happen, if it has to. The weeks waiting have been bad enough. And when it DOES get bad... my DH is going to be here/come home early/whatever.

[strngrnrth]

Mother's Day is rough.

[yessisan]

Originally Posted by His Ruby

That is really sweet of your DH. I looked on a link that someone had offered in this or another thread that had jewelry and little things you can order in memorial of your baby. And as one of the ladies here said, it IS frustrating when people don't necessarily understand if you refer to your baby like a normal, dead relative....

Yessi, it made me teary-eyed when you said about baptizing your baby. I am going to do this if I can identify the placenta. I don't think there is a "recognizable" baby form inside the sac, since the dr said he never could see a fetal pole, etc., so I am not sure at what point the baby stopped growing. Either way -- even if I can't see the recognizable form, the sac or placenta is enough... and I do hope it passes whole. It is kind of confusing since the dr said the baby stopped growing -- but when I went back the sac was still growing, so I'm not sure if things will be the actual size they should be with as far along as I should be (9 wks) or what.

Yessi, did you save and bury the remains? What about you other ladies?

Thank all of you ladies for sharing your stories. My prayers are with all of you who have lost or are losing.

I woke up at 4am with the worst cramping I have ever felt in my life. It only lasted a little and I fell back asleep. No bleeding... but this afternoon I started having some brownish spotting. When DH and I came home just now, I started bleeding a little heavier than spotting, bright red. I guess it's beginning. I feel some light cramping now too. I hope it doesn't end up as being a week or more of light bleeding before the baby passes. That seems so long and torturous... if this makes any sense... I just want it to happen, if it has to. The weeks waiting have been bad enough. And when it DOES get bad... my DH is going to be here/come home early/whatever.

Oh... I'm sorry!!! I didn't know you had already started bleeding. I read your PM too late. I hope I wasn't too late on telling you what to expect. it's all on the PM I sent you a few minutes ago. It's pretty long though .

I send you huge cyber hugs


About the burial... my local Catholic cemetary charges $500 even if it's for a miscarried baby, so I couldn't afford it, I had just spent $1100 in hospital visits and the ER and my very few OB appts that month I knew I was pregnant. Because we couldn't afford a grave, we buried our little one in our backyard in a little cushioned box (our wedding ring box). He was that tiny... I think the sac was 1-2 inches big (I can't really remember, it's a big blur to me). He was about 1 cm big, so I left him in the sac. But since then, I cannot go to the backyard. I'm afraid to go to the backyard. Warner was lucky (I thingk that's who said this) her cemetary donated her the space. I wish mine would've done that.

Oh, and if you want any websites for memory keepsakes, I have a few, including one with the Mommy/Daddy/Parents of an Angel ribbon car magnets.

[Quaere Verum]

This is a wonderful thread. Thanks!

I was pregnant between our children and at 10 weeks suffered a miscarriage. When my body expelled the birth sac my doctor said there was nothing inside and took it for testing to ensure it wasn't cancerous. I trusted this but always felt an emptiness and years later wondered if maybe what the doctor said wasn't so and that we have a child in heaven. It was all so medical - body does this, doctor does that, all over with, the end. The way it all occurred just never felt right - no discussion beyond how I was doing, no Mass, no name given, etc. Is anybody familiar with a medical condition where the body mimics pregnancy to the point of creating a birth sac but no baby is actually present? Could what the doctor said be an actual condition?

[SilenceISgolden]

Is it possibly a molar pregnancy? I don't know for sure.

[Quaere Verum]

What is a molar pregnancy? I will have to look it up.

[Quaere Verum]

How selfish of me to just chime in with my question without responding first to all those who have lost a child. My prayers are with you. I am sure that your children in heaven are praying for you as well.

[Arlene]

With Ash Wednesday coming upon us I start getting weepy about my son Anthony. 16 years ago we buried him on Ash Wednesday. Even though Ash Wednesday falls on a different date each year, it still has an extra significance to me. Each year Lent has the extra remembrance of suffering, sacrifice and giving up something. 16 years ago someone asked me what I was giving up for Lent. I said, "I just gave up my son, isn't that enough?" Lent that year was different. Usually we give something up, and then on Easter the giving up is finished. That year, on Easter the permanence of what had happened finally sunk it. This was not a temporary giving up. I was not getting my son back on Easter. This was forever. It didn't help that the wife of my husband's best friend, who was also pregnant, had her healthy baby boy the day before Easter. The boys who were going to grow up together and be best friends just like their daddies.

Our parish is planning a Lenten parish mission week. The guest speaker being brought in is a wonderful priest who used to be assigned to our parish. He used to councel with me and I used to cry on his shoulder. Having him be here during Lent, which is a time I'm usually a basket case anyway, is going to push me over the edge.

[His Ruby]

Originally Posted by Quaere Verum

This is a wonderful thread. Thanks!

I was pregnant between our children and at 10 weeks suffered a miscarriage. When my body expelled the birth sac my doctor said there was nothing inside and took it for testing to ensure it wasn't cancerous. I trusted this but always felt an emptiness and years later wondered if maybe what the doctor said wasn't so and that we have a child in heaven. It was all so medical - body does this, doctor does that, all over with, the end. The way it all occurred just never felt right - no discussion beyond how I was doing, no Mass, no name given, etc. Is anybody familiar with a medical condition where the body mimics pregnancy to the point of creating a birth sac but no baby is actually present? Could what the doctor said be an actual condition?

This is supposedly what also caused my baby to die. They used to call it a "blighted ovum." It's where there is a chromosomal abnormality between the sperm and the egg combining right at conception, and though the baby implants and the sac continues to grow, giving you normal pg symptoms because you ARE pg... the baby inside stops growing and you miscarry eventually.

Yessi -- the bleeding remained light and stopped when I went to sleep. No bleeding yet so far today. You weren't too late!!! I appreciate those PMs SO much... thank you. And I hope you are doing okay. I read in Pregnant or Not that you think you're not pg this cycle, but I'm praying for you.

Arlene -- I'm sorry that this Lent season is going to be so difficult for you. It made me teary when you said "I'm giving up my baby for Lent, isn't that enough?" I guess that's going to be true of me as well. God bless you for having to suffer through remembering this every Lent.

[Belle10]

Originally Posted by Arlene

Our parish is planning a Lenten parish mission week. The guest speaker being brought in is a wonderful priest who used to be assigned to our parish. He used to councel with me and I used to cry on his shoulder. Having him be here during Lent, which is a time I'm usually a basket case anyway, is going to push me over the edge.

I'm so sorry for all of you who are hurting. Offering a prayer for everyone

Arlene, I don't know the pain you're feeling. I too miscarried (Nov. 2006) but we barely knew we were pregnant, so I didn't have much time to form the emotional attachment to our baby. It still hurt deeply, and still does from time to time, but I don't know the depth of pain you're experiencing. The reason I wanted to respond to what you said above is this: perhaps the reason that priest who helped you so much years ago is coming to your parish is because God brought him there for you. Maybe God knows that you could use his friendship, his counsel, his shoulder once more.....obviously nothing will make your pain go away, but maybe you can try to see his being at your parish as a way that God is still taking care of you, no matter how many years go by. He knows your pain, knows what you need, and maybe talking with this priest who was a help to you back then will be a help to you once again. God bless you.

[Mary Gail 36]

Hi Ruby,

I hope you are feeling ok physically.

With me the sonogram didn't find the baby, they actually mistakenly thought that a cyst on my ovary was the yolk sac. That is why they thought it was an ectopic.

When I started to bleed, it was just like a heavier period, the cramping was just a little bit stronger for just one night. I couldn't recognize any tissue at all.


My own diagnoses is that the baby possibly died before I saw the doctor. I actually had a 1 day period the week prior. It wasn't at the correct time it was a few days early.

If it wasn't for NFP,I probably would not have suspected anything, and would have thought it was a heavy period.

I sometimes think if it would have been better if I didn't know about it. But I know that God wanted me to know this baby. I can't understand the reason why, but I have to trust that His ways are not my ways.

[His Ruby]

Mary Gail, I know what you mean. My MIL says she is pretty sure she had a miscarriage in between her two oldest children, and obviously she knew it wasn't a period because of NFP. But even though ignorance could be bliss with not knowing the pain of losing a baby, I think it's also a blessing to know we have a little saint (as if any saints are little!) in heaven praying for us.

Do any of you who have lost ever feel your baby is interceding for you? I have really felt the Holy Spirit with me these past few days... my DH and I have been lax in our spiritual lives in the past few months but I feel this very special tug or sense of peace within me today.

[JessHav]

Ash Wednesday is also a sorrowful day for us.
On Ash Wednesday of 2006, we found out at 26 weeks that Carolyn probably had Trisomy 18 (a fatal chromosome disorder). We were scared by what the doctor told us and scheduled an amnio for that Friday. I remember going to church and just praying that it wasn't true. It was so sad and I couldn't stop crying the whole mass. We found out that Monday that the amnio showed that she did have it. It was devastating. The rest of the pregnancy was bittersweet. We were so scared but so happy for every day she survived in my womb. We just prayed that she would be born alive and get to spend time with us. That Easter (about 5 weeks before she was born,) was bittersweet also. We went to church and out to eat, knowing that it was our only Easter that we would spend with her. Every kick was special. We got her a present and card from the "Easter bunny" that we get out each Easter and helps us remember our only Easter with her.

Yet, at the same time, Ash Wednesday was a joyous time for us last year. A year after Carolyn's diagnosis, we found out we were pregnant with Lizzy. We had waited 10 months to TTC and even though I felt pregnant immediately, I waited impatiently to test. I tested that Wednesday morning and no luck. I then went to walmart that afternoon after work and got a Clearblue digital. I hurried back to work (I was a teacher and it was around 4 pm) to finish up some papers and decided to test. I got the "pregnant" result in our girls bathroom! How funny. I started crying and wondering if it was true. I then went to church for mass and tested again in that bathroom. Another positive! I called my husband, my parents, EVERYONE! I was sooooooooooo happy and it overshadowed the pain I had felt all day with the memory of Carolyn. God truly blessed me on that day. I'm sure that this Ash Wednesday with be a combination of sorrow for our loss of our sick daughter and gratitude for our healthy daughter.
Just wanted to share how God works in mysterious ways to help you overcome pain from loss.