Spouse Support for Family Budget - Page 2

**whatevergirl** · #16 May 22, '08, 6:11 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZeroIt

Sorry for the ignorance what is DH is it "Dumb Husband", "Dead Husband" or what?

Just curious not use to some of the lingo here on the forums.

Thanks

dear husband, of course!

ZeroIt · #17 May 22, '08, 6:36 am

Thanks that one did not cross my mind.

Wouldn't that make my wife a DW cause she is dear to me!

I know budget is a "bad" word everyone once to hide from it just as they want to hide from "diet". Mostly it doesn't matter what you call it. The "plan" would be more acceptable but it still a budget.

Doing the same thing over and over and looking for a change is a sign of craziness so a "plan" would stop you from doing again and again.

I know this topic is somewhat tabu but one that we may all be needing help with.

Thanks for all the viewpoints it helps!

AlaAnnie · #18 May 22, '08, 7:41 am

Zerolt - I know that a lot of people hate having a budget. But, I've worked with one for a good number of years and I can't even begin to describe how much peace it brings to know that I've covered all my bases. When the car breaks down, I only have a car crisis, not a car crisis and a money crisis. I've worked in savings into the budget and it's there to take care of most anything that comes along. It is so nice. Give your wife time to get there. She will see that that peace is more valuable to her than what you guys have now.

**whatevergirl** · #19 May 22, '08, 5:30 pm

As Suze Orman puts it...'the best place to be, is to enjoy saving money as much as you enjoy spending it.' I'm slowly getting there--haven't quite arrived yet.

CountryMom27 · #20 May 24, '08, 11:16 am

Perhaps it is because she's been taking care of all of the finances, so she sees this as a criticism of how she's been doing it.

I would offer to help with the finances going forward. DH and I split the bill paying - he pays the bills but hates balancing the checkbook, I like everything in Quicken so I enter it manually (and download other txns) and I do most of the filing. I also do our taxes. It works for us because he loves to pay bills (I hate it), I like to do the computer side (he hates it), and we both see every bill and know where our money goes.

Try divvying up the responsibilities differently - offer to help - and get more involved before you propose radical changes. Then you can say, maybe we should budget our eating out expenses, or what have you, ease into it a bit at a time.

GL - and tread lightly!

ersinkesim · #21 Sep 10, '11, 5:45 pm

there is a new web site about the family budget. www.budgetforus.com This website is Turkish. But you can chance this with google translate. In this website, you can calculate your family budget, also you can give budget realizitation with graphic support.

Monte RCMS · #22 Jan 13, '12, 11:46 am

Not sure that we need family budgets.

Just cut back spending by a LOT.

For example:

http://www.forbes.com/sites/deborahl...arren-buffett/

Iheartcoffee · #23 Jan 28, '12, 10:26 am

Chances are she might feel that suggesting a budget is also a suggestion that you think she has done something wrong.

It might be better to tell her how great she has been at this, and how you want to be a part of it a bit more because working together with money can strengthen marriages. My husband and I have always done our budgets together and it has made money discussions something that STRENGTHENS our marriage rather than something that hurts it. Make sure to give her ample opportunity to express her opinion on the different facets of the budget, because she has been the personal finance expert in your family for a while. She doesn't want to feel like this is being yanked away with a budget. She probably knows your family's finances inside and out.

Dave Ramsey discusses handling money with your spouse in several of his books. One of them is called "More Than Enough" and I think it has sections where his wife writes as well about the things in his chapters. If I remember right, this is the book that would probably help you approach these discussions the best.

mandajane · #24 Jan 29, '12, 12:41 am

This was the one of the hardest things to discuss with my boyfriend, when we started talking about getting married. We've both been single long enough that we do our own finances, and are very picky about them. One day, a few weeks after our first "Maybe we should get married" talk, he said, "Let's sit down and go over our finances." At first, I was appalled. For years my finances had been *my* private business, kept just as close as things like what color my underwear was, and the results of my medical exams. It was very hard for me to open up and show him how much I actually made, and where the money went. And he had a hard time, because he's the kind of guy who will save every last dime ever, whereas I have a 'fun' budget set aside for myself.

I think your wife may feel like that. For years (since you've said she's always handled this) the finances have been 'her' territory. She took care of it. And I think she may feel, that with you suddenly coming to her and saying "Let's do this together!" That she may feel that you're taking some of her autonomy away.

Carlan · #25 Feb 24, '12, 6:01 am

The married couple,no children, have always, both, had very average earning careers. From the beginning the wifie made it understood, what is mine is mine and what is yours is mine.
Now wifie retires (out of the blue without discussing their financial dilemma, age not yet 65)their home is still mortgaged to the hilt( 2nd on it)and over $30,000 in credit card debt.
They are in deparate need, hoping for a generous bail out with no strings attached.
Their only hope,an elderly relative, needs advice on how to handle this very irresonsible situation.
Peace, Carlan

bscastro · #26 Feb 24, '12, 10:31 am

I've read a couple of the responses, so I hope I'm not repeating too much.

I have had a very similar situation with my wife recently. I am a financial planner by profession, but she handles the budget and daily spending, although she always asks my input for big decisions - e.g. vacation, major purchases.

I recently asked her if I can be more involved with the budget as I felt we needed to save a little more for emergencies as well as more aggressively for our other future goals such as our children's education.

Some background - she kind of took over the budget by default as I struggled in the early years of my business and had to spend a lot of time with it. Also, it was painful for me to discuss my contribution to the finances because of the struggles in my business.

In any case, this suggestion to get more involved was met with a lot of hostility and anger. I was a little perplexed and she explained that although logically it made sense for us to work together on our finances, that emotionally she was hurt that I was implying that she couldn't do it herself.

In any case, after long and heated discussion, the hurt and resentment was revealed for the pain and sacrifice I caused the family because of my business. However, now the business is growing quite quickly.

In any case, I asked her to forgive me for any pain I caused her as well as to thank her for taking over the budget in those years of struggle. It's a day to day thing, but the key for me (and maybe for you) is to give her the time to adjust to your reasoning and also to agree (it takes two) that it is the right way to go.

I'm not trying to make a sexist stereotype, but perhaps even though your recommendation to create a budget is very logical (she realizes that too) there are a lot of emotions and perhaps a tiny touch of ego involved with giving up something that up to this point had done on her own.

Best of luck. Pray for me as I will be praying for you. I hope this helped.

God bless,
Bryan