Breastfeeding in church and babies, generally

[SarahSmile]

Originally Posted by BruceH

My wife and I had 4 children and she breast fed them all, as did my daughters. But, never in Church, never at Mass. We split masses if it became necessary. Mass is time of personal prayer and comtemplation, a time to be with our Lord, not feeding children. Do not let your children becomea distraction and keep you from being alone with Jesus. God Bless

I feel that children should go to Mass. I believe that since my daughter sees that I go to Mass why not just take her with me. Mass is just as much for me as is for her. And at Baptism, as parents, we promise to raise that child in the Catholic Faith.
There was a few times that I didn't take my daughter to Church with me for Mass and for the rest of the week she was literally a terror. I feel that she also gets graces from the Mass, especially at Communion time.. she is only 1 1/2 but when I take her up to Communion with me, she get a blessing.

[Nitenites]

Originally Posted by Samwise

If you are distracting others, then they cannot fully participate. Additionally, regardless of any others that may be distracted, it is a distraction to the two involved, mother and child. Neither can concentrate very well on what is going on, and it is never too early for a child to be more respectful in Mass.

Finally, I would like to see a good reason why you *should* nurse in Mass. Hopefully this covers everything. Thank you for your time. Take care and God bless.

Peace,
Alex

I'm not distracted by my child's nursing. I do find it distracting to bounce him, jiggle him, pull out books and toys to occupy him, and shush him - all while he cries, distracting many, many people. However, if he begins to fuss, and I know he needs to nurse, I nurse him, and I continue to listen and respond, pray and reflect.

My ears don't stop working because I'm nursing.

And another thought here: children don't only nurse for food. They nurse for comfort sometimes, too. I will comfort my child when he needs comforting. God designed that wonderful relationship, that magic dance of hormones that go to work in a nursing pair, relaxing both mother and child. It's not sinful. It's God's design. I will be modest, but I will not be shamed by your lustful thoughts.

Originally Posted by Samwise

and it is never too early for a child to be more respectful in Mass.

I think that being a mother is my most important calling in this life. I doubt God would want me to neglect the hunger or distress of my child, because other people can't control their judgemental thoughts. By nursing my child, I am teaching him that I respect him. I am affirming that he is a gift to me from God, a precious, precious gift. I hope that I am teaching him Christ's love by my giving act.

Is that what you're teaching with your judgemental attitude?

Perhaps some people need to stop looking around during Mass, and start looking inward. Let's not be so harsh on what others are doing during Mass: let's do what we're there for - worship and communion. I see so very many posts here about what other people are doing at Mass: leaving early, nursing, wearing inappropriate clothing, giving snacks to small children. I call you to look at Matthew 7:1-5.

"If you want to avoid judgement, stop passing judgement. Your verdict on others will be the verdict passed on you. The measure with which you measure will be used to measure you. Why look at the speck in your brother's eye when you miss the plank in your own? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take that speck out of your eye,' while all the time the plank remains in your own? You hypocrite! Remove the plank from your own eye first; then you will see clearly to take the speck from your brother's eye."

If we want children to be a part of our Church, if we want to pass on Catholicism and see it flourish and grow, we must include children in the Liturgy from the earliest age. If we want to be true Christians, then perhaps we should stop passing judgement on what others are doing at Mass and extend some compassion. Let us reflect on our need to pass judgement on others, and use it as an opportunity to be more loving. Shall we stop being hateful toward our fellow Christians, and use Mass as a time of worship, instead of a time to affirm how much "better" each of us can "behave" at the Lord's table? We sound like spoiled children!

/rant.

[darcee]

There will ALWAYS be distractions in mass. Because we are a bunch of humans all crammed in together.

A crying baby is hugely more distracting to more people then a baby discreetly nursing and no, as mentioned above we have NO cry room. Also as someone else mentioned dragging 4 other children out in order to nurse is distracting, having my autistic daughter flip out that I walked out of eye shot is distracting.

I have had people (in other venues) surprised when I mention something like "I guess he is full now" They are surprised because even sitting across from me they didn't know baby was nursing. An infant can be nursed discreetly.... and no, a small baby can not always "wait" to be fed. They will certainly let everyone in earshot know about their empty little tummy.

I have a lightweight shawl that easily covers baby and breast. You would have to be sitting so close and looking so hard to even notice that the baby was nursing that my husband would probably take issue with you.

-Darcee

[mposey]

Darcee,

Couldn't have said it better and I don't have much to add other than showing my agreement as a dad of 3 and husband of a wonderful wife who breastfed our 3 children. Mothers can be discrete and others should be paying attention to the Mass.

[Tyler Smedley]

Like someone said before, I am going to take a hit on this big time, reading these posts. Fire Away!

Ok, so Shemp I would consider my self a man (old enough to get drafted = Man) and I would agree with Samwise on this, women will never understand men and vice versa...also that seeing a mother breast feed will have an effect on men, what ever it might be or how large or small, an effect will be had. Ladies, its great that you breast feed your children, more power to you, but you need to wait until after Mass. Reguardless of what these noble and steadfast men are saying before this post, not all men share their focus and armor. For me personally breastfeeding in mass would have two effects, one extremely distracting, to the point where I might leave (yes walk out of mass) unstead of risking falling into sin, two I would be extremely unconfortable.

I understand that this is your choice, right even to feed your children whenever you want/need to, but they can wait an hour, or simply feed them in the back of the Church (where the priest can't see you). For one thing people who are struggling with sexual tempations, who are there to try to fight their temptations could be devistated even by your modesty, the thought of what you are doing might be enough. The Mass should be a haven from their trials, but what you are doing (however innocent and well meaning) could drive them away from mass. Also why put your priest in that awful situation when he is celebrating mass and you are again innocently feeding your child, talk about temptation. Our priests don't need anymore temptations, and do you really think that a priest is going to tell you that you can't feed your child in mass (no matter what he truly feels) darned if he does and darned if he doesn't.

[Tyler Smedley]

That other one was getting long and I want people to read it....

I have hear alot about mothers feeding babies in the crowd when Jesus was talking and using that as justification to breastfeed in Mass. It seems to me that people are forgetting that Jesus was GOD, and has just a bit more self control than all other men on this planet. So unless you people who were using this as an argument are God-people like Jesus (FYI which is imposible by the way) then your argument doesn't hold water. I am interested to hear what you have to say about that....

[SHEMP]

Originally Posted by Tyler Smedley

That other one was getting long and I want people to read it....

I have hear alot about mothers feeding babies in the crowd when Jesus was talking and using that as justification to breastfeed in Mass. It seems to me that people are forgetting that Jesus was GOD, and has just a bit more self control than all other men on this planet. So unless you people who were using this as an argument are God-people like Jesus (FYI which is imposible by the way) then your argument doesn't hold water. I am interested to hear what you have to say about that....

By your logic we should have male only Mass so that ALL men who can't keep their eyes off of women won't be tempted. I think that you need to really pray about what you are saying.

As far as the reference to Jesus, I am not saying that you should be like Jesus. That would be impossible. I am saying that you should act the way that he would want you to act.

You men that look at breastfeeding woman with lust need to grow up. I don't mean to sound judgemental but for you to try to pin the blame on mothers is rather sick. Its one thing to be upset with a young lady who lets her boobs hang out at Mass. It is quite another to be upset at a mother, who is doing what mothers should be doing.

Do you have lust when you look at a icon of the Mother and Child? Well when you look at a mother at Mass, she is doing what Mary would do. Look at her with the respect that you would give Mary!

[SHEMP]

Another thought:

I can't think of a more beautiful image than Mary breastfeeding Jesus as a baby!

[Tyler Smedley]

Originally Posted by SHEMP

By your logic we should have male only Mass so that ALL men who can't keep their eyes off of women won't be tempted.

You men that look at breastfeeding woman with lust need to grow up.

Fist off that was uncalled for, simply because I am 19 and not old by your standards doesn't mean that my opinion or my thoughts are worthless. Judging from your comments earlier you have some kind of thing against younger men, first you ripped on Samwise pretty hard and now me. We need to grow up because why? Should we be tempted when we go to mass of all places? Don't give me the extreme of an all male mass, give me a break, I never said that, but there is a difference (sorry women out there) between women wearing skimpy clothes and women breast feeding in Church.

And as for your comments about Mother Mary, would she knowingly lead people into sin, I don't think so. Sure you can breast feed during Mass, but what I am saying is that you most likely are leading someone into sin. I say most likely because maybe everyone else are these supermen that Shemp keeps talking about. Maybe when Samwise and I grow old we will find this magical time where we won't be so lustful.

Also Shemp why is it that when I have a different opinion than you on an issue, suddenly I am too young or I am not mature enough? Remember that Jesus had a special fondness for Children, and if thats what I am (at 19 I don't think so) then wouldn't you want be like him in that reguard?

[jess7396]

Tyler- I think part of the problem is that those of us who nurse in Church do so VERY discreetly, if you saw me nursing my son, you would have NO IDEA wether I was nursing or simply holding him, should we then not hold our babies in that position, b/c some man in Mass might think we were nursing them, leading them to lustful thoughts? When my son nurses in Mass, he always falls asleep, and I maintain that same holding position as he sleeps in my arms the rest of Mass, does what I am doing cease to be a problem when the breast is no longer in his mouth? Since you could not possibly see my breast either way, and- you have no idea wether I am nursing or holding him, how can this be a problem?

I am thinking that either a) you've seen some women who were not nursing at all discreetly, or b) you are assuming what it would be like, I venture many women have nursed right in front of you without you even knowing it.

[jc413]

Originally Posted by Tyler Smedley

Sure you can breast feed during Mass, but what I am saying is that you most likely are leading someone into sin. I say most likely because maybe everyone else are these supermen that Shemp keeps talking about. ...suddenly I am too young or I am not mature enough?

Okay, there is no reason for this argument to start getting heated here. (That is me blowing my referee whistle).

Tyler, if you are nineteen, then you are perhaps acutely aware of how visually stimulated men are, especially those who are your age. However, you also, I presume, do not have a child or a wife. These two factors are clearly influencing your opinion on this matter.

Let me ask you a question. What do you do when some skinny little thing comes into mass wearing a halter top and mini skirt? I would assume you do what my husband does -- avert your eyes and consciously ignore her? Say a prayer? Focus on the mass? My husband is honest about the fact that he is not lead to sin by seeing anyone breastfeed. My friends husbands say the same. But they all do have wives and breastfed children, so it does change their perspective.

If a woman feeding her child is an occasion of sin for you, then I suggest you do what you should do when you see a scantilly clad woman. Keep in mind that it is not an occasion of sin for many men. Frankly, 98% of the time most people are even unaware of when a woman is breastfeeding. I breastfed my son on a bench in a mall and everyone would come up and say, "What a cute sleeping baby!"

Also please understand that God intended women to breastfeed their children. Sorry to be so crass, but that's what they're there for. I have breastfed my son in mass numerous times, and I will certainly do so when my daughter is born in July.

I was thrilled the day I saw mass on EWTN and I saw a woman breastfeeding her child right there on tv for millions of viewers to see. She was modest, and the only reason why I knew she was breastfeeding was that she had a blanket on her lap, was sitting while everyone else was kneeling, then viola, the next thing you know there is a tiny little babe as she removed the blanket and put the child over her shoulder. I have seen dozens of women breastfeed their children in mass. I have never seen anyone flash anyone else.

[iguana27]

At my parish, I was told by the older woman at the "welcome" table that I could go downstairs to the couch to feed my baby, or I could feed my baby in the bathroom. Now, I wouldn't eat my lunch in the bathroom, so neither would I feed my baby there. So, I decided that rather than go dowstairs (where I would miss out entirely on Mass) I would feed the baby in the foyer.

I think with the next one I will just discreetly feed the baby in Mass. I am happy that this forum is here. I didn't know that it was appropriate, and the last thing I want to do is be disrespectful at Mass.

[SHEMP]

Originally Posted by Tyler Smedley

Fist off that was uncalled for

Tyler,

Please don't take any of my arguments personally. I like to explore issues by taking an extreme or firm point of view.

As far as your age, just as it might be difficult for women to fully understand men, it might be difficult for a young man to understand more mature men (or maybe I should say men who have a wife and children).

Although I firmly believe that breastfeeding is ok at the Mass, I do believe that it should be discrete and respectful. I do believe that mothers should understand that there will be some young men that will look at them lustfully. There will be some who will be embarrased. They should be respectful of this and modify their actions accordingly. That is not to say that there is anything wrong with breastfeeding at Mass. The wrong remains with those who would lust over a mother that is breastfeeding.


As far as Mary and breastfeeding. I continue to believe that the image of Mary breastfeeding the baby Jesus is beautiful!

[The Barrister]

I side with the babies in this case. They're hungry, mom controls the food supply... so...

It is up to the mother to be discreet, and a shawl over the shoulder usually does the trick quite nicely. Anyone who sees that breast as a sexual object has brought something into the church that doesn't belong there.

Young women dressing like Britney, well, that's another story....

[SHEMP]

Originally Posted by Tyler Smedley

I say most likely because maybe everyone else are these supermen that Shemp keeps talking about.

Last thing Tyler,

I am not Superman but I do have a unique perspective. I am a breast caner doctor. I examine many breasts each day. I have treated a number of pregnant young ladies who had breast cancer. I have seen a number of young mothers die of this disease.

So if I am defensive about this issue, its not becuase of any superman qualities. I just think the breastfeeding mother is a beautiful site. I hope that someday you will agree.