Curmudgeon Christmas Cantata

[adstrinity]

Because somebody mentioned it in the DisCredit Union Thread....

It would be the BEST Christmas EVER if none of the tone deaf people (everybody) showed up. Ahhh....Not having to worry about getting here or being late or giving my all. Just letting me be lazy. Ahhhhh.

AND, please, please, please, please, please, unless you want to see me REALLY mudgie, do not let this thread go past the Christmas season.

Ta Muchly.

Practices will be held...well, that can be worked out later....

[jmcrae]

Practices will be held from midnight to 3:00 am. And you better be well rested - none of this passing out in the middle of "Silent Night," like we had last year.

Anyone not showing up for practices will be banned from participating in the actual performance.

No gum-chewing allowed.

Anyone caught sticking their gum under a pew in an attempt to hide it from me will be duct-taped to the ceiling to see how they like it.

Okay. Now I'm ready for Christmas.

[katy]

Hey, we're not singing Silent Night. I can't ever get that high note...pea...EACE. We're going to sing Angels We Have Heard on High instead.

[Kuryakyn]

Originally Posted by jmcrae

Anyone not showing up for practices will be banned from participating in the actual performance.

[peregrinus_WA]

BAH!!!!! HUMBUG!!!

[brotherhrolf]

Oh! Oh! I want to be......."security" is not quite the right word.......I sang (I promise not to sing here since it would ruin the tonality since I would be on-key) in my cathedral choir for close to 20 years. I can't tell you how many times I saw some of the Knights of........Papal honorees........big muckity-mucks fall asleep during Midnight Mass.

My office would have two functions. One to wake the big muckity-mucks up and two to ride herd on the choir so they don't fall down laughing. It's usually the men who fall asleep. The wives of the knights and honorees are generally quite vigilant and adept at the art of elbow kung fu. But knowing Mudgies, the choir would be apt to throw pistachio shells at them or even lob stale Junkie fruitcakes at them.

On another front, I am not the only one who was astounded by my property taxes. There was a big article this morning on the Baton Rouge Business Report that my taxes went up an astounding 1/3! People are furious and the state tax commission has sent out investigators to be as we say down here "white on rice". My house is over 50 years old. It needs major work which I cannot afford and it went up 1/3 in value?. I don't think so! It's that new 87 acre subdivision with homes over $200,000 across the highway from me. How do I compare a 50+ year old home that used to be out in the country with those brand new homes going up nearby? Apples and oranges! And I'm not bothering with my parish assessor, I'm going straight to the state tax commission.

I don't even begin to feel like singing.

[brotherhrolf]

P. S. We also need fashion police. Flourescent plumes on certain of the knightly orders need to be moderated. Wives of the papal honorees need to be reminded that it is a cantata before Midnight Mass not the opera Carmen.

[jmcrae]

Originally Posted by brotherhrolf

P. S. We also need fashion police. Flourescent plumes on certain of the knightly orders need to be moderated. Wives of the papal honorees need to be reminded that it is a cantata before Midnight Mass not the opera Carmen.

We're not doing Carmen??

[puzzleannie]

can we please impose a rule that impromptu carol singing by the kindergartners will be confined to the period of time before the children's Mass on Christmas eve, or better yet, to the Christmas pageant in the parish hall, not in church.

choir director should insist no choir member bring along his personal videographer

[adstrinity]

Originally Posted by puzzleannie

can we please impose a rule that impromptu carol singing by the kindergartners will be confined to the period of time before the children's Mass on Christmas eve, or better yet, to the Christmas pageant in the parish hall, not in church.

Or better yet, only on the car ride home with the parents.

Originally Posted by brotherhrolf

I can't tell you how many times I saw some of the Knights of........Papal honorees........big muckity-mucks fall asleep during Midnight Mass.

I always feel sorry for day people who are at Midnight Mass. I'm naturally up at that time, but, I know most people aren't ready for action at even-odd. I don't begrudge them "resting their eyes".

Originally Posted by brotherhrolf

My office would have two functions. One to wake the big muckity-mucks up and two to ride herd on the choir so they don't fall down laughing. It's usually the men who fall asleep. The wives of the knights and honorees are generally quite vigilant and adept at the art of elbow kung fu. But knowing Mudgies, the choir would be apt to throw pistachio shells at them or even lob stale Junkie fruitcakes at them.

I know that we pride ourselves on tradition, but, I think we should borrow from the Protesting Puritan Pilgrims who had this stick thing: on one side would be a feather, and they would at first be tried to be tickled awake by the ushers, and on the other side a knob, which would be used to bonk them into waking up. You needs to get you one of those.

[jmcrae]

Originally Posted by puzzleannie

can we please impose a rule that impromptu carol singing by the kindergartners will be confined to the period of time before the children's Mass on Christmas eve, or better yet, to the Christmas pageant in the parish hall, not in church.

choir director should insist no choir member bring along his personal videographer

I assure you as Choir Director, any and all recording devices, including cameras, phones, video recording devices, and indeed, any and all devices that beep annoyingly in Church, flash, or cause their owners to dance around up at the front to get a good shot (thus blocking my children's view of the performance) shall be confiscated and immediately sold on E-Bay (we have an usher standing by with the necessary skills and permissions), with the money being sent to the Mustard Seed Ministry to buy new beds for the homeless.

Be ye warned.

[aimee]

Originally Posted by jmcrae

We're not doing Carmen??

ahh Bizet...Carmen

[brotherhrolf]

Originally Posted by puzzleannie

can we please impose a rule that impromptu carol singing by the kindergartners will be confined to the period of time before the children's Mass on Christmas eve, or better yet, to the Christmas pageant in the parish hall, not in church.

choir director should insist no choir member bring along his personal videographer

This sounds like something I should attend to! I still need a title.

[CatsAndDogs]

Originally Posted by brotherhrolf

P. S. We also need fashion police. Flourescent plumes on certain of the knightly orders need to be moderated. Wives of the papal honorees need to be reminded that it is a cantata before Midnight Mass not the opera Carmen.

How about the "Piratical Orders"? Can we still wear our BIG BRIMMED HATS 'nd outsized "Puss in Boots" boots (wit da really noisy brass taps "heel-and-toe" on 'em)?

Har... Avast 'ye mudgies... Prepare t' be bored-ed!

..'nd me mates DO carry a tune quite well, by th' by..

[brotherhrolf]

[quote=adstrinity;4506866]
I always feel sorry for day people who are at Midnight Mass. I'm naturally up at that time, but, I know most people aren't ready for action at even-odd. I don't begrudge them "resting their eyes".[/quote]

I am a day person too but Midnight Mass has been my "Christmas" for many long years". I served the TLM (EF) as a boy and for twenty years my Christmas began with "Hodie Christus Natus Est". (And then when I got home at 2, the delayed broadcast of the Vatican's Midnight Mass was on )

Mais cher Aimee. Trust me. The sight of women wearing traditional Spanish mourning dress with mantillas on Christmas eve evokes Carmen not Christmas. Bro loves Bizet...............aw, well, y'all would have to be there...........it ain't a pretty sight.