Did I sell my soul?
Hello, I have OCD (Obsessive compulsive Disorder). I know that comitting blasphemy against the holy spirit/selling your soul to Satan/calling God the Devil etc are common fears and obsessions with OCD and I have had all of them. With help from other people I have come to realize that I cannot commit the blasphemy if I don't truly want to and I don't really think God is the devil or evil. I also don't hate God. But I have had a compulsion recently that has scared me so intensely over the last two days, I feel completely sick and my faith is the only thing preventing suicidal thoughts (but they still come).
About a month ago, I made a typical OCD compulsion saying "if I cut my hair, I am selling my soul." Now most people will say that you can't accidently sell your soul to Satan. However, this time I actually said it OUT LOUD, "With my heart and soul, if I cut my hair I am selling my soul." SO while this sounds like OCD I knew the consequences of cutting my hair. Yet two days ago I cut my hair. When I was cutting my hair I was thinking to myself "It's just OCD, your hair looks really long and bad you have to cut it now!!" but the fact remains, I said this out loud that if I cut it, my soul is sold and then I cut it.
I am so scared. I never wanted to sell my soul but I still said that (because at the time I wasn't sure if I should get a haircut or not -- and I am very poor with choices, so my OCD makes me do things like this). So with knowing the repurcusion of the haircut, have I with full consent of the will/knowledge actually sold my soul? Is there any way to get it back?
Please help me anyone, I don't know where else to go. Thank you so, so much for any advise.
Like, when I made this compulsion I only did it to help me decide between getting a haircut or not. So I knew my OCD has so much of power over me, so I did the “Don’t get a haircut or else selling” compulsion. I didn’t TRULY want to ever do this, but I still made this kind of promise. Then I did cut my hair, so while I didn’t truly want to sell my soul, I did violate the promise I made, so technically you could say I sold it – which is what is bothering me so, so deeply. If you sell your soul does that mean you cant get it back/are you doomed to Hell because Satan now has your soul?