Catholic FAQ


Latest Threads
newest posts



Go Back   Catholic Answers Forums > Forums > Catholic Living > Family Life
 

Welcome to Catholic Answers Forums, the largest Catholic Community on the Web.

Here you can join over 400,000 members from around the world discussing all things Catholic. Membership is open to all, Catholic and non-Catholic alike, who seek the Truth with Charity.

To gain full access, you must register for a FREE account. Registered members are able to:
  • Submit questions about the faith to experts from Catholic Answers
  • Participate in all forum discussions
  • Communicate privately with Catholics from around the world
  • Plus join a prayer group, read with the Book Club, and much more.
Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free. So join our community today!

Have a question about registration or your account log-in? Just contact our Support Hotline.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search Thread Display
  #1  
Old Jan 22, '09, 2:55 am
CHCatholic CHCatholic is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: November 20, 2006
Posts: 308
Default Older women, younger men?

Can relationships/marriages where the man is younger really work? I wonder because I'm very orthodox when it comes to the whole Catholic view on marriage type of deal, and the man being the head of the household type deal, but it seems like this scenario (the man being younger) throws a wrench into it. Maybe I'm just to stereotypical
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old Jan 22, '09, 3:23 am
Trishie's Avatar
Trishie Trishie is offline
Forum Elder
Prayer Warrior
 
Join Date: April 28, 2008
Posts: 32,749
Religion: joyfully Catholic
Default Re: Older women, younger men?

After 18 years of marriage to a man ten years younger I can say it worked for my sister. Still as deeply fond of each other, and very good for each other.
__________________
JESUS who died once for all persons
who gives Yourself wholly in Communion to billions throughout time
please pray in me for every person
as if each person is the only loved one.
JESUS please welcome each person with love, healing, and great joy!
Thank You JESUS


Mother Mary at the wedding feast of Cana (John 2:1-12)
though JESUS protested it was not yet time for miracles
you successfully interceded with Him for a family's temporal need
please now intercede with your divine Son
for each person's temporal and spiritual needs.
Thank you Mother


JESUS please grant our prayer for this person


Catechism of the Catholic Church http://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/_INDEX.HTM
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old Jan 22, '09, 4:28 am
PatrickJT914 PatrickJT914 is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: February 2, 2008
Posts: 378
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: Older women, younger men?

Age is just a number. It's how you feel, look. and think that is really important. Women of today look really great. They eat right, exercise, take care of themselves, use some enhancements. Yes indeed there are a lot of hot looking older women, they put to shame the younger ones.

However, in my own case it may sound a little double standard. But being a man of 50. (I've been told that I don't look my age.) I prefer younger women for a few reasons: They will help me to feel younger, better suited to have children, (I never got married or had children), they usually won't have been previously married and/ or have children. Not that is anything wrong with divorced women, if their marriage was properly annulled and free to marry in the Church. But then there is the question of has she fully gotten over him. I don't to be the one who gets heart-broken and left in the cold,if they get back together. On the issue of previous children, I love children, but I don't want an instant family. I have enough instant families with my new found 3 sisters and their families.

Anyway age should not be a barrier to people who love one another. People should not judged, condemned, gossiped about, receive disapproving looks or shunned if they are in that type of relationship. Because in the end Jesus is probably not going to ask about age or even have age limits on our ability to love one another.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old Jan 22, '09, 5:54 am
Alexandra Alexandra is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: January 13, 2005
Posts: 293
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: Older women, younger men?

Until I met my husband I always dated men considerably older than me. But my husband is 4 years younger. The only time we think about it is if I mention some band from when I was around 12 or 14 and he says "Who?". Other than that it's never made a bit of difference. We married late I was 33 and he was 29. We've now been married 20 years.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old Jan 22, '09, 6:39 am
BlestOne BlestOne is offline
 
Join Date: March 6, 2005
Posts: 7,780
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: Older women, younger men?

Ummm... <raising hand> I am 10.5 yrs older than my dh...
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old Jan 22, '09, 8:42 am
basilisk basilisk is offline
 
Join Date: November 26, 2008
Posts: 455
Default Re: Older women, younger men?

Quote:
Originally Posted by PatrickJT914 View Post
Anyway age should not be a barrier to people who love one another.
As long as both of them are adults.... you have to be careful with rhetoric like this.

I tend to think an age difference within 5 years either way is reasonable. More than that and I start wondering why the older one wants to be with someone who is clearly not in the same stage of life as they are. Patrick gave an example of some good reasons one might want that. But there are lots of bad reasons too, and unfortunately, they tend to be more common.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old Jan 22, '09, 9:46 am
chevalier's Avatar
chevalier chevalier is offline
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: February 16, 2005
Posts: 10,893
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: Older women, younger men?

Leadership doesn't have to be uniform. If you're a rookie lieut. and you have a veteran sarge, you generally do what sarge says unless you have a good reason to think he's taking things the wrong way. If you're an experienced manager and you get a Harvard grad genius kid accountant, you do the numbers his way, not yours. Sometimes the head figure needs to realise he isn't the best at everything. Ethics aren't situational, but proper responses are.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old Jan 22, '09, 9:58 am
jwashu jwashu is offline
Regular Member
Forum Supporter
Book Club Member
 
Join Date: July 16, 2007
Posts: 1,285
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: Older women, younger men?

You are still fairly young (be happy about that, it's a good thing!). However as you are probably already starting to notice, age means less and less the older you get.

While 10 years difference seems like a lot when you are 20, there really aren't that many life differences between even 25 and 35 except experience. Much of their lives will be very similar.

In regards to having children if someone who as 20, 25 or even 30 married someone 10 years their senior they should still be able to have children in today's society.

I believe you usually see older men with younger women because women mature faster than we do but there is a LOT more to marriage than maturity and that will take care of itself (usually,heh) over time.

I don't see anything wrong with it personally and depending on the person could work out well for them.

I will also say that when I was 20/21 I dated some women in their late 20s and early 30s. At the time, just like you now, I really didn't think it would work. Looking back though, it definitely could have.

Joe
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old Jan 22, '09, 10:01 am
SMHW's Avatar
SMHW SMHW is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: June 30, 2004
Posts: 6,092
Religion: Roman Rite Catholic
Send a message via MSN to SMHW
Default Re: Older women, younger men?

Quote:
Originally Posted by CHCatholic View Post
Can relationships/marriages where the man is younger really work? I wonder because I'm very orthodox when it comes to the whole Catholic view on marriage type of deal, and the man being the head of the household type deal, but it seems like this scenario (the man being younger) throws a wrench into it. Maybe I'm just to stereotypical
I know of several relationships where the woman is anywhere from four to 20+ years older than the man. And in the majority of those cases there was definitely male leadership.

The key to those relationships was that the women married men rather than boys. There's more to being a man than reaching a certain age just as there is more to being a woman than achieving a certain age.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old Jan 22, '09, 10:04 am
Eucharisted's Avatar
Eucharisted Eucharisted is offline
Regular Member
 
Join Date: November 14, 2008
Posts: 7,877
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: Older women, younger men?

Age of body dose not determine age of spirit.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old Jan 22, '09, 11:16 am
PatrickJT914 PatrickJT914 is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: February 2, 2008
Posts: 378
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: Older women, younger men?

Quote:
Originally Posted by basilisk View Post
As long as both of them are adults.... you have to be careful with rhetoric like this.

I tend to think an age difference within 5 years either way is reasonable. More than that and I start wondering why the older one wants to be with someone who is clearly not in the same stage of life as they are. Patrick gave an example of some good reasons one might want that. But there are lots of bad reasons too, and unfortunately, they tend to be more common.
Whoops! Thank you for the correction. I thought it would be assumed that we were talking about adults (18 years + ) on this topic.

Now granted they might not be at the same stage of life. However, a person is much more than age. Let me give some examples for a younger person of a relationship: Even if they are younger, their tastes and personal likes could be much older in scope. Maybe they like the EF (TLM), classical music, big bands, ballroom dancing, traditional roles of male and female etc. Maybe they grew up around adults or had to grow up faster, by having to be a surrogate mother or father to their families. Through divorce, death or other separations. On the other hand an older adult may not have fully matured.

Yes there are some bad experiences with these types of relationships. Which is sad. But we are drawn to bad things and the media plays up on that, thus robbing us of beautiful experiences.

Then again aren't all relationships a gamble? A roll of the dice. Even if it appears everything is perfect or close to perfect on paper. You know sometimes what appears to be totally opposites, can sometimes be the best relationships.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old Jan 22, '09, 11:22 am
lizaanne's Avatar
lizaanne lizaanne is offline
Veteran Member
 
Join Date: February 4, 2005
Posts: 9,750
Religion: Roman Catholic
Default Re: Older women, younger men?

Quote:
Originally Posted by CHCatholic View Post
Can relationships/marriages where the man is younger really work? I wonder because I'm very orthodox when it comes to the whole Catholic view on marriage type of deal, and the man being the head of the household type deal, but it seems like this scenario (the man being younger) throws a wrench into it. Maybe I'm just to stereotypical
My DH and I are just shy of 13 years apart, I'm 44 he's 31. We have been married for a little over two years now and the age thing is not an issue with us.

Unless we are trying to find something to listen to on the car radio - then it gets ugly.

What makes you think that just because I'm older he can't be the head of our household? I am confused on that part.

~Liza
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old Jan 22, '09, 1:01 pm
Beachcomber Beachcomber is offline
Prayer Warrior
Book Club Member
 
Join Date: June 1, 2007
Posts: 4,560
Default Re: Older women, younger men?

Mr Beachcomber is 5 years younger than I am. We've been together 22 years this month. It's all in one's outlook, maturity, and spirit; shared interests, communication, that sort of thing.

I read somewhere that there was a study done on this very subject and the conclusions were, in general, (you know how 'studies' are) that it isn't a bad thing for the wife to be older than the husband. Women tend to outlive men and if they are older, they will have many more years together, rather than the older husband dying off and leaving a widow. I'm paraphrasing the findings, but that's the gist of it.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old Jan 22, '09, 1:25 pm
PatrickJT914 PatrickJT914 is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: February 2, 2008
Posts: 378
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: Older women, younger men?

Hi Lizanne,

It might have to do with radical feminists interpetation of scriptures. In which St. Paul's seems to say that women are inferior, but they fail to continue to read further that the man is to love his wife as he loves his own body. Just as Jesus loved his Church as His own. Jesus was the head of it as well. What else does scripture show and tell us about Jesus?
1. He took charge, had a presence, spoke with authority. But did not dicitate.
2. Man of action
3. Assertive,firm,strong-willed,decisive
4. Gentle man
5. Open
6. Intimate in a non sexual way
7. Unselfish
8. Compassionate
9. Merciful
10. Kind
11. Understanding
12. Tender
13. Patient
14. He listened to people
15. Generous
16. Good temperament
17. Sensitive
18. Emotional
19. A provider.
20. Self-disciplined.
21. et al.
Others: He was a rugged and strong man ( carpenter, endured pain, carried His cross). He died for His bride. He helped, nutured, guided, loved, made sure that she would be provided for after He was physically gone (Holy Spirit, Peter and the Apostles)
Are not these qualities that women should seek in a man (and we men should emulate, copy for ourselves)? If a man possesses these, then why should it matter the age of the man.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old Jan 22, '09, 1:54 pm
PatrickJT914 PatrickJT914 is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: February 2, 2008
Posts: 378
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: Older women, younger men?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Beachcomber View Post
Mr Beachcomber is 5 years younger than I am. We've been together 22 years this month. It's all in one's outlook, maturity, and spirit; shared interests, communication, that sort of thing.

I read somewhere that there was a study done on this very subject and the conclusions were, in general, (you know how 'studies' are) that it isn't a bad thing for the wife to be older than the husband. Women tend to outlive men and if they are older, they will have many more years together, rather than the older husband dying off and leaving a widow. I'm paraphrasing the findings, but that's the gist of it.
Hi Beachcomer,
OUCH! If I marry a younger woman, that means I'm going to die first? Seriously, I realize that fact. And I would hope she would still be young enough to find someone else. But you know now women are starting to show signs of suffering and dying of diseases that men used to have exclusively for our gender. That is because more women are working in the corporate world with all the stresses, bad diets that go along with it.

Patrick

P.S. Congradulations on your marriage longevity.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Go Back   Catholic Answers Forums > Forums > Catholic Living > Family Life

Bookmarks

Thread Tools Search Thread
Search Thread:

Advanced Search
Display

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



Prayer Intentions

Most Active Groups
8257Meet and talk,talk talk
Last by: GLam8833
5018CAF Prayer Warriors Support Group
Last by: UpUpAndAway
4345Devotion to the Sorrowful Mother
Last by: lsbar
4029OCD/Scrupulosity Group
Last by: B79
3834SOLITUDE
Last by: tuscany
3569Let's empty Purgatory
Last by: RJB
3230Poems and Reflections
Last by: tonyg
3203Catholic Vegetarians & Vegans
Last by: memphian
3130Petitions Before the Blessed Sacrament
Last by: Amiciel
3048For seniors and shut- ins
Last by: tammany



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 2:06 am.

Home RSS Feeds - Home - Archive - Top

Copyright © 2004-2014, Catholic Answers.