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  #1  
Old Feb 7, '09, 9:36 pm
em1708 em1708 is offline
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Default what should you do if you think you are in love with a priest?

hi.. i am a new member of this forum and I'd like to seek advice from people re my feelings for our parish priest.
I've been trying to avoid him but since i am part of the commentator/lector ministry of our parish, i still see him every time i serve. am i committing sin? what should i do?

thanks in advance for your suggestions..
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  #2  
Old Feb 7, '09, 9:43 pm
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LilyM LilyM is offline
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Default Re: what should you do if you think you are in love with a priest?

There's such a thing as 'near occasion of sin'. St Paul tells us to flee temptation! It can be a sin to deliberately and knowingly put oneself in a 'near occasion', but whether that's the case for you is for yourself and your confessor to judge.

You certainly need to leave those ministries if they mean more contact with this priest. Is there any other parish you could go to instead of his?
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  #3  
Old Feb 7, '09, 9:51 pm
em1708 em1708 is offline
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Default Re: what should you do if you think you are in love with a priest?

i've been serving for almost 5 years already and leaving the ministry which has been my strength for the past years will definitely be hard for me.. is it okay if i tell him about it? or will it just get worse?
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  #4  
Old Feb 7, '09, 9:54 pm
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Sillara Sillara is offline
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Default Re: what should you do if you think you are in love with a priest?

Telling him about it is probably NOT a good idea. You do not want to be an occasion of sin for HIM, too.

And fleeing temptation is important, truly. Even if it means leaving this ministry, even if it means leaving this parish, it is necessary. Do not put yourself--or your priest!--in a position of having to fight temptation.
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  #5  
Old Feb 7, '09, 9:55 pm
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LilyM LilyM is offline
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Default Re: what should you do if you think you are in love with a priest?

Quote:
Originally Posted by em1708 View Post
i've been serving for almost 5 years already and leaving the ministry which has been my strength for the past years will definitely be hard for me.. is it okay if i tell him about it? or will it just get worse?
Harder than the (eternal) consequences should you fall into sin, or worse still lead him into sin too? Absolutely not! I don't think telling him is a good idea either.
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  #6  
Old Feb 7, '09, 10:10 pm
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Default Re: what should you do if you think you are in love with a priest?

Quote:
Originally Posted by em1708 View Post
i've been serving for almost 5 years already and leaving the ministry which has been my strength for the past years will definitely be hard for me.. is it okay if i tell him about it? or will it just get worse?
NO no no, please don't tell him. Not only would that make the situation impossibly difficult, it would place him in possible occasion of sin.

You are attracted to him. Don't imagine you're anything like the first of the last who will be attracted to him! A priest can not only be physically attractive, but he can appear extra attractive beciuse he makes it his business as his vocation requires him to, to be kind and sensitive to others' needs, to be inspiring in what he says and preaches...don't kid yourself into thinking your feelings are something special or unique. Lots of women are attracted by such qualities.

Giving up your ministry pales to nothing beside the dangers of fornication...which Jesus tells us occur in the heart, no action needed. Jesus says, . . . "but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Matthew 5:28

Don't do that to him or to you. If you remain caught in this attraction, be certain it will distract you from God and from your mission if you allow it to continue.

If you need to confess anything that is obsession, and it is sin if it become obsession, or if has a component of sexual desire, don't go to that priest for Confession, go to another priest elsewhere.

I ask God to help you in this. May God's will be done, even if it involves personal sacrifice to you. I'm sorry you have this painful problem
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though JESUS protested it was not yet time for miracles
you successfully interceded with Him for a family's temporal need
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  #7  
Old Feb 7, '09, 10:13 pm
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Default Re: what should you do if you think you are in love with a priest?

The first paragraph also goes for lay persons.

Attraction to another

Priests of God, if you even subtly betray your attraction to someone, do not imagine that you do not cause harm, pain, or confusion to that person, although you may make no particular act or approach.

Guard yourself, because the harm can affect the person you are attracted to more deeply and enduringly than you imagine. Yours is a difficult path, as it is natural to at some time fall in love and you have no one of your own.

The same however is true for all of us, that we may be attracted to someone with whom we have no right to develop relationship. Souls are distracted for God's love and service.
Lives and reputations can be ruined. Justice is not always achieved.

Difficult though it may be, hide your heart and do not allow the subtleties of your attraction to manifest to another.
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JESUS who died once for all persons
who gives Yourself wholly in Communion to billions throughout time
please pray in me for every person
as if each person is the only loved one.
JESUS please welcome each person with love, healing, and great joy!
Thank You JESUS


Mother Mary at the wedding feast of Cana (John 2:1-12)
though JESUS protested it was not yet time for miracles
you successfully interceded with Him for a family's temporal need
please now intercede with your divine Son
for each person's temporal and spiritual needs.
Thank you Mother


JESUS please grant our prayer for this person


Catechism of the Catholic Church http://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/_INDEX.HTM
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  #8  
Old Feb 7, '09, 10:15 pm
em1708 em1708 is offline
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Default Re: what should you do if you think you are in love with a priest?

i get it.. but what will i tell him if he ask why i'm leaving?
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  #9  
Old Feb 7, '09, 10:19 pm
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Default Re: what should you do if you think you are in love with a priest?

No, please leave the poor man in peace. It's not easy to live a life without personal companionship, or in complete chastity. He's a man. Don't leave him with anything that even possibly could upset the poor man's imagination or peace. That is the charity you owe him.

I'l keep you in my prayers in this difficult time. God bless you, Em
__________________
JESUS who died once for all persons
who gives Yourself wholly in Communion to billions throughout time
please pray in me for every person
as if each person is the only loved one.
JESUS please welcome each person with love, healing, and great joy!
Thank You JESUS


Mother Mary at the wedding feast of Cana (John 2:1-12)
though JESUS protested it was not yet time for miracles
you successfully interceded with Him for a family's temporal need
please now intercede with your divine Son
for each person's temporal and spiritual needs.
Thank you Mother


JESUS please grant our prayer for this person


Catechism of the Catholic Church http://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/_INDEX.HTM
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  #10  
Old Feb 8, '09, 1:07 am
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LilyM LilyM is offline
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Default Re: what should you do if you think you are in love with a priest?

Quote:
Originally Posted by em1708 View Post
i get it.. but what will i tell him if he ask why i'm leaving?
Just tell him you can't continue - and don't offer any further information. You're not obligated to. If you feel you must, say something like 'it's not something I feel comfortable talking about' and leave it at that.
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  #11  
Old Feb 8, '09, 2:47 am
Shin Shin is offline
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Default Re: what should you do if you think you are in love with a priest?

Do not inform him, and do not continue in the position you are in.

Do not give into any stupid melodramatic emotional outbursts of 'I have to tell him!' 'I'll never feel peace!' or hint at it in any way. Not the in the slightest. If you have to create another reason to leave the ministry to honestly give him if it gets that devilishly complicated. And don't confess it to someone else so it becomes parish gossip either and gets to him.

Kill the attraction you have for him, as directly from Hell and your disordered emotions. The man is consecrated to God, he is not for you, and it is wrong to delectate in those emotions of attraction you feel for him.

Do whatever you need to kill that emotion. He is sacred, he is set apart. He is a father, not a potential spouse.

Do not be sympathetic with your feelings here.

Pray! You have my prayers. Ave Maria. . .

+ Peace.
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  #12  
Old Feb 8, '09, 6:14 am
kage_ar kage_ar is offline
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Default Re: what should you do if you think you are in love with a priest?

One does not "fall in love" in the same way one catches the flu - you just walk innocently along and BAM you are in love. That is what silly movies and books teach us.

Love is an act of the will. You choose to love someone. At sometime you felt an emotion, and instead of putting it in it's proper place, you cuddled it and turned it into this idea of being in love.

The thing to do is to be a big grown up, put those silly feelings aside and choose to give your priest the love and respect he deserves as God's Holy Priest. Romantic emotions are not part of that love and respect, and you can choose to stop having those.

Pray for the strength to stop giving in to emotions.
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  #13  
Old Feb 8, '09, 8:10 am
Liberanosamalo Liberanosamalo is offline
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Default Re: what should you do if you think you are in love with a priest?

This priest has given his life to bringing souls to Christ. His job is to be the face of Christ in the world. Recognize that your feelings for him are misplaced and should really be directed at Christ. The priest is trying to make you fall in love with Christ, not himself. God alone is what our hearts are seeking. When we love our fellow man it's only a small reflection of the love of God in Whom we will not have rest until we find our rest in Him.

Leave the priest out of it. You are making him an obstacle to the love of God. That is a disservice to him. If he's as wonderful as you say he is, there are probably a score of other women in the parish who find him attractive and they are keeping it to themselves too.

I've seen too often what happens in a parish when a woman crosses the boundaries set by that Roman Collar. It not only destroys the priest, his vocation, the woman's life, but it also destroys parishes, causes scandal to young children, thwarts possible vocations of those who may respect that priest and have been interested in following his footsteps to the altar. Sometimes the scandal even makes the paper.

Don't go there. Satan is working doubletime on this man because he knows if he can get a priest, he can drag hundreds down with him. Don't be Satan's tool.

Everyone else here gave you great advice. And by the way, it's not just fornication with a priest. It's sacrilege.
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  #14  
Old Feb 8, '09, 8:54 am
whatevergirl whatevergirl is offline
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Default Re: what should you do if you think you are in love with a priest?

I'm sorry you're struggling with this...I agree with others to not tell him, as it would not promote a positive outcome really. Think of it this way...in life, there are situations and people who for lack of a better word...are off limits. I liken this to say you worked with a married man in the corporate world, for example. You find yourself falling in love with him...you wouldn't necessarily quit your job, but telling him wouldn't be a good idea, either. There are many times in our lives where we just have to deal with situations, pray through them, and get past them. This is a time for you. Just keep praying for strength...and ask God to turn those feelings of love that you have for him, into feelings of friendship...

I would confess these feelings during your next confession, perhaps at a different parish, in case he is your Confessor, and might know your voice, if you are fearful of that at all.

But, just know that there are times when we might have feelings for people who are simply off limits. A priest is one of those people...I will pray that you overcome your struggle with this soon. God bless!
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  #15  
Old Feb 9, '09, 11:09 am
barb finnegan barb finnegan is offline
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Default Re: what should you do if you think you are in love with a priest?

All the posters have given excellent advice....

May I bring in some personal thoughts? I've had several friendships with priests-they have always treated me with respect. And I respect them in their vocation, too. One of my best friends is a priest in England. He was ordained by John Paul II in 1982, during his visit to Britain. I met my friend by chance while on a pilgrimage to Fatima, Portugal in 1988.

He either writes to me [letters and postcards] or else phones. I've visited him twice in his parish in England (1997 and 1999), and once in London (1989). I treat him as a brother, and during the three times we have met each other, he always gave me a hug and a kiss. Our friendship is like what St. Therese had for her two 'spiritual brothers' Fr. Belliere and Rouland (has anyone hear read Bishop Patrick Ahern's book, "Therese and Maurice: The Story of a Love" ? ). And no one ever accused St. Therese of being 'in love' with either one of those two priests!

I had another priest-friend who was from Quebec, Canada. I met him literally in St. Therese's 'front yard'-Les Buissonets, her childhood home in Lisieux! At the time [1991] I didn't know he was studying for the priesthood; but in 1993 he sent me a picture from his diaconate ordination in Italy. He was ordained in the south of France in August 1993, and I went to visit him in October of that year. I stayed with him and two other French-Canadian seminarians in a small village in the Pyrenees section of France, near Lourdes. My friend was kindness itself-he was like a brother to me, just as my English priest-friend! I could talk to him about anything! I saw him again the next year, when he was home in Canada on vacation. And there, as in France, I was very comfortable with him-there was no fear of 'falling in love' with either him, or with my English friend! Finally he came back home to Canada for good about four or five years ago [health reasons], and he sent me a postcard telling me the news. I don't have his current address, so I've lost touch with him. But I still pray for-and yes, 'love', BUT IN A CHASTE WAY-both of my 'priest-brothers'!

Last edited by barb finnegan; Feb 9, '09 at 11:12 am. Reason: adding clarifiying words at the end
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