Singles Clubhouse III

[catherinette]

Well I am feeling juvenalian today, so I think it's time to start a new thread for the clubhouse...

[catherinette]

Originally Posted by Chevalier

The core of the problem is probably somewhere between why should I and why shouldn't I. Things don't always coincide well just because we would like to combine them. On the other hand, there's no either or in your case, not sure where you got the impression.

I guess not....

Originally Posted by Chevalier

Excuses, excuses. That's a bad argument. If you wanted a good argument, you could just have pointed out that you explicitly put yourself in the other category later on and I was twisting your words.

But I was pointing out that you didn't admit that you were egotistical....

Originally Posted by Chevalier

A judgement of compatibility between you and the other person is not a judgement of that person. A judgement of "cheerful", "gloomy", "bright", "not very bright", is not necessarily a judgement of a wrong to make kind. The bad or potentially bad kind of judgement is something like, "is she good enough for me?", "is he cool enough for me?" etc etc. We can assess firstly the compatibility and secondly some personality traits without assessing the person's worth in some improper ways. My point is, if the person is not for me, nothing happens. I don't need to dwell on it and make a judgement. If I'm inclined to make assessments which don't look that great from the point of view of human dignity of the other person, I should skip that prospect and move on without forming judgement. If we aren't really for each other, the rest doesn't need to be evaluated.

Hmmm.... Well I have to wonder if you really are so non-judgmental in practice. What about appearances, for example? I doubt you would date a girl you did not find attractive, even if everything else about her fit your criteria, and implicit in the idea of appearances is also thinking just a little about how other people might see her too. But I am being a little too honest about myself in saying this, and I know it's not a good thing to think about; like I said, I am aware of most of my faults, pride being quite naturally one of them.

But in general, I guess I am more liable to make judgements about someone's moral qualities, and judge them perhaps too harshly based upon my poor impression of say, how honest or how pure they are. I remember once going out with a guy who said some stupid white lie to a salesperson in a store we were at; my opinion of him plummeted.

Originally Posted by Chevalier

Yes, I do. Again, that boils down to the execution. All personality traits are ideals which we meet in a degree of fullness. There must be something which impresses you in a man, for example, that he is honest, forthright, intelligent, caring, whatever it is that gives you a peaceful feeling of appreciation rather than an unsettling experience of attraction that you know isn't good for you. That is good. What wouldn't necessarily be good, would be categorising people, putting them on scales, giving them this or that form of net worth.

I suppose you are right, although I hate to admit it. There is something I am looking for which I have not found yet in any guy I've ever dated, and putting guys on some sort of relative scale based on my ideal doesn't really help. But "un dix-neuf pèse au fond du cœur."

Originally Posted by Chevalier

Ekhm. Depends on your definition of playful. If your definition of playful includes "suchlike seduction", then Aquinas duly notes it's made moral or immoral by its ends, but he was biased against them not specifically having a concrete good cause. Recreation does not necessarily involve the other gender, you know. Gotta try harder.

I didn't imply that recreation always involves the other gender; in fact I think you did!

Originally Posted by Chevalier

True, although in my case a couple of drinks and some dancing ability generally tend to help. Sharing the core values allows you to put more energy in actually having fun and less in watching lest it turn into things immoral on the account of their motivation. That's actually half the reason I'm staying with Catholics.

Exactly. It's always nice to have a couple of good guys around who will keep away the unwanted attention!

[Fashina86]

Originally Posted by catherinette

Well I am feeling juvenalian today, so I think it's time to start a new thread for the clubhouse...

cool.... and I shall join you. you don't mind do you?

[catherinette]

Originally Posted by Fashina86

cool.... and I shall join you. you don't mind do you?

No not at all! Hello!

I am still feeling satirical today, so I am not really sure what the solution is! Okay, I guess I do, but I am terrible at taking advice, especially my own.

So here is a question, which I think I know the answer to, but I will ask it anyway: is it unfair that I require a guy to be Catholic, and not just Catholic, but actually serious about his faith before I agree to date him? I have been told it's unfair (by the guys, that is) but from my point of view, why in the world should I have to be fair, especially about who I date? Dating is probably the least fair field in the world upon which to play... or fight, whichever you prefer.

[maddmaxx1200]

At 43 going on 14, I always feel juvenile...except when I'm sleeping

It is good to once again meet your acquaintance Lady Catherinette, likewise Chevalier

Originally Posted by catherinette

Well I am feeling juvenalian today, so I think it's time to start a new thread for the clubhouse...

[catherinette]

Originally Posted by maddmaxx1200

At 43 going on 14, I always feel juvenile...except when I'm sleeping

It is good to once again meet your acquaintance Lady Catherinette, likewise Chevalier

I guess I could take this opportunity to explain the difference between juvenile and juvenalian.... but oh, what's the point? I guess they amount to the same thing anyway!

I think you are better off than I am, maddmaxx! I am pretty sure I am 24 going on 75!

[Fashina86]

Originally Posted by catherinette

No not at all! Hello!

I am still feeling satirical today, so I am not really sure what the solution is! Okay, I guess I do, but I am terrible at taking advice, especially my own.

So here is a question, which I think I know the answer to, but I will ask it anyway: is it unfair that I require a guy to be Catholic, and not just Catholic, but actually serious about his faith before I agree to date him? I have been told it's unfair (by the guys, that is) but from my point of view, why in the world should I have to be fair, especially about who I date? Dating is probably the least fair field in the world upon which to play... or fight, whichever you prefer.

no... I don't think that it is unreasonable or unfair....

I wish I could find a guy like that.... *wistful thinking*

[maddmaxx1200]

So here is a question, which I think I know the answer to, but I will ask it anyway: is it unfair that I require a guy to be Catholic, and not just Catholic, but actually serious about his faith before I agree to date him?

This is not unfair at all--it's what you want, what you're looking for in a man so again it's not at all unfair. You are under no more obligation to justify your dating criteria then anyone else is not to mention you're not the only person having said criteria.

I have been told it's unfair (by the guys, that is) but from my point of view, why in the world should I have to be fair, especially about who I date?

This is usually said by guys who have been spurned and probably nothing more than sour grapes

Originally Posted by catherinette

No not at all! Hello!

I am still feeling satirical today, so I am not really sure what the solution is! Okay, I guess I do, but I am terrible at taking advice, especially my own.

So here is a question, which I think I know the answer to, but I will ask it anyway: is it unfair that I require a guy to be Catholic, and not just Catholic, but actually serious about his faith before I agree to date him? I have been told it's unfair (by the guys, that is) but from my point of view, why in the world should I have to be fair, especially about who I date? Dating is probably the least fair field in the world upon which to play... or fight, whichever you prefer.

[maddmaxx1200]

I think you are better off than I am, maddmaxx!

This being completely subjective and open to interpretation...

I am pretty sure I am 24 going on 75!

There are worse things to be...unless, you're already have a bunch of grey hair....

Originally Posted by catherinette

I guess I could take this opportunity to explain the difference between juvenile and juvenalian.... but oh, what's the point? I guess they amount to the same thing anyway!

I think you are better off than I am, maddmaxx! I am pretty sure I am 24 going on 75!

[Fashina86]

Originally Posted by catherinette

I guess I could take this opportunity to explain the difference between juvenile and juvenalian.... but oh, what's the point? I guess they amount to the same thing anyway!

I think you are better off than I am, maddmaxx! I am pretty sure I am 24 going on 75!

It could be worse... I am 22 going on close to 80....

[catherinette]

Originally Posted by maddmaxx1200

This being completely subjective and open to interpretation...

There are worse things to be...unless, you're already have a bunch of grey hair....

Not too many yet... fortunately! But all of this stress of dating might make me old and gray yet!

Mostly I just complain about the young people of today, and how they don't appreciate things, and how they are totally selfish and self-centered and don't respect their elders! I remember taking part in a conversation a couple of weeks ago with an older crowd (I was the youngest by, say, forty years). One elderly man who was probably about 80 kept complaining about the youth of today. The other people who were present would look over at me, as though expecting me to protest.... yet to be honest, I agreed with just about everything he was saying!

[catherinette]

Originally Posted by Fashina86

no... I don't think that it is unreasonable or unfair....

I wish I could find a guy like that.... *wistful thinking*

Yes, finding guys like that seems to be the hard part! I confess I always have small crushes on the guys I see at mass, especially the ones at daily mass. And there is nothing more attractive than a guy who says the rosary! Sigh.

[Fashina86]

Originally Posted by catherinette

Yes, finding guys like that seems to be the hard part! I confess I always have small crushes on the guys I see at mass, especially the ones at daily mass. And there is nothing more attractive than a guy who says the rosary! Sigh.

ok... I can totally relate. I was seeing a guy for almost two years, and in that time period, he became a daily Mass and rosary person... I was soo sad when he decided the distance was too much for him (but understanding none the less)....

but they are so rare....

[chevalier]

Originally Posted by catherinette

I guess not....

But I was pointing out that you didn't admit that you were egotistical....

I see you're ripe with compliments.

Hmmm.... Well I have to wonder if you really are so non-judgmental in practice. What about appearances, for example? I doubt you would date a girl you did not find attractive, even if everything else about her fit your criteria,

True. However, attraction has to be there and there's no point pretending you don't care when you do.

and implicit in the idea of appearances is also thinking just a little about how other people might see her too.

No, who cares. I don't need my mates saying she's pretty, nor do I need strangers turning heads after her.

But in general, I guess I am more liable to make judgements about someone's moral qualities, and judge them perhaps too harshly based upon my poor impression of say, how honest or how pure they are. I remember once going out with a guy who said some stupid white lie to a salesperson in a store we were at; my opinion of him plummeted.

I would probably be worried because that meant she could do the same to me. On the other hand, each of us has different weaknesses and also different priorities in what aspects of moral law we are putting first in our lives. I can easily see a saint uttering a white lie (in fact, I know at least one story - a miracle happened to adjust the reality to what the saint said when it was being verified), on the other hand I can easily see a person who'd never utter a white lie cutting the ethical edges in other areas. Therefore, I'd try to reserve the judgement and be mindful that a little white lie is not the end of the world.

I suppose you are right, although I hate to admit it. There is something I am looking for which I have not found yet in any guy I've ever dated, and putting guys on some sort of relative scale based on my ideal doesn't really help. But "un dix-neuf pèse au fond du cœur."

It's natural, but nature is only the starting point from which we grow.

I didn't imply that recreation always involves the other gender; in fact I think you did!

I'm perfectly fine sipping wine from a half-litre cup right now without any female company whatsoever, unless this conversation counts. But when I was similarly recreating yesterday, I wasn't talking to anybody.

Exactly. It's always nice to have a couple of good guys around who will keep away the unwanted attention!

Just don't tell them their only purpose is turning away the unwanted attention.

[chevalier]

Originally Posted by catherinette

Yes, finding guys like that seems to be the hard part! I confess I always have small crushes on the guys I see at mass, especially the ones at daily mass. And there is nothing more attractive than a guy who says the rosary! Sigh.

Once upon a time I saw a score of locks scattering over the top of a pew, in real life. From that point on, I really haven't cared much about non-Catholics.