Best Blonde Joke ever (arguably...) Feel free to add more.

**Church Militant** · #1 Jun 3, '09, 8:21 am

Best Blonde Joke ever

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, 'Please come over here and help
me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get
started.'

Her boyfriend asks, 'What is it supposed to be when it's finished?'

The blonde says, 'According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster.'

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over
the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to
her and says,

'First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to
assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.'

He takes her hand and says, 'Second, I want you to relax. Let's have
a nice cup of tea, and then ..' he said with a deep sigh, ...................

'Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.'

Miserissima · #2 Jun 3, '09, 9:54 am

I heard that one, but with a twist: it was "my husband," "a tiger," and "Frosted Flakes." Bwah!

MannaG · #3 Jun 3, '09, 10:31 am

nancy dalrymple · #4 Jun 4, '09, 8:12 am

How Many Chickens

Two blondes are walking down a road:

Two blondes are walking down a road, one has a large sports bag.

1st blonde: "What have you got in that bag?"

2nd blonde: "Chickens."

1st blonde: "If I can guess how many chickens you've got in that bag, can I have one of them?"

2nd blonde: "If you can guess how many chickens I've got in this bag, you can have BOTH of them!!"

1st blonde: Well, I think you've got three."

Love of Christ Nancy

**Church Militant** · #5 Jun 4, '09, 9:13 am

LOLs

Mary Gail 36 · #6 Jun 4, '09, 1:49 pm

A blonde and her husband were watching the news. They hear, "Coming up next, 2 Brazilian men die in a sky-diving accident"

The Blonde starts to sob uncontrollable

, I can't believe it, 2 Brazilian men, 2 Brazilian men...."

The husband says, "Oh sweetie, sky diving is a dangerous sport."

The wife keeps crying, "Oh, but it's just incredibly sad.....how many are in a Brazilian anyway?"

nancy dalrymple · #7 Jun 4, '09, 2:06 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mary Gail 36

A blonde and her husband were watching the news. They hear, "Coming up next, 2 Brazilian men die in a sky-diving accident"

The Blonde starts to sob uncontrollable

, I can't believe it, 2 Brazilian men, 2 Brazilian men...."

The husband says, "Oh sweetie, sky diving is a dangerous sport."

The wife keeps crying, "Oh, but it's just incredibly sad.....how many are in a Brazilian anyway?"

That was good!

nancy dalrymple · #8 Jun 4, '09, 2:17 pm

A blond walks into a electronic store and asks the manager,"Can I buy that TV"?
"NO"
"Why not"
"Because your a blonde."
So the blond goes out and dyes her hair red. She returned to the electroinc store and said,
"Can I buy that TV"?
"NO"
"Why not?"
"Your a blond."
So the blond goes and shaves her hair off and returns to the electronic store and says,
"Can I buy that TV?"
"No"
"Why not?"
"Your a blond""How can you tell if i'm a blond, I dyed my hair red, then shaved it off!"
"Because that's not a TV, that's a microwave!"

Mary Gail 36 · #9 Jun 4, '09, 2:21 pm

(she thought 2 brazilian was a verrrry large number, even more than 2 billion)

phoage · #10 Jun 4, '09, 2:36 pm

1 hundred, 1 thousand, 1 million, 1 brazilian, 2 Brazilian.

Mary Gail 36 · #11 Jun 4, '09, 2:43 pm

A blonde secretary was fired from her job. She kept putting White Out on the computer screen.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A Blonde's dear old grandfather passed away. Her heartbroken grandmother put her in charge of the funeral arrangements.

"My only wish is that Grandpa look as handsome as the day we were married. Please be generous, deary, have the funeral home bill me. "

The wake was beautiful, an expensive casket, lots of flowers and Grandpa looked very handsome, dressed in a very elegant dark suit.

The broken hearted Granny was very pleased.

The next month the funeral home sends the first bill, $10,100 dollars. Granny writes the check.

The next month another bill for $100.00, again Granny writes the check.

This goes on for a few months until the Grandmother confronts the grand daughter about the bills.

"Deary, how much was Grandpa's funeral."
"It was $10,000 Granny."
"Well honey, what about the bills I get every month for $100.00?"

"Well Granny you said you wanted him to look as nice as the day you were married."

Granny nodded, "so what does that have to do with the $100.00 a month?"

"Oh Granny, that's for the tuxedo rental."

nancy dalrymple · #12 Jun 5, '09, 6:04 pm

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed itshut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to hedge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder then ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
To which she replied, "There certaintly is1" My stupid computer keeps saying, "You got mail!"

**LRThunder** · #13 Jun 5, '09, 6:52 pm

How blonde was she?

She was soooooo blonde...

* She thought a quarterback was a refund.
* She thought General Motors was in the army.
* She sent a fax with a stamp on it.
* She tripped over a cordless phone.
* She went to the library and studied for a blood test.

nancy dalrymple · #14 Jun 5, '09, 7:42 pm

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the reckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you oK ma'am?"
"Yes. officer. I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was Another tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was..."
"UH, ma'am," the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."

Mary Gail 36 · #15 Jun 6, '09, 7:05 pm

A blonde went to Florida with the hope of buying some alligator shoes.

She went to various shops and all were way too expensive.

The last shop owner told her, "I have the best prices, you'd have kill your own alligator to get a better price."

"Well, that's what I'll do." she said and marched out of the shop.

Later that day, the same shop owner passed a canal and sees the blonde actually wrestling an alligator. On the shore were the carcasses of 3 more alligators. Exhausted, the blonde pulls the dead alligator from the water and examines it.

"Oh Darn it!. She exclaims, this one's not wearing shoes either!"