Good clean Laughs thread.

[Church Militant]

Some Wal-Mart customers soon will be able to sample a new discount item: Wal-Mart’s own brand of wine. The world's largest retail chain is teaming up with E&J Gallo Winery of Modesto , California , to produce the spirits at an affordable price, in the $2 to $5 range.
While wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to throw a bottle of Wal-Mart brand wine into their shopping carts, there is a market for cheap wine, said Kathy Micken, professor of marketing at Roger Williams University in Bristol, R. I. She said: "The right name is important." So, here we go...The top 13 suggested names for Wal-Mart Wine:

13. Château Traileur Parc
12. White Trashfindel
11. Big Red Gulp
10. Grape Expectations
9. Domaine Wal-Mart "Merde du Pays"
8. NASCARbernet
7. Chef Boyardeaux
6. Peanut Noir
5. Château des Moines
4. I Can't Believe It's Not Vinegar!
3. World Championship Riesling
2. Sams Shiraz
And the number 1 name for Wal-Mart Wine
1. Nasti Spumante

The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it can be served with both white meat (Possum) and red meat (squirrel)

[redtech]

Here is one that my son tells.

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Christopher

Christopher Who?

See ya later Alligator!!!

He's 3 years old.

I can't wait for my kids to come up with some decent knock knock jokes.

[Mary Gail 36]

My DD'S tells ones something like this.

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Banana
Banana who?
A mushed up banana with whip cream. Get it? Whip cream?

They don't make sense, but I laugh anyway.

BTW, 9 isn't good or clean.

[stbruno]

Someone woke me up from a sound sleep ringing my doorbell at 3:30 a.m..
When I stumbled to the door, the man seemed desperate for a push.
So reluctantly, remembering when I too needed a push and someone helped me,
I got dressed to meet the man outside.

When I looked for him, I didn't immediately see a car or man in distress. So I said in the dark night....hey you....do you still need a push??

And over in the corner of my porch sitting on my swing, was the same inebriated character...waiting patiently for me.
Yes, please give me a push! He said!

[Church Militant]

[Church Militant]

It could happen...

My 1 day employment

So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter,
a good find for many retirees,
I lasted less than a day......
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud,
unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids,
Yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, 'Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart.
Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say,
'Heck no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7.
Why the heck would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?'
So I replied,
'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am,
I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice.
Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.'
My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.

[Church Militant]

I've seen some folks who probably needed something like this said to them.

[VeronicaAnne]

That's not a good, clean laugh, Church Militant.



It's just plain mean.

[Zundrah]

Originally Posted by VeronicaAnne

That's not a good, clean laugh, Church Militant.



It's just plain mean.

No, no, VeronicaAnne, I'm afraid that I must disagree with you!
That was hysterical!

Church Millitant, yet again you have made my day!

xxx jennifer xxx

Just recently I was talking to a catholic about how terrible it is that some churches are modernizing by removing statues from them. So he said this;
There is a joke going around where a protestant complains to a catholic by saying "You guys are blasphemers, you pray to Saints!"
The catholic said to him, "We don't worship statues...we worship banners now."

[stbruno]

The first restaurant on the moon will never do very well. It might have great
food, but no atmosphere.

[Zundrah]

Originally Posted by stbruno

The first restaurant on the moon will never do very well. It might have great
food, but no atmosphere.

Knock, knock.,

Who's there?

Doctor!

Doctor who?
......

[stbruno]

Can you believe how many award shows they have now? It seems there's an award
show for everything. They even have awards for commercials! The Clio Awards, a
whole show full of commercials. I taped it and then I fast-forwarded through the
whole thing.

[VeronicaAnne]

Air Force Maintenance Reports

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. "Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before next flight.



(P)=PROBLEM

(S)=SOLUTION



(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement

(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire



(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough

(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft



(P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid

(S) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage



(P) Something loose in cockpit

(S) Something tightened in cockpit



(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear

(S) Evidence removed



(P) DME volume unbelievably loud

(S) Volume set to more believable level



(P) Dead bugs on windshield

(S) Live bugs on order



(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent

(S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground



(P) IFF inoperative

(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode



(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick

(S) That's what they're there for



(P) Number three engine missing

(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search



(P) Aircraft handles funny

(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious



(P) Target Radar hums

(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics

[estesbob]

Want to hear a dirty Jokk?

A boy fell in a mud puddle

Want top hear a clean joke ?

He took a bath with Bubbles

Want to hear a dirty joke?

Bubbles is his girlfiend.

[VeronicaAnne]

That's not a "good clean laugh." That's a dirty joke. That's not why I visit this thread.