Is "Fireproof" good for my marriage?

whm · #1 Jun 26, '09, 12:02 pm

I have not yet seen this movie. My wife and I went through some similar issues and are on the mend but still have a little ways to go. My wife was extremely hurt by the problem that I had (same as the Kirk character). In fact it is still a (understandably) big hurtle for her. She doesn't ever want to discuss it (the problem has been gone for almost a year). My question is would watching this movie help or hurt her? Are the scenes involving the computer going trigger bad memories? Would it provide a medium for us to improve communication?

Most things are so much better between us now, that I am really worried about hurting her and maybe taking a step backwards.

Thanks for any opinions you can provide.

Lil_Cat · #2 Jun 26, '09, 12:26 pm

My husband and I thought it was a good movie. You are going to get responses from a few posters in particular about it being good for Evangelical Protestants and not being good for Catholics. I disagree and so do many Catholic leaders that said it was worthwhile to see it. There are a couple of scenes that might affect your wife because of how honest they are but I think Kirk's character does well in dealing with the whole situation. If you guys really are past it she shouldn't have a problem. Expect her to cry a little bit though

You know your wife better then we do. Maybe you could watch it first and judge from there.

The acting is pretty cheesy, but you have to remember these are not professional actors except for Kirk Cameron. Most of them were volunteers that didn't get paid.

cthulhubryan · #3 Jun 26, '09, 12:52 pm

It does have the normal Kirk Cameron "cheese factor" See the Left Behind movies for other examples. Actually, DON'T. Time is precious.

Fire Proof is a decent movie, it has a good lesson on the dangers of several mortal sins that are not identified as such in the movie but are still seen with their true negative effects on each of the couple. It is told from a protestant point of view but it is worth seeing if nothing else then for the accurate way it shows the damaging effects of mortal sin on behavior and in a relationship.

Mama6 · #4 Jun 26, '09, 2:15 pm

I took my whole family to see the movie. I didn't think it had an effect on any of them until a few months later. We didn't have the porn things, but the lack of love (or the thought of the lack of love) and it really helped open our family - three kids and a son-in-law up to discussions! Good luck and prayers that you are trying to work things out.

BiologyBrain · #5 Jun 26, '09, 2:40 pm

I really liked the movie & thought it a good showing for any Christian. Yes, its told from a primarily Protestant perspective, but it can easily be applied to Catholics as well. There is no mention of Confession or anything, but it could easily be added into the mix by a faithful Catholic.

My husband is non-Christian/Catholic and the movie seems to have helped him figure out that courtship is necessary even after the wedding. Neither of us (that I know of) suffers w/ struggles of the pornographic nature, however, the lack of expressed love is a daily struggle for us (as it can be for most busy couples).

As for bringing up bad memories - perhaps it will, but it may also help bring these issues to the fore-front where they can be adequately dealt with through open lines of communications. That's one thing I think the movie was very good at displaying - communication is key whether you feel like you're still 'in love' or not. It also shows that one party can't do all the 'work' in the relationship and make the relationship healthy.

I recommend it.

whm · #6 Jun 26, '09, 3:21 pm

Thanks for all of your posts. It sounds like this movie would be helpful and is worth watching. I am still a little undecided as to whether she will become overly upset by it.

I don't want to go into details but this couldn't be a more sensative issue to her due to her life experience.

I suppose the best course of action is to tell that I heard that it was good and see if she would watch it with me. That way she can do a little research on it first. I will let the Holy Spirit drive and see what happens.

Rascalking · #7 Jun 26, '09, 4:04 pm

I think it's good for your marriage, yet the acting is terrible, and it seems to be slightly biased against men.

Watch it with a little, itty bitty guard up.

kage_ar · #8 Jun 26, '09, 7:13 pm

If you had a very close friend who worked in NYC on 9/11 and was just starting to heal from the trauma, would it be a good idea to invite them over to watch a cheesy amature movie about someone who went through 9/11?

Leave this one on the shelf at Wal Mart.

sarahraegraham · #9 Jun 30, '09, 8:18 am

I will give you some advice that's a little bit different from what the other posters have said...

I would say, watch it yourself. Take the steps demonstrated in the movie by the Love Dare and apply them. Maybe buy the book and do it without telling your wife. Then, after a while of doing this, or after having completed the 40 days, watch the movie with her. That way, you will have demonstrated everything in it without her knowing it; you will have proven by your actions before viewing it that you're committed to changing yourself and how you treat her. That way, she will recognize when the main character starts doing the good things, that you've been doing that to her. She will pay attention more to that than she will to the computer scenes (which are extremely minimal and unaffecting IMO) and the beginning fighting in the movie.

I think if you take that route, the movie will serve to explain the behavior you've been implementing, and she will take you seriously and be very appreciative of what you've done. I think that any woman would have a good response to that.

whm · #10 Jun 30, '09, 8:45 am

Sarah, I think your idea is a good one. I think (not having seen the movie) that I have already implimented some of the 40 day concepts. They certainly worked for me, I am super in love with my wife and have a tremedous respect for her. She has definitely noticed and started opening up to me too. In fact in many ways our relationship is better now than it ever has been. I would like to keep that going, perhaps the movie will give me some more ideas. One thing i have noticed is that I am pretty dense. Thats why I ask for you'll advice.

Based on Kage's comment I will be very caution about asking her to watch the movie.

BiologyBrain · #11 Jun 30, '09, 9:44 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by sarahraegraham

I will give you some advice that's a little bit different from what the other posters have said...

I would say, watch it yourself. Take the steps demonstrated in the movie by the Love Dare and apply them. Maybe buy the book and do it without telling your wife. Then, after a while of doing this, or after having completed the 40 days, watch the movie with her. That way, you will have demonstrated everything in it without her knowing it; you will have proven by your actions before viewing it that you're committed to changing yourself and how you treat her. That way, she will recognize when the main character starts doing the good things, that you've been doing that to her. She will pay attention more to that than she will to the computer scenes (which are extremely minimal and unaffecting IMO) and the beginning fighting in the movie.

I think if you take that route, the movie will serve to explain the behavior you've been implementing, and she will take you seriously and be very appreciative of what you've done. I think that any woman would have a good response to that.

Wonderful advice! I wish I'd thought of it!

**whatevergirl** · #12 Jun 30, '09, 10:31 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by whm

Thanks for all of your posts. It sounds like this movie would be helpful and is worth watching. I am still a little undecided as to whether she will become overly upset by it.

I don't want to go into details but this couldn't be a more sensative issue to her due to her life experience.

I suppose the best course of action is to tell that I heard that it was good and see if she would watch it with me. That way she can do a little research on it first. I will let the Holy Spirit drive and see what happens.

I haven't seen it, but maybe just ask her what she thinks? Tell her that you have heard there are scenes that could bring past memories up to her, and would it still be ok to watch it? I would give her the option, and if she says...eh, maybe in a few months we can watch it, then just follow her lead. Hope that helps.

mrpathetic · #13 Jun 30, '09, 11:52 am

I have not seen the movie, but I have read the self-help book ("Love Dare") that is featured in the movie. It is a good, solid read, and does have some excellent suggestions for marriage help. It is written from a generic Christian perspective, but nothing I saw in it contradicted the teachings of the Catholic Church.

The Love Dare method requires patience, and it certainly helps if both spouses are Christian. It also is intended for circumstances where there is some sort of communication and empathy between the spouses. It can help you work through common, ordinary marital problems - such as lack of intimacy, incompatable goals, mismatched sex drives, and the like.

It isn't written for the "train wreck" stage of marriage, where one (or both) spouses has given up and stopped trying. If your relationship has reached that phase, then I can recommend other books for you to review.

whm · #14 Jun 30, '09, 12:23 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by mrpathetic

IThe Love Dare method requires patience, and it certainly helps if both spouses are Christian. It also is intended for circumstances where there is some sort of communication and empathy between the spouses. It can help you work through common, ordinary marital problems - such as lack of intimacy, incompatable goals, mismatched sex drives, and the like.

It isn't written for the "train wreck" stage of marriage, where one (or both) spouses has given up and stopped trying. If your relationship has reached that phase, then I can recommend other books for you to review.

Thanks, Mr. P, we hit bottom a year ago and have been more or less on the up-swing since. I am looking for ways to keep improving our relationship and hopefully this movie and/or book will give me some additional tools.

Seatuck · #15 Jun 30, '09, 1:13 pm

Have you thought about going on a Retrouvaille Weekend ?

www.retrouvaille.org