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  #1  
Old Jun 28, '09, 8:30 pm
Footprints04 Footprints04 is offline
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Default NFP and Honeymoon

My fiance and I are getting married in December, and while it is a little bit early to say for sure, but it is looking likely that I will be fertile on our wedding night and a good part of the honeymoon.

We've discussed this at length, prayed about it and talked about it during our very long engagement (due to graduate school). We both think postponing a pregnancy at least until I graduate in May 2010 (though perhaps a little longer so I have time to work maybe a year to start paying off school loans) would be fine. Though we both agree that even with NFP, we have to be constantly praying for God's will in our decision to be TTA or TTC.

While if a unplanned pregnancy occurs, the baby would be born in September 2010 which would not be something we absolutely couldn't deal with.....it is just not ideal since I graduate in May, and we move to another state in June/July. And hopefully I will be taking the 2 board exams to be a licensed pharmacist in June.....plus hopefully starting a job and working for awhile.

Anyways, in this long post trying to explain my situation, I guess I'm trying to ask if any couples decided to abstain their wedding night and honeymoon because they thought it best to postpone a pregnancy. I'm worried about it, partially because I'm disappointed thinking of the sacrifice we'd be making during a time that should be special and romantic time for a newly wed couple as they make that transition in their relationship to husband and wife. I'm also from a family (even in my extended family) that thinks I'm crazy for not using some form of birth control or living together/being currently sexually active.....and I can't help but feel that it would hurt doublely knowing that we are making the "right decision" and are committed decision in this respect and yet we cannot even enjoy our honeymoon as husband and wife.....

So anyways, complicated.....but wanted to see if any other Catholic couples could offer their own experience and/or advice. Thank you!
  #2  
Old Jun 28, '09, 8:38 pm
HouseArrest HouseArrest is offline
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Default Re: NFP and Honeymoon

I don't know of anyone mostly because it's not something any of my friends discussed with others...

An idea though - is your honeymoon set and paid for or could you postpone it for a week or two - that might eliminate being fertile either on your wedding night or on your honeymoon...
  #3  
Old Jun 28, '09, 8:45 pm
Footprints04 Footprints04 is offline
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Default Re: NFP and Honeymoon

Unfortunately our schedule is pretty set in stone. We were given tickets for flights for our week long honeymoon by my mom. And we are heading out to his family's place for Christmas in a different state right after the honeymoon----the one thing is that we are staying in a hotel so it is possible to sort of "extend" the honeymoon in a way. Except that it isn't "our honeymoon" exactly and that we will be spending a lot of time with family since it is the holidays.

Thanks for the suggestion though---it was a good thought.
  #4  
Old Jun 28, '09, 8:50 pm
flyingfish flyingfish is offline
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Default Re: NFP and Honeymoon

Hmm, if it's impossible to reschedule maybe you can have another "real" honeymoon for just the two of you later when you are not fertile.
  #5  
Old Jun 28, '09, 8:58 pm
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Mary Gail 36 Mary Gail 36 is offline
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Default Re: NFP and Honeymoon

Hi....December is six months away. The stress from preparing a wedding can throw the most regular cycle off.. So you might not have to worry about this at all.

If you end up not being intimate because you are in your fertile period, don't worry. You could still use your honeymoon to get to know each other better, to get used to living with each other.

And if you do be intimate, you might conceive on your honeymoon...or you might not.

Don't dwell on it now. You'll be able to know more as your wedding date draws near, right now seems too soon.

Also, for your Christmas trip to see family....they'll know that you are newly weds, hopefully they won't have you on a tight itinerary where you wont have a few minutes for yourselves.
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  #6  
Old Jun 28, '09, 9:02 pm
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dashso40 dashso40 is offline
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Default Re: NFP and Honeymoon

I hear so often that couples aren't ready for a baby b/c of a job or college or lack of money....you know, it's never the "right" time to have a baby, and than couples turn around, their hittin 40 and than they have trouble getting pregnant and they all say, I wish we didn't wait so long to have children........
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  #7  
Old Jun 29, '09, 3:52 am
littlepreo littlepreo is offline
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Default Re: NFP and Honeymoon

Hi,

My wife and I decided to abstain most of our honeymoon. It was tough at times but we still had a great vacation. Of course once we got back home it was like a whole NEW honeymoon! It wasn't ideal, but looking back, it wasn't as huge of a deal as I would have thought either.

It'll be ok no matter what you decide. If you do decide to abstain, be sure to pray together about it.

Also, I wouldnt recommend changing your vacation schedule because of this. I've heard that cycles can often be affected by stress and weddings are very stressful... things may change..

-Mike
  #8  
Old Jun 29, '09, 4:02 am
Em_in_FL Em_in_FL is offline
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Default Re: NFP and Honeymoon

It's fairly common for NFP couples to have to wait to consummate their marriage...
We were several days into our honeymoon before it was possible...

HTH!
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  #9  
Old Jun 29, '09, 4:22 am
Tosk Tosk is offline
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Default Re: NFP and Honeymoon

NFP couples do have to abstain on their honeymoons a lot. either that or schedule their weddings around their cycle.

So you can either change the wedding or the cycle. The wedding would be a lot easier to change, but you said you can't. So... have you thought about strenuous exercise combined with caloric restrictions?

On the bright side it can't get much more difficult than abstaining on your honeymoon, so you will be ready for the worst NFP can throw at you.
  #10  
Old Jun 29, '09, 4:44 am
queen_anne78 queen_anne78 is offline
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Default Re: NFP and Honeymoon

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Gail 36 View Post
Hi....December is six months away. The stress from preparing a wedding can throw the most regular cycle off.. So you might not have to worry about this at all.

If you end up not being intimate because you are in your fertile period, don't worry. You could still use your honeymoon to get to know each other better, to get used to living with each other.

And if you do be intimate, you might conceive on your honeymoon...or you might not.

Don't dwell on it now. You'll be able to know more as your wedding date draws near, right now seems too soon.

Also, for your Christmas trip to see family....they'll know that you are newly weds, hopefully they won't have you on a tight itinerary where you wont have a few minutes for yourselves.
EXACTLY. I was a 28-day like clock-work girl, and my cycles went a little crazy before and after the wedding. Most of my friends have had the same experience. We did not choose to abstain during our honeymoon or TTA in early marriage (obviously...lol see ticker we've been married 3 years and have a 2 year old and now another on the way) but we felt that God was calling us not to avoid.

This is certainly not a decision you have to make NOW. Continue to draw close to God as your wedding approaches and if you do end up abstaining on your honeymoon, lots of couples have done so, and it will probably be a wonderful time for you to enjoy each other as husband and wife in non-physical ways Congrats on your upcoming wedding!
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  #11  
Old Jun 29, '09, 6:15 am
Zahmir Zahmir is offline
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Default Re: NFP and Honeymoon

Quote:
Originally Posted by Footprints04 View Post
My fiance and I are getting married in December, and while it is a little bit early to say for sure, but it is looking likely that I will be fertile on our wedding night and a good part of the honeymoon.

We've discussed this at length, prayed about it and talked about it during our very long engagement (due to graduate school). We both think postponing a pregnancy at least until I graduate in May 2010 (though perhaps a little longer so I have time to work maybe a year to start paying off school loans) would be fine. Though we both agree that even with NFP, we have to be constantly praying for God's will in our decision to be TTA or TTC.

While if a unplanned pregnancy occurs, the baby would be born in September 2010 which would not be something we absolutely couldn't deal with.....it is just not ideal since I graduate in May, and we move to another state in June/July. And hopefully I will be taking the 2 board exams to be a licensed pharmacist in June.....plus hopefully starting a job and working for awhile.

Anyways, in this long post trying to explain my situation, I guess I'm trying to ask if any couples decided to abstain their wedding night and honeymoon because they thought it best to postpone a pregnancy. I'm worried about it, partially because I'm disappointed thinking of the sacrifice we'd be making during a time that should be special and romantic time for a newly wed couple as they make that transition in their relationship to husband and wife. I'm also from a family (even in my extended family) that thinks I'm crazy for not using some form of birth control or living together/being currently sexually active.....and I can't help but feel that it would hurt doublely knowing that we are making the "right decision" and are committed decision in this respect and yet we cannot even enjoy our honeymoon as husband and wife.....

So anyways, complicated.....but wanted to see if any other Catholic couples could offer their own experience and/or advice. Thank you!
These are exactly the questions that NFP makes you ask. These are the questions that are so important and put everything in perspective.

Really, it all comes down to you and your future husband deciding what is most important. Is it more important that I continue to pursue my career with as little debts as possible so that I can do what I feel God is calling me to? Or, do I in fact now feel that raising a family is more important? Is there a third option which I hadn't previously considered?

There is no sin in trying to avoid on your honeymoon. You and your husband will take many vacations in the future in which there is no sex. It's up to you.
  #12  
Old Jun 29, '09, 6:39 am
samovila samovila is offline
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Default Re: NFP and Honeymoon

My fertile time fell right around the time of my wedding and honeymoon. Knowing that even if I was ovulating there was a possiblity I wouldn't conceive, we decided we would not abstain during our wedding night or our honeymoon. Basically we said having a baby right now would be tough, but not the end of the world, so let's go ahead and enjoy each other and deal with the consequences later. It turns out we didn't get pregnant that month. How sad it would have been to miss out on fully enjoying each other during our honeymoon unless there was a life-or-death or other SERIOUSLY grave reason to TTA. IMHO, changing jobs or the incovenience of moving with a baby is not that type of serious. From what you're saying "While if a unplanned pregnancy occurs, the baby would be born in September 2010 which would not be something we absolutely couldn't deal with.....it is just not ideal since I graduate in May," It sounds like you agree with me.

And by the way, I wanted to congratulate you on your decision to abstain until your are married and to use NFP.
  #13  
Old Jun 29, '09, 7:08 am
manualman manualman is offline
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Default Re: NFP and Honeymoon

We lost the second week of our honeymoon to "the fertile time." It seemed a terrible hardship at the time, but 10 years later on we've rather made up for it.

Take the long view and you'll be great. And it's nobody's business but yours, no need for family and friend to know.
  #14  
Old Jun 29, '09, 7:14 am
1ke 1ke is offline
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Default Re: NFP and Honeymoon

Even if it turns out you AREN'T fertile, don't put pressure on yourself regarding wedding night, honeymoon, etc. And, certainly, don't discuss your private life with family/friends, especially unsupportive ones.

Many couples find themselves so exhausted on their wedding day, that the "wedding night" is nothing but sleep anyway. This is VERY common.

Either way, fertile or not, just discuss it together and make your decision at that time. A few days of getting used to being with each other first is not a bad thing.
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  #15  
Old Jun 29, '09, 7:44 am
manualman manualman is offline
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Default Re: NFP and Honeymoon

Quote:
Originally Posted by 1ke View Post
Many couples find themselves so exhausted on their wedding day, that the "wedding night" is nothing but sleep anyway. This is VERY common.
I'll second this, except to modify it to "many BRIDES find themselves so exhausted...."

As for the husbands, suck it up boys. It won't be the last time you need to die to yourself and put her first!
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