What sorts of challenges did/do you face?

jesancy · #1 Aug 16, '09, 12:58 am

I have a question for anyone who is a nun or priest, or for those who are discerning their calling. What sorts of things made you feel you were called? What were your thoughts? Your doubts? What challenges did you face as you took your "first step" towards the religious life? How did your families respond? Did you have to leave anyone behind?

I ask because... Well, no, not because I am discerning a calling. Rather, it is because the man Iove has discerned his. He has spent almost five years now preparing to be a priest, and we have not been in contact at all during that time. Recently, however, he reappeared in my life and confessed to me how difficult life as a Dominican has been for him and that he still thinks of me. He was also very overcome by emotions at seeing me and even kissed me--through his initiative, not mine.

Afterward, he was visibly torn and told me, "This isn't fair to you." And it wasn't. He has since disappeared from my life--probably for forever--and I am trying very hard to "let go and let God." But I can't help but think about the "real" side of him I saw that night. I can't help but hurt. I can't help but shout at the sky, "Why?!" ... I do wish the Church allowed priests to marry. I would love to be able to support him in his service to the Lord.

jesancy · #2 Aug 16, '09, 2:19 pm

I wanted to apologize for this post. I know my lack of faith comes through in it. If anyone would care to share some of the questions they faced when they made their decision/felt called, I'd love to hear them, but... I guess I just wondered if some of the things my ex has dealt with are normal. His struggles have certainly made it difficult for me (to let go).

Thanks to anyone who has read this. And again, I apologize. I know there are good reasons why the Church does not allow priests to marry. I also know that God's will for our lives is perfect. We may not always understand, but, in the end, He will bring us peace. I am praying for that peace in my own life as we speak.

lpp · #3 Aug 16, '09, 8:05 pm

I am currently searching for the right Order/Community to join. The idea of being a religious never really entered my mind until sometime in high school and then it was just forgotten. I didn't give think about it again until my sis signed me for a "come and see" event with a Dominican community about 3 years after high school. That was when I felt that I was being called, but I had doubts and wasn't really sure.

My doubts resulted from my worries about who will take care of my family, that I don't have the confidence to spend the rest of my life as a religious, but the biggest obstacle I had to overcome was my fear of being unworthy. I questioned God as to why He would call someone who committed sins against Him and that I don't deserve to be call into a religious life. I guess you could say that I couldn't forgive myself for the sins I've committed, so I distanced myself from Him. I was able to overcome these doubts and obstacles only because He blessed me with an encouraging family, friends, and the people I met during that time. They don't just encourage me, but also helped me to forgive myself. The words that first popped into my mind when I first seriously think about my vocation were these " Pick up your cross and follow me."

When it is time for me to leave, I will have to leave everything behind and trust in God that He will take care of everything. I may leave my family and friends, but that doesn't mean I will have to forget them. I can always keep them in my prayers. I know letting go isn't easy (it was one of the hardest thing to do: to let go of what I presently have for something I currently don't), but it is something I choose to do so that I can serve God with my whole being. This is how it is for me. I am not saying all of my doubts and questions are gone, they are still there. However, they don't have as much of a hold on me anymore. All I can do now is trust in God and pray.

jesancy · #4 Aug 17, '09, 12:31 am

Thank you so much for sharing. Your words are wise. It IS hard to let go of something you currently have for something you don't. I admire your dedication and your sacrifice. From talking to my friend, I know he has struggled with the same feelings of unworthiness... and I know I would, too, if I were placed in your shoes.

That's the amazing thing about God, though, isn't it? We all fall short of the glory of God, and yet, He can use us despite our short-comings. He doesn't even hold them against us when we ask for His forgiveness. But, you're right. We also have to forgive ourselves. I'm glad your family and friends have been so instrumental in helping you do this. I can relate to being very, very hard on yourself.

Anyway, thanks again. God Bless as you continue in your lifelong pursuit of serving Him with your whole being.

skallal · #5 Aug 18, '09, 8:49 am

Hey Jesancy,

Thank you for your incredible courage in posting this. I think that is precisely what will help you to overcome your hurt and move on with your life. It's normal to feel hurt when we think we've lost something and it seems you've lost a wonderful romantic relationship. Still, all is not lost. This loss could be a tremendous opportunity for you... ah, yes because "whoever leaves father and mother and lands because of me will receive 100 times more and eternal life" is for lay people also. You have lost something. You will gain something better. Sow the seeds of suffering deep in the depths of the Lord's Heart, and you will reap a harvest of joy. Now all you have to do is simply ask yourself again and again, "How can I begin to find the type of man God has made for me?" He will show you the way...

datingtrappists · #6 Aug 19, '09, 12:25 pm

I fully relate with the feelings of unworthiness. The only time I don't have that feeling is the first 5 seconds after I've left the confessional. Some of the sins (all of them, actually) that I have comitted in my life still haunt me, especially the ones that I commited when I was not in the church (and had a great lack of a moral compass). I still struggle with temptations of going back to that life, and leaving the Church. Sometimes the only reason why I still go to Mass is that I sing with the Schola, not to worship God.

With all of that said, especially with those feelings of unworthiness, I am reminded what a couple of priests have told me, "God does not call the qualified, He qualifies the called." I don't know what the status of my vocation is right now, but I pray and hope that whatever God calls me to do and be in my life, I will be receptive to that and follow His will, which will, eventually (though most likely in the hereafter, and not in the now and here) lead me to be made worthy, through God's graces.

jesancy · #7 Aug 19, '09, 7:07 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by skallal

Hey Jesancy,

Thank you for your incredible courage in posting this. I think that is precisely what will help you to overcome your hurt and move on with your life. It's normal to feel hurt when we think we've lost something and it seems you've lost a wonderful romantic relationship. Still, all is not lost. This loss could be a tremendous opportunity for you... ah, yes because "whoever leaves father and mother and lands because of me will receive 100 times more and eternal life" is for lay people also. You have lost something. You will gain something better. Sow the seeds of suffering deep in the depths of the Lord's Heart, and you will reap a harvest of joy. Now all you have to do is simply ask yourself again and again, "How can I begin to find the type of man God has made for me?" He will show you the way...

Thank you for your kind words, Skallal. I think you're right. Sharing my struggles with others and getting positive feedback from them has already helped me immensely. The whole thing would have been much easier to accept if my ex had been more sure of his calling all along. But God doesn't often speak out of burning bushes anymore, does He? That's why faith and trust in His promise to "prosper [us] and not to harm [us]... to give [us] hope and a future (Jer. 29:11)” is so important.

Anyway, thanks again.

jesancy · #8 Aug 19, '09, 7:20 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by datingtrappists

I fully relate with the feelings of unworthiness. The only time I don't have that feeling is the first 5 seconds after I've left the confessional. Some of the sins (all of them, actually) that I have comitted in my life still haunt me, especially the ones that I commited when I was not in the church (and had a great lack of a moral compass). I still struggle with temptations of going back to that life, and leaving the Church. Sometimes the only reason why I still go to Mass is that I sing with the Schola, not to worship God.

With all of that said, especially with those feelings of unworthiness, I am reminded what a couple of priests have told me, "God does not call the qualified, He qualifies the called." I don't know what the status of my vocation is right now, but I pray and hope that whatever God calls me to do and be in my life, I will be receptive to that and follow His will, which will, eventually (though most likely in the hereafter, and not in the now and here) lead me to be made worthy, through God's graces.

I love what you said about God qualifying the called. That's the way it should be. In the church I was raised in, too often members wanted converts to "clean up their act" before they could come to God, when, in fact, it should be the other way around. I know it's not exactly the same scenario, but there are similarities.

That said, I can only imagine the feelings of unworthiness you must face. Even just thinking about being a nun makes me quake; I am so sinful! It's funny how it's so easy to support someone else in their calling--"God can use anyone!"--and yet so difficult to apply that same grace to ourselves.

Anyway, I know I'm talking way out of my league. But I thank you for your thoughts.

datingtrappists · #9 Aug 20, '09, 7:57 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by jesancy

I love what you said about God qualifying the called. That's the way it should be. In the church I was raised in, too often members wanted converts to "clean up their act" before they could come to God, when, in fact, it should be the other way around. I know it's not exactly the same scenario, but there are similarities.

That said, I can only imagine the feelings of unworthiness you must face. Even just thinking about being a nun makes me quake; I am so sinful! It's funny how it's so easy to support someone else in their calling--"God can use anyone!"--and yet so difficult to apply that same grace to ourselves.

Anyway, I know I'm talking way out of my league. But I thank you for your thoughts.

AMEN! Espeically about being so difficult to apply the same graces to oneself. I was actually watching Touched by an Angel last night (which is strange in itself, as I've not watched it in years), and there was a line that has stuck with me. "God has forgiven you. You think you know better than God for not forgiving yourself?" I guess that also goes along with the whole "burning bush" you mentioned in a previous post. Yes, God's most frequent way of communicating is through the still, small voice, but He can, and will, use anything to get us to listen to Him. I still smile when I think that Jack Chick, The Davinci Code and the movie Dogma were profound influences in my decision to convert to Catholicism.

About the church you were raised in, I recently saw a church's sign around here... something to the effect that church is a hospital for sinners, and not a musuem for saints. I disagree with it in that I think it's both and hospital and musuem (and the Saints in the "museum" can be people to look up to for example and powerful intercessors on our behalf), but I was very glad to see that they realized that everyone is sinful and fallen, and we need both God and each other for healing from our fallen natures.

Hidden One · #10 Aug 21, '09, 5:52 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by datingtrappists

About the church you were raised in, I recently saw a church's sign around here... something to the effect that church is a hospital for sinners, and not a museum for saints. I disagree with it in that I think it's both and hospital and museum (and the Saints in the "museum" can be people to look up to for example and powerful intercessors on our behalf), but I was very glad to see that they realized that everyone is sinful and fallen, and we need both God and each other for healing from our fallen natures.

A common corollary is that convents are ICUs.

chairman · #11 Sep 8, '09, 7:53 am

I am a discerning Dominican. i felt a call when i left the secondary school, but chose to further my education. after my university, i still felt that call. i have lived a life like every other young man, ladies, parties, and all that. I have felt love too, and also cherish marriage. but i feel the seminary as ur man is attending is a place of discernment, which may lead ur man to priesthood, or a religious lay with a bright future. If God wants him, H e will give u the man u will love as a husband, but let the will of God prevail.

thanks

Onyenuru okechukwu. p

GilChrist77 · #12 Sep 9, '09, 6:24 pm

I also have struggled immensely with the feelings of unworthiness. I have known my vocation from a very young age and am hoping to enter the Dominican Sisters of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist in August. One of the biggest struggles for me since I made the decision to enter right out of highshcool is fear of the unknown. I've lived in the same house, gone to the same school, gone to the same church, and been a part of the same youth group my entire life. So this change is huge and really scary and, until the beginning of August, I didn't think I was going to enter until after college. I'm also really struggling with the thought of leaving not just my blood family but my other "families" as well. I know that the Sisters will become my new family, but it's hard for me because I don't really know any of them that well yet, so I can't imagine my self there, so I'm scared. I just keep reminding myself that my tomorrow is His today and that it's not unknown to Him. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

JMJ+
~Betsy

Totus tuus Maria!