Should an adult stepdaughter and her boyfriend stay in my home?

[Mary00]

My boyfriend's adult daughter is moving back home for economic reasons. Her boyfriend, who is looking for work in another city, also may need a place to stay. My boyfriend has invited both of them to stay with him. They will sleep in same room again, as they have when visiting before.

My boyfriend believes it is not his place to judge his daughter and her boyfriend. He believes it may be a step in showing Christian love in not forcing our standards and practices on her. He also has let his other daughter live with him with her boyfriend and they married a couple of years later. He and his late wife also lived together before they married.

My boyfriend and I have talked about marriage but I have stated that I would invite his daughter and boyfriend in our home but to live in different bedrooms. He is opposed. It is his house. This is a major issue between my boyfriend and I. I need help, please.

[Michelle Arnold]

If your boyfriend is saying "It's my house" and is discounting your feelings on the matter, feelings which should matter to him if you're discussing marriage, then he's given you a very good indication of the amount of respect he has for you and is likely to show to you as his wife.

The fact is that he is doing his daughters no favors by allowing them to move back into the family nest, along with men they've picked up on the way who have demonstrated their inability to support a family on their own. He is also demonstrating that he does not consider the potential spousal relationship between the two of you to be more important than enabling grown daughters to avoid adult responsibility. Perhaps this is because he himself once lived that same life himself with his first wife, whom he lived with before marriage, but such circumstances still bode ill for your relationship with him.

I can only recommend that you end your relationship with him, immediately and decisively. He needs to see that his choices are compromising his own future happiness, and you deserve better from a husband.