Advice on Illicit Unions Needed

CinciCatholic · #1 Feb 13, '05, 7:11 am

My question is this:

[If there are no grounds for an annulment]: How do you approach the subject of divorced and remarried couples with parents who are blinded by the love they have for thier "illicit" son/daughter/in-laws? So much so that they disregard everything that the Church teaches regarding divorce and remarriage?

I understand that they love their child and want them to be happy, as any of of would. On the other hand, they're condoning the illicit union of their child and his/her "spouse", and forgetting about their immortal soul. They get lost in the joy that everyone is experiencing and become complacent. They happily accept gifts, money, trips, etc. that the couple continually supplies them with. I have heard arguments such as "well, what can we do", "we can't abandon them" and "at least they're with someone who is not hurting them now", etc, etc. These people would rather see the personal {earthly} happiness of their children than the salvation of their souls. It must be such a hard predicament to be in and I continually pray that, God willing, I never find myself or my children in this situation. I do belive in keeping the line of communication open but never condoning the situation.

What has been anyone's experience when dealing with this situation? Do you try to gently correct the friend? I do pray for them, but I wonder if I should be saying something as well. I just don't know how to approach it. It's a very touchy subject these days.

Sorry to be so long-winded.....thanks for any advice....

PS: Isn't there a passage in the Bible about how the love of God must come before our parents, children, ect... I can't find it.

Jenlyn · #2 Feb 13, '05, 7:39 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by CinciCatholic

My question is this:

[If there are no grounds for an annulment]: How do you approach the subject of divorced and remarried couples with parents who are blinded by the love they have for thier "illicit" son/daughter/in-laws? So much so that they disregard everything that the Church teaches regarding divorce and remarriage?

We must love the sinner not the sin.

I understand that they love their child and want them to be happy, as any of of would. On the other hand, they're condoning the illicit union of their child and his/her "spouse", and forgetting about their immortal soul.

We, as parents, will be made accountable for our actions to God. We are responsible for the choices we make. We are also held accountable for our part in our childrens spiritual growth.

"at least they're with someone who is not hurting them now", etc, etc.

This is reason enough for an annulment?

What has been anyone's experience when dealing with this situation? Do you try to gently correct the friend? I do pray for them, but I wonder if I should be saying something as well. I just don't know how to approach it. It's a very touchy subject these days.

You can pray. Praying is a very powerful thing to do. I also pray for my children and their future spouses.

Peace,
Jen

CinciCatholic · #3 Feb 13, '05, 10:44 am

Thank you for your input on this Jen. I'll continue to pray.

God bless you...

Island Oak · #4 Feb 13, '05, 4:42 pm

Sounds as if you are considering taking a stroll through a friendship mine field. You did not specify whether the parents and children were practicing Catholics. Even if they are, this is not a situation which demands your intervention.

Fortunately for us mere mortals, the Church is very clear in its teachings on this topic and it's not your duty to make sure all your acquaintances AND their family members are in full compliance. Since it is apparent your counsel has not been sought, say a silent, charitable prayer for these young people and your friend. To do more will surely spoil your friendship and will do nothing to change the marital status of the children. Their reckoning must be with the Church and God, not you.

Island Oak · #5 Feb 14, '05, 2:55 pm

Perhaps this was the verse you were thinking of...

from Matthew 10:

33 But he that shall deny me before men, I will also deny him before my Father who is in heaven. 34 Do not think that I came to send peace upon earth: I came not to send peace, but the sword. 35 For I came to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.

[35 "I came to set a man at variance"... Not that this was the end or design of the coming of our Saviour; but that his coming and his doctrine would have this effect, by reason of the obstinate resistance that many would make, and of their persecuting all such as should adhere to him.]

36 And as a man's enemies shall be they of his own household. 37 He that loveth father or mother more than me, is not worthy of me; and he that loveth son or daughter more than me, is not worthy of me. 38 And he that taketh not up his cross, and followeth me, is not worthy of me. 39 He that findeth his life, shall lose it: and he that shall lose his life for me, shall find it. 40 He that receiveth you, receiveth me: and he that receiveth me, receiveth him that sent me.

CinciCatholic · #6 Feb 14, '05, 4:09 pm

You did not specify whether the parents and children were practicing Catholics.
In both cases the parents and their "married" children do know the teaching of the Church on this, and, in fact, one couple (in this situation) does still attend Mass; the wife recieves the sacraments, while the husband does not because he realizes it's wrong to do so. In the second family, all of them are fully aware of the teaching of the Church on this but are now fallen away Catholics.

it's not your duty to make sure all your acquaintances AND their family members are in full compliance.
I do understand this, and have never tried to pry into anyone's business. One mother has spoken to me about her child's present "marital situation". If they come to me and and are concerned or are complaining about it then I feel it's my duty to say something. I would never consider hitting them over the head with it though.

Since it is apparent your counsel has not been sought, say a silent, charitable prayer for these young people and your friend.
Well, it hasn't been "officially" sought, so to speak, but one friend (who is still a practicing Catholic; to what extent, I can't say) was definitely fishing for my approval of the situation. Yes, I do pray for them.

Thank you, Island Oak, for your words of advice.

CinciCatholic · #7 Feb 14, '05, 4:12 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Island Oak

Perhaps this was the verse you were thinking of...

37 He that loveth father or mother more than me, is not worthy of me; and he that loveth son or daughter more than me, is not worthy of me.

This is exactly the one I was referring to. Thank you!