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  #1  
Old Dec 14, '09, 7:21 am
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prolifewife prolifewife is offline
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Question How do you overcome jealousy?

I am dealing with intense, persistent jealously right now. It has to do with our infertility problems. We are unable to have children biologically and as of yet we are unable to successfully adopt a child either.

I'm constantly finding myself jealous of all the families at church, here, in public places, and in my own family. 90% of the population can have children, so we are definitely in the minority. It's just so hard to go anywhere, do anything, cause everywhere we go I see families. And everytime I see families I feel jealousy.

This Christmas we are visiting family and all I can think is how I'm going to deal with my SIL as she is pregnant with number 5. Terrible isn't it?

If it wasn't her it would be someone else. We are the only infertile couple in both of the families combined. If it wasn't a family member it would be someone here. It happens everywhere I go. Even simple things like going grocery shopping. Kids and families everywhere. I don't like being this way. How do I overcome this? Please help! Thank you!
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  #2  
Old Dec 14, '09, 7:40 am
Augusta Sans Augusta Sans is offline
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Default Re: How do you overcome jealousy?

I don't have any helpful advice, but you are most definitely in my prayers. My heart truly goes out to couples with fertility problems.
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  #3  
Old Dec 14, '09, 7:55 am
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prolifewife prolifewife is offline
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Default Re: How do you overcome jealousy?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Augusta Sans View Post
I don't have any helpful advice, but you are most definitely in my prayers. My heart truly goes out to couples with fertility problems.
Thank you SO much for your prayers! They will be invaluable in helping me overcome this. God bless you.
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  #4  
Old Dec 14, '09, 7:55 am
Joseph629 Joseph629 is offline
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Default Re: How do you overcome jealousy?

Dear Prolife,
While I truly cannot identify with your problem (I have children), I certainly empathize totally. I have friends in your situation. I find that I am often counceling single people who are very jealous of their friends who are married. Let me ask you, what would you (do you) tell single people who have been searching for years looking for a spouse? All I can say to them is that God knows our needs, He is in charge, and He certainly knows what is best for us today, and in the future. I recently heard of someone that was having great difficulty adopting, then, suddenly things fell into place for them. Was it the system?, -or was it God saying NOW is the time. Personally, I became jealous of all the men who had work and were providing for their families when I became ill. One benefit from that (for me anyway) was that I had a lot of time on my hands to pray for other people with difficulties, and now dear Prolife, I will certainly keep you in my prayers. I will lift you and your husband up daily to our loving and understanding Lord. Joseph.
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  #5  
Old Dec 14, '09, 8:03 am
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Rascalking Rascalking is offline
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Default Re: How do you overcome jealousy?

I'll second and third the prayer posts for you.

Jealousy can be terrible, I can't relate to your case-Although I do want kids someday, I'm ok with me not having them at this point.

This sounds simplistic, and it is, but one thing to remember is how much God has graced us with what he have in our lives-A roof over our heads, full stomachs, and peoole who love us. That is, when you think about it, so much more than what MANY people are given in this world-even in America, the luckiest country in the world.

It may not help, but try to remember what the good Lord has blessed you with, instead of the things you may not have.
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  #6  
Old Dec 14, '09, 12:54 pm
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prolifewife prolifewife is offline
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Default Re: How do you overcome jealousy?

Thank you all for replying. This is a very tough battle for me to fight. Thanks for all your prayers and helpful tips.
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  #7  
Old Dec 14, '09, 1:05 pm
Charlotte408 Charlotte408 is offline
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Default Re: How do you overcome jealousy?

I can sympathize with you prolife. I was the LAST one, and years later, of all my friends to have a child. They all got married and knocked up by, what, 20? LOL....and here I am still ... waiting...for Mr. Right....

And its terrible cuz they'd all go and do 'kid' things together...go to the parks....zoo's...all of the sudden it was like a clique I couldnt get into...they all talked about stuff I wasnt dealing with...then there was this...uncomfortable divide...

I ended up having to make new friends. I'd be totally jealous and go crazy with, self pity I guess- am I unfit to be a wife? Will I EVER have a child? What if by the time I meet someone its too late to have children...Will I ever feel, that unabiding love??

Breaks my heart just to remember the feeling. I pray for you whole heartedly.

But then, low and behold- my grandma walks in and says 'oh girl your pregnant' and it was so! lol...good ol' granmma can always tell....and now, I loooove my daughter to peices and my life is just so fullfilled...and when I see other people that want children, I remember how I felt...and I'm that much more grateful for her...

*sigh* the only thing you CAN do try to keep your brain busy, and PRAY. Children are Gods miracles...hope he will send you one...I'll definitely pray for you tonight...you totally just touched my heart cuz i know your sadness.....
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  #8  
Old Dec 14, '09, 1:07 pm
kage_ar kage_ar is offline
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Default Re: How do you overcome jealousy?

Pray and then re-direct. That ole' mean OCD may play a part in the jealousy -

Every time you feel a twinge of jealousy, pray for the family and then put it in God's hands and think about something nice, like, cheese
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  #9  
Old Dec 14, '09, 1:07 pm
ahollars ahollars is offline
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Default Re: How do you overcome jealousy?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joseph629 View Post
Dear Prolife,
While I truly cannot identify with your problem (I have children), I certainly empathize totally. I have friends in your situation. I find that I am often counceling single people who are very jealous of their friends who are married. Let me ask you, what would you (do you) tell single people who have been searching for years looking for a spouse? All I can say to them is that God knows our needs, He is in charge, and He certainly knows what is best for us today, and in the future. I recently heard of someone that was having great difficulty adopting, then, suddenly things fell into place for them. Was it the system?, -or was it God saying NOW is the time. Personally, I became jealous of all the men who had work and were providing for their families when I became ill. One benefit from that (for me anyway) was that I had a lot of time on my hands to pray for other people with difficulties, and now dear Prolife, I will certainly keep you in my prayers. I will lift you and your husband up daily to our loving and understanding Lord. Joseph.
I would second this. People look at large families and automatically believe they are blessed, but they sometimes assume that they are the only ones bearing a cross, hence the jealousy. I, for one, have 5 kids, and my wife and I are still in our early 30's. I listen to people tell me that we're blessed, and I'm thinking, "Blessed?! My wife is so fertile, she and I risk pregnancy every time!" NFP truly is a cross for couples who have no problems conceiving, and childless couples sometimes seem to have no idea how hard it is to not be able to embrace your spouse for extended periods. In the interest of the whole picture, kid #3 was conceived while she was breastfeeding full-time. So for now, we wait for her period to restart, which should be around the time the trees are green again.

We all have our crosses. Whether or not we are willing to trade them with others is a matter of perspective. As long as we accept them as they are given, our reward will compensate us in the end. The best way to let go of jealousy is to ask God for the understanding to accept His will for us. It usually doesn't happen until we do ask. I hope things do work out for the OP. Whenever they do, hopefully the reason for the wait will make sense as well.
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  #10  
Old Dec 14, '09, 1:09 pm
Charlotte408 Charlotte408 is offline
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Default Re: How do you overcome jealousy?

you know what I will tell you one thing though girl, your going to make a DARNED good mom...watch...when the baby comes...your going to appreciate the gift...just like how I said 'I am that much more thankful'.....some people take babies for granted...they pop em out and hardly care for em...I've seen some, very poor excuses for parents....but when you finally have your child, you'll watch her/him while he sleeps...smell their breath in the mornings...you'll be all the better mom for the wait <3

Good luck to you girl and God bless...
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  #11  
Old Dec 15, '09, 11:49 am
SeekingWisdom SeekingWisdom is offline
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Default Re: How do you overcome jealousy?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rascalking View Post
I'll second and third the prayer posts for you.

Jealousy can be terrible, I can't relate to your case-Although I do want kids someday, I'm ok with me not having them at this point.

This sounds simplistic, and it is, but one thing to remember is how much God has graced us with what he have in our lives-A roof over our heads, full stomachs, and peoole who love us. That is, when you think about it, so much more than what MANY people are given in this world-even in America, the luckiest country in the world.

It may not help, but try to remember what the good Lord has blessed you with, instead of the things you may not have.
This is very true!
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  #12  
Old Dec 15, '09, 12:34 pm
whatevergirl whatevergirl is offline
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Default Re: How do you overcome jealousy?

prolifemom...I'm praying for you. Jealousy is one of those things that rears its head from time to time, in varying degrees, for varying people. It is closely related to fear, in this case when you see others with children, your FEAR is that you will never have a child of your own. It's very strange, but whenever I have had jealous moments, I have asked God to give me hope for the future. And I say a prayer for God to remove my fears. I say those two things back to back..and it really works. The next time you are feeling this way, ask God to give you hope for your future, and to remove the fears that are causing you envy. I will pray for you, also.
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  #13  
Old Dec 15, '09, 3:39 pm
HeWillProvide HeWillProvide is offline
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Default Re: How do you overcome jealousy?

Would you be happier if all of those families that you are jealous of could not have any children, either?

I'm sure you wouldn't, but that is just an honest question.
Like, if I can't have something, well, then, neither can you!

Also, it sounds like you are married -
What would you tell a single woman who sees you and your hubby at church Sunday after Sunday after Sunday and is insanely jealous of the fact that you are married and she is not?

God loves you!
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  #14  
Old Dec 15, '09, 3:39 pm
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chevalier chevalier is offline
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Default Re: How do you overcome jealousy?

I try to realise that everyone has problems particular to him (we all have our own cross to bear) and appreciate the good things in my life. Sometimes I remind myself that my worth doesn't depend on "something" and I can take it as a challenge and prove my worth without it.
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  #15  
Old Dec 16, '09, 11:19 am
JanaHF JanaHF is offline
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Default Re: How do you overcome jealousy?

First, you have my full and heartfelt sympathy, and you will most certainly be in my prayers. Secondly, I don't know if this will help you or not; it helps me. HeWillProvide posted a question - "Would you be happier if all of those families that you are jealous of could not have any children, either?" I know it sounds harsh, but that's actually a really good way of throwing cold water on yourself and actually overcoming your jealousy. Look your nieces and nephews in the face, and think to yourself "Would I be happier if they weren't here?" From your post, it doesn't sound like you're envious at all in that way, so please don't think that I'm accusing you of being that uncharitable. Rather, I find that when I am in similar situation, and I ask myself "Would you rather they didn't have their children/house/job/car etc?" I get a rather chilled feeling and almost before I've even mentally finished the question, the answer is such a strong "No!" because those scenarios are so awful that my envy is very swiftly replaced with gratitude that those scenarios are not reality. Sometimes, when Satan attacks us, we just have to try to turn his tactics on their heads. That is how I (try, at least) to overcome jealousy. I don't know what your personality is like, so this approach may not work for you, but I thought that I would share it. We have to be harsh with ourselves sometimes because our baser instincts, our fallen human nature is so strong, we just have to give it a good smack down. Or at least, I know I do. Don't get discouraged if you still feel a little jealous. Envy is one of the seven deadly sins so we shouldn't expect it to be easy to overcome. But remember the corresponding seven virtues, particularly justice, hope, and charity. Keep struggling; it's when we stop struggling that we should really worry.
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