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  #1  
Old Mar 30, '10, 8:47 pm
leitis leitis is offline
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Default Single and Socializing

Iíve been reading a lot of these threads on being single, and one thing theyíve got me thinking about is socialization. A common theme in the advice given is to basically ďget out there and meet people and generally socialize, and even if nothing comes of it immediately youíre out there and socializingĒ or something along those lines (though usually better worded than that ^_^). Before I get into it, Iím a 21 yr old female (these things seem to work better when people know your gender and general age. Responses may be skewed if you think Iím a 35 year old male ). My silly little problem is that I canít find people to socialize with -_- . This leads to two different questions:

1) Seriously, where do single Catholics socialize? People mention youth groups on this site, but the only youth groups Iíve ever heard of (and I looked in my diocese once I saw them mentioned here) was for actual ages 8-18 youth, so that canít be right People must be talking about something else. Iíve also seen ďat church eventsĒ as a suggestion. For this, I wonder if itís just my parish that has a grand total of 5 unmarried adults, and then, if they do make it to Sunday mass, they dive out straight after communion and never attend anything. So I end up socializing with the grandmothers, which is really nice, to a point. The age difference hinders a lot of things, though. And Iím in university so youíd think I could find Catholics nearer to my age there. I did. I made a lot of friends and acquaintances through the university's Catholic group, and it was ok for a year or twoÖuntil they all paired up or went on mission . So Iím on the lookout for Catholic singles to socialize with, but I really donít know where to look. Iím not necessarily talking about ďsocializing with the intent of finding a spouseĒ or anything, but itíd be nice to find fellowship with Catholics around my age in the same boat as me. I separated single friends from married friends in here mostly because Iím a person with almost all married/engaged/long-term-dating-and-everyoneís-just-waiting-for-him-to-ask-her friends and minimal single friends. When thereís that much of an imbalance, you notice the difference in the way they a) look at things, and b) spend their time. So, point: clarification on ideas for where to find Catholic singles to socialize with.

2) How can a single girl still socialize with her married friends? Last summer there were 6 weddings for early-to-mid-20s Catholic couples I know, and suddenly all those female friends disappeared into couples nights and mommy groups. I still love them, but itís near impossible to work out a time to visit with them, and it seems like I canít relate to them at all. Iíd like to not lose all my friends to marriage, but I donít know how to overcome the sudden difference in lifestyles. Any ideas?
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  #2  
Old Mar 30, '10, 9:36 pm
LotusCarsLtd LotusCarsLtd is offline
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Default Re: Single and Socializing

Quote:
Originally Posted by leitis View Post
Iíve been reading a lot of these threads on being single, and one thing theyíve got me thinking about is socialization. A common theme in the advice given is to basically ďget out there and meet people and generally socialize, and even if nothing comes of it immediately youíre out there and socializingĒ or something along those lines (though usually better worded than that ^_^). Before I get into it, Iím a 21 yr old female (these things seem to work better when people know your gender and general age. Responses may be skewed if you think Iím a 35 year old male ). My silly little problem is that I canít find people to socialize with -_- . This leads to two different questions:

1) Seriously, where do single Catholics socialize? People mention youth groups on this site, but the only youth groups Iíve ever heard of (and I looked in my diocese once I saw them mentioned here) was for actual ages 8-18 youth, so that canít be right People must be talking about something else. Iíve also seen ďat church eventsĒ as a suggestion. For this, I wonder if itís just my parish that has a grand total of 5 unmarried adults, and then, if they do make it to Sunday mass, they dive out straight after communion and never attend anything. So I end up socializing with the grandmothers, which is really nice, to a point. The age difference hinders a lot of things, though. And Iím in university so youíd think I could find Catholics nearer to my age there. I did. I made a lot of friends and acquaintances through the university's Catholic group, and it was ok for a year or twoÖuntil they all paired up or went on mission . So Iím on the lookout for Catholic singles to socialize with, but I really donít know where to look. Iím not necessarily talking about ďsocializing with the intent of finding a spouseĒ or anything, but itíd be nice to find fellowship with Catholics around my age in the same boat as me. I separated single friends from married friends in here mostly because Iím a person with almost all married/engaged/long-term-dating-and-everyoneís-just-waiting-for-him-to-ask-her friends and minimal single friends. When thereís that much of an imbalance, you notice the difference in the way they a) look at things, and b) spend their time. So, point: clarification on ideas for where to find Catholic singles to socialize with.

2) How can a single girl still socialize with her married friends? Last summer there were 6 weddings for early-to-mid-20s Catholic couples I know, and suddenly all those female friends disappeared into couples nights and mommy groups. I still love them, but itís near impossible to work out a time to visit with them, and it seems like I canít relate to them at all. Iíd like to not lose all my friends to marriage, but I donít know how to overcome the sudden difference in lifestyles. Any ideas?
I'm in a similar situation where I am trying to socialize with other Catholics, but many of my Catholic friends seem to be single.

For me I live in the Illustrious Kingdom of His Most Glorious Excellency Mayor Daley so there are a lot of parishes around and several young adults groups available to me. I am also in college and have easy access to young adults groups thanks to the abundance of colleges here. I don't know where you live but if you are near other colleges check-out their young adults programs. Another option is to look for parishes near colleges as these might have young adult outreach programs.

Good luck in the search!
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  #3  
Old Mar 30, '10, 9:48 pm
Bataar Bataar is offline
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Default Re: Single and Socializing

I'm in the same boat. I don't have anyone to do things with outside of my board game group. I don't like going out by myself because there's nothing fun/interesting/entertaining to do. So, I pretty much just go to work and come home. Socializing is especially difficult for me due to my Asperger's so I've been at my wits end for a while.
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  #4  
Old Mar 30, '10, 10:31 pm
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mjs1987 mjs1987 is offline
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Default Re: Single and Socializing

It is pretty simple. Look at your church first. If it has nothing, check churches in the area around you. Churches have websites and singles and young adult groups are frequently advertised on the websites. If the area churches are barren of singles, try the region. If the region is barren, try the nation. If you cant find someone in the whole nation then the world is there. If you cannot find someone local or in the area, use online dating services. Many do that these days even for local dating. You have been blessed by having many tools given to you to find people. Use those tools and you will find some singles to socialize with and eventually marry one of them .
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  #5  
Old Mar 31, '10, 12:11 am
agba agba is offline
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Default Re: Single and Socializing

Hello,i want to say a very big thank you to the founder and to all my members of this forum
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  #6  
Old Mar 31, '10, 2:09 am
Bataar Bataar is offline
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Default Re: Single and Socializing

Quote:
Originally Posted by mjs1987 View Post
It is pretty simple. Look at your church first. If it has nothing, check churches in the area around you. Churches have websites and singles and young adult groups are frequently advertised on the websites. If the area churches are barren of singles, try the region. If the region is barren, try the nation. If you cant find someone in the whole nation then the world is there. If you cannot find someone local or in the area, use online dating services. Many do that these days even for local dating. You have been blessed by having many tools given to you to find people. Use those tools and you will find some singles to socialize with and eventually marry one of them .
I don't socialize though. Socializing for the sake of socializing is torture. There has to be a specific event or activity that I'm interested in. I went to a couple of young adult groups back when I was a young adult and I just found them to be too boring. Unfortunately, my hobbies and interests only seem to appeal to other guys.
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  #7  
Old Mar 31, '10, 2:48 am
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chevalier chevalier is offline
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Default Re: Single and Socializing

Nice to meet you. You make a solid nice impression and your attitude is refreshing. From your language I believe you may want to give a try to something brainy with a twist of humour (and a touch of wit), as long as Catholic or compatible folks are sharing in the same hobby. Just be careful with hobby groups where people have other values, which sometimes leads to drama where there is an illusion of deep personal compatibility but then it shows the couple doesn't share the same values and a common future is impossible (like my last relationship).
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  #8  
Old Mar 31, '10, 5:14 am
Jay82 Jay82 is offline
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Default Re: Single and Socializing

Welcome.

Quote:
Originally Posted by leitis View Post
1) Seriously, where do single Catholics socialize?
I'm 27 and I know what you mean in regards to being one of the only young people at your church. I was like that for several years and at the conclusion of mass, I would just go home. However, since I have moved, the new church I am going to has a lot more 'young professionals' attending mass.

Never the less, I have found that I have met other Catholics in various activities not related to the church. I do volunteer work, I play in sports leagues, I guest speak and volunteer at a university, and I just get out and network with friends/co-workers. I just try to meet as many new people as I can. Sometimes they aren't what I am looking for in terms of friends, but I have met plenty that I've become good friends with and we all share the same values and hobbies.

I would suggest joining some clubs or organizations focused on things you enjoy doing and just go from there.


Quote:
Originally Posted by leitis View Post
2) How can a single girl still socialize with her married friends? Any ideas?
I had 6 weddings to attend last year and a lot of my friends are in serious relationships or recently married. However, I have still been able to get together with them all.

I would recommend sending one e-mail to a handful of them (assuming you all are friends and know each other) and say how it has been a while since everyone got together and suggest an activity or dinner, etc. Then propose a few dates and have everyone respond with what works best.

It takes a lot of effort on your part because your married friends seem to have other priorities such as their husband/family. But if you can get a couple of these events planned your friends will be looking forward to them in the future and it will get easier...eventually they may start to plan them as well.
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  #9  
Old Mar 31, '10, 6:22 am
leitis leitis is offline
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Default Re: Single and Socializing

Quote:
Originally Posted by LotusCarsLtd View Post
I'm in a similar situation where I am trying to socialize with other Catholics, but many of my Catholic friends seem to be single.

For me I live in the Illustrious Kingdom of His Most Glorious Excellency Mayor Daley so there are a lot of parishes around and several young adults groups available to me. I am also in college and have easy access to young adults groups thanks to the abundance of colleges here. I don't know where you live but if you are near other colleges check-out their young adults programs. Another option is to look for parishes near colleges as these might have young adult outreach programs.

Good luck in the search!
Abundance of colleges? Interesting. I live in Canada, at the corner of No and Where (I kid. I love where I live), and there aren't many colleges around. But checking out the parishes around campus sounds like a good start. Thanks!
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  #10  
Old Mar 31, '10, 6:35 am
leitis leitis is offline
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Default Re: Single and Socializing

Quote:
Originally Posted by mjs1987 View Post
It is pretty simple. Look at your church first. If it has nothing, check churches in the area around you. Churches have websites and singles and young adult groups are frequently advertised on the websites. If the area churches are barren of singles, try the region. If the region is barren, try the nation. If you cant find someone in the whole nation then the world is there. If you cannot find someone local or in the area, use online dating services. Many do that these days even for local dating. You have been blessed by having many tools given to you to find people. Use those tools and you will find some singles to socialize with and eventually marry one of them .
Most of the parishes in town don't have websites, and if they do, odds are the main page will still say "Christ is Risen" from last Easter . From looking at the existing parish websites and the diocesan website, it seems that there's little for young adults until you get married. It may just be an issue of priorities, I suppose. Our diocese seems more focused on rural catechetics and native ministry, understandably.

But you're right. I must remember that I have many resources at my disposal. Now, to figure out what they are and how to use them...
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  #11  
Old Mar 31, '10, 7:31 am
Sierrah Sierrah is offline
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Default Re: Single and Socializing

Quote:
Originally Posted by leitis View Post
Iíve been reading a lot of these threads on being single, and one thing theyíve got me thinking about is socialization. A common theme in the advice given is to basically ďget out there and meet people and generally socialize, and even if nothing comes of it immediately youíre out there and socializingĒ or something along those lines (though usually better worded than that ^_^). Before I get into it, Iím a 21 yr old female (these things seem to work better when people know your gender and general age. Responses may be skewed if you think Iím a 35 year old male ). My silly little problem is that I canít find people to socialize with -_- . This leads to two different questions:

1) Seriously, where do single Catholics socialize? People mention youth groups on this site, but the only youth groups Iíve ever heard of (and I looked in my diocese once I saw them mentioned here) was for actual ages 8-18 youth, so that canít be right People must be talking about something else. Iíve also seen ďat church eventsĒ as a suggestion. For this, I wonder if itís just my parish that has a grand total of 5 unmarried adults, and then, if they do make it to Sunday mass, they dive out straight after communion and never attend anything. So I end up socializing with the grandmothers, which is really nice, to a point. The age difference hinders a lot of things, though. And Iím in university so youíd think I could find Catholics nearer to my age there. I did. I made a lot of friends and acquaintances through the university's Catholic group, and it was ok for a year or twoÖuntil they all paired up or went on mission . So Iím on the lookout for Catholic singles to socialize with, but I really donít know where to look. Iím not necessarily talking about ďsocializing with the intent of finding a spouseĒ or anything, but itíd be nice to find fellowship with Catholics around my age in the same boat as me. I separated single friends from married friends in here mostly because Iím a person with almost all married/engaged/long-term-dating-and-everyoneís-just-waiting-for-him-to-ask-her friends and minimal single friends. When thereís that much of an imbalance, you notice the difference in the way they a) look at things, and b) spend their time. So, point: clarification on ideas for where to find Catholic singles to socialize with.

2) How can a single girl still socialize with her married friends? Last summer there were 6 weddings for early-to-mid-20s Catholic couples I know, and suddenly all those female friends disappeared into couples nights and mommy groups. I still love them, but itís near impossible to work out a time to visit with them, and it seems like I canít relate to them at all. Iíd like to not lose all my friends to marriage, but I donít know how to overcome the sudden difference in lifestyles. Any ideas?
I think this is where the church has failed singles BIG TIME. By ignoring us and patting us on the back with a "you'll meet someone in time" attitude. Well how do you meet someone without a support system or opportunity to meet other church oriented singles?
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  #12  
Old Mar 31, '10, 7:35 am
Jay82 Jay82 is offline
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Default Re: Single and Socializing

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sierrah View Post
I think this is where the church has failed singles BIG TIME. By ignoring us and patting us on the back with a "you'll meet someone in time" attitude. Well how do you meet someone without a support system or opportunity to meet other church oriented singles?
Yeah, you definitely can feel alienated and ignored as a single person. It is unfortunate.
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  #13  
Old Mar 31, '10, 7:37 am
leitis leitis is offline
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Default Re: Single and Socializing

Quote:
Originally Posted by chevalier View Post
Nice to meet you. You make a solid nice impression and your attitude is refreshing. From your language I believe you may want to give a try to something brainy with a twist of humour (and a touch of wit), as long as Catholic or compatible folks are sharing in the same hobby. Just be careful with hobby groups where people have other values, which sometimes leads to drama where there is an illusion of deep personal compatibility but then it shows the couple doesn't share the same values and a common future is impossible (like my last relationship).
Nice to meet you, too.

Brainy with a twist of humour and a touch of wit...sounds like a drink order . Good cauttionary advice, though. I'll keep it in mind.
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  #14  
Old Mar 31, '10, 7:53 am
leitis leitis is offline
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Default Re: Single and Socializing

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jay82 View Post
Never the less, I have found that I have met other Catholics in various activities not related to the church. I do volunteer work, I play in sports leagues, I guest speak and volunteer at a university, and I just get out and network with friends/co-workers. I just try to meet as many new people as I can. Sometimes they aren't what I am looking for in terms of friends, but I have met plenty that I've become good friends with and we all share the same values and hobbies.

I would suggest joining some clubs or organizations focused on things you enjoy doing and just go from there.
Thanks for the tip. I used to try more new activities than I do now, but was discouraged when it seemed everyone I ran into was married already. A strange proportion of the new people I meet are married. I started a new job last year, and in my section everyone's pretty young (twenties) and all but one of them are married. It seems to always be this way in anything I do. I guess all that's left to do is try another activity, then. ^_^

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jay82 View Post
I had 6 weddings to attend last year and a lot of my friends are in serious relationships or recently married. However, I have still been able to get together with them all.

I would recommend sending one e-mail to a handful of them (assuming you all are friends and know each other) and say how it has been a while since everyone got together and suggest an activity or dinner, etc. Then propose a few dates and have everyone respond with what works best.

It takes a lot of effort on your part because your married friends seem to have other priorities such as their husband/family. But if you can get a couple of these events planned your friends will be looking forward to them in the future and it will get easier...eventually they may start to plan them as well.
I very much appreciate this advice. Thank you! ^_^
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  #15  
Old Mar 31, '10, 9:31 am
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Kimothy80 Kimothy80 is offline
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Default Re: Single and Socializing

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sierrah View Post
I think this is where the church has failed singles BIG TIME. By ignoring us and patting us on the back with a "you'll meet someone in time" attitude. Well how do you meet someone without a support system or opportunity to meet other church oriented singles?
I so agree! The church I attended as a kid had great stuff K-12th grade but once we all graduated there was nothing left!

Two and a half years ago I moved to a smaller town for my job. Up until a few weeks ago I'd just go to work, come home and the usual grocery shopping. After doing some investigating on the diocese's, I learned that the community in which I live in (which doesn't have many Catholic churches though it is a "college town") DOES have a group for 18-35 year olds. Hallelujah!

I joined their group on Facebook and learned that they do have semi-regular social gatherings. I already attended one outting (and enjoyed it ) and am looking forward to their "Lord's Day--pizza, praise and worship" gathering April 10th.
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