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  #1  
Old Apr 14, '10, 6:46 pm
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Default Should I Attend Bridal Shower for Couple Already Living Together?

The Title says it all.

Details:
Glad they're making it sacramental.

Not sure if the wedding is at a Catholic Church.

They're family, but not close family. (Groom is the step son of my BIL).

I'm going to send a gift regardless--just wondering if I ought to attend the shower celebrating the fact that they're living together and getting married and see nothing wrong with continuing (I assume) conjugal relations.

They have a 2 yr old daughter.

(Did a search on this topic and couldn't find anything specific to my question. Lots of threads about baby showers/evite showers/registering for lots of gift showers, but not my specific question).

Thanks!
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  #2  
Old Apr 14, '10, 7:19 pm
Rence Rence is offline
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Default Re: Should I Attend Bridal Shower for Couple Already Living Together?

A bridal shower is a pre-celebration of an upcoming wedding, and held in honor of the bride. It's not a celebration of the fact that they're living together.

The way I see it, they're trying to come back, they're trying to move forward and make it right. People make mistakes in life. So what kind of message are we sending when we continue to look at one's past faults and not acknowledge their effort to right their wrongs. So while I see what you're saying about their previous lifestyle, but IMOHO by showing your disapproval, you're not supporting their efforts to make it right. This is only my opinion.

It's inappropriate for you to assume they are still engaging in congugal relations. I believe that if one is working towards a marriage, you need to give them the benefit of the doubt until you know for usre what they're doing. And really, is it worth the battle if they're going to be getting married? I'd be concentrating on trying to bring them towards the Church with your counsel and by showing them with your example.
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  #3  
Old Apr 14, '10, 7:22 pm
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Rascalking Rascalking is offline
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Default Re: Should I Attend Bridal Shower for Couple Already Living Together?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rence View Post
A bridal shower is a pre-celebration of an upcoming wedding, and held in honor of the bride. It's not a celebration of the fact that they're living together.

The way I see it, they're trying to come back, they're trying to move forward and make it right. People make mistakes in life. So what kind of message are we sending when we continue to look at one's past faults and not acknowledge their effort to right their wrongs. So while I see what you're saying about their previous lifestyle, but IMOHO by showing your disapproval, you're not supporting their efforts to make it right. This is only my opinion.

It's inappropriate for you to assume they are still engaging in congugal relations. I believe that if one is working towards a marriage, you need to give them the benefit of the doubt until you know for usre what they're doing. And really, is it worth the battle if they're going to be getting married? I'd be concentrating on trying to bring them towards the Church with your counsel and by showing them with your example.
I agree with Rence! Thank God they're making it sacramental! What a glorious celebration of them doing something right!

For all you know, they might be getting more involved in the church after this! Let's hope this is their first step towards a longer religious commitment!

Yes, of course you go! Yes, yes, yes!

Rence? GREAT ANSWER
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  #4  
Old Apr 14, '10, 7:26 pm
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Default Re: Should I Attend Bridal Shower for Couple Already Living Together?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rence View Post
A bridal shower is a pre-celebration of an upcoming wedding, and held in honor of the bride. It's not a celebration of the fact that they're living together.

The way I see it, they're trying to come back, they're trying to move forward and make it right. People make mistakes in life. So what kind of message are we sending when we continue to look at one's past faults and not acknowledge their effort to right their wrongs. So while I see what you're saying about their previous lifestyle, but IMOHO by showing your disapproval, you're not supporting their efforts to make it right. This is only my opinion.

It's inappropriate for you to assume they are still engaging in congugal relations. I believe that if one is working towards a marriage, you need to give them the benefit of the doubt until you know for usre what they're doing. And really, is it worth the battle if they're going to be getting married? I'd be concentrating on trying to bring them towards the Church with your counsel and by showing them with your example.
I appreciate your response.

But, really, it's not inappropriate to assume they're still engaging in conjugal relations.

If I knew that they felt they'd made a mistake and repented of their previous lifestyle, then I'd be at the shower in a heartbeat.

That's exactly my dilemma: they are continuing their previous lifestyle and share no regrets whatsoever about their past mistakes. Their wedding is simply the next step: dating, baby, live together, now wedding.
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  #5  
Old Apr 14, '10, 7:28 pm
Whitacre_Girl Whitacre_Girl is offline
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Default Re: Should I Attend Bridal Shower for Couple Already Living Together?

Looks like you've got some good advice here!!

The bridal shower is celebrating the fact that they are getting married, and giving gifts to prepare the couple for life together as a married couple.

I say go, enjoy, and congratulate the bride!
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  #6  
Old Apr 14, '10, 7:45 pm
Rence Rence is offline
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Default Re: Should I Attend Bridal Shower for Couple Already Living Together?

Quote:
Originally Posted by PRmerger View Post
I appreciate your response.

But, really, it's not inappropriate to assume they're still engaging in conjugal relations.

If I knew that they felt they'd made a mistake and repented of their previous lifestyle, then I'd be at the shower in a heartbeat.

That's exactly my dilemma: they are continuing their previous lifestyle and share no regrets whatsoever about their past mistakes. Their wedding is simply the next step: dating, baby, live together, now wedding.
Well, you can either use this as an opportunity to bring them back, or not. It's really up to you, but this would be a good opportunity because you need to start somewhere.
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  #7  
Old Apr 14, '10, 8:35 pm
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Default Re: Should I Attend Bridal Shower for Couple Already Living Together?

I would think the spirit of Christian charity would demand that you celebrate their upcoming marriage. That is after all what you want them to do, be married, right?

As someone else pointed out, we all make mistakes. Even you. The bride and groom will answer to God for their mistakes, not to you.
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  #8  
Old Apr 14, '10, 10:35 pm
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Default Re: Should I Attend Bridal Shower for Couple Already Living Together?

Quote:
Originally Posted by PRmerger View Post
The Title says it all.

Details:
Glad they're making it sacramental.

Not sure if the wedding is at a Catholic Church.

They're family, but not close family. (Groom is the step son of my BIL).

I'm going to send a gift regardless--just wondering if I ought to attend the shower celebrating the fact that they're living together and getting married and see nothing wrong with continuing (I assume) conjugal relations.

They have a 2 yr old daughter.

(Did a search on this topic and couldn't find anything specific to my question. Lots of threads about baby showers/evite showers/registering for lots of gift showers, but not my specific question).

Thanks!
If at least one of the parties is Catholic, but it is not a wedding in the Catholic Church and no dispensation has been given, then it is most likely NOT sacramental.

If you are concerned that your giving of a gift will be interpreted as approving of their current "living in sin", then what you could always do is give a wedding gift at or right after the wedding.
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  #9  
Old Apr 14, '10, 10:50 pm
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Norseman82 Norseman82 is offline
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Default Re: Should I Attend Bridal Shower for Couple Already Living Together?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hereswith View Post
As someone else pointed out, we all make mistakes. Even you. The bride and groom will answer to God for their mistakes, not to you.
Be VERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRY careful, you are treading on the dangerous ground of potential false accusation (not to mention that your premise is not entirely theologically correct).

Shacking up and getting knocked up is not just a "golly gee-whillikers mistake"; that type of lackadaisical attitude is probably contributing to the increase in promiscuity instead of fighting it.

Additionally, I know you list yourself as a convert to Catholicism, so you may not know that admonishing a sinner is an act of spiritual mercy. Additionally, there is a place in Ezekiel in which we are warned that if we do not make an attempt to warn someone of their sin, we willbe held responsible for them. Additionally, CCC 1868 says something to the effect that we can be held resposible for the sin of others if we cooperate with them by praising or approving them.
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  #10  
Old Apr 15, '10, 5:01 am
PaulinVA PaulinVA is offline
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Default Re: Should I Attend Bridal Shower for Couple Already Living Together?

The nerve of some people!

I think once you are living together, you sort of give up the claim to needing those things a new bride needs, aren't you? You pretended to be a new bride when you moved in together, and that ship has sailed.
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  #11  
Old Apr 15, '10, 5:16 am
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PRmerger PRmerger is offline
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Default Re: Should I Attend Bridal Shower for Couple Already Living Together?

Quote:
Originally Posted by PaulinVA View Post
The nerve of some people!

I think once you are living together, you sort of give up the claim to needing those things a new bride needs, aren't you? You pretended to be a new bride when you moved in together, and that ship has sailed.
Ya know, I think you're right. Maybe that's the thought I had, but couldn't fully articulate, when I posted the original question.

Maybe I'll just send a wedding gift (congratulating them, in effect, for making it right) and attend the wedding/reception; and leave the showering of gifts to the "blushing new bride" sham alone.
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