How many children do you have?

dizzy_dave · #1 Apr 24, '10, 11:29 am

My wife and I are both 37 and we have 7 children. We get alot of funny looks in public and my boss has been making comments lately too concerning insurance, etc. (he's a "Catholic" too - lapsed) I'm sick of being looked at as if we are freaks. I'm not sure why people are so concerned about it. What do you say to them? Many times I'm caught off guard and only later think of a comeback. How do you deal with it? We love our kids and can't imagine like without them.

Whitacre_Girl · #2 Apr 24, '10, 12:50 pm

You didn't include an option for 0.

Hubby and I are not able to have kids yet. We get funny looks and judgemental glances in church. It sucks.

I understand how it sucks to be judged for your fertility...or lack thereof.

Prayers for you and you family. Enjoy the blessings of your children, and realize that the people who judge you obviously have their own problems. It's what I have to do.

ac claire · #3 Apr 24, '10, 12:58 pm

We have one little girl, still in utero.

Honestly OP, this is one of those situations where the only comeback I can think of is to simply try not to care, and shrug it off...You are so incredibly blessed with 7 children, you know it, the Church teaches it anyhow. But some people just aren't gonna get it, for a myriad of silly half-baked reasons. Simply, they're wrong.

You don't need a snappy come-back to this one, all the defence you need is in your happy family IMO.

Oneofthewomen · #4 Apr 24, '10, 1:07 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Whitacre_Girl

You didn't include an option for 0.

Hubby and I are not able to have kids yet. We get funny looks and judgemental glances in church. It sucks.

I understand how it sucks to be judged for your fertility...or lack thereof.

Prayers for you and you family. Enjoy the blessings of your children, and realize that the people who judge you obviously have their own problems. It's what I have to do.

Whitacre_Girl,
I noticed that also, and am in the same situation.
I have been married for nearly 20 years,
and have even been accused of being selfish for not having children yet.

I find a short and to the point "That is between me, my husband (or wife), and God. I do not discuss it with anyone else.", usually works!

Incomplete · #5 Apr 24, '10, 1:10 pm

Just know that people are gonna comment no matter what you do.

My close friend, with no kids, has been told how selfish she is to not have any.

We've been blessed with one, and it's obvious we will not be blessed with more. I've been told all about the "lonely only's", and how terrible it is to have just one.

My sister has three, and also gets looks and comments, at least she did when they were young.

I was also older when I got married and had to endure a lot of comments about that. Women are still looked at as "less" if they're single.

So..women are supposed to get married and have two kids. Yet we're all supposed to be individuals, and tolerant of other's decisions.

Know that some will look at you and think it's cool, but just not say anything.

For those who judge you for this, offer prayers and find a way to use it to grow closer to God. Feel sorry for their lack of understanding, and for the delights they're missing.

flyingfish · #6 Apr 24, '10, 1:26 pm

Tell them your kids will be paying their social security

AmberDale · #7 Apr 24, '10, 1:36 pm

Technically we have 4.
One in heaven, two outside playing, and one in Utero. If my health were better, I'd have more already

(I'm 28). I love kids. I think large families are great and those who are blessed with them should never feel ashamed.
I also think those who are unable to have any (or more than 1-2) should not feel ashamed. God has given us all different gifts and blessings.

rick43235 · #8 Apr 24, '10, 1:38 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by dizzy_dave

My wife and I are both 37 and we have 7 children. We get alot of funny looks in public...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Whitacre_Girl

Hubby and I are not able to have kids yet. We get funny looks and judgemental glances in church. It sucks.

I don't get it. Is this a Catholic thing? Getting judged for having too many or too few children? So, what number of children is acceptable?

My wife and I have no children. Folks can judge all they want to. It doesn't bother me. I really don't care what they think.

bonniemarie · #9 Apr 24, '10, 1:40 pm

I only have 4 and i even get crazy looks , and get the are they all yours question everytime i go to the store. I had my tubes tied after my last , big regret there, but we hope to adopt at a later time when we can afford it. I can only imagine the looks we would get if we had even more. If I tell folks we also homeschool we get even crazier looks.

Whitacre_Girl · #10 Apr 24, '10, 2:04 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by rick43235

I don't get it. Is this a Catholic thing? Getting judged for having too many or too few children? So, what number of children is acceptable?

My wife and I have no children. Folks can judge all they want to. It doesn't bother me. I really don't care what they think.

I wish I shared your conviction. I am insanely jealous

Our childlessness isn't necessarily by choice. I mean, we aren't financially ready for kids, so I guess it's a blessing in disguise. But i hurt terribly, so the judgement only hurts more. After all, to be a REAL married couple, you have to have kids. Right? At least, that's what I am getting from the church.

It works like this: If you have no kids, the church judges you or looks down on you. Okay, not the church, just the people in the pews.

If you have too many, society judges you. It's just further proof that you can't please everyone. I just wish people were judging me for having too many, than not having any. The pain I feel myself is torture enough without the noisy or pointed comments. And then we could revel in the joy of our children, instead of treating the cat like a baby.....LOL

Angels Unaware · #11 Apr 24, '10, 2:06 pm

Life is a gift, period.

It's nobody's business how many children you have unless you cannot feed them or you mistreat them. And if that is the problem, then you need Christian charity and help, not judgement, blame, or ridicule.

tinalewis · #12 Apr 24, '10, 2:07 pm

Zero children. I didn't see that as an option on the poll.

Not everyone has children.

sharmin · #13 Apr 24, '10, 2:12 pm

TO the OP, don't let anyone dictate to you how many children you can or cannot have. As long as you support them on your own, who cares?

Jennifer J · #14 Apr 24, '10, 2:17 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by sharmin

TO the OP, don't let anyone dictate to you how many children you can or cannot have. As long as you support them on your own, who cares?

And, if you CAN'T support them, for whatever reason (Iike say for instance your family is doing well, you have a large family and then the economy crashes and you're suddenly NOT doing well), WHAT THEN?

God doesn't put the restrictions on the GIFT OF FERTILITY that many of you do. Children are a blessing, never a curse. I'm so tired of hearing the canard, "children are a blessing AS LONG AS YOU CAN AFFORD THEM." That's not what God had in mind. Ever.

Angels Unaware · #15 Apr 24, '10, 2:19 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennifer J

And, if you CAN'T support them, for whatever reason (Iike say for instance your family is doing well, you have a large family and then the economy crashes and you're suddenly NOT doing well), WHAT THEN?

God doesn't put the restrictions on the GIFT OF FERTILITY that many of you do. Children are a blessing, never a curse. I'm so tired of hearing the canard, "children are a blessing AS LONG AS YOU CAN AFFORD THEM." That's not what God had in mind. Ever.