Catholics with anxiety/panic disorders and mass obligation

Jane de Chantal · #1 May 22, '10, 5:20 pm

Hi all,
I was listening to Catholic answers the other day. A caller asked how she could participate in Catholic life, when she had an anxiety disorder which made her uncomfortable in large crowds. The apologists answered her question in regard to weather she could be excused from mass on Sunday. The answer was "yes". And they recommended that she seek medical or psych care.

I would like to offer some other helpful suggestions to her and those who suffer the same condition.

I have a son with Asperger's Syndrome. So he also has a hard time being in crowds. I will share how we have delt with his issues. First of all, try going to a less crowded mass. Often this will be very early in the morning. At one particularly difficult time, we got permission from our pastor for him to go to a daily mass instead of Sunday. These are really not crowded at all. And usually there aren't crying babies and restless kids there, which add to the over-stimulation.

Finally the BEST thing I have to suggest is to get a service dog. The dog has a very soothing effect on him. And because we need room for the dog, this gives him a larger space between him and other people in the pews. This gives him breathing room. I know that they DO use service dogs for anxiety issues, because I saw one on an episode of the "Dog Whisperer". And of course my son has one for his autism, which is really for psychological rather than physical assistance.

God Bless!
Jane

cmscms · #2 May 22, '10, 7:47 pm

I am happy you managed to find a tool to help your son

CM

**Holly3278** · #3 May 23, '10, 1:15 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by cmscms

I am happy you managed to find a tool to help your son

CM

I am as well.

That said, around 5 years ago, my psychiatrist signed a paper for me so that I could keep a cat at my apartment for free. The reason is because she helps with my depression, loneliness, and anxiety. You can see pictures of her in my photo album (which I believe you can find in my profile) if you'd like.

Her name is Precious.

DanWelshiMac · #4 May 23, '10, 6:13 am

I suffer from Schizotypal Disorder and have had a long struggle
with going to Mass because of paranoia and anxiety. I am on much
better medication for that now, but I still have a standing dispensation
from the parish priest to not attend Mass if this flares up again.
Go when you can and be at peace.

Peace Be With You,...
Dan

Jane de Chantal · #5 May 23, '10, 1:34 pm

I remembered one other thing we did to help my son, so I'm passing it on, if it can help others. Our pastor at one time allowed my son to sit in the sacristy,with the door open. This way he could attend mass but be away from the congregation. The only other person there was the sacristan. This worked so well for him, that another mother of a boy with Down Syndrome did the same thing.
Peace!

Groundskeeper · #6 May 23, '10, 9:15 pm

I have social anxiety and going to mass is well...difficult. It's been a hard struggle for me, but in every step of the way God has been there to remind me that no matter what anyone says or thinks He loves me and that's all that matters to me. It has absolutely blown me away how many times the readings at mass or the homily has answered questions I had about church teachings and whatnot. I kinda got the idea that God really wants me there!

I remember when I was at mass earlier this year and I was really struggling that day. Especially because of something one of the greeters said. I don't think there was bad intention on his part, but it was basically questioning my choice of seat and if it had anything to do with just fulfilling the mass obligation (the priest had addressed this with some humor in weeks before, that's why I think the greeter said what he said). Little did he know that I was so nervous that day all I could manage to do was sit in the seat next to main entrance doors, it's mostly a standing room area and separated from the main part of the church. I was crushed. I felt so low, like such a coward. Yet the first reading of that mass lifted my soul:

Jeremiah 17:5-8

Thus says the LORD:
Cursed is the one who trusts in human beings,
who seeks his strength in flesh,
whose heart turns away from the LORD.
He is like a barren bush in the desert
that enjoys no change of season,
but stands in a lava waste,
a salt and empty earth.
Blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD,
whose hope is the LORD.
He is like a tree planted beside the waters
that stretches out its roots to the stream:
it fears not the heat when it comes;
its leaves stay green;
in the year of drought it shows no distress,
but still bears fruit.

When I heard the part in bold, I felt like God was talking directly to me. I got the message loud and clear. Trust me and don't worry about anything else or anybody else. That day I resolved to myself that no matter how bad my anxiety was, it was worth going. Not only do I want to go to mass, I need it. My soul needs it, my anxiety needs it. I love going to mass.

jen fla · #7 May 23, '10, 11:21 pm

let's hope this gives another good reason to end the practice of holding hands during the Our Father. sorry i'm going to be blunt here, but why did this annoying habit suddenly appear anyhow?

and while i'm being cranky pants, mind as well throw out a reminder to some parents with screaming babies. they are cute and we love them, but why don't you ever take them to the baby areas? i don't mean this to sound cold, but they are louder than cell phones. i would understand if the Church didn't have a designated area and maybe the Church is located in a bad part of town where you wouldn't want to go outside by yourself, but when there is a cry room, well why not go there?

sorry if that takes this off subject, but these are issues that can break the sublime peace that can be found during Mass. i hate crowds and it is a problem for me to be too close to men especially if i think they are staring at me, but i guess it's not a disorder because i just pray and use my mind to get through it.

my sympathies and prayers for the anxiety-ridden souls. having to hold hands with strangers does not help.

peace.

wjp984 · #8 May 23, '10, 11:57 pm

Everyone is different and some experience more panic then others, but why not try forcing yourself and desensitizing to going to mass. Gradually you should be more comfortable.

Unless you have a serious medical condition where you are a danger to others, then I don't think you have an excuse not to go to mass. Man up and deal with it. What is one hour of uncomfortableness going to do to you? And if you really do panic, then temporarily go outside and take a break and then go right back in.

Aislin · #9 May 24, '10, 12:24 pm

When you have anxiety, that hour of uncomfortableness (sometimes extreme uncomfortableness) can feel like days. That's a horrible thing to say to someone who struggles with anxiety, to simply "man up and deal with it". If it was that easy, there wouldn't be a problem, now would there? Those who struggle feel bad enough about it and don't need your kind of attitude making them feel worse for missing mass or that they're doing something wrong simply because they don't know how to suck it up and just deal with it. They work hard and do what they can. Maybe if you felt what they felt, you would know better than to say such foolish things.

Also, if you've ever read any books about it, what you suggested is actually seriously counter-productive to those who suffer with overcoming anxiety.

wjp984 · #10 May 25, '10, 12:14 am

Once again, unless you are a danger to yourself or others, I see no reason why you can't force yourself to go to mass. Anxiety is a bs excuse. Go to the 7:00 am mass. Sit in the back by the exit allowing yourself an escape. Go outside and take a breather. It's not like it is going to kill you. Force yourself to go.

I have generalized anxiety disorder so I know all about anxiety. When I am anxious about something I force myself to do it until I adjust. After enough practice I can do it with minimal anxiety. When I have to give a speech of some sort I'll practice it for hours and hours and while I'll still be tense, I can usually practice enough to make myself seem somewhat comfortable. I'm never comfortable with crowds but I can adapt. I force myself to go to mass even when I don't want to. So I don't say this because I am insensitive, I say it because I think it is wrong for people to use anxiety as an excuse. Once again, unless your doctor has told you that you are a danger to yourself or others (panic attack can cause you a massive heart attack or something) then I say there is no excuse for missing mass for anxiety.

Aislin · #11 May 25, '10, 1:36 am

If you have no problem doing that, then good for you. Don't generalize and assume that everyone else who struggles with anxiety will be able to do the same. Some people have anxiety so bad that they can barely leave their homes, if that even. What of them? They're not using anxiety as an excuse for anything. It's the truth and to say that it's a 'bs excuse', as you put it, is simply cruel and insensitive to those who are truly struggling with this in their daily lives.

If the priests feel it's a good enough reason, well, they would know better.

Jane de Chantal · #12 May 25, '10, 7:17 pm

Please let's all be charitable. This is a Catholic Forum. The purposeof this thread is to give helpful suggestions, not to judge or place blame. My son and family were the subject of criticism, scorn and gossip for years. It was only after he got the service dog, that people started to treat him as having a "legitimate" disability. In his case it is not all related to anxiety. He does have sensory inetegration issues as well. I only titled this thread for anxiety/panic disorders because of the caller to the Catholic Answers radio program. I'm happy that some people can work through the anxiety. But maybe they are given the grace to do so, while others may not.
Peace to all.
Jane

Groundskeeper · #13 May 25, '10, 7:59 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aislin

If you have no problem doing that, then good for you. Don't generalize and assume that everyone else who struggles with anxiety will be able to do the same. Some people have anxiety so bad that they can barely leave their homes, if that even. What of them? They're not using anxiety as an excuse for anything. It's the truth and to say that it's a 'bs excuse', as you put it, is simply cruel and insensitive to those who are truly struggling with this in their daily lives.

If the priests feel it's a good enough reason, well, they would know better.

Agreed.

Jane de Chantal - something that has helped me tremendously with my anxiety is memorizing bible verses. When I'm going to something that causes a lot of anxiety for me (like the doctor, dentist, etc) I will often write down a bible verse on a piece of paper and stick it in my shirt pocket to bring with me. The key for me is keeping control of my mind. When I get really anxious it feels like there is a tornado of thoughts in my head and I can't get a firm grip on my thoughts which only makes me more anxious. Focusing on a bible verse helps me to keep my mind focused and in control, which makes it easier a little easier to control my anxiety. Some of my favorite verses are: Isaiah 41:10, Psalm 56:3-4, Philippians 4:13, and Matthew 11:28-30.

Groundskeeper · #14 May 25, '10, 8:32 pm

I had no idea there was a 20 minute limit on being able to edit messages. Anyways, I was going to add that I've been able to make progress with my anxiety, but I've also been on the opposite end of the spectrum. I tried to commit suicide 4 times in high school. I was a depressed and miserable and I couldn't take going to school anymore. After high school I spent the better part of 7 years unemployed and depressed (only had a job for roughly 2 years) cause I was beyond terrified of job interviews. Only God knows why I'm here now.

It's not as easy as just "relaxing" or "getting over it". Mentally, the damage that can be done by forcing yourself into situations you're not ready for can be extremely traumatizing, which only reinforces the anxiety and makes it worst. For example, I had to leave mass earlier this year cause I was starting to get a panic attack. I was nauseous and feeling faint. I closed my eyes to try and regain control of my emotions and I felt the whole room spinning. I ended up walking out and waiting in the car for my mother. I was disappointed with myself, but I understood I didn't "fail." It was a setback that could be worked through (which I did). In previous times in my life I would have been a depressed mess and who knows how long it would have been until I would have tried to go to mass again, if I would have tried.

Jane de Chantal · #15 May 26, '10, 9:14 am

Groundskeeper,

God Bless you! Thank you for sharing your experience with everyone here. It helps us without these disorders to better understand what you're going through.

I LOVE your suggestion about bible verses! Not only does it sound like it helps, but it's also a beautiful way to live out our faith.

Peace!
Jane