Catholic FAQ


Help support Catholic Answers!

Latest Threads
newest posts



Go Back   Catholic Answers Forums > Forums > Apologetics > Moral Theology
 

Welcome to Catholic Answers Forums, the largest Catholic Community on the Web.

Here you can join over 400,000 members from around the world discussing all things Catholic. Membership is open to all, Catholic and non-Catholic alike, who seek the Truth with Charity.

To gain full access, you must register for a FREE account. Registered members are able to:
  • Submit questions about the faith to experts from Catholic Answers
  • Participate in all forum discussions
  • Communicate privately with Catholics from around the world
  • Plus join a prayer group, read with the Book Club, and much more.
Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free. So join our community today!

Have a question about registration or your account log-in? Just contact our Support Hotline.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search Thread Display
  #1  
Old Jun 6, '10, 9:05 am
FanofB16 FanofB16 is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: September 15, 2006
Posts: 87
Default People living together before marriage - is it allowed?

Hi,

I have a few friends who are getting married this Summer.

One friend has been living with her boyfriend for about 4 years now.
The other friend has been living with her boyfriend for 6 months now.

Both are getting married by their Priest this summer in the Church with a Mass celebrated for them.

Does the Catholic Church allow people to live together before marriage?

If not, is the Priest causing scandal by marrying them?
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old Jun 6, '10, 10:43 am
Young Thinker's Avatar
Young Thinker Young Thinker is offline
Regular Member
 
Join Date: January 21, 2010
Posts: 3,317
Religion: old-fashioned Catholic
Default Re: People living together before marriage - is it allowed?

Yes, it is a serious sin, not to mention that it is "tacky." Concubinage is a dire problem in our society. However, your friends are finally doing the right thing by marrying. Some people never do that much. The priest certainly is not doing anything that is wrong.
__________________
Cogito ergo sum (I think, therefore I am).
"Turn your eyes inward, look into your depths, learn to first know yourself."- Sigmund Freud
C'est moi, un turban rouge de Perse.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old Jun 6, '10, 10:44 am
GEddie GEddie is online now
Forum Elder
Book Club Member
 
Join Date: March 18, 2009
Posts: 45,638
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: People living together before marriage - is it allowed?

Quote:
Originally Posted by FanofB16 View Post
Hi,

I have a few friends who are getting married this Summer.

One friend has been living with her boyfriend for about 4 years now.
The other friend has been living with her boyfriend for 6 months now.

Both are getting married by their Priest this summer in the Church with a Mass celebrated for them.

Does the Catholic Church allow people to live together before marriage?

If not, is the Priest causing scandal by marrying them?
"Living together" is *not* ok before marriage.

However, like any other sin, it can be repented, and the people involved can go on to marriage in the Catholic Church.

(N.B. I am not a priest, nor do I play one on television; but I did go to Catholic High School)

ICXC NIKA.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old Jun 6, '10, 10:48 am
tjm190 tjm190 is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: July 18, 2009
Posts: 2,878
Religion: Dissident Catholic
Default Re: People living together before marriage - is it allowed?

I've lived with my siblings, although it would have been sinful to have sex with them. I've lived with my dog, although it would have been sinful to have sex with him. I've lived with a male roommate, although it would have been sinful to have sex with him. Pray tell, why couldn't I live with a female roommate?

Having sex before marriage is a sin- living with someone who you aren't supposed to have sex with is not.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old Jun 6, '10, 10:49 am
Suspicious Mind Suspicious Mind is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: May 17, 2010
Posts: 309
Default Re: People living together before marriage - is it allowed?

Where does it say in the Bible that living together is wrong?
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old Jun 6, '10, 10:49 am
WatchingMedia WatchingMedia is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: April 25, 2010
Posts: 705
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: People living together before marriage - is it allowed?

Quote:
Originally Posted by FanofB16 View Post
Hi,

I have a few friends who are getting married this Summer.

One friend has been living with her boyfriend for about 4 years now.
The other friend has been living with her boyfriend for 6 months now.

Both are getting married by their Priest this summer in the Church with a Mass celebrated for them.

Does the Catholic Church allow people to live together before marriage?

If not, is the Priest causing scandal by marrying them?
Any sexual activity outside of marriage (defined between one man and one woman) is a sin.
If the Priest knows they are living together, he has an obligation to tell them this.
If you are aware of a scandal, tell your Priest.
Can they go to Confession, and be forgiven of their sins - Yes, if they are truly sorry, and there is a firm purpose of amendment to commit these sins no more. Until that time, they may not receive Holy Communion.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old Jun 6, '10, 10:51 am
tjm190 tjm190 is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: July 18, 2009
Posts: 2,878
Religion: Dissident Catholic
Default Re: People living together before marriage - is it allowed?

Quote:
Originally Posted by WatchingMedia View Post
Any sexual activity outside of marriage (defined between one man and one woman) is a sin.
If the Priest knows they are living together, he has an obligation to tell them this.
If you are aware of a scandal, tell your Priest.
Can they go to Confession, and be forgiven of their sins - Yes, if they are truly sorry, and there is a firm purpose of amendment to commit these sins no more. Until that time, they may not receive Holy Communion.
Maybe I'm behind the times, but I didn't know paying rent together or having the same address was a form of sexual activity.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old Jun 6, '10, 10:53 am
Suspicious Mind Suspicious Mind is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: May 17, 2010
Posts: 309
Default Re: People living together before marriage - is it allowed?

Quote:
Originally Posted by tjm190 View Post
Maybe I'm behind the times, but I didn't know paying rent together or having the same address was a form of sexual activity.
I guess that makes both of us.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old Jun 6, '10, 10:54 am
GEddie GEddie is online now
Forum Elder
Book Club Member
 
Join Date: March 18, 2009
Posts: 45,638
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: People living together before marriage - is it allowed?

Quote:
Originally Posted by tjm190 View Post
I've lived with my siblings, although it would have been sinful to have sex with them. I've lived with my dog, although it would have been sinful to have sex with him. I've lived with a male roommate, although it would have been sinful to have sex with him. Pray tell, why couldn't I live with a female roommate?
Because that would place both persons in a "near occasion of sin ," which AIUI is in itself a sin.

I assume that you were not sexually attracted to your dog, nor your siblings, nor the male roommate. So no occasion of sin existed. To be living with somebody to whom you are sexually attracted, and without being married, is basically asking to fall into sin.


Quote:

Having sex before marriage is a sin- living with someone who you aren't supposed to have sex with is not.
Not technically. But sin is not a technicality. Our LORD HIMself said you can commit adultery "in your heart."

ICXC NIKA.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old Jun 6, '10, 10:58 am
Suspicious Mind Suspicious Mind is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: May 17, 2010
Posts: 309
Default Re: People living together before marriage - is it allowed?

Quote:
Originally Posted by GEddie View Post
Because that would place both persons in a "near occasion of sin ," which AIUI is in itself a sin.

I assume that you were not sexually attracted to your dog, nor your siblings, nor the male roommate. So no occasion of sin existed. To be living with somebody to whom you are sexually attracted, and without being married, is basically asking to fall into sin.
What if you were on holiday and were staying at a friend's place, and you were sexually attracted to them? Should you leave because you might be falling into sin?

Quote:
Not technically. But sin is not a technicality. Our LORD HIMself said you can commit adultery "in your heart."
ICXC NIKA.
What if the couple didn't have sexual activity? I used to literally sleep with a girl that I once dated for a bit, and to be honest I never fantasized about her or had any kind of sexual activity with her, I just cuddled up with her. She broke up with me, lol.

You are attempting to conclude it's a sin by assuming many things, living with someone who you are sexually attracted to is not a sin by itself then?
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old Jun 6, '10, 10:59 am
tjm190 tjm190 is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: July 18, 2009
Posts: 2,878
Religion: Dissident Catholic
Default Re: People living together before marriage - is it allowed?

Quote:
Originally Posted by GEddie View Post
Because that would place both persons in a "near occasion of sin ," which AIUI is in itself a sin.

I assume that you were not sexually attracted to your dog, nor your siblings, nor the male roommate. So no occasion of sin existed. To be living with somebody to whom you are sexually attracted, and without being married, is basically asking to fall into sin.
A near occasion of sin is a situation in which people almost always fall (as opposed to the remote occasion of sin)- and who says that people lack the self control not to sleep together? That seems like a determination that the couple has to make.




Quote:
Not technically. But sin is not a technicality. Our LORD HIMself said you can commit adultery "in your heart."

ICXC NIKA.
So lust is a sin. That's something the couple has to figure out.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old Jun 6, '10, 11:07 am
GEddie GEddie is online now
Forum Elder
Book Club Member
 
Join Date: March 18, 2009
Posts: 45,638
Religion: Catholic
Default Re: People living together before marriage - is it allowed?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Suspicious Mind View Post
What if you were on holiday and were staying at a friend's place, and you were sexually attracted to them? Should you leave because you might be falling into sin?
You should, if by staying there the temptation might be too much for the 2 of you.

What might be ok in a temporary travel situation would not be in an open-ended arrangement.

We ask GOD "Lead us not into temptation." At the very least, it doth behooveth us then to not go looking for it either?

Quote:

What if the couple didn't have sexual activity? I used to literally sleep with a girl that I once dated for a bit, and to be honest I never fantasized about her or had any kind of sexual activity with her, I just cuddled up with her. She broke up with me, lol.
That you were able to avoid sin in this sitaution does not make it ok for everybody.
Quote:

You are attempting to conclude it's a sin by assuming many things, living with someone who you are sexually attracted to is not a sin by itself then?
It would be a sin in the "near occasion" matter. It might also be an occasion for public scandal, if others who knew your faith assumed that sex was going on. We are not to lay stumblingblocks for others, either.

ICXC NIKA.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old Jun 6, '10, 11:16 am
Suspicious Mind Suspicious Mind is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: May 17, 2010
Posts: 309
Default Re: People living together before marriage - is it allowed?

Quote:
Originally Posted by GEddie View Post
You should, if by staying there the temptation might be too much for the 2 of you.

What might be ok in a temporary travel situation would not be in an open-ended arrangement.
This is problematic, the point I'm trying to illustrate is how this is becoming more of some kind pseudo-spiritual issue and not remotely based on any kind of condemnation by Christ.

Quote:
We ask GOD "Lead us not into temptation." At the very least, it doth behooveth us then to not go looking for it either?
The old temptation card, yes, we ask God not to lead us into temptation. So we might as well not have internet in our homes either then. Go to an internet cafe and do all your work there, it might cost a bit more, but remember, salvation has no price on it - a large amount of ridiculous analogous scenarios could be constructed to parallel your argument.

Quote:
That you were able to avoid sin in this sitaution does not make it ok for everybody.
On whose grounds?

Quote:
It would be a sin in the "near occasion" matter. It might also be an occasion for public scandal, if others who knew your faith assumed that sex was going on. We are not to lay stumblingblocks for others, either.

ICXC NIKA.
Public scandal, me? I'm not quite sure what you're referring to here, so I'll ask for some clarification on that. Watching T.V could also be a sin of the near occassion matter, going to the beach too, perhaps we should avoid that too? What of the gym? That could definitely be a problem, especially if you're gay.

What if you're one of those weird people that have fetishes for cars? Dear Lord, don't go out into the open just incase you see a car and get turned on, the saga continues...
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old Jun 6, '10, 11:19 am
tjm190 tjm190 is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: July 18, 2009
Posts: 2,878
Religion: Dissident Catholic
Default Re: People living together before marriage - is it allowed?

Quote:
Originally Posted by GEddie View Post
It would be a sin in the "near occasion" matter. It might also be an occasion for public scandal, if others who knew your faith assumed that sex was going on. We are not to lay stumblingblocks for others, either.

ICXC NIKA.
It's only a near occasion of sin if you can show that couples almost always fall- aka, the vast majority of otherwise religious couples who shack up before marriage end up having sex. Good luck!

And what if people know about my faith and assume I have an improper relationship with my roommate or my dog?

I mean, let's just say my roommate and I become huge fans of musicals and decide that European male handbags are just so totally practical that we absolutely HAD to get them- people may well assume engage in homosexual activity.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old Jun 6, '10, 11:21 am
Young Thinker's Avatar
Young Thinker Young Thinker is offline
Regular Member
 
Join Date: January 21, 2010
Posts: 3,317
Religion: old-fashioned Catholic
Default Re: People living together before marriage - is it allowed?

Quote:
Originally Posted by tjm190 View Post
I've lived with my siblings, although it would have been sinful to have sex with them. I've lived with my dog, although it would have been sinful to have sex with him. I've lived with a male roommate, although it would have been sinful to have sex with him. Pray tell, why couldn't I live with a female roommate?

Having sex before marriage is a sin- living with someone who you aren't supposed to have sex with is not.
But erotic activity is usually assumed to take place in such a situation.
__________________
Cogito ergo sum (I think, therefore I am).
"Turn your eyes inward, look into your depths, learn to first know yourself."- Sigmund Freud
C'est moi, un turban rouge de Perse.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Go Back   Catholic Answers Forums > Forums > Apologetics > Moral Theology

Bookmarks

Thread Tools Search Thread
Search Thread:

Advanced Search
Display

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



Prayer Intentions

Most Active Groups
8020Meet and talk,talk talk
Last by: Butterflylily
4811CAF Prayer Warriors Support Group
Last by: mountee
4281Devotion to the Sorrowful Mother
Last by: flower lady
4027OCD/Scrupulosity Group
Last by: fencersmother
3809SOLITUDE
Last by: Prairie Rose
3356Let's empty Purgatory
Last by: RJB
3177Catholic Vegetarians & Vegans
Last by: 4elise
3141Poems and Reflections
Last by: PathWalker
2953For seniors and shut- ins
Last by: flower lady
2672Petitions Before the Blessed Sacrament
Last by: Amiciel



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 9:03 am.

Home RSS Feeds - Home - Archive - Top

Copyright © 2004-2013, Catholic Answers.