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  #1  
Old Sep 30, '10, 8:04 am
hamburglar hamburglar is offline
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Default Am I destined to a miserable, single life?

I feel like I'm never going to find a wife. I'm 21 years old and thought I was going to marry my girlfriend, but she broke up with me a year ago and now has a restraining order on me. The current girl I'm interested in has a boyfriend and wants nothing to do with me. I know it is not right for me to try courting her and it is hard knowing I don't have a chance with her. I've been to the mental hospital for almost committing suicide. I've almost flunked out of school. My life has been a wreck because of my failure with women.

I'm going to graduate soon, and feel like I have little chance of meeting people outside of college. I have a hard enough time meeting girls in school, where that is supposed to be the easiest place to meet them. I have almost no friends as well.

It's as if I'm destined for failure. I know that good can come out of suffering, but I just can't see it. I see myself getting married and having children, but with my failures, it doesn't look like it's going to happen.
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  #2  
Old Sep 30, '10, 8:07 am
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Karamazov Karamazov is offline
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Default Re: Am I destined to a miserable, single life?

If you're unhappy being single you'll be unhappy being married. I've been both (single and married, now single again/divorced). Seriously, forget about women. They'll eat your lunch and pop the bag.

EDIT: You're also only 21. You're worrying about this too much. But I was a lot like you at your age; constantly wondering if I'd meet "the right one". I ended up meeting a lot of wrong ones before I finally realised I was happy being single. It's much less hassle.
  #3  
Old Sep 30, '10, 8:35 am
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Alexander Smith Alexander Smith is offline
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Default Re: Am I destined to a miserable, single life?

Quote:
Originally Posted by hamburglar View Post
I feel like I'm never going to find a wife. I'm 21 years old and thought I was going to marry my girlfriend, but she broke up with me a year ago and now has a restraining order on me. The current girl I'm interested in has a boyfriend and wants nothing to do with me. I know it is not right for me to try courting her and it is hard knowing I don't have a chance with her. I've been to the mental hospital for almost committing suicide. I've almost flunked out of school. My life has been a wreck because of my failure with women.

I'm going to graduate soon, and feel like I have little chance of meeting people outside of college. I have a hard enough time meeting girls in school, where that is supposed to be the easiest place to meet them. I have almost no friends as well.

It's as if I'm destined for failure. I know that good can come out of suffering, but I just can't see it. I see myself getting married and having children, but with my failures, it doesn't look like it's going to happen.
First of all, I rarely hear about anyone around your age getting married. It may be a year from now, it may be 10, you never know. You can't despair at such a young age.

Thing is, getting married won't fix your emotional problems. In fact, if you enter into marriage with such issues, you will have a much harder time in married life. For you to be a solid father and husband, you will have to be mentally sound and self confident. No girl is going to be interested in someone who seems like an emotional wreck, and personally I wouldn't want a daughter of mine to date someone who was more concerned about finding a girlfriend/wife than taking care of themselves. Solidify yourself, and prepare yourself for the responsibility of having a wife and raising kids.

Your first priority is to clean up, and stop yearning after women you can't have. The fact that your girlfriend had a restraining order put on you is a major issue. That will not be good for any future relationships. A guy who doesn't accept a no is a SERIOUS red flag in my eyes. I've always warned my sisters about such people, and you would do well to not make that kind of impression.

I hope I am not being too harsh here, but I think this needs to be said. There are billions of women in the world, and you will have plenty of opportunities to meet some of them. The important thing is to be able to let go. Life is full is disappointments and suffering. If you can't handle breaking up with your girlfriend, how can you handle the death of a son or daughter, or a sick wife, or being fired, or anything to do with marriage and family support?

Examine yourself, and see where you are going wrong. Correct that, and put your past behind you. You want to be the kind of man a woman will look up to, not the kind of man that requires a woman to be happy.

God bless.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Karamazov View Post
If you're unhappy being single you'll be unhappy being married. I've been both (single and married, now single again/divorced). Seriously, forget about women. They'll eat your lunch and pop the bag.

EDIT: You're also only 21. You're worrying about this too much. But I was a lot like you at your age; constantly wondering if I'd meet "the right one". I ended up meeting a lot of wrong ones before I finally realised I was happy being single. It's much less hassle.
Don't take out your resentment on women. So you've gone through a divorce? Fine, but that has nothing to do with the value of marriage.
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  #4  
Old Sep 30, '10, 9:05 am
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BlueShadow123 BlueShadow123 is offline
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Default Re: Am I destined to a miserable, single life?

Oh come on now! Being single is fun. You don't have to worry about anybody else like you do in a relationship. Sure, being in a relationship has its good moments, but being single is so much more fun. Isn't there anything you want to do in life? Travel, climb a mountain, go sky diving, go scuba diving? Theres so much out there, and you don't need a girlfriend to do these things! I'm actually extremely happy being single. I love life and I know there is so much out there to see and do, and just because I don't have a boyfriend doesn't mean anything. I will do those things that I wish to accomplish and having a boyfriend is not on that list, either.

By the way, yes I have had boyfriends before, my last one was EXTREMELY serious but thats a wholeeee other story.

My point is this- quit 'looking' for a girlfriend. If you look, you won't find what you truly want. A girl will appear in your life one day and things will go from there. Quit worrying about not being single. You're 21 and you're worried about being alone for the rest of your life? See, to a girl that would sound like you have self-esteem issues and are desperate. Don't be so worried about a girlfriend and just live your life. Get working on that 'to-do' list. You never know when your time is up. And I promise you that you will NOT stay single forever. You WILL get married, so please stop worrying. She will come into your life one day and you will be just fine. Until then, live your life and perhaps get some counseling because you seem to have self-confidence issues.
  #5  
Old Sep 30, '10, 6:02 pm
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phoenixrrt62 phoenixrrt62 is offline
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Default Re: Am I destined to a miserable, single life?

Quote:
Originally Posted by hamburglar View Post
I feel like I'm never going to find a wife. I'm 21 years old and thought I was going to marry my girlfriend, but she broke up with me a year ago and now has a restraining order on me. The current girl I'm interested in has a boyfriend and wants nothing to do with me. I know it is not right for me to try courting her and it is hard knowing I don't have a chance with her. I've been to the mental hospital for almost committing suicide. I've almost flunked out of school. My life has been a wreck because of my failure with women.

I'm going to graduate soon, and feel like I have little chance of meeting people outside of college. I have a hard enough time meeting girls in school, where that is supposed to be the easiest place to meet them. I have almost no friends as well.

It's as if I'm destined for failure. I know that good can come out of suffering, but I just can't see it. I see myself getting married and having children, but with my failures, it doesn't look like it's going to happen.
Oh, wow...please don't be so hard on yourself....you are 21! You have your whole life ahead of you!!

I doubt that you are a failure with women...you are trying too hard-and if someone's not interested in you as well, it's not healthy, really... Just enjoy life, take it as it comes, and the person you want (and who returns the desire to be with you) will be there. Trust.

Is there something you have an interest in? Biking, reading, painting, etc? Perhaps if you joined a club-you'd meet people with the same interests?

It sounds like you are depressed. I take it you are getting help for that?
(you mention you needed help at one point in your post).
  #6  
Old Sep 30, '10, 6:06 pm
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Scoobyshme Scoobyshme is offline
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Default Re: Am I destined to a miserable, single life?

You're way too young to be worrying about this! STOP looking for a girlfriend. Be yourself, work on your character, and here's a hint to happiness and success: Always, always come as a servant to others. Serve others. Help others. You will be rewarded a thousand fold and your life will be amazing!
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  #7  
Old Sep 30, '10, 6:07 pm
Secret Square Secret Square is offline
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Default Re: Am I destined to a miserable, single life?

she broke up with me a year ago and now has a restraining order on me

You don't have to answer that question in the forum if you don't want to, but the first question that comes to my mind is -- why did your ex feel it necessary to get a court order to keep you away from her? What did you do that made her feel threatened?

If the answer to that question is "I didn't do anything wrong, she just overreacted," then that would indicate that SHE has serious mental health issues and you are probably much better off without her anyway.

If the answer to that question is something like (I'm just speculating here) "Well, I called her up repeatedly and told her I'd kill myself if she didn't come back," or something like that... then YOU need to seek help, and the outcome is the same -- you (and she) are better off apart anyway.

Finally, I agree that 21 is way too early to write off your prospects for marriage. I didn't get married until I was 30 (I'm female) and my brother didn't marry until he was 40. I have known people who didn't marry for the first time until they were in their 50s or 60s. It's never too late. Take care of yourself first and that will take care of itself.
  #8  
Old Sep 30, '10, 6:12 pm
Joannm Joannm is offline
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Default Re: Am I destined to a miserable, single life?

I have three kids, one 25, one 28 and one almost 31. None of them are married. My 28 year old son doesn't even have a girlfriend but he doesn't let it bother him, he's busy getting his business off the ground and doesn't need the distraction of women right now. Both girls have steady beaus but they have been going out with them for 5 years each. I keep hoping one of them would get married so I won't be ancient by the time I have grandkids, but its their life.

You are still young. Don't worry.
  #9  
Old Sep 30, '10, 6:34 pm
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jmcrae jmcrae is offline
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Default Re: Am I destined to a miserable, single life?

Quote:
Originally Posted by hamburglar View Post
I feel like I'm never going to find a wife. I'm 21 years old and thought I was going to marry my girlfriend, but she broke up with me a year ago and now has a restraining order on me. The current girl I'm interested in has a boyfriend and wants nothing to do with me. I know it is not right for me to try courting her and it is hard knowing I don't have a chance with her. I've been to the mental hospital for almost committing suicide. I've almost flunked out of school. My life has been a wreck because of my failure with women.

I'm going to graduate soon, and feel like I have little chance of meeting people outside of college. I have a hard enough time meeting girls in school, where that is supposed to be the easiest place to meet them. I have almost no friends as well.

It's as if I'm destined for failure. I know that good can come out of suffering, but I just can't see it. I see myself getting married and having children, but with my failures, it doesn't look like it's going to happen.
Focus on getting well. You will be much more attractive to women when you have solved whatever problems prompted your girlfriend to put out a restraining order on you, and whatever caused you to want to commit suicide. Get the help that you need. The women will follow.
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  #10  
Old Sep 30, '10, 6:48 pm
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joandarc2008 joandarc2008 is offline
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Default Re: Am I destined to a miserable, single life?

One girl has a restraining order.

One is in a relationship and has stopped talking to you.

Huge red flags.

You cannot enter into a healthy relationship unless both people are well. It is like two streams entering into a lake - if one is polluted then the whole lake is. Both streams must be healthy for the lake, or relationship to be healthy. Please get yourself some help - immediately.
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  #11  
Old Sep 30, '10, 6:50 pm
lissa70 lissa70 is offline
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Default Re: Am I destined to a miserable, single life?

I don't believe you are destined to a miserable, single life. You need to focus on your priorities here. You say you are 21 and are going to be entering graduate school soon. Shouldn't that be a bigger priority than worrying about finding a wife? What kind of husband can you be if you are unable to provide for your family because you flunked out of school?

Based on what I have read from your post it appears to me that you are emotionally a wreak. Just because one or two people do not want to be with you does not mean that none of the other million women out there will not.

Perhaps you need to figure out why you are over-reacting the way you are. I agree with the poster who discussed the restraining order against you. Seriously think about the truth behind that response. Also if a girl has a boyfriend then that means she is off limits (at least for the time being). Forget about her and move on to someone else. And IF the time comes that she breaks up with this guy, then you can consider her a prospect again.
  #12  
Old Sep 30, '10, 6:55 pm
kib kib is offline
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Default Re: Am I destined to a miserable, single life?

Ham, get some help so you can be mentally healthy. Mental health will help you with perspective. God bless you.
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  #13  
Old Sep 30, '10, 6:56 pm
dulcissima dulcissima is offline
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Default Re: Am I destined to a miserable, single life?

Have you received ongoing counseling since the suicide attempt? There are going to be issues that go way back in your life that you are going to need to deal with in order to not be so needy that you end up driving people away.
  #14  
Old Sep 30, '10, 8:45 pm
Magickman Magickman is offline
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Default Re: Am I destined to a miserable, single life?

Forty years past the tender age of twenty-one, and I am still a single man, though not miserable. At this point, I can sincerely say that single life has not been so bad to me. At least I have not had to put up with being married. I knew plenty of people who were married and lived to regret it.

It is just plain silly for a man to be only twenty-one, and worried about not being married. If that is what you want, you have decades to accomplish it.
  #15  
Old Oct 1, '10, 2:13 am
gmarie21 gmarie21 is offline
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Default Re: Am I destined to a miserable, single life?

Based on another relationship thread you started, not only do you need to seek professional counseling, but you also need to realize how unhealthy it is to base your happiness on another person. Happiness is a choice that is 100% independent of anyone else beside yourself. You are not very healthy right now (mentally speaking). And from what it sounds, it seems you have never learned coping skills. I do not know what your childhood was like, but as others have said, you are also not marriage material right now, not even first date material. Get professional help. And start serving others who are less fortunate than you with no other motivation than to serve them because that's what Jesus told us to do. If you do these things, somewhere down the road you'll shake your head at yourself saying "why would I have let anyone, even a breakup with a girlfriend, get to me so bad as to cause my life to spiral out of control?" You're mental life is out-of-control right now, GET HELP!!!
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