Single Catholics on CAF - would you like to have our own section?

[CountrySinger]

Originally Posted by 3DOCTORS

Congratulations on your engagement! Pretend this is a wedding cake 'cause it's the closest I could come - the candles are in the background - it's a zoom lens shot, LOL Oh, and hope you like strawberry!

And thanks for your two cents' worth Every opinion counts and we singles are in so many different stages. I wonder if I'll ever get to be the smug almost-married person - as they say, nothing is impossible with God, so I'm not ruling it out!

I love strawberry!

I thought I would never get married. Unfortunately, I don't have much advice. I met my fiance on CAF, and we were both posting how about much it stinks being near 30 and single. So positivity isn't always the way to go. But don't listen to me.

[EnglishTeacher]

I vote yes.

[3DOCTORS]

Originally Posted by CountrySinger

I love strawberry!

I thought I would never get married. Unfortunately, I don't have much advice. I met my fiance on CAF, and we were both posting how about much it stinks being near 30 and single. So positivity isn't always the way to go. But don't listen to me.

That's God working in mysterious ways for ya!

[John21652]

If a singles area is set up, how is it going to be policed?

I mean, without a doubling of the 'guard", you will end up with every sex addled, crazy love sick nut case from around the globe joining in. If it isn't policed properly it would end up like a whole lot of the other "singles" web sites on the 'net and I'm sure you don't like them very much or you wouldn't be here. For instance, how are you going to 'prove' that people are say, Catholic, or 'prove' that they are even who they say they are?

Only a couple of weeks ago some turkey/tart/dirtbag postes a few very unsavoury photos here on CAF and it took a while for the Mods to get around to getting rid of them and starightening out the threads. Imagine the workload if a singles area went ahead.

[joandarc2008]

I don't think we are saying it will be like a Singles Meeting area - but like a Singles living - almost like parenting has their area - I don't think it will be as enticing for them - or they could call it chastity for the singles and make it really unenticing.

[nickybr38]

I don't think it's really necessary.

[3DOCTORS]

Originally Posted by John21652

If a singles area is set up, how is it going to be policed?

I mean, without a doubling of the 'guard", you will end up with every sex addled, crazy love sick nut case from around the globe joining in. If it isn't policed properly it would end up like a whole lot of the other "singles" web sites on the 'net and I'm sure you don't like them very much or you wouldn't be here. For instance, how are you going to 'prove' that people are say, Catholic, or 'prove' that they are even who they say they are?

Only a couple of weeks ago some turkey/tart/dirtbag postes a few very unsavoury photos here on CAF and it took a while for the Mods to get around to getting rid of them and starightening out the threads. Imagine the workload if a singles area went ahead.

You raise valid concerns, which did cross my mind . . . however, if you look, there are some threads in the "Family" section of Catholic Living that get rather, mmm, shall we say detailed about sexual acts and stuff. Even sincere questions could be seen and read by your young teenager and be an occasion of temptation for him (or her?). There is a sticky about going into graphic detail about these things, to PM one of the priests instead, but I doubt that some have read it.

However, lest I get off track too far with that.

1. You can't prove anybody is who they say they are online. That's a problem that goes with the territory. Someone else posted about the recent troll attack, you can find that thread under "Concierge Desk."

2. Like joandarc2008 says in her post, it's for general questions about living in the world as a Catholic single - something that is sorely needed since many of us don't get it at the parish or even diocesan level, a sad oversight, but one I've learned to accept is not going to change today or tomorrow.

3. With point #2 in mind, Admin could structure and describe the sub-forum as being the single parallel to the Family Life one, and put up stickies saying this isn't primarily a dating area, and that anyone who seriously violates this policy with inappropriate posts would be banned.

4. Having said that, I don't think it would be wrong, either, for sincere members to use the proposed Singles sub-forum as a place to find like-minded people that they might eventually develop a relationship with - look at the 12:04 post by CountrySinger, who met her fiance on CAF. The key to appropriateness would be to PM the person with whom one felt a meeting of the minds, who could then respond or ignore as they chose. And that would keep threads from getting hijacked or people just posting "I want to meet a woman/man" threads.

To sum it all up, I believe the benefits outweigh the potential risks. We can't let the trolls win anymore than we can allow terrorists to prevent us from at least trying to have a good life. We must keep up the good fight and be ready to deal if they attack, but otherwise not be worried about it too much.

Single people need to feel recognized and that there is a place where they can connect and find support for general life issues as they are experienced by single persons, which is often different experience, since singles must deal with these matters on their own in many cases.

Most singles aren't constantly eating/sleeping/breathing where they're going to meet a marriage partner. Or if they are, they go to a website designed more specifically for that purpose. Here are a few examples of non-dating issues Catholic singles might face:

- trying to find our place within our parishes
- discerning God's plans for our lives
- taking care of aging parents
- trying to live on one income
- our spiritual and prayer lives
- jobs and careers
- extended family
- wanting to feel "connected" and not be lonely, how to stay positive
- aging and health concerns, investments, retirement planning
- needing fellowship, to share helpful hints, a good clean joke, opinions, talk about the books one has read or movies one has seen that are about single people and how single people are portrayed in the media (usually we are portrayed as willing to fornicate, which bugs the beep out of me ).

Again, I understand you are concerned about what trolls or worldly singles might do, but I don't think the argument is quite strong enough to outweigh the benefits of singles' being able to quickly go to a section of their own, rather than just being mixed in hodgepodge with the family people. And I think it would be a positive step of recognition that we exist, that the chaste single life is where God has many of us, whether temporarily or permanently. To me, it just makes sense.

And John, please don't think any of this is picking on you! It just gives me an opportunity to further detail my thinking on the matter. God bless!

[joandarc2008]

This is very off topic but when the mods review the comments here - I also wish CAF would write a program guide to starting a young adults programs or singles programs at your parish.

While my parish has a good young adults program I think many other people would appreciate having something from a good Catholic source like CAF to bring in to their priest and say - See,this is what I want to do - not I want to do this thing and this is what I envision.

[Philology]

I think this is a great idea. I think that singles need a section where they can easily communicate with other singles if they might feel the need. Whether this communication is based on encouragement or simply meeting other singles, I do think it would be beneficial for the communities single members. There ya go, it's a great idea, you should try and get one started. .

[Whitacre_Girl]

I think that having a single people subforum is a great idea!

It doesn't help things that sometimes it seems that the only valid way of living is as a married person. Being single has its own problems that sometimes you just want to talk about with other single people. I remember this well from my single days.

I am now married BTW.

[3DOCTORS]

Thanks Whitacre_Girl - and I'm thinking that people post to threads across categories. It might be great to have a thread from singles asking marrieds how they met their spouse, how they got a courtship going and how it progressed, and how they knew for sure they wanted to make that commitment. The sharing back and forth could be mutually beneficial.

[John21652]

Originally Posted by 3DOCTORS

You raise valid concerns, which did cross my mind . . . however, if you look, there are some threads in the "Family" section of Catholic Living that get rather, mmm, shall we say detailed about sexual acts and stuff. Even sincere questions could be seen and read by your young teenager and be an occasion of temptation for him (or her?). There is a sticky about going into graphic detail about these things, to PM one of the priests instead, but I doubt that some have read it.

Yes, I agree that some of the stuff posted is way too graphic. It probably just goes to show how desperate some people are, meaning they have no-one to turn to for help. However, I sometimes get the feeling that some post their queries/statements trying to ellicit graphic responses. That's the part that worries me about having a dedicated singles area.

However, lest I get off track too far with that.

1. You can't prove anybody is who they say they are online. That's a problem that goes with the territory. Someone else posted about the recent troll attack, you can find that thread under "Concierge Desk."

Sometimes, in the general threads, a poster arouses suspicions and it is usually the older, more experienced posters who 'call them'. I would hate to see young singles caught out by weirdos who infiltrate the younger set and gradually win their trust for devious reasons.

2. Like joandarc2008 says in her post, it's for general questions about living in the world as a Catholic single - something that is sorely needed since many of us don't get it at the parish or even diocesan level, a sad oversight, but one I've learned to accept is not going to change today or tomorrow.

It is sorely needed as Parish level, that's for sure and that is where the focus should be. It wont change unless someone sets about changing it. Leadership, they used to call it. Any young leadersout there?

3. With point #2 in mind, Admin could structure and describe the sub-forum as being the single parallel to the Family Life one, and put up stickies saying this isn't primarily a dating area, and that anyone who seriously violates this policy with inappropriate posts would be banned.

Yeah, they could. However again I say you would have to either divert resources to police/monitor it, or add to the resources and it all takes manpower and money. What's more, you would need someone totally understanding of the issues and the age group to allow proper and properly moderated discussions and then you are back at the original problem I cited of inexperience versus experience.

4. Having said that, I don't think it would be wrong, either, for sincere members to use the proposed Singles sub-forum as a place to find like-minded people that they might eventually develop a relationship with - look at the 12:04 post by CountrySinger, who met her fiance on CAF. The key to appropriateness would be to PM the person with whom one felt a meeting of the minds, who could then respond or ignore as they chose. And that would keep threads from getting hijacked or people just posting "I want to meet a woman/man" threads.

I don't think it would be wrong either. In fact it would be fabulous. However, there is no reason why singles just can't start their own threads right now and use the existing PM system to get in touch if they so desire. In other words, there is no need for a seperate sub-forum with its attendent risks and problems.

To sum it all up, I believe the benefits outweigh the potential risks.

I don't!

However, my post is getting very long, so at this point I'll say

Continued straight after this!!

[John21652]

Cont.d

We can't let the trolls win anymore than we can allow terrorists to prevent us from at least trying to have a good life. We must keep up the good fight and be ready to deal if they attack, but otherwise not be worried about it too much.

I agree with your sentiment, but consider this - there are many wise heads on CAF who can sniff out trolls from a thousand miles away. If you head into a sub=forum, you deprive yourself of their expertise and wisdom.

Single people need to feel recognized and that there is a place where they can connect and find support for general life issues as they are experienced by single persons, which is often different experience, since singles must deal with these matters on their own in many cases.

You forget that all those married old turkeys and bustards on CAF were once single too. Some married late, some young, some had to, some disastrously, etc, etc. There is alot of wisdom and experience available and I have seen a lot of older posters really helping young ones to put things into perspective and sometimes even calling for help from CAF admin if it seems to be required. I'd hate to see the young ones cut off from that resource by having an 'exlusive' sub-forum.

This also works in reverse. I'd hate to see the exchanges, the interaction between young and old broken. In days gone by, families would often have two, or even three generations of the family living under one roof and the wisdom of the old was passed to the young and the vitality and optimism of the young was fantastic for the old. Then, as time went on we got all selfish and decided to put granny and grandad into nursing homes and now we are all the poorer for it. At least here on CAF some of that two way exchange is still preserved. A new "youth sub-forum" will enhance the divide.

Most singles aren't constantly eating/sleeping/breathing where they're going to meet a marriage partner. Or if they are, they go to a website designed more specifically for that purpose. Here are a few examples of non-dating issues Catholic singles might face:

- trying to find our place within our parishes
- discerning God's plans for our lives
- taking care of aging parents
- trying to live on one income
- our spiritual and prayer lives
- jobs and careers
- extended family
- wanting to feel "connected" and not be lonely, how to stay positive
- aging and health concerns, investments, retirement planning
- needing fellowship, to share helpful hints, a good clean joke, opinions, talk about the books one has read or movies one has seen that are about single people and how single people are portrayed in the media (usually we are portrayed as willing to fornicate, which bugs the beep out of me ).

Thank you for posting a few examples of issues non-single Catholics might face.

Again, I understand you are concerned about what trolls or worldly singles might do, but I don't think the argument is quite strong enough to outweigh the benefits of singles' being able to quickly go to a section of their own, rather than just being mixed in hodgepodge with the family people. And I think it would be a positive step of recognition that we exist, that the chaste single life is where God has many of us, whether temporarily or permanently. To me, it just makes sense.

Yes I am concerned about the policing requirements and also concerned about the 'break' between young and old that a new sub-forum would bring into the CAF community. There is no reason singles threads can't be started. There are a few going already where young, single, studying/working people are sharing their "stresses"!

And John, please don't think any of this is picking on you! It just gives me an opportunity to further detail my thinking on the matter. God bless!

Of course I don't feel picked on. I hope you don't feel that way either. Indeed, wasn't it one John Stuart Mill who said something about the clash of ideas which causes the truth to fall to the ground?!!

Now, I have another query for you.

Are you going to define this new singles sub-forum according to age and being single?

I mean, there are people on CAF of all ages who are single. People in their twenties, thirties, forties, fifties and even way older who are single and on CAF. Would you have an age cut-off? If you do, there will be some either side of the age group who will feel very discriminated against! And if you do have age limits, how are you going to enforce/check those?! And even if you had specific age groupings, how fair would that be if some twenty-something year old really and truly wanted to meet up with/talk with/discuss stuff with a single in a different age grouping?!!

And who do you define as being "single"? Single and young and never been married? Single and young and seperated/divorced? Older and never been married? Older and seperated/divorced? Really old and never been married? And what about a single Mum with twenty million kids, where do you fit her in?

Now go back to that list of "...a few examples of non-dating issues Catholic singles might face:" which you posted earlier. How do they apply to the different classifications of "single" I just outlined? Are the issues the same, or different? if they are the same, then having sub-forums is to cut a lot of people off from the expertise they really need. If they are different, then you really, really need an awful lot of sub-forums to cater for everybody and then, how do you get the expertise into those sub-forums? and how do you police them?

[John21652]

Originally Posted by 3DOCTORS

Thanks Whitacre_Girl - and I'm thinking that people post to threads across categories. It might be great to have a thread from singles asking marrieds how they met their spouse, how they got a courtship going and how it progressed, and how they knew for sure they wanted to make that commitment. The sharing back and forth could be mutually beneficial.

It happens already!!

[3DOCTORS]

My responses bold in color:

Originally Posted by John21652

Cont.d

I agree with your sentiment, but consider this - there are many wise heads on CAF who can sniff out trolls from a thousand miles away. If you head into a sub=forum, you deprive yourself of their expertise and wisdom.[/i]There are sub-forums all over CAF. New threads go up along the sidebars. Anyone can jump in, and many can spot a troll. Don't get how it'd be different just because the tree structure of the forums is rearranged.

You forget that all those married old turkeys and bustards on CAF were once single too. I never said anything or failed to say anything to this effect.Some married late, some young, some had to, some disastrously, etc, etc. There is alot of wisdom and experience available and I have seen a lot of older posters really helping young ones to put things into perspective and sometimes even calling for help from CAF admin if it seems to be required. I'd hate to see the young ones cut off from that resource by having an 'exlusive' sub-forum. Again, I don't see how just restructuring the list of sub-forums would cause this to happen. Anyone, married, single, clergy, whatever, would always be more than welcome to chime in with good advice. Speaking for myself, I would welcome and appreciate that.

This also works in reverse. I'd hate to see the exchanges, the interaction between young and old broken.So would I. In days gone by, families would often have two, or even three generations of the family living under one roof and the wisdom of the old was passed to the young and the vitality and optimism of the young was fantastic for the old. . . . A new "youth sub-forum" will enhance the divide.Wherever was it said to restrict it to youth? This is a stereotype I'd love to see exploded, that single = youth. I'm 48, OK? Never got married. I would oppose age discrimination. I would encourage singles of all ages to join the discussion. Just to give an example, advice on chastity/courtship is so often directed only at the young'uns. It almost implies that we older singles would not need it, would just hop into bed - but I'll save that rant for another time....

Thank you for posting a few examples of issues non-single Catholics might face.
You're welcome. And they more likely wouldn't have to face them alone. Unless they were married to an unsupportive spouse, had no grown children who might be able to help, and so on.

Yes I am concerned about the policing requirements and also concerned about the 'break' between young and old What break? See Paragraph 3. There need be no age divide. that a new sub-forum would bring into the CAF community. There is no reason singles threads can't be started. There are a few going already where young, Maybe I should think you are calling me young at 48 and take it as a compliment! single, studying/working people are sharing their "stresses"!

. . .

Are you going to define this new singles sub-forum according to age absolutely not!and being single?

I mean, there are people on CAF of all ages who are single. Really! Thanks for pointing that out! People in their twenties, thirties, forties, fifties and even way older who are single and on CAF. Would you have an age cut-off? Heck no!If you do, there will be some either side of the age group who will feel very discriminated against! N/AAnd if you do have age limits, how are you going to enforce/check those?! And even if you had specific age groupings, how fair would that be if some twenty-something year old really and truly wanted to meet up with/talk with/discuss stuff with a single in a different age grouping?!!again, Not Applicable

And who do you define as being "single"? Single and young and never been married? Single and young and seperated/divorced? Older and never been married? Older and seperated/divorced? Really old and never been married? And what about a single Mum with twenty million kids, where do you fit her in? That would be trickier if we had to be accountable to, say, the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith or something. I think here we have to go on the honor system. If there is a divorced person presenting themselves as single and eligible to marry in the Church who does not have an annulment, that would be on their own conscience.

Now go back to that list of "...a few examples of non-dating issues Catholic singles might face:" which you posted earlier. How do they apply to the different classifications of "single" I just outlined? Are the issues the same, or different? if they are the same, then having sub-forums is to cut a lot of people off from the expertise they really need. If they are different, then you really, really need an awful lot of sub-forums to cater for everybody and then, how do you get the expertise into those sub-forums? and how do you police them?

OK. Just clearing up a lot of misconceptions about my original intent. Assumptions were made that were not correct. Again, nothing personal. Just clarifying and setting the record straight, and hoping it will be taken in that spirit. Peace.