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  #1  
Old Dec 17, '10, 4:36 am
john4christ80 john4christ80 is offline
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Default My sexuality is a burden to me

Hi y'all
found this nice forum when I googled for a catholic forum and it seems nice.
I don't know if I've posted it in the right forum though.
however the problem I have is that even though I try to go to church and all as often as possible I have these homosexual thoughts. I really hate myself for that and often I fall and see naked or half naked pictures of other men on the internet. it's very frustrating and I hate myself for it. I feel disgusted by myself and sometimes I just hope that it would all be put to an end. I know that god loves me but I really want to get rid of these thoughts as they are a real trouble in my life. I really hate myself when I find myself looking at other guys with lust. then I just want to kill myself. and I also feel very lonely.
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  #2  
Old Dec 17, '10, 6:40 am
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bnbkaine bnbkaine is offline
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Default Re: My sexuality is a burden to me

I will pray for you. And you should know that you are not alone. Many people are plagued by lustful thoughts and don't even recognize that those thoughts are not good. Don't feel that just because they are homosexual in nature that they differ from any other lustful thought. Since you recognize what is going on, turn to God when they come and ask that He help you. Help will come! But don't compound the situation by despairing. That seems like a downward spiral. Offer your suffering for the souls in Purgatory and keep your eye on the prize. Again, I will be praying for you and all of us who have thoughts we ought not.
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  #3  
Old Dec 17, '10, 6:41 am
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tbcrawford tbcrawford is offline
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Default Re: My sexuality is a burden to me

Hi John4Christ and welcome to CAF.Its good to have you here.I hope you will make many friends who who will be of good support to you.
I can only imagine the huge burden you are feeling inside and that you are carrying.You are indeed correct that God loves you.He loves each and every one of us so much.In life we have all sorts of pressures and temptations which we have to deal with on a daily basis...just seems some more than others.Your religious status says you are Christian,have you thought about speaking with your priest/vicar/pastor about this? You are trying so hard to do the right things and avoid temptation.I can only imagine the struggle you face.There must be many people who suffer in similar circumstances to you.I will pray for you to have the strength to overcome your temptations and I hope you make many friends here and learn much(as I have certainly done).May God bless you and guide you
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  #4  
Old Dec 17, '10, 6:53 am
Epistemes Epistemes is offline
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Default Re: My sexuality is a burden to me

The only thing anyone on this forum can offer you is a few comforting words and prayers. What you need is therapy. I say this because I've been exactly where you are. I spent many, many days and nights hating and punishing myself for being who I am. And the thoughts of suicide seemed intimately cold yet rewarding. My pastor had enough since to convey to me that I was disintegrating - just like you are. What you need is integration. You can't get that on CAF. Hopefully you'll find a decent priest to guide your spiritual journey, but you need the professional assistance of a doctor, as well. I'm sure you'll read this post and deny that you need such help, but I pray in time the idea will make sense to you. Until the time comes that you accept you need to seek therapy, try to see that you're human, which is really, really good.
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  #5  
Old Dec 17, '10, 7:00 am
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ZDHayden ZDHayden is offline
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Default Re: My sexuality is a burden to me

Be not afraid. You are not alone. It is good, though, that you know that such is disordered and have not gone down the path of claiming it as right. In our age and culture, few are the men who are spared from the ravages of an overactive sexuality. Look to our Lord, Jesus Christ. Look to the great saints of His Church. Your religion says Christian, and you said that you were looking for a good Catholic forum. With that in mind, I recommend you talk to St. Augustine of Hippo, who was a great sinner and became an even greater saint, the Doctor of Grace. The intercession of the saints can be relied upon. Know that there will be many here who will pray for you, with the saints in heaven. No Christian, no matter how much of a sinner he is, is ever truly alone.

The life of a follower of Christ, however, is hard. I was once told by a priest that the tendency to sin will never simply go away so long as we draw earthly breath. We will always or frequently be tempted. The Church is not a lounge for saints, after all, but a hospital for sinners. And all of us have sinned, some worse than others, some less. But all have sinned. However, "Blessed is the man who perseveres in temptation, for when he has been proved he will receive the crown of life that he promised to those who love him" (Jas 1:12).
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  #6  
Old Dec 17, '10, 7:05 am
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tbcrawford tbcrawford is offline
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Default Re: My sexuality is a burden to me

Here is a prayer for you John4Christ....God bless

O Christ Jesus,
when all is darkness
and we feel our weakness and helplessness,
give us the sense of Your presence,
Your love, and Your strength.
Help us to have perfect trust
in Your protecting love
and strengthening power,
so that nothing may frighten or worry us,
for, living close to You,
we shall see Your hand,
Your purpose, Your will through all things.

By Saint Ignatius of Loyola
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  #7  
Old Dec 17, '10, 7:10 am
mgreen77 mgreen77 is offline
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Default Re: My sexuality is a burden to me

Quote:
Originally Posted by john4christ80 View Post
I really hate myself when I find myself looking at other guys with lust. then I just want to kill myself. and I also feel very lonely.
Don't dispair John! As others have said, you're NOT alone in your struggles. If you search around the forum, you'll find others who share your burden. I don't know if you'll find all the "answers" here, but you can at least find support and friends to help you through
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  #8  
Old Dec 17, '10, 8:04 am
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baltobetsy baltobetsy is offline
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Default Re: My sexuality is a burden to me

Check out the Courage Apostolate. It is helpful to many with the same problems you have.
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  #9  
Old Dec 17, '10, 8:15 am
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Tighty Whitey Tighty Whitey is offline
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Default Re: My sexuality is a burden to me

Thank you for your honesty and courage in sharing your struggle with us. I pray that God continues to bless you with strength to continue to take those steps needed to continue to recover from the emotional wound from which this issue derives. Peace, g.
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  #10  
Old Dec 17, '10, 8:18 am
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Joe 5859 Joe 5859 is offline
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Default Re: My sexuality is a burden to me

Welcome to CAF, John!

You have already received some wonderful feedback. I would like to echo the recommendations to talk to a priest and to take a look at the Courage apostolate. They will be able to help you in concrete ways that us anonymous forum members simply cannot.

Recall, too, that even St. Paul, one of the greatest men who ever lived, said, "For I do not do the good I want, but I do the evil I do not want" (Romans 7:19). If even St. Paul struggled with temptation and sin, certainly the rest of us can expect to struggle likewise. We need to work hard not to despair but rather to throw ourselves at the feet of God and accept the mercy He freely gives to all of us.

I will pray for you. Please pray for me, too. I am also a sinner struggling with temptations, as are we all. Cling to Christ; He is really the only way.

God bless.
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  #11  
Old Dec 17, '10, 9:04 am
Apollos Apollos is offline
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Default Re: My sexuality is a burden to me

First, as baltobetsy said, look up Courage - not because it's supposed to be a sort of funnel to collect all the gay Catholics out there that everybody automatically gets referred to, but because it's a useful gateway to dealing with same-sex attraction in a soberly Catholic way.

Second, lighten up. Going to mass isn't going to cure your homosexuality, because for the most part, God avoids doing miracles when natural means are available. I know because the dishes, the laundry, housecleaning, and dinner never get miraculously done, no matter how hard I pray that he swoop down and solve my problems for me.

Third, I have some useful articles and such for you to look up online that may be very helpful to you ... if you ask.

Finally, cut out the suicide threats. The irresistible pull of hot guys, the loneliness, the self-hatred, the frustration, and the temptation to flamboyantly off yourself are tightly connected in a way you're about to understand ... if you care to examine yourself in light of refined common sense and deep self-knowledge.
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  #12  
Old Dec 17, '10, 9:10 am
mgreen77 mgreen77 is offline
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Default Re: My sexuality is a burden to me

Quote:
Originally Posted by Apollos View Post
The irresistible pull of hot guys, the loneliness, the self-hatred, the frustration, and the temptation to flamboyantly off yourself are tightly connected in a way you're about to understand ... if you care to examine yourself in light of refined common sense and deep self-knowledge.
Interesting insight... might you share more on this?
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  #13  
Old Dec 17, '10, 9:20 am
john4christ80 john4christ80 is offline
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Default Re: My sexuality is a burden to me

thx for all the support. how much I'd like to seek out a courage group however there is none where I live or even where I realistically could go.
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  #14  
Old Dec 17, '10, 9:41 am
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violet81 violet81 is offline
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Default Re: My sexuality is a burden to me

Almost everyone has inappropriate thoughts sometimes. Even if they aren't homosexual in nature, many are just plain wrong. Some periods of our life are particularly vulnerable to intrusive thoughts...it doesn't mean we will have the problem our whole lives.

I would very strongly suggest you find a group of other men who experience similar temptations and are just as resolved to correct it. Many times there are things that can be done to help decrease same-sex attraction and increase opposite-sex attraction. No guarantees, but it has worked for some and you don't know if you are one of them unless you try it.

Don't hate yourself. Yes...homosexuality is wrong but so is promiscuity, most fetishes, contraceptive mind-set and lots of other things many of us secretly struggle with.

Just don't feel alone. Our temptations only differ in their specifics but the difficulty in dealing with them doesn't differ much at all.
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  #15  
Old Dec 17, '10, 12:20 pm
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baltobetsy baltobetsy is offline
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Default Re: My sexuality is a burden to me

Quote:
Originally Posted by john4christ80 View Post
thx for all the support. how much I'd like to seek out a courage group however there is none where I live or even where I realistically could go.
Read the material on the website and join an online group, then. In the orange column on the left side of the opening page, about a third of the way down, it says, "Click here to join an online group." Take a step to help yourself.
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